Dress and evangelization

[Monica4316]

Thank you to everyone who responded. I’ll be really honest… i don’t feel like i could in good conscience wear pants or shorter skirts. I wanted to know if this would push people away from the faith… But if it does, I don’t know what to do about it… I just don’t feel I could in my conscience change from longer skirts.

I understand making the outfits look nice… I feel like some are saying here that no matter how much I try with them, they would look dowdy just because of the length. Some of you are saying the length is unnecessary… I don’t want to debate. This is something that I really believe in… The best I can do is just make my outfits look nice without sacrificing the modesty standards I follow. If anyone has ideas for this I’d be glad

To respond to another post, i do wear a ring that symbolizes my commitment

Anyways, I’m sorry if I am arguing after asking for advice… maybe I could speak to my SD about this. I do attend a traditional parish and the beliefs in the parish about modesty are similar to mine.

I don’t believe that thinking skirts are more modest is judgemental… i think judgement is if someone were to speak of people’s hearts. I respect your view but I don’t think it’s judgemental to think like this, just as it’s not judgemental to have other beliefs

Thank you again for taking the time to respond to me… God bless

 

[Bruised_Reed]

Thank you to everyone who responded. I don’t feel comfortable in my conscience to wear pants or shorter skirts. I just wanted to know if this would push people away from the faith. But to be honest, if it does, I don’t know what to do about it. I just don’t feel I could in good conscience change from longer skirts.

Wearing longer skirts will not push people away. Really.

I understand making the outfits look nice… I feel like some are saying here that no matter how much I try with them, they would look dowdy just because of the length. Some of you are saying the length is unnecessary… I don’t want to debate. This is something that I really believe in… The best I can do is just make my outfits look nice without sacrificing the modesty standards I follow. They’re based on St Padre Pio 's guidelines.

To respond to another post, i do wear a ring that symbolizes my commitment

Anyways, I’m sorry if I am arguing after asking for advice… maybe I could speak to my SD about this. I do attend a traditional parish and the beliefs in the parish about modesty are similar to mine.

Thank you again for taking the time to respond to me… God bless

I think that we at CAF have read too many threads on modest dressing and we get a bit on edge waiting for modesty police to arrive saying wearing pants is immodest. If you don’t feel right about wearing pants, that’s fine. Tell others that it’s sinful, not fine. Sometimes it takes awhile for that person to show up sometimes it’s the second post. Either way the thread devolves from there. :sad_yes:

Also, a few years ago, long ankle-length dresses were in fashion. And I still see a lot of them late August when college students are moving on campus and finishing up school shopping at Target. It’s a fashion thing, not necessarily modesty (I’m just contrasting with what they are wearing on top). The examples you shared are a timeless look, not dowdy.

 

[Monica4316]

Thanks for the reply!

To be honest my beliefs on skirts is that they are more modest than pants. However I am not going to debate that here. I also don’t generally talk about this with people I know because I don’t think these arguments convince anyone. I only talk about this rarely nowadays if the person is interested and wants to.

I don’t think I judge others because I think that’s having a view of a person’s heart, not views of an article of clothing. In the same way I wouldn’t want to judge someone in something extremely immodest. I think we can evaluate articles of clothing without judging the person I’m sure there are things we all consider immodest. But of course that’s not judging? In the same way, having a stricter view of modesty is not judgemental in my opinion.

I understand people might feel worried about these debates when someone comes here and talks about skirts… I truly do.

Anyways, maybe we could all just talk about styles and such that’s true that today long skirts can be a fashion thing too

 

[Autumn_Smoke]

IMHO:

No matter what we do, or how we appear outwardly, we cannot please everyone, nor will we attract everyone. We can only do what we feel the Lord is calling us to do, and leave the outcome in His hands.

If the Lord is calling us to modesty–even extreme modesty–we can only obey what he has put into our heart. We must put our faith in Him, knowing that there is a purpose for his calling in our lives. It could be for our own purity, or it could be for someone else. If our form of dress calls but one person to walk more closely with God, we must believe that that one soul was of upmost importance to him, and that the one soul was worth every sacrifice we may have made.

