Don't marry HER if

[BLB_Oregon]

I’m a man and I can cook. I enjoy it. Thankfully my wife can cook too. It is a nice blessing.

My boys are seven. I have pointed out to them that if they learn to cook, they won’t go hungry if they marry a woman who can’t cook, but does like to play Monopoly.

The more you know how to do yourself, the pickier you can afford to be where it counts.

Besides, many people who can cook won’t marry a spouse who can’t! It is one thing to do some of the cooking, and something else to have to do all of it!

I like to think that if there is some sweet and holy girl out there who can’t boil water, one my boys can choose to be first in line to get her. You want to be in a position to hold out for that which can’t be taught to an adult. Don’t ever marry someone who doesn’t already know what they need to know in order to be married to you.

 

[Al_Masetti]

… her credit cards are maxed out and she needs help from her family (or from you).

 

[deb1]

My boys are seven. I have pointed out to them that if they learn to cook, they won’t go hungry if they marry a woman who can’t cook, but does like to play Monopoly.

The more you know how to do yourself, the pickier you can afford to be where it counts.

Besides, many people who can cook won’t marry a spouse who can’t! It is one thing to do some of the cooking, and something else to have to do all of it!

I like to think that if there is some sweet and holy girl out there who can’t boil water, one my boys can choose to be first in line to get her. You want to be in a position to hold out for that which can’t be taught to an adult. Don’t ever marry someone who doesn’t already know what they need to know in order to be married to you.

Between my four children, I have one who hates to cook. This came as a surprise to me, as my hubby and I both really enjoy creating new dishes and normally have our kids in the kitchen with me when we cook. Now that I think back, my youngest son has always excused himself from assisting us in cooking meals.

I explained to this particular child that I was going to teach him the basics of cooking. He would need these skills when he grew up. Besides there was no guarantee that he would find a modern woman who liked to cook.

My son moaned and replied that he didn’t care if his wife was ugly or had any series of imperfections. He just wanted one who could cook and didn’t expect him to help.

Needless to say, he is still getting cooking lessons from mom.

 

[BLB_Oregon]

Between my four children, I have one who hates to cook. This came as a surprise to me, as my hubby and I both really enjoy creating new dishes and normally have our kids in the kitchen with me when we cook. Now that I think back, my youngest son has always excused himself from assisting us in cooking meals.

I explained to this particular child that I was going to teach him the basics of cooking. He would need these skills when he grew up. Besides there was no guarantee that he would find a modern woman who liked to cook.

My son moaned and replied that he didn’t care if his wife was ugly or had any series of imperfections. He just wanted one who could cook and didn’t expect him to help.

Needless to say, he is still getting cooking lessons from mom.

If nothing else, when he finds this cook he’s looking for he’ll have enough culinary education to properly appreciate her!

Truly, though, it is much nicer to cook for somebody who is grateful that you’re there to do it.

 

[dulcissima]

Truly, though, it is much nicer to cook for somebody who is grateful that you’re there to do it.

That’s totally true. I think it would be nice to be married to someone who enjoyed cooking together. However, it is just as nice to cook for someone who truly appreciates your efforts. So, deb1, all of your kids sound great, even the one who doesn’t like to cook.

 

[Norseman82]

The more you know how to do yourself, the pickier you can afford to be where it counts.

AMEN!!! That’s how I live my life. (The only downside is that then people criticize you when you are picky, but I could care less…). But this is something that applies to BOTH men AND women.

But some positive things about males and cooking…

For one thing, it can be a way to impress women. And it could be a conversation-starter (example: “I was at Jewel earlier, and sockeye salmon is on sale…” )

And a cooking class might be a good place to meet a woman…

 

[dulcissima]

“I was at Jewel earlier, and sockeye salmon is on sale…”

So, how would you be cooking your salmon?

 

[mark_a]

Don’t marry her if she is cruel to people that she is angry at. Sooner or later she is going to get mad at you and she will treat you the exact same way.

That’s pure gold.

 

[Norseman82]

So, how would you be cooking your salmon?

If possible on the Weber gas grill on my deck, otherwise in the oven. Bake a bit so that the insides get thorughly cooked, then I broil it.

I normally sprinkle garlic powder or paprika on it, but most of the time I marinade it with a mix of ranch dressing and dijon mustard prior to grilling or putting it in the oven.

 

[dulcissima]

If possible on the Weber gas grill on my deck, otherwise in the oven. Bake a bit so that the insides get thorughly cooked, then I broil it.

