Dress and evangelization

[pianistclare]

I wouldn’t call it “showy” exactly. A lot of it’s more in cuts or styling. It’s basically just about wearing what’s commonly worn for your age and location.

Compare:
i.pinimg.com/736x/95/52/0b/95520b551b6da4b0b1a2e97fb3024fda–broomstick-skirt-casual-skirts.jpg

polyvore.com/cgi/img-thing?.out=jpg&size=l&tid=10881074

I wouldn’t say one of those is significantly more showy than the other, but the first one’s going to stand out less than the second, simply because it’s a more common style for causal wear.

Egad. They’re both terribly unattractive. But I guess if that’s what one is going for…

Why do people believe they have to look downright plain?
I guess no one believes attractive people go to heaven?
Bizarre.
If this is so, then all the pudgy bald men should rejoice! They are not leading anyone to sin!!! Go head, grow that pot belly! Have another beer! Calzones anyone?]

Sheesh.

What a bizarre point of view.
It’s always like this on CAF…either you’re a nun or you’re a street walker.
Gimme a break.

 

[Bonnie]

I feel like as women there are just so many expectations for how we are supposed to be… it’s like we try to go through life being constantly evaluated by everyone.

Remember the Aesop fable about the man, boy, and donkey? No matter what you do, you’re not going to please everyone - someone will get his/her knickers in a twist no matter what.

Looking for (name removed by moderator)ut on how you appear to others is fine, but in the end, you have to be true to yourself.

 

[DarkLight]

Egad. They’re both terribly unattractive. But I guess if that’s what one is going for…

Why do people believe they have to look downright plain?
I guess no one believes attractive people go to heaven?
Bizarre.
If this is so, then all the pudgy bald men should rejoice! They are not leading anyone to sin!!! Go head, grow that pot belly! Have another beer! Calzones anyone?]

Sheesh.

What a bizarre point of view.
It’s always like this on CAF…either you’re a nun or you’re a street walker.
Gimme a break.

I actually happen to like the first one. The style doesn’t really work on me, but I wish I could pull it off. I tend to prefer my skirts and pants on the plain side anyway - that way you can put nicer shirts and jewelry with them.

 

[pianistclare]

well, the opening premise is that what a person wears impacts evangelization.
It does not. No more than ornate vestments or tons of incense doesn’t make a Mass “holier”. In fact, dressing abnormally plain likely puts some people off…when door to door preachers come and try to “save” me, I am usually put off by their extremism in dress.

If we are holy, then people can be influenced by our ability to deal with life and properly look to the next. Evangelization is about living. Not appearance.
Saint Kateri, pray for us.

 

[DarkLight]

well, the opening premise is that what a person wears impacts evangelization.
It does not. No more than ornate vestments or tons of incense doesn’t make a Mass “holier”. In fact, dressing abnormally plain likely puts some people off…when door to door preachers come and try to “save” me, I am usually put off by their extremism in dress.

If we are holy, then people can be influenced by our ability to deal with life and properly look to the next. Evangelization is about living. Not appearance.
Saint Kateri, pray for us.

Actually, that was the opening question - whether someone dressing in a way that’s very plain or seen as unfashionable could put people off.

 

[Irishmom2]

My outfits are sort of similar to this picture except I usually wear cardigans instead of a jacket. thecatholicladyblog.blogspot.ca/2016/03/a-weekend-in-feminine-dress.html?m=1

The outfit in the link is very nice, though I wonder why the length of the skirt is almost down to her ankles. When I see a woman wearing a long skirt like that, my first thought is, she probably homeschools her kids and attends Latin mass. Nothing wrong with those things, but just saying that her choice of clothing does project that to me. So as far as evangelization, it **can **make someone think that you think a certain way about Catholicism. Nothing wrong with skirts and dresses. I just don’t think covering up like you have no legs is the way to go either. There is nothing immodest about a skirt or dress that falls to the knee or just below.

