Duggar Interview

[MaryT777]

I did not “minimize” I wasn’t aware there was skin to skin contact. My understanding according to what I read was that it was over the clothing.

I would not ever “minimize” child abuse purposefully.

The five year old was molested while Josh was reading her a book not clothed in her bedroom and also in the laundry room as I recall.

The Duggars built their new house with the girls locked in the bedroom which was next to the master bedroom. The boys were on the other side of the house. You had to walk through the Master Bedroom from the boys’ room to get to the girls room.

How sad to have to live behind locked doors. This was even after he had his counseling which was a construction job with a friend.

It’s just a sad situation all the way around. To think a five year old was accosted twice in their own home is terribly wrong. To never reel safe without locks on your doors is also so sad to me.

Prayers for all concerned.

 

[Mary_Gail_36]

The five year old was molested while Josh was reading her a book not clothed in her bedroom and also in the laundry room as I recall.

The Duggars built their new house with the girls locked in the bedroom which was next to the master bedroom. The boys were on the other side of the house. You had to walk through the Master Bedroom from the boys’ room to get to the girls room.

How sad to have to live behind locked doors. This was even after he had his counseling which was a construction job with a friend.

It’s just a sad situation all the way around. To think a five year old was accosted twice in their own home is terribly wrong. To never reel safe without locks on your doors is also so sad to me.

Prayers for all concerned.

Thank you for giving me the correct information.

I’ve only seen a small bit of the program and haven’t read all the news that followed the initial report. I didn’t watch the interview.

 

[Gordon_Sims]

I did not “minimize” I wasn’t aware there was skin to skin contact. My understanding according to what I read was that it was over the clothing.

I would not ever “minimize” child abuse purposefully.

I’m sorry for directing that at you. There have been other comments that said he “only” molested them over their clothes, as well as others that have completely minimized what he did. I don’t want people thinking that his extended serial molestation of five victims should be viewed as something less than what it was. It’s not about demonizing him or even his parents. I think everyone needs better awareness and understanding of this issue.

 

[ucfengr]

Am I wrong in getting the impression from you, that you think Josh deserved more protection from his parents than the actual victims? That it was okay for the parents to roll the dice with the victims, but not Josh? Why is Josh more important than his sisters? Also, one victim was not a family member. When Josh attacked her, he’d already made this more than just a family issue.

Yes, you are wrong. My point is that when you have deal with a situation like this in the concrete, as opposed to the abstract, decisions get much harder. There are no good options here. They’re all just different degrees of bad. I’m not sure what the Duggers should have done, I can only speculate that there were no easy, obvious choices for them.

 

[grasscutter]

I guess for me is that trust is gone.

When Jim Bob Duggar had his interview with so many misdirections, inconsistent statements and contradictions (I’m left wondering if the average television viewer is an idiot from his standpoint), I can’t trust that he’s told the truth about anything. Maybe the victims were asleep, maybe not. Maybe they were fully clothed, maybe not.

His lack of honesty on things that can easily be refuted leads me to wonder if any of his statements should be trusted.

 

[Gordon_Sims]

Yes, you are wrong. My point is that when you have deal with a situation like this in the concrete, as opposed to the abstract, decisions get much harder. There are no good options here. They’re all just different degrees of bad. I’m not sure what the Duggers should have done, I can only speculate that there were no easy, obvious choices for them.

That’s why anyone with kids, who works with kids, who knows kids or who has a possibility of every being in one of those categories needs to be aware of and informed on this issue. There aren’t any easy courses of action but there are right ones and wrong ones. The Duggars repeatedly took the wrong path. Seeing Josh go through the system would have been hard, but it would have been the only right path. Look at it this way: Would you want to live with the uncertainty that, because you didn’t handle a situation properly ten years ago, your grandchildren are now in danger of being molested? Would you feel guilty if they were? Looking at it from their perspective, how could you live with yourself in that situation?

 

[Kelly]

That’s why anyone with kids, who works with kids, who knows kids or who has a possibility of every being in one of those categories needs to be aware of and informed on this issue. There aren’t any easy courses of action but there are right ones and wrong ones. The Duggars repeatedly took the wrong path. Seeing Josh go through the system would have been hard, but it would have been the only right path. Look at it this way: Would you want to live with the uncertainty that, because you didn’t handle a situation properly ten years ago, your grandchildren are now in danger of being molested? Would you feel guilty if they were? Looking at it from their perspective, how could you live with yourself in that situation?

