Emotional Attraction

  • Thread starter Thread starter Scout
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
Thanks, rayne89. I appreciate the support. And I know that otm is only trying to help, too. I can appreciate the desperate sound to his posts because of the position he’s in. I know he’s only trying to warn me and keep me from being hurt. Although I don’t agree with everything he says, I understand his “urgency”.

However, I have to tell you that the situation has made me depressed the last few days. I’m wondering if I should’ve posted this issue to begin with, or if I just should’ve kept it to myself and suffered through it.

Scout :tiphat:
 
Terry Fenwick:
Ohhhhh Bless your dear heart. You did the best thing of all in bringing this into the light - out of the darkness and into the light makes it very little fun for the evil one. Also, look how many people you have to be accountable to now. The Angels and all the Saints and every woman who has read this post! Maybe a few men but they don’t count as much as the women do because they are atttracted for different reasons. (no offense)

I notice that several people have said hardly a woman is not alive who has not had this happen - I am 72 and I am still not safe from this kind of attraction. I think you might want to first say to the Lord, as St. Therese said, “I want to be a Saint!” I think you might want to bite the bullet and talk (a lot) to Mary about this. Tell her to keep you holy - make you Godly. I doubt if she ever had any temptation in this way but she is our Mother and cares for us and our heart and she knows the Lord so well she can help us. I love St. Monica because she had the son St. Augustine who actually lived with a prostitute and had a child out of wedlock and she never gave up on him so she will still pray us homeward bound. Ask her to cry for you when she prays for you!!! She was good at that.

It might be good to find out why this one man is tempting to you because he will appear again in a different person - maybe when you are 40 or 50 or 60 or 70. Ask the Lord to reveal to you why you find this man attractive and then concentrate on his weaknesses because he has them. Perhaps he wears white socks with a dark suit. Smile. It is not funny. The most attractive man I ever met who nearly knocked me over came into his office with white socks on and a dark suit. I was about 50 at the time. Before the white socks event I would have jumped on a horse and gone off into the sunset if he came by and asked me to go. Well, probably not, but who knows?

This is a very serious answer to a very serious question. I mean this. Look for the faults and not the romantic traits. Trust me he has faults. By the way, you might just want to tell your husband that this man is attractive to you for some reason. Do you think you could do that? I am going to pray up a storm on this one. Lord, hear our prayer! Love, Terry Fenwick
Click to expand...
This is the best, most charitable and wisest advise I’ve seen here.
:blessyou:
 
Terry Fenwick:
Look for the faults and not the romantic traits. Trust me he has faults. By the way, you might just want to tell your husband that this man is attractive to you for some reason. Do you think you could do that? I am going to pray up a storm on this one. Lord, hear our prayer! Love, Terry Fenwick
Click to expand...
Thanks for the help. I had never considered talking to St. Monica about this, but it’s a good idea. And I would think that Our Mother would have some idea of what this would be like. I know she was sinless, but I don’t think she was above temptation.

My husband does know about the situation. He thought it was funny-because he “didn’t see it”. He didn’t understand why I’d be attracted to this person. I think he just kind of laughed it off-he doesn’t like to take things too seriously. Sometimes when I try to have a serious conversation with him, he starts making jokes in the middle of it. He means well, but seriousness is not his strong point.

Thanks again for your advice. You have been very encouraging. I need it right now.
Scout :tiphat:
 
Hang in there Scout and the day will come when you can laugh with your husband about this and perhaps even the other guy.

You are not alone in this. Be glad you have your husband to be faithful to and not have to be faithful to an idea, as I do.
 
Some questions, not that you have to answer them. How did you come to want to join RCIA? What does your husband think about the faith? Why are you attracted to this other guy?

I don’t know if this will help, but focus on yourself. If you want your husband to join, you have to show him its a good thing. If you go to church and find an attraction to another guy, to me it would seem to make the church hypocritial in his eyes. If you can show that the church has changed you for the better he might want to check it out. Then you can make more of an emotional connection on aspects of faith.

Like Archbishop Sheen said, coming to faith is like falling in love. Others will look at the other person and say what possibly could you see in that person. But the person who has come to faith see the church through the heart, like the lover to the beloved.

Of course maybe I’m taking this the wrong direction.
 
40.png
jman507:
Some questions, not that you have to answer them. How did you come to want to join RCIA? What does your husband think about the faith? Why are you attracted to this other guy?
Click to expand...
I went through RCIA last year, and I really enjoyed it. So, I thought this year I’d help out with the class and sponsor someone who’s coming into the Church. Plus, it’s a great way to encourage the new Catholics and to meet new people who are also young in their faith.

