Divorce

[mamaslo]

Are you for real?
I guess the OP has answered the Tribunal in an honest and direct fashion before, back then when he didn’t even think of ways to get around the questions to his own favour.

Look this is not some civil court. If one cunningly tries to get the court swayed, then God will still know whether the marriage was valid or not…
The marriage will be valid whether or not someone cuts out a detail or exaggerates some point in order to appear it was not valid after all.
Do you want this man to die in sin? Do you believe that a person can die in sin? I think alot of people who are very wellmeaning here are tempting the OP.

The church uses the tribunals to get to the truth about a marriage, and the questions they pose are very good to find out if a person was validly married.
We should also assume that this has happend in the case of the OP, although his wife has been behaving in a nasty way after the valid vows were made.

Look, no one can fool God, even if they can fool the tribunal. We should urge this brother to have the courage to look for the Truth, regardless of what he feels about it. Not to manipulate in anyway.
Its a known fact that there is abuse with the number of annullments granted to people. Even my canon lawyer teacher from Rome told me so… so the problem is most often not that the tribunals are too strict but quite the opposite…

All I am saying is that maybe he didn’t know what they were looking for. From the things he has said it tells me that the catechesis in his upbringing…and during this was on the weak side. (like many of us who grew up post vatican 2).

The tribunal isn’t some mean authority trying to put him in his place. Neither is the church. I am not trying to tempt anything. In his heart he believes their verdict was wrong. All I am saying is read up on what they are looking for. Sure he was honest but there are certainly criteria that he didn’t meet and probably wasn’t properly prepared.

It is legal. A legal system, maybe in the world things are manipulated but if he didn’t prove to the Catholic tribunal that the marriage was not valid then either you are right and he did have a valid marriage but on the other hand they can only go on the facts presented and if he did not present the facts that prove he had an invalid marriage then he’s stuck. He can try again but with more education.

Now, he can correct me if I am wrong. He may have all his knowledge in order already, but since he feels rejected, my guess is that there is more to the story he either didn’t tell us, or he just didn’t know what he was doing. (through no fault of his own back then). If this is something he really wants to make straight without leaving the present situation, then he needs to research the “why?” of the matter.

yes, i am for real.

 

[rainbow1]

I do not intend to negate that at all.

Not sure if I can be more clear. I’m not here to argue. Basically, it sounds as though the OP believes the Eucharist as provided by the Catholic church is THE Eucharist he should be taking right???

It’s not that he’s called to the Eucharist PRIOR to be changed by a man. And I suspect the OP knows it’s ONLY because of the Man at the front of the church it is changed. Because that man was given the gift of such a conversion. Right? No layperson can do this. No pastor at any other church can do this.

And so, my question is. If a person KNOWS this to be true, then, IN MY WORLD: I don’t understand suggesting that such men have such power and knowledge, but aren’t with it enough to know and understand the law as handed down by Christ.

I get NOT being able to wrap your head around certain rules. But I find that’s generally more of a “help me understand”. Not “who do these people think they are?” I mean sure they can turn bread into Christ, but that’s as far as I can see. I can accept the mystery… just not anything else around it… It’s not something I’ve heard much of… Perhaps, I’m just reading this wrong?

Not judging. As I know first hand, we all have our own crosses to bear. Our own questions that need to be answered.

I am just thinking alot of his statements are because he is feeling defensive. I am thinking what he really wants is to find a way to feel loved by the Church …he has just been through so much and is experiencing what a large % of Catholics feel after they have been divorced. When you think about 80% of Catholics leaving after divorce, there obviously is not the support system going on that we need to help the divorced from feeling abandonned at the very worst time in their lives. The Eucharist is the one largest thing , in my opinion , that differentiates the Church from other churches. It is truly our Lord in flesh!!! It makes perfect sense that Christ in flesh could evangelize to this man better than anything on earth. I am thrilled this man has this hunger.
By the way, is there a link to information about Eucharistic miracles that we could send him? I unfortuantely am not too savy with computer stuff yet…working on it…

 

[rainbow1]

That is why we should go through way more discernment. Not rush, be patient…it won’t fix every relationship but it would give you a chance to figure out all the nervous things you have without rushing.