The calling is up to God; our obedience is up to us.

 

[PelagiathePenit]

IMHO:

No matter what we do, or how we appear outwardly, we cannot please everyone, nor will we attract everyone. We can only do what we feel the Lord is calling us to do, and leave the outcome in His hands.

If the Lord is calling us to modesty–even extreme modesty–we can only obey what he has put into our heart. We must put our faith in Him, knowing that there is a purpose for his calling in our lives. It could be for our own purity, or it could be for someone else. If our form of dress calls but one person to walk more closely with God, we must believe that that one soul was of upmost importance to him, and that the one soul was worth every sacrifice we may have made.

The calling is up to God; our obedience is up to us.

Very true. Some people will compliment you on your modesty.

 

[pianistclare]

I think this notion that men are so irresponsible and such beasts that they just can’t resist an exposed ankle is bad on so many levels.
That’s like saying a women with exposed arms is a loose woman. Simply daft.

Here’s the thing: If you’re dealing with or are around guys that think you’re a piece of meat to be ogled, then it doesn’t matter what you are wearing, they has no respect for women. (there’s far fewer of those than folks would have you believe. Plenty of men on CAF that are looking for a decent woman.

You can’t lead people AWAY from the faith by what you wear nor can you lead people TO the faith by what you wear.

Wear what is to your taste that fits well. Your ACTIONS your WORDS your PEACE is what makes people want what you have: namely, a relationship with God.

Everything else is window dressing. I know people who come to Mass dressed very well. It means nothing. Likewise a homeless person in tatters may be very close to Christ’s heart.

But don’t try to ascribe it to some sort of conversation with the Lord.
He expects you to do…be the hands and feet of Christ in the world.
What you wear, doesn’t factor in near as much as you think it does.

For consecrated religious? A totally different thing. Their garb is an outward sign of their separation from worldly things.
Totally different.

 

[PelagiathePenit]

I think this notion that men are so irresponsible and such beasts that they just can’t resist an exposed ankle is bad on so many levels.
That’s like saying a woman with exposed arms is a loose woman. Simply daft.

Here’s the thing: If you’re dealing with or are around guys that think you’re a piece of meat to be ogled, then it doesn’t matter what you are wearing, they have no respect for women. (there’s far fewer of those than folks would have you believe. Plenty of men on CAF that are looking for a decent woman.

You can’t lead people AWAY from the faith by what you wear nor can you lead people TO the faith by what you wear.

Wear what is to your taste that fits well. Your ACTIONS your WORDS your PEACE is what makes people want what you have: namely, a relationship with God.

Everything else is window dressing. I know people who come to Mass dressed very well. It means nothing. Likewise, a homeless person in tatters may be very close to Christ’s heart.

But don’t try to ascribe it to some sort of conversation with the Lord.
He expects you to do…be the hands and feet of Christ in the world.
What you wear, doesn’t factor in near as much as you think it does.

For consecrated religious? A totally different thing. Their garb is an outward sign of their separation from worldly things.
Totally different.

Dress reasonably modest fitting for your age.

 

[Roseeurekacross]

I think this notion that men are so irresponsible and such beasts that they just can’t resist an exposed ankle is bad on so many levels.
That’s like saying a women with exposed arms is a loose woman. Simply daft.

Here’s the thing: If you’re dealing with or are around guys that think you’re a piece of meat to be ogled, then it doesn’t matter what you are wearing, they has no respect for women. (there’s far fewer of those than folks would have you believe. Plenty of men on CAF that are looking for a decent woman.

You can’t lead people AWAY from the faith by what you wear nor can you lead people TO the faith by what you wear.

Wear what is to your taste that fits well. Your ACTIONS your WORDS your PEACE is what makes people want what you have: namely, a relationship with God.

Everything else is window dressing. I know people who come to Mass dressed very well. It means nothing. Likewise a homeless person in tatters may be very close to Christ’s heart.