In clicking through the rest of her blog though, it struck me as kind of ironic that on the one hand, she wants to dress modestly and not call attention to herself, but she is obviously concerned with her looks enough to take and posts photos of herself. I know some will say that she is “teaching” but I am not sure that is really necessary enough that she needs to have a blog with pics of herself.

 

[Monica4316]

Egad. They’re both terribly unattractive. But I guess if that’s what one is going for…

Why do people believe they have to look downright plain?
I guess no one believes attractive people go to heaven?
Bizarre.
If this is so, then all the pudgy bald men should rejoice! They are not leading anyone to sin!!! Go head, grow that pot belly! Have another beer! Calzones anyone?]

Sheesh.

What a bizarre point of view.
It’s always like this on CAF…either you’re a nun or you’re a street walker.
Gimme a break.

Well i didn’t say a Catholic can’t look attractive. I said only that because I am seeking a different vocation, certain things have been a distraction for me. So I try to dress more simply. I wasn’t talking about other Catholics especially those called to marriage.

 

[Monica4316]

Actually, that was the opening question - whether someone dressing in a way that’s very plain or seen as unfashionable could put people off.

Yes that was my question…

 

[Monica4316]

The outfit in the link is very nice, though I wonder why the length of the skirt is almost down to her ankles. When I see a woman wearing a long skirt like that, my first thought is, she probably homeschools her kids and attends Latin mass. Nothing wrong with those things, but just saying that her choice of clothing does project that to me. So as far as evangelization, it **can **make someone think that you think a certain way about Catholicism. Nothing wrong with skirts and dresses. I just don’t think covering up like you have no legs is the way to go either. There is nothing immodest about a skirt or dress that falls to the knee or just below.

In clicking through the rest of her blog though, it struck me as kind of ironic that on the one hand, she wants to dress modestly and not call attention to herself, but she is obviously concerned with her looks enough to take and posts photos of herself. I know some will say that she is “teaching” but I am not sure that is really necessary enough that she needs to have a blog with pics of herself.

I think she’s trying to reach out to other women and promote femininity…

With the skirts, my skirts are basically ankle length too… I do attend the Latin Mass. I wanted to follow St Padre Pop’s modesty standards and I felt drawn to doing that

 

[Irishmom2]

I think she’s trying to reach out to other women and promote femininity…

With the skirts, my skirts are basically ankle length too… I do attend the Latin Mass. I wanted to follow St Padre Pop’s modesty standards and I felt drawn to doing that

She is attempting to promote **her **idea of femininity to others that agree with her.
I do not dress as she does, but I do not consider myself to be any less feminine than her. It is a dangerous thought to assume that one is more “feminine” (and in an unspoken thought, more holy) because one wears skirts down to their ankles. So while I don’t really care if someone wants to do so, (or feels “called” to do so) I don’t want to be looked down upon because I do not dress that way.

In a way, it is almost like a uniform that announces your beliefs, the same way that a nun’s dress or a priest’s collar does. Does that affect evangelization efforts on your part? Only you can answer that.

 

[Bonnie]

In a way, it is almost like a uniform that announces your beliefs, the same way that a nun’s dress or a priest’s collar does. Does that affect evangelization efforts on your part? Only you can answer that.

Long skirts are a uniform? Don’t think so. I wear long skirts because I want to - they look better on me (IMO) than short skirts or pants. The skirts are in different colors & patterns, tho they tend to shades of brown as that’s one of my favorite colors. Nobody, in my 20+ years of wearing long skirts, has asked me about my “uniform.”

 

[Irishmom2]

Long skirts are a uniform? Don’t think so. I wear long skirts because I want to - they look better on me (IMO) than short skirts or pants. The skirts are in different colors & patterns, tho they tend to shades of brown as that’s one of my favorite colors. Nobody, in my 20+ years of wearing long skirts, has asked me about my “uniform.”

With all due respect, Bonnie, I think you are missing my point. You are taking one line out of context. I am referring to a specific and not to a generalization.
And what one wears in their younger years cannot always be compared to what we wear when we are older.