Pay attention to your nerves. discern.
He may be the one, in the end, I do not recommend discerning marriage this way…it’s so much harder…the beginning was way too rushed.

I am joining in on the group hug and the high 5. I might even buy you all a coke!

Thanks for the coke! I need it this morning! hahahhahaa
Bye the way, already praying for you this morning…

 

[mamaslo]

Thanks for the coke! I need it this morning! hahahhahaa
Bye the way, already praying for you this morning…

I could use it as I don’t like confrontation. So I may bow out of this conversation, I am not sure why I decided to join in other than my own experience. I guess I thought it would be helpful.

Maybe i did it to get it off my chest again…I don’t know.

This guy just wants his world right and all our lives are journeys. It is a narrow path we are on, and I just thought if he tried one more time, maybe it would work out with minimal new heartbreak.

It may be that they find once again that the original marriage was valid, but since she was a cheater, then maybe she never intended on being faithful from the beginning. Maybe she was never mature enough to be a wife.

I would not ever want someone to remain in sin, but some stranger just accused me of that. this man wants help and support. He is not ready to separate from his current wife to make it right that way…who can blame him, really.

So try again, and grow in the process and maybe it will be different. They do have an appeal process. As Catholics we are so spoon fed, but much of the information is out there for us, we just have to take the initiative to read the catechism at the very least. It really isn’t hard to read. Some of the crazy questions and misunderstandings would be answered in that book. it is only the tip of the iceberg. it is only basic specific information and it is 2 or so inches thick.

Any way, bottoms up…I used to like soda, but now I am an ice tea and water gal…so bring on the Luizianne. Just sayin’

 

[rainbow1]

Are you for real?
I guess the OP has answered the Tribunal in an honest and direct fashion before, back then when he didn’t even think of ways to get around the questions to his own favour.

Look this is not some civil court. If one cunningly tries to get the court swayed, then God will still know whether the marriage was valid or not…
The marriage will be valid whether or not someone cuts out a detail or exaggerates some point in order to appear it was not valid after all.
Do you want this man to die in sin? Do you believe that a person can die in sin? I think alot of people who are very wellmeaning here are tempting the OP.

The church uses the tribunals to get to the truth about a marriage, and the questions they pose are very good to find out if a person was validly married.
We should also assume that this has happend in the case of the OP, although his wife has been behaving in a nasty way after the valid vows were made.

Look, no one can fool God, even if they can fool the tribunal. We should urge this brother to have the courage to look for the Truth, regardless of what he feels about it. Not to manipulate in anyway.
Its a known fact that there is abuse with the number of annullments granted to people. Even my canon lawyer teacher from Rome told me so… so the problem is most often not that the tribunals are too strict but quite the opposite…

Nobody here has ever said to lie to the Tribunal…the fact is that the first priest he ever met with had advised him to get a divorce, hence, we are all believing (including the OP) that it is very likely that his first marriage was null and that just needs to be proved. He has a family now and he has commitments to his children and also to the person he is civilly married to. He has to unwind some of the things in his past, but this is moving towards him having a holy marriage that is blessed within the Church.

 

[joanofarc2008]

Muffindell, I will be praying for you - the invitation to the group is still good. We have some assistance for you that might be worth looking into. I think a big part of it is changing the way you word things which will help change your outlook. For instance instead of saying “The Church is punishing me” try saying “I am carrying a Cross which is giving me an opprotunity to be closer to Christ.” Both are the same thing in your situation but one is much more positive than the other. Good luck and God bless.

Newt Gingrich’s situation is none of our business. Cases before the tribunal are closed to outside parties.

No a never married Catholic woman cannot marry a divorced Protestant man - he would need to apply for a decree of nullity first as the Church does recognize the Sacraments of Matrimony of other faith traditions.

