Don't marry HER if

[Gamera]

…
But I’ve posted previously the following hypothetical exchange:

Him: So, you want to see my tax returns? OK, I’ll bring them to the doctor’s office.

Her: The doctor’s office?

Him: Yeah, when we take you for your virginity test.

Laugh it up … but here’s a REAL conversation that I had with a girl with whom I was out on a date, back in my single days.

GIRL: I’m a virgin.
ME: Me too.
GIRL: (long pause) I was kidding.

 

[Gertabelle]

Laugh it up … but here’s a REAL conversation that I had with a girl with whom I was out on a date, back in my single days.

GIRL: I’m a virgin.
ME: Me too.
GIRL: (long pause) I was kidding.

Ouch.

Gertie

 

[OldAgeGuru]

Still, it is a basic life skill that everyone should have to some degree. I knew a professor who, after his wife had their twins, was not competent to make grilled cheese sandwiches! Talk about “GIVE ME A BREAK!”

If they can’t but are willing to learn or have tried and simply lack the aptitude, though, then yes, I’d count that as a pass, regardless of gender…and as long as SOMEBODY in this relationship can survive and properly feed a pregnant woman without a restaurant or a grocery freezer section!

OTOH, that’s just me. A couple that would die without Swanson’s…that isn’t an impediment to marriage, if they’re both on board with it.

I can’t make grilled cheese. I can burn water. My boyfriend can cook. He’s pretty good, except the salt, MY GOD THE SALT, it’s on everything, I swear he’d put it on cereal if it were socially acceptable. Me, my idea of cooking is 1800 Dominos, or I don’t eat, which is what I usually end up doing.

 

[deb1]

If nothing else, when he finds this cook he’s looking for he’ll have enough culinary education to properly appreciate her!

Truly, though, it is much nicer to cook for somebody who is grateful that you’re there to do it.

Well, he does appreciate eating so he would love a woman who would be willing to cook for him. At 14 he is almost 6’ 1" and is still growing. I don’t think he is 130lbs yet! Where all that food goes, I don’t know.

 

[deb1]

That’s totally true. I think it would be nice to be married to someone who enjoyed cooking together. However, it is just as nice to cook for someone who truly appreciates your efforts. So, deb1, all of your kids sound great, even the one who doesn’t like to cook.

Thank you very much.

 

[dulcissima]

Laugh it up … but here’s a REAL conversation that I had with a girl with whom I was out on a date, back in my single days.

GIRL: I’m a virgin.
ME: Me too.
GIRL: (long pause) I was kidding.

Hey, at least you found out the truth the easy way.

 

[Hastrman]

Don’t marry her if she believes in …pointing guns at people.

Except on due and suitable occasions, Kemosabe.

Don’t marry her if she can’t discuss something heatedly without taking it personally.

Don’t marry her if you don’t want to protect her. With your life if necessary.

Don’t marry her if she isn’t at least a little interested in your favorite things–not that she should be as interested as you are, but she should at least, say, laugh at some of the funnier jokes in your favorite comedy, etc.

And hey, whatevergirl, no, cooking is not beneath anyone. But slaving for the capitalists is beneath the dignity of women.

 

[Black_Jaque]

ps; cooking is not beneath anyone…it should not be an expectation. if i’m a God loving, good hearted woman…a man should reject me because i can’t cook? something gravely wrong with that kind of thinking. (i’m married, but if i were single) you give me a break.

Look, if a guy is single, doesn’t he have every right to set his own standards? What’s the difference if the criteria is tall or short, blond or brunette, good cook or lousy cook.

 

[Black_Jaque]

How bout this?

Don’t marry her if…

she is not willing to sacrifice everything for her husband and children.
Expect the same level of sacrifice from yourself as a husband and you’ll both live a blissful marriage.

 

[BlestOne]

Oh you guys are too funny!!!

Thanks, I really needed a laugh today. I got into a fight at my son’s school… I was so mad I don’t even remember 1/2 of what I said but I do know the words disenroll, lawsuit, BS, and idiot all came out of my mouth. :crying:

 

[anamchara]

Oh you guys are too funny!!!