I normally sprinkle garlic powder or paprika on it, but most of the time I marinade it with a mix of ranch dressing and dijon mustard prior to grilling or putting it in the oven.

Sounds delicious. My grandpa always grilled salmon too. I usually saute the fillets and then serve them with a pan sauce made with sherry and a little butter.

 

[chicago]

For one thing, it can be a way to impress women. And it could be a conversation-starter (example: “I was at Jewel earlier, and sockeye salmon is on sale…” )

Sounds great, hun! Why don’t you get us some of that and make it for dinner? Uh, my wallet? Yeah, alright, here you go.

 

[dulcissima]

Sounds great, hun!

I thought you were from Chicago, not Baltimore!

 

[Gertabelle]

Don’t marry her if you’re a virgin and she is not. Our archdiocesan right-to-life director, a chastity speaker, quoted a figure that the lowest rate of divorce is among two people who are both virgins when they marry.

My exhusband and I were both virgins, but that didn’t keep us from divorce. Of course, had we married in the Church instead of in a civil ceremony, well, honestly, we probably wouldn’t have gotten married in the first place.

Still, aside from asking whether a person has been married or lived with a girl/boyfriend before, at what point do you suggest asking someone if they are a virgin? Not something I have to worry about, as my child removes all question of my status, but if some guy asked me about my virginity early on in the relationship, I would run the other way – and FAST.

 

[whatevergirl]

How absurd! Is that how you define chauvinism? Is it really a bad thing that a man have some expectations of his future wife?

Why is it OK for the “Don’t marry HIM if …” thread to list that he ought to be willing to get a job; but if a guy expects a woman to have some minimal culinary skill he’s a chauvinist? Seems like a double standard to me.

I’ll tell you what. It makes it a whole lot easier for me to “provide” for my family because my wife CAN cook. Our whole family enjoys good healthy meals almost every day. And on the days when my wife can’t cook I notice it. I come home at 5, very hungry, and then it falls on me to come up with something to feed the family. It is a blessing that my wife can cook. She’s not Martha Stewart, and I don’t have a particularly picky palate, but her meals are not aweful, they’re not burnt, and they fit within our means. Our children are healthy, energetic, and not overweight.

Now, is it an absolute necessity for a good marriage? Maybe not. Perhaps if the man has a huge income, they can hire out the cooking. Or perhaps the man wants nothing more than to come home and start putting together a meal.

But to accuse someone of chauvinism because he offers culinary skills as a bit of wisdom to a prospective husband is silly. It smacks of High-horse Feminism. As if cooking is somehow beneath a woman’s dignity. Give me a break.

well, i guess we have different ideas of roles. men and women shouldn’t be placed in boxes…men can cook…women can cook…men should work…and women should work…as long as the two in the relationship agree on the parameters…i don’t think that one or the other should have these cookie cutter roles.

ps; cooking is not beneath anyone…it should not be an expectation. if i’m a God loving, good hearted woman…a man should reject me because i can’t cook? something gravely wrong with that kind of thinking. (i’m married, but if i were single) you give me a break.

 

[BLB_Oregon]

cooking is not beneath anyone…it should not be an expectation. if i’m a God loving, good hearted woman…a man should reject me because i can’t cook? something gravely wrong with that kind of thinking. (i’m married, but if i were single) you give me a break.

Still, it is a basic life skill that everyone should have to some degree. I knew a professor who, after his wife had their twins, was not competent to make grilled cheese sandwiches! Talk about “GIVE ME A BREAK!”

If they can’t but are willing to learn or have tried and simply lack the aptitude, though, then yes, I’d count that as a pass, regardless of gender…and as long as SOMEBODY in this relationship can survive and properly feed a pregnant woman without a restaurant or a grocery freezer section!

OTOH, that’s just me. A couple that would die without Swanson’s…that isn’t an impediment to marriage, if they’re both on board with it.

 

[whatevergirl]

Still, it is a basic life skill that everyone should have to some degree. I knew a professor who, after his wife had their twins, was not competent to make grilled cheese sandwiches! Talk about “GIVE ME A BREAK!”

Still, if they can’t but are willing to learn or have tried and simply lack the aptitude, I’d count that as a pass, regardless of gender…and as long as SOMEBODY in this relationship can survive and properly feed a pregnant woman without a restaurant or a grocery freezer section!

ok–you are right–everyone should know how to do this. i seem defensive…because i was a horrible cook when i was first married…over time, i have learned a lot. and now, i have a side cooking business…shocking, i know. but, i guess i was just being defensive…because i was a bad cook when my husband met me. thank God he was a good cook, and didn’t reject me because I couldn’t do it well.

moral of the story–look at how someone is raised too…i was rather spoiled growing up…everything was ‘done’ for me. so, once i hit 21…i really was at a loss for domestic tasks.

you mean you don’t wash black socks with your white shirts, honey??