 

[rainbow1]

Thanks for all your support (good and bad), I will look at going for appeal. My feelings about the church teaching are just that, feelings and emotions, I find it all very difficult to make sense of. Obviously my upbringing in the Catholic faith as been incomplete to say the least.
I live by what Jesus taught us, have read the bible cover to cover in times of comfort and need.
I hope that my faith stays with me until I die.
I Pray that my ex-wife finds peace before death (I doubt that will happen though).
I do everything for my family, neighbours and friends, selflessly putting their needs before my own in every situation.
I am tired, so tired; I have done nothing wrong, yet I have be punished for someone elses crime.
My ex-destroyed my entire family, it still in pieces 10 years on (my ex had an affair with my uncle, yep my uncle of all people). I have pieced the remaining family together, it’s been long and painful, but I’ve done it.
My journey is obviously incomplete, I don’t know if I have enough energy left to make it to the end, but I will try.

I am so delighted to hear that you will try for your appeal. I am so sorry as to what has happened in your family. I know you are so tired. But we folks here are going to pray for you like crazy, and when people on CAF get praying you never know what will happen next!!! We will pray for your family too. Don’t fall into believing the Church doesn’t want you, because we do! There are zillions of people in exactly your shoes, who know exactly what you are feeling. Try to find an adoration chapel or a tabernacle to pray in front of on a regular basis. The graces will flow like you won’t believe. Our Lord and all the saints in heaven know what you have endured. Please offer up your pain for worthy things, because pain offered up does amazing things. Please also keep letting us know how you are and keep us posted on what type of prayers you are needing.

 

[Luvtosew]

Praying that your appeal goes well. Let us know the good news when you get it, be optimist and keep your head up and faith strong.

 

[TryingToLearn]

Thanks for all your support (good and bad), I will look at going for appeal. My feelings about the church teaching are just that, feelings and emotions, I find it all very difficult to make sense of. Obviously my upbringing in the Catholic faith as been incomplete to say the least.
I live by what Jesus taught us, have read the bible cover to cover in times of comfort and need.
I hope that my faith stays with me until I die.
I Pray that my ex-wife finds peace before death (I doubt that will happen though).
I do everything for my family, neighbours and friends, selflessly putting their needs before my own in every situation.
I am tired, so tired; I have done nothing wrong, yet I have be punished for someone elses crime.
My ex-destroyed my entire family, it still in pieces 10 years on (my ex had an affair with my uncle, yep my uncle of all people). I have pieced the remaining family together, it’s been long and painful, but I’ve done it.
My journey is obviously incomplete, I don’t know if I have enough energy left to make it to the end, but I will try.

Praying for you, brother. I truly sympathize. I know how hard it can be to submit to God’s will for us, especially how hard it can be to just turn ourselves over to Christ and trust that He will care for us. Pray, consult with another priest, call the chancery, pray some more, let Christ lead you where He wants you to be. Start with looking into that appeal but never lose sight of the fact that God will never stop trying to bring you back to Him and to full communion with the Church. He wills that you be with Him.

I know that feeling you have, you see the situation you are in and every option seems hopeless or painful or wrong. 1 Corinthians 10:13 helps me in those cases, God doesn’t allow us into a situation that doesn’t have a way out that leads to Him, he’ll give you the grace and blessings you need to be with Him, just trust Him, follow the path He is lighting for you…

 

[rainbow1]

I could use it as I don’t like confrontation. So I may bow out of this conversation, I am not sure why I decided to join in other than my own experience. I guess I thought it would be helpful.

Maybe i did it to get it off my chest again…I don’t know.

This guy just wants his world right and all our lives are journeys. It is a narrow path we are on, and I just thought if he tried one more time, maybe it would work out with minimal new heartbreak.

It may be that they find once again that the original marriage was valid, but since she was a cheater, then maybe she never intended on being faithful from the beginning. Maybe she was never mature enough to be a wife.

I would not ever want someone to remain in sin, but some stranger just accused me of that. this man wants help and support. He is not ready to separate from his current wife to make it right that way…who can blame him, really.

So try again, and grow in the process and maybe it will be different. They do have an appeal process. As Catholics we are so spoon fed, but much of the information is out there for us, we just have to take the initiative to read the catechism at the very least. It really isn’t hard to read. Some of the crazy questions and misunderstandings would be answered in that book. it is only the tip of the iceberg. it is only basic specific information and it is 2 or so inches thick.