 

[Monica4316]

She is attempting to promote **her **idea of femininity to others that agree with her.
I do not dress as she does, but I do not consider myself to be any less feminine than her. It is a dangerous thought to assume that one is more “feminine” (and in an unspoken thought, more holy) because one wears skirts down to their ankles. So while I don’t really care if someone wants to do so, (or feels “called” to do so) I don’t want to be looked down upon because I do not dress that way.

In a way, it is almost like a uniform that announces your beliefs, the same way that a nun’s dress or a priest’s collar does. Does that affect evangelization efforts on your part? Only you can answer that.

Irishmom, I would rather not get into a debate about the blog that I linked as I only linked it to show an example of dress to clarify my point… also I didn’t say anywhere that I think I’m holier or that I think others are inferior in some way. Nor do I think so. I am speaking about how I felt drawn to dress and my question is about evangelization… I didn’t even start this thread to promote my kind of dress.

I’m sorry I’m confused about the point you made. Maybe you didn’t mean it that way but it sounds from your post like a woman such as the blogger would be judgemental. If you didn’t mean it that way I’m sorry and I would be grateful if you clarified…

Its just that i am kind of confused why whenever women want to wear only long skirts, there are comments about them being holier than thou or judgemental to others. I feel like that is not fair because it is assuming what’s in the heart. I can’t know what’s in the heart of a girl who wears jeans and in the same way no one can know what’s in the heart of a girl in a long skirt. I hope this doesn’t sound confrontational but it just happens a lot on forums… Maybe this comment was about the blogger, but we can’t know her heart either. I posted the picture to show a style that is similar to mine because others were wondering what I meant… that’s all

 

[pianistclare]

Yes that was my question…

So my answer is no.

People called to marriage aren’t the only ones called to look their best.
People who profess no faith often think faith is a series of DO NOT’s.
That’s not so.

 

[DarkLight]

So my answer is no.

People called to marriage aren’t the only ones called to look their best.
People who profess no faith often think faith is a series of DO NOT’s.
That’s not so.

I’m pretty sure based on your earlier posts that you mean to say that the answer is yes.

 

[Monica4316]

So my answer is no.

People called to marriage aren’t the only ones called to look their best.
People who profess no faith often think faith is a series of DO NOT’s.
That’s not so.

What does it mean to look your best? I’m trying to understand. I don’t think I look sloppy. I try to be neat or put together.

I guess I just don’t understand are you all saying that wearing something longer and in a simpler colour is not looking your best? I am having trouble understanding this. Could someone explain?

 

[Monica4316]

Maybe it would help if I gave some examples…

During the summer I usually wear maxi skirts but they’re the flared kind. I have one in white and one in blue of this style (just from a different store) m.thebay.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/en/thebay/tiered-cotton-skirt-0600089090885–24?site_refer=CSE_GGLPLA&gclid=CjwKCAjwrO_MBRBxEiwAYJnDLLOme18Yincgw3pi200WhU8jO8QY975Ky0ow5CNxtiKYQXaM-rS_FhoCpkgQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

Then I have a long blue skirt with tiny white polka dots that resembles this one in shape but without the pleats. Its very flared. It’s probably my nicest summer skirt. shopxiaolizi.com/products/navy-blue-pleated-skirt-classic-long-maxi-full-flared-skirt-with-side-pockets-belt-loops-1046

I’m just showing what I’d wear on a day to day basis. Usually these skirts would be with a light blue blouse with sleeves or a short sleeved blouse with a cardigan.

For colder weather my skirts generally resemble this shape and fabric. They could be worn with a blouse tucked in as in the picture or with a cardigan and scarf which is typical for me. I wear them with boots in the winter and flats the rest of the time. I know they look more fashionable with heels but I don’t wear high heels and I can’t anyway because I’m on my feet all day. The length is lower mid calf almost ankle length. The colours might be navy, black or a simple pattern in grey or black and white. bluemaize.net/im/skirts/wool-skirt-2.jpg a couple are also pleated or with two pleats at the front. But they are generally flared from the waist as in the picture

As for cardigans this style is a typical one for me but I have a couple open ones too with no buttons. m.hm.com/za/product/46098?article=46098-L

Ladies any thoughts?

