Most of my profound experiences happened while I was pretending to be a contemplative; much of my spirituality dwindled when I started contributing to CAF.
Your experiences occurred when you were seeking God. And intercession works exactly this way. And much to souls unsuspecting surprise the first time.
Balance of the spiritual is always an issue here and for many. Your responsible for that. Doctrine doesn’t overshadow the spiritual unless you allow it to. The Doctrine confirms the spiritual
The ‘spell’ is something that I can clearly ‘see.’ How, I do not know.
Why do you believe what you see is universal and not a personal trial? What do you mean by “see”. You mean see, as in understand though knowledge?
the wisdom and deep spiritual growth that can be had from meditating on The Imitation of Christ. Nowhere does Thomas a Kempis mention a ‘spell,’ but after meditation on his writings for a while, one naturally ‘sees’ it.
Its a known “fact” in the Church …Lex orandi, lex credenda. And “yes” when you receive grace you became responsible for it.
You are reading “then” visualizing and then relating through your experience and placing it into context? Its transference to some degree, your experience is “unresolved” and in this his thinking becomes interactive with your experience. Also the mind omits trauma as if it never happened to protect itself.
Beware of ‘intellectuals!’ who inadvertently believe they can grow closer to God through the intellect. Intellectualism is the booby-prize of religious life.
True, however spiritual pride is common also. Especially with those who first encounter the supernatural. Nor hard to see people filled with the holy spirit. You see it here daily. The fire dwindles when its not fed.
There’s a completely different responsibility with the Church, clearly understand this.
A man who truly knows himself realizes his own worthlessness, and takes no pleasure in the praises of men. Did I possess all knowledge in the world, but had no love, how would this help me before God, who will judge me by my deeds?.
Your interaction with souls “all of them” you are responsible for. Everyone in your family past, all friends of the past, and all interaction in the present and future. That’s what the “general judgment” is. You can intercede for all of them now. That’s how the communion of Saints is continued. Not because each individual has a calling from the lord. But because all who do send up their redeemable suffering and prayer for the sake of others, they intercede through the Lord, and in person when possible
an inordinate desire for knowledge, in which is found much anxiety and deception. Learned men always wish to appear so, and desire recognition of their wisdom. But there are many matters, knowledge of which brings little or no advantage to the soul. Indeed, a man is unwise if he occupies himself with any things save those that further his salvation…
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Anxiety and deception may be part of the transference and/or the attempt to fully comprehend. And “is” the point and issue with for example the OP “strong spell”
Code:
The more complete and excellent your knowledge, the more severe will be God's judgement on you, unless your life be the more holy..
And you should take this literally, your responsible for the knowledge and to the Church. You were not blessed to be Gods nomad prophet speaking contrary to all Gods prophets and Saints…“Church”.
Code:
A true understanding and humble estimate of oneself is the highest and most valuable of all lessons. To take no account of oneself, but always to think well and highly of others is the highest wisdom and perfection. Should you see another person openly doing evil, or carrying out a wicked purpose, do not on that account consider yourself better than him, for you cannot tell how long you will remain in a state of grace
This occurs because through the supernatural you see just how pitiful and wicked you are. And there reside’s your responsibility again…state of Grace. And you will know when your not in it and should be.
Being in a state of Grace and communication with the Lord are two different understandings. You can communicate and be communicated to by the Lord, and not be in a state of Grace. But its imperative you seek a state of Grace for all the reasons mentioned above once communication occurs. Humility and magnified responsibility become an absolute necessity. And a step forward with two back sometimes. Its a blessing and a trial.
Church is imperative, you will come to know the blessing if you walk through the trial.
Read the Saints, there is no one who can help you more, go to church and chase Grace as disheartening as it may be at times to catch. Continue to chase. Ask for a Spiritual director, and if you ask around where you are for recommendations you’ll find the one you need. A Catholic therapist of psychologist never hurts and its not a weakness to seek understanding of yourself. Fact is others at times see things clearer than we do. Its a truth that if you do not acknowledge will automatically work against you. …“humility”…“servant” descend, prayer, Church, Eucharist. Make it a “habit”.
There’s a difference in responsibility to “know” and to “believe” which brings strong conviction. Don’t allow your mind to doubt and diminish, which is a tool of evil, take the responsibility to heart. “Church”. I can’t imagine anything more alarming than to rationalize away a blessing in a counter path to sanctifying grace.