Any way, bottoms up…I used to like soda, but now I am an ice tea and water gal…so bring on the Luizianne. Just sayin’

I am sending you some imaginary Luizianne through this email! hahaha…
Please don’t bow out…you have so much to offer this man because your experiences have been somewhat similar…and he is going to check out the appeal which is great…we all do things a little different, but that is what makes us all part of the Body of Christ and so essential to one another…these conversations are very difficult, but it is an area that the Church really needs to provide support in, and so maybe we are the ones Christ wants to do it!!!
Oh, did you get the tea?

 

[rainbow1]

Praying for you, brother. I truly sympathize. I know how hard it can be to submit to God’s will for us, especially how hard it can be to just turn ourselves over to Christ and trust that He will care for us. Pray, consult with another priest, call the chancery, pray some more, let Christ lead you where He wants you to be. Start with looking into that appeal but never lose sight of the fact that God will never stop trying to bring you back to Him and to full communion with the Church. He wills that you be with Him.

I know that feeling you have, you see the situation you are in and every option seems hopeless or painful or wrong. 1 Corinthians 10:13 helps me in those cases, God doesn’t allow us into a situation that doesn’t have a way out that leads to Him, he’ll give you the grace and blessings you need to be with Him, just trust Him, follow the path He is lighting for you…

That’s a beautiful post…and so true…
God will so lead him in the direction He wants him to go…during my divorce process I had that exact feeling of every option seeming hopeless or painful or wrong or sinful. It is so hard to be stuck in that spot, and that spot seems to be just the place where we realize that it is only God who can enter and help. It is that place were we have to surrender everything and let Him take over every single thing. It is when we realize His Strength comes shining through our weaknes…

 

[Luvtosew]

Trying to Learn and fm1982

You both sound like very Christian men trying your hardest to do the right thing, I so respect both of you,
I pray that you both get some divine intervention in your circumstances, and that peace and joy are awaiting you both in your near future.

 

[faerie114]

At first I thought this thread was about Church teachings for Divorce, so I clicked on it and read on. Let me first say to the OP, I feel very sorry for you, your family and your situation. I come from a family whose parents’ marriage is annulled by the state and the church.

To answer Rainbow1’s question (in the quote); Annullment appeals do work. It won’t work right away, but it does. I grew up with loving parents (they both loved us kids); but my father was very abusive to my mother. I won’t go into details, but here in the Philippines, there is no divorce whether it be state or church. My parents applied for state annullment under ‘psychological differences’ (father’s abuse). We (parents and children) had to suffer so many years in court (where it began from mutual separation to bitter finger-pointing and it was just painful). We kids were innocent, but we were the most hurt. My mother who suffered years of abuse was innocent (in my eyes) but she was very hurt and humiliated. So yes, the innocents are the most hurt by the actions of the wrongdoer. The state annulment took almost 10 years before the judge granted it. Then my mother applied for church annullment. It was denied. She asked help and counsel from several priests, monsignors, nuns, etc. Everyone was helpful, everyone prayed for our family. The annullment was still denied. My mother applied again and again and again, until I was almost 30 years old and about to be married, did the Church fully grant my mother’s annullment. My mother did not have any other partner while or after seeking annullment, and she is still single. So yes, it will be granted, eventually. The road leading to it is not easy. It’s very hard and painful.
What I will suggest is to talk to a priest, have a support group who will pray for you and your family, and whom you can turn to when things get rough. Most of all, pray. I think that is the most important thing you can do.
My mother did not remarry, but since the OP has remarried, I suggest you consider the advice of the others to live as ‘brother and sister’ until the annullment will be granted and you can remarry in the Catholic Church.
I hope I was helpful, and you can understand what I just wrote. English is not my first language.

 

[Rascalking]

mamaslo,

:grouphug:

OP,

:grouphug:

Luvtosew,

:grouphug:

Rascal,



Just kidding

:grouphug:

Nothing but love to you Julianne, and I say that in all seriousness.