But don’t try to ascribe it to some sort of conversation with the Lord.
He expects you to do…be the hands and feet of Christ in the world.
What you wear, doesn’t factor in near as much as you think it does.

For consecrated religious? A totally different thing. Their garb is an outward sign of their separation from worldly things.
Totally different.

Amen

 

[Monica4316]

I think this notion that men are so irresponsible and such beasts that they just can’t resist an exposed ankle is bad on so many levels.
That’s like saying a women with exposed arms is a loose woman. Simply daft.

Here’s the thing: If you’re dealing with or are around guys that think you’re a piece of meat to be ogled, then it doesn’t matter what you are wearing, they has no respect for women. (there’s far fewer of those than folks would have you believe. Plenty of men on CAF that are looking for a decent woman.

You can’t lead people AWAY from the faith by what you wear nor can you lead people TO the faith by what you wear.

Wear what is to your taste that fits well. Your ACTIONS your WORDS your PEACE is what makes people want what you have: namely, a relationship with God.

Everything else is window dressing. I know people who come to Mass dressed very well. It means nothing. Likewise a homeless person in tatters may be very close to Christ’s heart.

But don’t try to ascribe it to some sort of conversation with the Lord.
He expects you to do…be the hands and feet of Christ in the world.
What you wear, doesn’t factor in near as much as you think it does.

For consecrated religious? A totally different thing. Their garb is an outward sign of their separation from worldly things.
Totally different.

Pianist Clare,

I never said that men are beasts and can’t resist… I don’t understand why this idea came up as it’s not what I think and it’s not what anyone I know thinks who dresses like I do. I asked in my first post and after in this thread that I don’t want to debate about modesty… the reason I want to dress modestly is not because men can’t resist temptation. Also a man is responsible for consent to any sinful thought. But i think it is not charitable to cause someone to have a battle with their thoughts whatever the outcome.

The reason I take modesty further than our society is something I’d rather not go into because I don’t want to get into a circular argument. I would be grateful if the discussion on this thread didnt become a debate about modesty standards

I am not around any guys who treat me disrespectfully… my reason for seeking modesty is not to feel safe…

My question in this thread about whether the way someone dresses could lead others from the Church, was caused by a couple people telling me this. I wanted to ask if it’s true. I’d be glad if it’s not.

My own opinion, separate from the worry that was caused by the comments, is that if we love God and neighbour that can lead others to Him even if we aren’t fashionable. There are Saints who dressed very poor and simply. However I wanted to ask others here if I’m correct on this

As for why I am seeking modesty and what place that has in my spiritual life I’d rather not go into on the forum… I do believe that God cares about modesty because it is linked to chastity. The cost of clothing or whether it’s according to the latest fashions is more human opinion I think… but anyway i jusy wanted to ask if im wrong or right on evangelism

 

[Monica4316]

Dress reasonably modest fitting for your age.

Do you mean in terms of style? I think modesty can be the same for any age but clothing can vary in style…

 

[Monica4316]

IMHO:

No matter what we do, or how we appear outwardly, we cannot please everyone, nor will we attract everyone. We can only do what we feel the Lord is calling us to do, and leave the outcome in His hands.

If the Lord is calling us to modesty–even extreme modesty–we can only obey what he has put into our heart. We must put our faith in Him, knowing that there is a purpose for his calling in our lives. It could be for our own purity, or it could be for someone else. If our form of dress calls but one person to walk more closely with God, we must believe that that one soul was of upmost importance to him, and that the one soul was worth every sacrifice we may have made.

The calling is up to God; our obedience is up to us.

That sounds right to me… I agree… It’s true God cares deeply about each soul.

 

[LisaB]

Monica, all the links you posted are super cute! If you stand out in these clothes maybe it has to do with your location. In some parts of the country people’s dress is more uniform, everyone dresses similar. Here in California you wouldn’t stand out in these skirts because there is so much diversity in dress here. We have everything from barely any clothes (obviously not good) to burkas, and no one bats an eye. I can’t imagine that the clothes you linked to would cause someone to think one way or another about the Church, that just doesn’t make sense to me. They are just regular clothes that regular people wear, has nothing to do with church.