 

[Norseman82]

Still, aside from asking whether a person has been married or lived with a girl/boyfriend before, at what point do you suggest asking someone if they are a virgin? Not something I have to worry about, as my child removes all question of my status, but if some guy asked me about my virginity early on in the relationship, I would run the other way – and FAST.

Actually, the only time it ever came up in my life was when a lady asked me!

But I’ve posted previously the following hypothetical exchange:

Him: So, you want to see my tax returns? OK, I’ll bring them to the doctor’s office.

Her: The doctor’s office?

Him: Yeah, when we take you for your virginity test.

All joking aside, a lot of times the question is answered if previous cohabitation is acknowledged. Other than that, I guess every couple is different as to when that subject comnes up.

If I might ask, how did the two of you find out that both of you were virgins?

 

[BLB_Oregon]

ok–you are right–everyone should know how to do this. i seem defensive…because i was a horrible cook when i was first married…over time, i have learned a lot. and now, i have a side cooking business…shocking, i know. but, i guess i was just being defensive…because i was a bad cook when my husband met me. thank God he was a good cook, and didn’t reject me because I couldn’t do it well.

moral of the story–look at how someone is raised too…i was rather spoiled growing up…everything was ‘done’ for me. so, once i hit 21…i really was at a loss for domestic tasks.

you mean you don’t wash black socks with your white shirts, honey??

My SIL couldn’t cook when she married, either. It didn’t matter, because my BIL could. Over the years, he taught her. She’s very good now. If “everyone” learns to cook, then those couples where neither one can manage it won’t be so common…and not having anyone in the house with food-buying or culinary skill is a BIG handicap.

I think that in marriage you want to look for someone that is willing to do what they don’t like, if that is what the family needs. Having said that, if one likes doing all the cooking and would rather have the other do some other household chores, or even if one wants to do all the household chores so the other can be very devoted to some other aspect of their life, such as a career or charitable work, I say more power to them. You don’t have to find someone who can do everything you’d like them to be able to do, only someone who is willing to do what they can.

So, you don’t have to find someone who can cook. You just have to find someone who is willing to eat their own cooking, if that is what it takes to win you!

 

[whatevergirl]

My SIL couldn’t cook when she married, either. It didn’t matter, because my BIL could. Over the years, he taught her. She’s very good now. If “everyone” learns to cook, then those couples where neither one can manage it won’t be so common…and not having anyone in the house with food-buying or culinary skill is a BIG handicap.

I think that in marriage you want to look for someone that is willing to do what they don’t like, if that is what the family needs. Having said that, if one likes doing all the cooking and would rather have the other do some other household chores, or even if one wants to do all the household chores so the other can be very devoted to some other aspect of their life, such as a career or charitable work, I say more power to them. You don’t have to find someone who can do everything you’d like them to be able to do, only someone who is willing to do what they can.

So, you don’t have to find someone who can cook. You just have to find someone who is willing to eat their own cooking, if that is what it takes to win you!

I suppose eating out can become quite expensive…lol I agree with you…be willing to learn things that take you out of your comfort zone. Marriage is the ultimate character builder!

 

[Gertabelle]

Actually, the only time it ever came up in my life was when a lady asked me!

But I’ve posted previously the following hypothetical exchange:

Him: So, you want to see my tax returns? OK, I’ll bring them to the doctor’s office.

Her: The doctor’s office?

Him: Yeah, when we take you for your virginity test.

All joking aside, a lot of times the question is answered if previous cohabitation is acknowledged. Other than that, I guess every couple is different as to when that subject comnes up.

If I might ask, how did the two of you find out that both of you were virgins?

My ex and I have known each other since our childhoods. We actually knew each other for over 20 years before we got married. In phone conversations and letters, we shared the details of life with each other throughout those years, with occasional loss of contact, but always we would start up conversations as if no time had passed. Since we had no intention, all those years, of ever being romantically involved, we had nothing to hide from the other, including what we had and had not done with others.

To get this back on topic, when we married, I knew full well that Brian did not want to be in a romantic relationship for life, and that his deepest wish was to be celibate (he’s not a practicing Catholic). So I would add to the list…

Don’t marry him (her) if… he says he feels called to celibacy!