 

[styrgwillidar]

I am tired, so tired; I have done nothing wrong, yet I have be punished for someone elses crime.
My journey is obviously incomplete, I don’t know if I have enough energy left to make it to the end, but I will try.

Never give up. Never give in. Give it all you’ve got. It’s all we can do…

I understand the fatigue, believe me. I take my kids to see my ex-in laws as they are on the outs with their daughter. I let the ex visit her kids in my home as they won’t in hers anymore. It’s hard and it takes it’s toll. But I can relate to making the effort to keep the kids attached to their whole family. I’ve found working out helps tremendously in getting my energy levels back up.

God is not punishing you. You are suffering from the effects of sin by others. Is it fair that their choice affects you, well not on the immediate earthly sense, but apparantly from God’s perspective and with the possibility of eternal happiness with Him in heaven, I guess it will balance out eventually.

When I was going through a hard time (well before my current situation) a priest counseled me that perhaps God wasn’t doing this to me, He was doing this for someone else. Perhaps part of God’s plan included Him using me as an example to others, or for me to learn something from my current experience to help me assist someone else in the future. It wasn’t a punishment at all, simply expecting me to accede to His will and cooperate in His plan. Trust in the necessity of what I was going through to accomplish God’s will in some way. He needed me with the qualities and abilities He’d given me to accomplish the task. Think of myself as the right tool for a job, even if I didn’t understand what was being created.

Kind of like what St. Teresa said, “If this is how You treat Your
friends, then it is no wonder You have so few of them.”

Hard for us to understand that God expects much from His followers, His friends. Willingly taking up our burdens vice considering them a punishment. As the other poster said, take up your cross and follow Him. He was perfectly innocent yet suffered greatly. Christ’s death on the cross wasn’t a punishment, and it certainly wasn’t fair. God is not punishing you either.

 

[joanofarc2008]

At first I thought this thread was about Church teachings for Divorce, so I clicked on it and read on. Let me first say to the OP, I feel very sorry for you, your family and your situation. I come from a family whose parents’ marriage is annulled by the state and the church.

To answer Rainbow1’s question (in the quote); Annullment appeals do work. It won’t work right away, but it does. I grew up with loving parents (they both loved us kids); but my father was very abusive to my mother. I won’t go into details, but here in the Philippines, there is no divorce whether it be state or church. My parents applied for state annullment under ‘psychological differences’ (father’s abuse). We (parents and children) had to suffer so many years in court (where it began from mutual separation to bitter finger-pointing and it was just painful). We kids were innocent, but we were the most hurt. My mother who suffered years of abuse was innocent (in my eyes) but she was very hurt and humiliated. So yes, the innocents are the most hurt by the actions of the wrongdoer. The state annulment took almost 10 years before the judge granted it. Then my mother applied for church annullment. It was denied. She asked help and counsel from several priests, monsignors, nuns, etc. Everyone was helpful, everyone prayed for our family. The annullment was still denied. My mother applied again and again and again, until I was almost 30 years old and about to be married, did the Church fully grant my mother’s annullment. My mother did not have any other partner while or after seeking annullment, and she is still single. So yes, it will be granted, eventually. The road leading to it is not easy. It’s very hard and painful.
What I will suggest is to talk to a priest, have a support group who will pray for you and your family, and whom you can turn to when things get rough. Most of all, pray. I think that is the most important thing you can do.
My mother did not remarry, but since the OP has remarried, I suggest you consider the advice of the others to live as ‘brother and sister’ until the annullment will be granted and you can remarry in the Catholic Church.
I hope I was helpful, and you can understand what I just wrote. English is not my first language.

Thank you for sharing all of that. I can only imagine how difficult it was. God bless you and your mother.

 

[rainbow1]

Never give up. Never give in. Give it all you’ve got. It’s all we can do…

I understand the fatigue, believe me. I take my kids to see my ex-in laws as they are on the outs with their daughter. I let the ex visit her kids in my home as they won’t in hers anymore. It’s hard and it takes it’s toll. But I can relate to making the effort to keep the kids attached to their whole family. I’ve found working out helps tremendously in getting my energy levels back up.