My husband is a Protestant Minister. Although he doesn’t agree with everything the Catholic Church teaches, he isn’t as anti-Catholic as a lot of other evangelicals can be. He’s supportive of my decision, and he knows that I’m happy. He believes that Catholics and Evangelicals have more in common than most people think, especially the fact that we both worship Christ. I wish other Evangelicals and Fundamentalists were as open to the Catholic Church as he is.

Why am I attracted to this person? I’m not quite sure. He’s older than me-almost enough to be my father. I’ve always had a “thing” for older men, although my husband is only 3 1/2 years older than me. He’s handsome, but not really in the “traditional” sense. He’s funny-he makes me laugh a lot. He’s compassionate, sensitive, has his priorities straight, isn’t a dead-beat, and is a good Catholic. Is he perfect? No. Sometimes it’s hard to know how to read him. He listens to hick music (like Tammy Wynette-ugh!). He tends to be ambiguous when stating some of his opinions, almost in fear of offending someone. He can be kind of a nerd at time and he doesn’t like to accept help from anyone.

Scout :tiphat:
 
40.png
Scout:
I know there is no way for me to make you believe that nothing will ever happen, but please trust me in this: Nothing Will Ever Happen. How do I know this for sure? … Third, because I never, ever, ever am alone with a man besides my husband.
Click to expand...
Yes you are. In your heart and head you spend hours alone with this man.

And if you really think your husband, who you described as sometimes having a hard time expressing serious emotions without humor, thinks this situation thing is “funny,” your self-deception is running deeper and wider than first described.

This thread, while not ill-conceived in its origin, seems to have evolved into a way for you to steep in this issue. Sign-off, take on this demon send it packing. And please don’t further indulge your weakness by selfishly burdening your husband with details of your fantasy life. REAL women are NOT weak–so resolve this like a woman, don’t wallow in it like a girl–be discreet, move out of temptation’s way (without excuses or whining about how hard it is) don’t beat yourself up for the detour and re-commit yourself to improving your marriage. (Tough love isn’t always pretty, but it usually works!)
 
40.png
Scout:
I went through RCIA last year, and I really enjoyed it. So, I thought this year I’d help out with the class and sponsor someone who’s coming into the Church. Plus, it’s a great way to encourage the new Catholics and to meet new people who are also young in their faith.

My husband is a Protestant Minister. Although he doesn’t agree with everything the Catholic Church teaches, he isn’t as anti-Catholic as a lot of other evangelicals can be. He’s supportive of my decision, and he knows that I’m happy. He believes that Catholics and Evangelicals have more in common than most people think, especially the fact that we both worship Christ. I wish other Evangelicals and Fundamentalists were as open to the Catholic Church as he is.

Why am I attracted to this person? I’m not quite sure. **He’s **older than me-almost enough to be my father. I’ve always had a “thing” for older men, although my husband is only 3 1/2 years older than me. **He’s **handsome, but not really in the “traditional” sense. He’s funny-he makes me laugh a lot. He’s compassionate, sensitive, has his priorities straight, isn’t a dead-beat, and is a good Catholic. Is he perfect? No. Sometimes it’s hard to know how to read him. He listens to hick music (like Tammy Wynette-ugh!). **He **tends to be ambiguous when stating some of his opinions, almost in fear of offending someone. He can be kind of a nerd at time and he doesn’t like to accept help from anyone.

Scout :tiphat:
Click to expand...
Sounds like you have plenty of sound and abundant suggestions. Time to move on? Stop talking about He and purposely get your mind and sights off this non-husband person. Talking more about him and reflecting on *why? * (barring this is not a habitual pattern that needs analysis) I would think prolongs the inevitable conclusion that you need to focus on your husband and put this other man off your mental, emotional, vicinity radar. My version of tough love.
 