:clapping::clapping: Not to mention they placed the welfare of Josh, the perpetrator, over the welfare of the other 13 or more children that they were parenting at the time.

 

[Convert_in_99]

I think it should be noted for those who are going after the Duggar parents full force that we really don’t know if Michelle Duggar has a full voice in this anyways. I’m sure Jim Bob gets first and final say in all matters in their house. Just a thought.

 

[grasscutter]

That’s why anyone with kids, who works with kids, who knows kids or who has a possibility of every being in one of those categories needs to be aware of and informed on this issue. There aren’t any easy courses of action but there are right ones and wrong ones. The Duggars repeatedly took the wrong path. Seeing Josh go through the system would have been hard, but it would have been the only right path. Look at it this way: Would you want to live with the uncertainty that, because you didn’t handle a situation properly ten years ago, your grandchildren are now in danger of being molested? Would you feel guilty if they were? Looking at it from their perspective, how could you live with yourself in that situation?

One of my jobs required a yearly criminal record check. Which I thought was quite reasonable (the company paid for it) because it was a job that required contact with children in parks and elderly persons visiting senior centres.

At that time - but even more now - I was concerned about people who didn’t have an actual criminal record but still might be a danger to vulnerable persons.

 

[Gordon_Sims]

One of my jobs required a yearly criminal record check. Which I thought was quite reasonable (the company paid for it) because it was a job that required contact with children in parks and elderly persons visiting senior centres.

At that time - but even more now - I was concerned about people who didn’t have an actual criminal record but still might be a danger to vulnerable persons.

The sad fact of the matter is that the only person you can ever know definitively isn’t a threat to your kids is you.

 

[grasscutter]

The sad fact of the matter is that the only person you can ever know definitively isn’t a threat to your kids is you.

Yes.

 

[grasscutter]

I think it should be noted for those who are going after the Duggar parents full force that we really don’t know if Michelle Duggar has a full voice in this anyways. I’m sure Jim Bob gets first and final say in all matters in their house. Just a thought.

I quite agree. The burden of proof/cover-ups/etc. falls solely on his shoulders. The rest can’t be held accountable if the patriarch has first and final say in matters in their house.

 

[ToeInTheWater]

I quite agree. The burden of proof/cover-ups/etc. falls solely on his shoulders. The rest can’t be held accountable if the patriarch has first and final say in matters in their house.

While the Duggars may believe this, I’m fairly sure it is not Catholic teaching that a “submissive” wife should follow her husband even into sin and then be off the hook with a “I was just following orders” defense.

Also, it was Michelle Duggar who admitted to the police that Josh had not actually received structured counseling.

 

[grasscutter]

While the Duggars may believe this, I’m fairly sure it is not Catholic teaching that a “submissive” wife should follow her husband even into sin and then be off the hook with a “I was just following orders” defense.

Also, it was Michelle Duggar who admitted to the police that Josh had not actually received structured counseling.

Of course not. . I thought that my irony was relatively apparent.

 

[Xantippe]

I would hope to have the courage like the Duggars and report it to the authorities, but it would take a lot of thought. That is a lifelong permanent record I’d not want my child put through if I wasn’t sure if it was malice or curiosity. That is not an easy thing to do. Immediate and long-term separation of the offender is absolutely necessary. Ongoing, not one time counseling for the offender and victims both psychological as well as spiritual.

As for Josh’s current situation, Anna did willingly sign up to be married to this man knowing his serious sins. Personally I wouldn’t have married him without proof of him coming clean from psychiatrists and social workers (and a background check) but irregardless it was her choice.

I haven’t caught up with the thread, but Anna was 20 when they got married. She’s from a large (but not mega large family–“only” 8 kids). She was homeschooled through high school and met Josh for the first time when she was around 18. So, a pretty sheltered life.

I also have my doubts that the Duggars were actually that forthcoming with her and her parents during the courtship. There have certainly been a lot of discrepancies between what they said and what was in the police report–and they said all of those minimizing things knowing that the police report was floating around and people could cross-check. With the Kellers, it would have been even easier for them to minimize what happened.

 

[Xantippe]

I think it should be noted for those who are going after the Duggar parents full force that we really don’t know if Michelle Duggar has a full voice in this anyways. I’m sure Jim Bob gets first and final say in all matters in their house. Just a thought.

By the same token, we kind of have to expect that the victims have been told to be OK and they aren’t allowed not to be OK.