God is not punishing you. You are suffering from the effects of sin by others. Is it fair that their choice affects you, well not on the immediate earthly sense, but apparantly from God’s perspective and with the possibility of eternal happiness with Him in heaven, I guess it will balance out eventually.

When I was going through a hard time (well before my current situation) a priest counseled me that perhaps God wasn’t doing this to me, He was doing this for someone else. Perhaps part of God’s plan included Him using me as an example to others, or for me to learn something from my current experience to help me assist someone else in the future. It wasn’t a punishment at all, simply expecting me to accede to His will and cooperate in His plan. Trust in the necessity of what I was going through to accomplish God’s will in some way. He needed me with the qualities and abilities He’d given me to accomplish the task. Think of myself as the right tool for a job, even if I didn’t understand what was being created.

Kind of like what St. Teresa said, “If this is how You treat Your
friends, then it is no wonder You have so few of them.”

Hard for us to understand that God expects much from His followers, His friends. Willingly taking up our burdens vice considering them a punishment. As the other poster said, take up your cross and follow Him. He was perfectly innocent yet suffered greatly. Christ’s death on the cross wasn’t a punishment, and it certainly wasn’t fair. God is not punishing you either.

What a great post! And I so agree with you that God permits things to use us to help someone else. This concept really hit home for me before my divorce when my now 12 year old was a baby. She has an immune system disorder (which thank God is stabilizing now) that made her very, very ill as a baby. She would have fevers over 105 very regularly and the fevers would go on for 6 or 7 days at a clip and I would be medicating this poor limp baby all day all night every three hours to make sure she would not have seizures. She would lay in my bed an grind her teeth and cry in her sleep because she hurt so bad. I cannot tell you the helplessness I felt and pain seeing her hurt and not being able to help her. My whole life is devoted to my kids, and I couldn’t help my kid…ughhh! But to make the long story short, I have a different perspective on it now. I have seen how our Lord used her illness to help her and not only her but others. She now, as a 12 year old, has such an amazingly developed spiritual life, and she can cope with things in a beautiful way. Her gentleness and largeness of spirit has touched so many other people’s lives. She can understand the despair of others and see way beyond outward appearances. She recently wrote a paper for school in which she said that it is vitally important to treat people with respect, honesty, love and compassion…to unite ourselves with Christ…and that doing simple kind things will help the person and the person they do it for to “blossom with beauty”…So I see this kind of thing coming from her, and I so know our Lord allowed such painful things to happen to her so that He could bring such goodness out of it.
OP, your time to see the goodness come out of your misery is on the way…if it is not on this earth, then God will allow you to finally see the culmination of everything in heaven. This is not useless time, this is just part of His plan to help you and the rest of us to grow in understanding and love.

 

[GraceDK]

All I am saying is that maybe he didn’t know what they were looking for.

** He didn’t have to. They** knew what they were looking for, and the questions from the Tribunal were precisely made to discover if there were conditions prior to marriage which invalidates it. same questions for everyone. The Tribunals are not “out to get people”.

From the things he has said it tells me that the catechesis in his upbringing…and during this was on the weak side. (like many of us who grew up post vatican 2).

**Thats another problem, which also doesn’t have any influence on the objective validity of his first marriage. Until people have been granted annullments they are asked to presume validity. **

The tribunal isn’t some mean authority trying to put him in his place. Neither is the church. I am not trying to tempt anything. In his heart he believes their verdict was wrong.

**What I wonder is, why do you all pad his shoulder as if the Church is some big bad wolf, instead of assuming the Tribunal just did its job?
I have seen nothing in the posts of the OP that indicated that the verdict was wrong. And I think you do him a disservice when you tell him to take his case elsewhere. **

All I am saying is read up on what they are looking for. Sure he was honest but there are certainly criteria that he didn’t meet and probably wasn’t properly prepared.