As an aside, I find it curious that if a lady were to wear pants every day, no one would wonder why she never wears a skirt, but if you wear skirts that’s somehow strange? This doesn’t make sense either.

 

[DarkLight]

Monica, all the links you posted are super cute! If you stand out in these clothes maybe it has to do with your location. In some parts of the country people’s dress is more uniform, everyone dresses similar. Here in California you wouldn’t stand out in these skirts because there is so much diversity in dress here. We have everything from barely any clothes (obviously not good) to burkas, and no one bats an eye. I can’t imagine that the clothes you linked to would cause someone to think one way or another about the Church, that just doesn’t make sense to me. They are just regular clothes that regular people wear, has nothing to do with church.

As an aside, I find it curious that if a lady were to wear pants every day, no one would wonder why she never wears a skirt, but if you wear skirts that’s somehow strange? This doesn’t make sense either.

I think it’s more than just skirts. I tend to wear skirts a lot at times, not out of any modesty convictions, but because I want to wear a skirt. I’ve never had anyone (other than my mother) really say anything.

 

[AnnArbor]

I think you should wear whatever you are most comfortable in. When it comes to evangelization, your clothes shouldn’t have any effect.

The only time this would become a problem is if you told someone that your way of dress was considered more modest or appropriate by the Church, rather than just being a personal preference. Or implied that Padre Pio’s standards were in any way prescriptive, rather than something you personally choose to follow. That would be detrimental to evangelization, simply because it’s not true.

Otherwise, I would relax and where whatever you like.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

I think you should wear whatever you are most comfortable in. When it comes to evangelization, your clothes shouldn’t have any effect.

The only time this would become a problem is if you told someone that your way of dress was considered more modest or appropriate by the Church, rather than just being a personal preference. Or implied that Padre Pio’s standards were in any way prescriptive, rather than something you personally choose to follow. That would be detrimental to evangelization, simply because it’s not true.

Otherwise, I would relax and where whatever you like.

Exactly. If someone is more comfortable in a long skirt, a head covering, or anything else that doesn’t violate immodesty standards, they should wear it, as long as it is understood that this is a preference of the wearer, not a requirement or even an aspirational goal for all Catholic women. And it doesn’t matter to me if you’re wearing it as a symbol of modesty, or just because it’s more comfortable on your legs, or even because you might think it looks more attractive than pants.

I accept that different people see different things and different symbologies in their clothes. For instance, I might put on a head covering for TLM because it’s traditional. I would never wear one for regular OF Mass or in my daily life. If someone else wants to do that, however, they can feel free to do so as long as they don’t imply or strongly suggest that I should do the same or that it would be “holier” for me to do the same or that the Church requires or wants me to.

 

[AnnArbor]

I think you should wear whatever you are most comfortable in. When it comes to evangelization, your clothes shouldn’t have any effect.

The only time this would become a problem is if you told someone that your way of dress was considered more modest or appropriate by the Church, rather than just being a personal preference. Or implied that Padre Pio’s standards were in any way prescriptive, rather than something you personally choose to follow. That would be detrimental to evangelization, simply because it’s not true.

Otherwise, I would relax and where whatever you like.

Ack. I hate auto-correct. “Wear,” not “where.”

 

[Monica4316]

Thanks for the replies everyone… I am glad if my clothes wouldn’t affect evangelization.

I do have different beliefs on what is modest than many here… Maybe I’ll talk to my SD about that. I hope it makes sense when I say that I can’t change them based on a forum thread, just as I don’t expect to convince you that’s why I didn’t want to argue. But i don’t go around talking to people about modesty unless they are intetested. Especially non Catholics or people i dont know well. If a coworker were to ask me why I wear only skirts to work I’d just say I like skirts.

God bless!

 

[jcrichton]

I’m sorry if I wasn’t very clear!