I think some of us CAFers may be a bit naive about the smiling happy faces that you see in certain Protestant communities like the Duggars. Happy isn’t just an option–happy is the law.

So, it is much harder than it may seem to figure out how well the victims are doing.

 

[ToeInTheWater]

I haven’t caught up with the thread, but Anna was 20 when they got married. She’s from a large (but not mega large family–“only” 8 kids). She was homeschooled through high school and met Josh for the first time when she was around 18. So, a pretty sheltered life.

I also have my doubts that the Duggars were actually that forthcoming with her and her parents during the courtship. There have certainly been a lot of discrepancies between what they said and what was in the police report–and they said all of those minimizing things knowing that the police report was floating around and people could cross-check. With the Kellers, it would have been even easier for them to minimize what happened.

While this is still in the realm of unverified rumor, I actually recall someone stating in one of the ex-QF websites that Anna was not the first girl Josh courted. The first girl he courted (or more likely, her family) broke off the relationship specifically because of this, as the scandal was far from secret in his immediate faith community – remember, Josh did confess to his sins in his church.

As for what Anna knew, from what I recall Anna posted on her and Josh’s official site (now taken down), she was essentially a Duggar fangirl way before she even met Josh. It was probably not that hard to win her over. Since many Duggar fans here and elsewhere, are still defending Josh despite the revelations, I don’t actually find it that suspicious that Anna also bought into the “he’s repented and been forgiven, he is washed by the blood of Christ” type reasoning. Because so many others who call themselves Christian Duggar fans are doing the same thing.

I do find it disingenuous, though that Jim Bob is acting so shocked and angry that this story became public. In the same interview in which he went as far as accuse a judge of taking a bribe, he stated he had discussed the situation with people outside the family. He really took a gamble with his family’s reputation when he put them on Reality TV. And I don’t think Michelle can be let off the hook completely, either.

I will also say that I do feel sorry for Josh in that I don’t think he deserved to be publicly humiliated over this. Many others who do what he did bear legal penalties, but don’t have their face splashed all over TV, magazines, the Internet, etc. Of course he also bears his own share of responsibility for taking the FRC job, but obviously his father didn’t teach him any better.

 

[eatpraylove11]

I admire them and what they did for their son and other siblings was the right thing to do. It worked. It’s those who are judging the whole thing that are way off base. Many times the ‘counseling’ done by professionals never works. There’s did. As a society we seem to condone all kinds of wrong doings, such as abortion, divorce and remarriage, pornography, sex with anyone, anytime, any way, homosexuality. Done by ADULTS. Yet we can’t seem to forgive a young boy who made bad mistakes as a youth and was sorry, asked forgiveness and has grown up to be a wonderful husband and father, respectful person and really decent man. We will trash his family expose his sisters to public shame. Not caring who or how we hurt them doing so. I only hope when the day comes and we ask God for forgiveness, He is as merciful to us as He is to the Duggars. God Bless, Memaw

I disagree. I think they are doing damage control now. What makes people think that it’s okay to molest their sisters? Last I checked, that was a crime. The sisters have had to live with shame, and after watching their interview, they are incredibly brain washed. It’s nice that they “forgive” their abuser. But forgiving doesn’t mean condoning their behavior.

I was a victim of abuse and I know how it feels to see your abuser over and over again. It is very painful and shameful.

 

[eatpraylove11]

By the same token, we kind of have to expect that the victims have been told to be OK and they aren’t allowed not to be OK.

I think some of us CAFers may be a bit naive about the smiling happy faces that you see in certain Protestant communities like the Duggars. Happy isn’t just an option–happy is the law.

So, it is much harder than it may seem to figure out how well the victims are doing.

Agreed

 

[eatpraylove11]

That’s why anyone with kids, who works with kids, who knows kids or who has a possibility of every being in one of those categories needs to be aware of and informed on this issue. There aren’t any easy courses of action but there are right ones and wrong ones. The Duggars repeatedly took the wrong path. Seeing Josh go through the system would have been hard, but it would have been the only right path. Look at it this way: Would you want to live with the uncertainty that, because you didn’t handle a situation properly ten years ago, your grandchildren are now in danger of being molested? Would you feel guilty if they were? Looking at it from their perspective, how could you live with yourself in that situation?

:clapping::clapping: Not to mention they placed the welfare of Josh, the perpetrator, over the welfare of the other 13 or more children that they were parenting at the time.

I agree with both of you.