**Again properly prepared for what? answering questions precisely and honestly… I suppose he did that. **

It is legal. A legal system, maybe in the world things are manipulated but if he didn’t prove to the Catholic tribunal that the marriage was not valid then either you are right and he did have a valid marriage but on the other hand they can only go on the facts presented and if he did not present the facts that prove he had an invalid marriage then he’s stuck. He can try again but with more education.

** If he went through the process he must have answered a bunch of questions which everyone has to… and thereby given them the facts they wanted to hear.**

Now, he can correct me if I am wrong. He may have all his knowledge in order already, but since he feels rejected, .

I don’t think letting people remain in some kind of victim mentality is very good at all. When one enters a sacramental marriage, does one, or does one not have the duty to look at what one enters? I would think so… also I am pretty radical, I would not wanna be a member of any Church where I believed they didn’t have any valid authority. (yep it was a pretty big step for me to become Catholic… Catholicism is probably the most demanding form of Christianity) Neither would I care what such a church said about anything, and I wouldn’t care to receive their communion. Its all not about feelings. We all know that the OP’s situation sucks.
However, it seems like everyone here is very Catholic until the topic is about NFP or Annulments… then many fall the Church in the back and divorce the Church from the Holy Spirit! .

.

 

[styrgwillidar]

r

What a great post! And I so agree with you that God permits things to use us to help someone else. This concept really hit home for me before my divorce when my now 12 year old was a baby. She has an immune system disorder (which thank God is stabilizing now) that made her very, very ill as a baby. She would have fevers over 105 very regularly and the fevers would go on for 6 or 7 days at a clip and I would be medicating this poor limp baby all day all night every three hours to make sure she would not have seizures. She would lay in my bed an grind her teeth and cry in her sleep because she hurt so bad. I cannot tell you the helplessness I felt and pain seeing her hurt and not being able to help her. My whole life is devoted to my kids, and I couldn’t help my kid…ughhh! But to make the long story short, I have a different perspective on it now. I have seen how our Lord used her illness to help her and not only her but others. She now, as a 12 year old, has such an amazingly developed spiritual life, and she can cope with things in a beautiful way. Her gentleness and largeness of spirit has touched so many other people’s lives. She can understand the despair of others and see way beyond outward appearances. She recently wrote a paper for school in which she said that it is vitally important to treat people with respect, honesty, love and compassion…to unite ourselves with Christ…and that doing simple kind things will help the person and the person they do it for to “blossom with beauty”…So I see this kind of thing coming from her, and I so know our Lord allowed such painful things to happen to her so that He could bring such goodness out of it.
OP, your time to see the goodness come out of your misery is on the way…if it is not on this earth, then God will allow you to finally see the culmination of everything in heaven. This is not useless time, this is just part of His plan to help you and the rest of us to grow in understanding and love.

rainbow1, thank you for sharing. It is a beautiful example.

 

[TryingToLearn]

When I was going through a hard time (well before my current situation) a priest counseled me that perhaps God wasn’t doing this to me, He was doing this for someone else. Perhaps part of God’s plan included Him using me as an example to others, or for me to learn something from my current experience to help me assist someone else in the future. It wasn’t a punishment at all, simply expecting me to accede to His will and cooperate in His plan. Trust in the necessity of what I was going through to accomplish God’s will in some way. He needed me with the qualities and abilities He’d given me to accomplish the task. Think of myself as the right tool for a job, even if I didn’t understand what was being created.

In my suffering I’ve realized that this is certainly true of some suffering.

I’ve always realized that whether my sins have to do with my wife and marriage or not, I am guilty of having sinned against God, I am forgiven and redeemed of eternal suffering, but I do have to be purified before I can enter Heaven. I can be purified now or later. It’s possible that some of this suffering is purification for past, unrelated or related, sins. It may be an opportunity for good for me that God is using, better to purify now than in purgatory…

Or, it may be that it’s an opportunity for me to learn something… Faith, humility, sacrificial love, fortitude, etc…

What I do know is what Genesis 50:20 tells us, even if we’re suffering or people are causing you harm, God isn’t doing it to you… But He does have a plan to use it for good. Maybe good for others, maybe good for you. Maybe good in this temporal life, maybe good in eternal life.

I only hope one day to share His vision and truly understand…