Thanks, I really needed a laugh today. I got into a fight at my son’s school… I was so mad I don’t even remember 1/2 of what I said but I do know the words disenroll, lawsuit, BS, and idiot all came out of my mouth. :crying:

I know what you mean Blest. I had to laugh when I read the last few posts. I’m recovering from the flu and this was a nice giggle that was needed.

It doesn’t matter anyway about knowing how to cook or if you want someone who knows how to cook, it’s all in God’s hands anyway as far as who you will meet and fall inlove with. You can ask all you want for all sorts of wonderful things from a future spouse but in the end the Big guy knows what’s best for you.

 

[anamchara]

I suppose eating out can become quite expensive…lol I agree with you…be willing to learn things that take you out of your comfort zone. Marriage is the ultimate character builder!

Maybe we need to start a thread on this subject

 

[starrball]

I like this website…www.growthtrac.com
Check it out.

Growthtrac 2006 Top Ten Lists
By Growthtrac

2006 Top Ten Emailed Articles
Using our Email-a-Friend feature.

1. 
   *]10 Things Guys Wish Women Knew about Men
   *]Talk it Out Before You Say, “I Do”
   *]10 Things to Pray for
   *]Men’s Marriage Tools
   *]What is Not Okay In Bed?
   *]7 Myths That Hurt Young Women
   *]My Husband is a Mysterious Island
   *]The Proverbs31… Man?
   *]Surviving Adultery
   *]Five Lies That Lead to an Affair
   
   2006 Top Ten Most-Read Pages
   1. 
      *]Romance
      *]Marriage
      *]Marriage Coupons
      *]What is Not Okay in Bed?
      *]Pre-Married
      *]Men’s Marriage Tools
      *]e-Devotions
      *]Intimacy
      *]Sexual Issues
      *]Affairs

1. 1. 
      That site is AMAZING. It addresses issues I haven’t found addressed anywhere else. This is awesome.
      :bowdown2:

 

[Rach620]

That site is AMAZING. It addresses issues I haven’t found addressed anywhere else. This is awesome.
:bowdown2:

I’d be cautious about that growthtrac site. It’s Protestant, so some of what it says about sex / divorce / remarriage is contrary to Catholic belief (I just read something about how biblical scholars generally agree that the Bible is silent on oral sex, so it’s up to the husband and wife’s feelings on the matter if they engage in it.) Their other info about marriage prep, how to deal with abuse, and other topics looks pretty helpful though!

 

[BLB_Oregon]

Except on due and suitable occasions, Kemosabe.

I was referring to a quote by a woman raised in Eastern Oregon who, when asked about her long-lasting marriage, said, “I told Bill on the day I married him that we don’t divorce men over there. We just shoot 'em.”

Come to think of it, you’re right. When the occasion is suitable, it is hardly disqualifying that a wronged spouse might consider taking up arms. Nevertheless, it should be when you’ve acted in such a way that, in a more sane moment, you might have advised her to do the same.

Or as my DH says: “If I ever do that, dear, just shoot me.” But a man should only marry a woman and tell her that if he really means it, because when the time comes, she probably will.

I mean really…juries convict for that! Is that what you’d want for someone you love?

 

[BLB_Oregon]

How bout this?

Don’t marry her if…

she is not willing to sacrifice everything for her husband and children.Expect the same level of sacrifice from yourself as a husband and you’ll both live a blissful marriage.

Yes, as long as it is understood…there is a type of sacrifice that enables others to evade their rightful duties and obligations, duties which might have blessed them if the whole load was not borne by one person.

There is also the problem of women, especially, who are so sacrificial towards their husbands and children that they exhaust themselves. There is a reason the commandment is to “love your neighbor as yourself” and not “more than yourself”. A woman who won’t take care of her own needs and let them be known is a trainwreck waiting to happen, and her attitude a roadblock to bliss. (And this implies a woman with enough wisdom to discern the difference between “want” and “need”.)