Maybe the following would be a better explanation

I made this thread because I’m wondering if it’s true that the way I dress could push people away from the Church and if I should be concerned

The reason I seemed to excuse myself after, is because if I do push people away, I don’t know what a possible solution could be. For example, a lot of the styles marketed for my generation tend to not match what I believe about modesty. That might leave me with more retro style clothes… i guess if I really try i could still make it look more ‘my age’ but I don’t know what this would mean. If I actually wouldn’t push anyone away from the Church, I’d rather not bother but if it does, then I guess i should? But I wouldn’t want to compromise the decisions I’ve made at the same time or think too much about clothes to the point of distraction… I have a tendency to over think and if I start really thinking about clothes it might make me think about them wayy too much…

Regarding the two skirts, I actually have skirts more in the style of the first skirt… I don’t think I have any skirts resembling the second one. They’re all flared in some way because I just like those more

To clarify another point, the comments I was thinking of in my first post were not about clothes being unflattering, but that if we dress differently from our culture we would alienate people from the faith. I disagreed but because I could always be wrong i thought I’d ask what other Catholics think. I had two comments like that one not directly targeted to me, and one about me.

Regarding whether my clothes are flattering, someone thought they are and someone thought they aren’t. So I don’t know. I’m more asking if I’d alienate people

Thanks!

Hi, Monica!

(You know you have a great St.'s name, right?)

It is not your job to be the rep for the Catholic Church–if you feel comfortable with any particular style you should not worry about the “feelings” others may or may not have.

The same people that “are put off” because of your attire would be put off because of anything else… their quest is not Truth (Jesus) but self and entertainment.

I’ve been at meets where well-dress orators had little command of the people’s attention because their presentation was dry/confused/mediocre… I’ve spoken to people in jeans and weeks later they still remember me joyfully… nothing to do with aesthetics… let God Rule you and you can share the Word with anyone… let fashion dictate who you are and they’ll criticize you for being an empty head…

Maran atha!

Angel

 

[jcrichton]

I feel like as women there are just so many expectations for how we are supposed to be… it’s like we try to go through life being constantly evaluated by everyone. Sometimes I feel that way and it’s kind of draining. For example I might like my outfit and think it’s nice… But what I consider nice might look dated or not nice to someone else who has a different taste… and because taste in styles tends to be influenced by what’s in style and what’s the norm, many people might not like it. I’m obviously affected by fashions too but also my church community where a bit of a different style predominates. It’s like we always have to figure out how people perceive us! It can be a burden.

It’s the evangelization part of it that I began thinking about, but I’m still trying to figure that out. I believe in looking neat and presentable… But beyond that… i was thinking maybe we should just seek sanctity and virtue? I understand making a good impression, and looking strange can maybe turn people away, at the same time I can think of various saints who dressed very poorly but drew so many to Christ - because others saw God in them… that makes me wonder if I’m too concerned about this topic, maybe I should just keep trying to grow closer to God and then the rest would come?

I’m asking because I’m not sure which way is right what I just wrote seems logical to me but I don’t know if I’m not understanding something

Hi, Monica!

…I think that you’ve already put a finger on it… previously, you stated that you tend to overthink things… I think that you may also have a little bit of “low” confidence… so when you combine these two elements you tend to hurt yourself–you stop respecting your own choices and you allow someone else’s opinion to matter more than your own.

…remember the Golden Rule: Love Yahweh God Above all… and your neighbor as yourself (noticed that is not more than yourself?)… show Christ’s Love to all… things will fall into their right perspective!

Maran atha!

Angel

 

[DarkLight]

Thanks for the replies everyone… I am glad if my clothes wouldn’t affect evangelization.

I do have different beliefs on what is modest than many here… Maybe I’ll talk to my SD about that. I hope it makes sense when I say that I can’t change them based on a forum thread, just as I don’t expect to convince you that’s why I didn’t want to argue. But i don’t go around talking to people about modesty unless they are intetested. Especially non Catholics or people i dont know well. If a coworker were to ask me why I wear only skirts to work I’d just say I like skirts.

God bless!

Take a look at coldwater creek. They’re aimed a little older, but they’re a fairly modern brand that sells a lot of the kinds of things you’re looking at.