 

[pianistclare]

What does it mean to look your best? I’m trying to understand. I don’t think I look sloppy. I try to be neat or put together.

I guess I just don’t understand are you all saying that wearing something longer and in a simpler colour is not looking your best? I am having trouble understanding this. Could someone explain?

You answered your own question.
I’m saying looking frumpy and dour is not looking your best.
It also doesn’t make you **look or be **more Christian.
How you embrace and live your faith in an inner aspect, not a piece of clothing.

 

[PelagiathePenit]

The few times I dress modestly people either think I’m Muslim or a nun. I guess there is such thing as dressing too modestly. From the example you posted I think you look fine, but I would assume you were a teacher of some sort. A teacher I worked with often wore skirts and I wondered why until she told me she was an Apostolic Christian. What you wear is not really anyone’s business to be quite frank. As long it is not clearly offensive. Are you afraid of appearing holier-than-thou and inaccessible to people your age? That can be a legitimate fear. Some people may respect you because of what you choose to wear.

 

[Bruised_Reed]

What does it mean to look your best? I’m trying to understand. I don’t think I look sloppy. I try to be neat or put together.

I guess I just don’t understand are you all saying that wearing something longer and in a simpler colour is not looking your best? I am having trouble understanding this. Could someone explain?

You answered your own question.
I’m saying looking frumpy and dour is not looking your best.
**It also doesn’t make you **look or be ****more Christian.
How you embrace and live your faith in an inner aspect, not a piece of clothing.

The bolded is important.

OP you don’t look sloppy in the least. But by wearing a skirt all the time you will look different. Not at the TLM, maybe not at some places of work but going shopping, to school, some work places you will be dressier than most. It shouldn’t be a hindrance to evangelization though.

From your OP:

Another issue is that I’ve had some guys approach me and I just want to send the message that “I’m not seeking marriage”. Its funny they still approached me I guess. But like I said it just helps me to remember who I am and not be caught up in my natural feelings or desire to be admired as all women have.

Wear a ring on your left hand. I know a few women who do and it’s something symbolic to the wearer; the stone, and inscription, where/how it was obtained was significant. The rings may have a stone but it’s not a diamond or an expensive gem, and otherwise are simple. They also have a secondary effect that they signal that the wearer is not interested in marriage.

The issue is that a couple people told me that by doing all this I’m not relateable and am pushing people away from the Church. I had trouble with that because I think vices and lack of charity or humility probably push people away much more (and I have those too), and most people don’t care how i dress anyway. I have friends who are not Catholic. I have a job. I guess people assume its my style.

I wish I was privy to the conversation and knew your the people you talked with. But I think there is a good chance that by sharing how much thought you put into what you wear and why, that it opened up how you dress and your intentions to scrutiny by others. Your thought process may not be relateable but you’re not wearing that. Having my own intentions misunderstood too often, I don’t talk about certain things to certain people. If I had a spiritual director I would discuss it with him but that’s it. Because you know, some people have to say something about everything or they think they are not contributing or something. I will say this: I have a need to process things and one way is to talk to another person. I’m not seeking advice or approval, I just want to be heard. Since that kind of relationship is hard to find, I find writing helps me process without interruption. The only other thing I can think of is if your interlocutors got a whiff of judgment eg., toward others who do not think that skirts are necessitated by modesty. Some churchy people do put forth that skirts are required for modesty. They aren’t; modesty shouldn’t be dictated by what is White, Western, and Protestant and there are a lot of Christians who think like this and it’s creeping into Catholicism.

ETA: I liked all of the items you linked in post #57. I’d wear any of those pieces. Also, if you want to be more modest skip accessories like scarves and wear any medals inside your top. To non-Catholics or non-Christians those look like fashion jewelry.