 

[chevalier]

I would say don’t marry her if:
First and foremost, Canon Law is a good reference. But let’s move on to specific points:

1. There are no feelings. Feelings are necessary.
2. She’s cruel, dishonest, has a difficulty staying faithful, doesn’t respect herself well enough (I mean clothing, the way she dances, how she conducts herself with girls etc)
3. She has serious mental issues or some other condition preventing her vows from being validly taken or fulfilled. See Canon 1095 for reference.
4. She has treated you like a sexual object. Unless there’s been a visible change, sincere beyond doubt. Note: saying you’re hot or have a great chest is not treating you like a sexual object.
5. You are treated as her inferior. Treatment can be changed on the external level, but the internal regard not so easily so.
6. Someone’s making her decisions for her.
7. There’s a lot of planning going on and you aren’t the planner or don’t agree with the plans
8. She believes in divorce, would have an abortion, wouldn’t care to stop having sex if something chemical could cause abortion or miscarriage. You don’t want to end up feeling like a murderer or accomplice. Except divorce. But you don’t want that one, either.
9. If you have some reason to suspect she will change after marriage. You don’t want her to stop caring about her looks the moment you’re caught, right? And I mean for you, not for other guys. I guess #1 helps.
10. She does anything you have a moral or similar problem with. For example, if you’re not comfortable with what she models as a model or acts out as an actress. See #2 above for more inspiration. Time doesn’t help here.
11. You have issues with her (handling of) friends of the opposite sex or she with yours. Would be tricky with me, for instance (single here): I’m not abandoning my friends on someone else’s paranoid whim, and I don’t like friends being friends with benefits if they are supposed to be just friends. Minor things may apply to strangers. For example, if I see a girl slow-dancing with a stranger (just an example, could probably name more), I know she’s not for me. With a friend I don’t mind unless it’s groping.
    And from whatevergirl:

i think i wouldn’t be good for many men on this board, from what i’m reading. look, if you find a woman who loves you, for who you really are, believes in you, wants the best for you…and above all, serves God and others, the rest of the details can be learned. The other things…well, they just can’t be.

It’s hard not to agree. And let’s think about 1 Cor 13. It doesn’t really mention the things we talk about here.

 

[aboverubies]

Look, if a guy is single, doesn’t he have every right to set his own standards? What’s the difference if the criteria is tall or short, blond or brunette, good cook or lousy cook.

Speaking of setting standards, this reminded me of a guy we met about 10 years ago. He was an attractive, wealthy, successful, professional sportsman and an associate pastor at our church. One would have thought he would have no trouble finding a spouse. He had written a list of all the things he wanted in a wife and completely believed that if he prayed over this list every day and waited patiently, God would bring his dream girl to him. He had extremely high and strict standards on his list - she had to be a tall, shapely, beautiful blonde. She had to be a Pentecostal Christian (must speak in tongues etc.) He listed all her specific qualities; it went on and on and he would accept nothing less. Unfortunately he had alot of influence on other young men in the church who began to make their own lists to pray over. Oh by the way, the guy is still single…

 

[Gamera]

Speaking of setting standards, this reminded me of a guy we met about 10 years ago. He was an attractive, wealthy, successful, professional sportsman and an associate pastor at our church. One would have thought he would have no trouble finding a spouse. He had written a list of all the things he wanted in a wife and completely believed that if he prayed over this list every day and waited patiently, God would bring his dream girl to him. He had extremely high and strict standards on his list - she had to be a tall, shapely, beautiful blonde. She had to be a Pentecostal Christian (must speak in tongues etc.) He listed all her specific qualities; it went on and on and he would accept nothing less. Unfortunately he had alot of influence on other young men in the church who began to make their own lists to pray over. Oh by the way, the guy is still single…

LOL! Why not just create your own spouse in Doctor Frankenstein’s lab?

Even if that worked, I still wouldn’t like it. That’s too much like knowing what you’re going to get for Christmas. I’d rather be surprized.

 

[TheGarg]

[as i recently heard with all sincerity to my dismay, just the other day] She thinks anna nicole smith was a good mother and a model woman.