Island Oak:
And if you really think your husband, who you described as sometimes having a hard time expressing serious emotions without humor, thinks this situation thing is “funny,” your self-deception is running deeper and wider than first described.
Click to expand...
Well, since I know my husband far better than you do, I find your comment self-deceptive. I can tell when my husband isn’t being completely honest with me-when he’s holding something back. I know him, you don’t.
Island Oak:
And please don’t further indulge your weakness by selfishly burdening your husband with details of your fantasy life.
Click to expand...
I haven’t burdened my husband with my fantasy life. He just knows that I’m emotionally attracted to this person. And my husband does not find me burdensome in any stretch of the imagination. Just because you may feel this way doesn’t mean that my husband does.
Island Oak:
REAL women are NOT weak–so resolve this like a woman, don’t wallow in it like a girl–be discreet, move out of temptation’s way (without excuses or whining about how hard it is) don’t beat yourself up for the detour and re-commit yourself to improving your marriage. (Tough love isn’t always pretty, but it usually works!)
Click to expand...
I am a REAL woman-having this struggle is part of what makes me real-because most women have these struggles at some point in their lives. And I resent the idea that I’m wallowing in it. I’ve asked for advice and I think that’s perfectly acceptable. I am not weak–but I am human. So, since you obviously think this thread has served its purpose, no one is forcing you to post here.

Scout :tiphat:
 
40.png
felra:
Sounds like you have plenty of sound and abundant suggestions. Time to move on? Stop talking about He and purposely get your mind and sights off this non-husband person. Talking more about him and reflecting on *why? *(barring this is not a habitual pattern that needs analysis) I would think prolongs the inevitable conclusion that you need to focus on your husband and put this other man off your mental, emotional, vicinity radar. My version of tough love.
Click to expand...
Actually, this kind of thing has happened to me several times before, so I think it warrants a bit of reflecting on why.

As far as talking about him, someone asked a question and I answered it. If you look at the thread, most of my posts have been responses to people trying to crucify me over this situation. I feel I have the right to do that.

However, I appreciate your (name removed by moderator)ut. I am trying to focus on my husband, even if it doesn’t seem like it to some. Right now, I’m doing the best I can with what I have. For some, that’s not good enough, but they don’t have to live my life. I know what I’m capable of, the rest is in God’s hands.
Scout :tiphat:
 
40.png
Scout:
Actually, this kind of thing has happened to me several times before, so I think it warrants a bit of reflecting on why.

As far as talking about him, someone asked a question and I answered it. If you look at the thread, most of my posts have been responses to people trying to crucify me over this situation. I feel I have the right to do that.

However, I appreciate your (name removed by moderator)ut. I am trying to focus on my husband, even if it doesn’t seem like it to some. Right now, I’m doing the best I can with what I have. For some, that’s not good enough, but they don’t have to live my life. I know what I’m capable of, the rest is in God’s hands.
Scout :tiphat:
Click to expand...
Bolding added for emphasis in above quote. :hmmm:
God bless.
 
Basically, we’re dealing with feelings here. Having the feelings isn’t the bad part…it’s what you do with them. Dr. James Dobson has a series for teens called, “Emotions: Can you Trust Them?”. That is so true. Sometimes we can’t trust them. That’s why there are fundamental laws that we must live by whether we “feel” like it or not. You know that it would be terrible to betray your husband. So, don’t let the “feelings” dictate what you do. Consciously decide not to be around that person and purposely putting yourself where he is. If we all acted on what we “feel”, then this world would be utter chaos.

I’ll pray for you! There have been times in my life where I wish I hadn’t acted on “feelings”.

God Bless!
Katie
 
La Chiara said:
Bolding added for emphasis in above quote. :hmmm:
God bless.
Click to expand...

La Chiara,

I noticed that you have been a bit fiesty on this thread …:hmmm:

Felra

😉
 
I stand by everything in my post. IF you are the REAL woman you claim to be, not just in experiencing a real problem, but in being honest and responsible enough to fix it–prove it (to yourself, not me) and take care of business.
 
Island Oak:
I stand by everything in my post. IF you are the REAL woman you claim to be, not just in experiencing a real problem, but in being honest and responsible enough to fix it–prove it (to yourself, not me) and take care of business.
Click to expand...
You can stand wherever you like. Your post doesn’t make any sense. You tell me IF…and they say Prove It…but not to you, but to myself. Why would I have to prove anything to myself that I already know? No, you’re looking for me to prove it to you, which would be impossible. I am fixing the problem, and just because I’m not doing it the way you think I should doesn’t make me not a real woman. Save your judgements for someone else.

Scout :tiphat:
 
Hi Scout

Yeah as Katie said, emotions can lie, atleast as far as the way you should act. I’m glad to see your honesty and willingness to fight against this early on. It gives me good confidence to know that if I marry, there are some who will not automtically act on feelings.

I just have to wonder if this has happened to your husband too. As a minister I’m sure he’s scene plenty of women, who have had a horrible marriage and wanted to do what he could to help. It probably gets hard at times because the line between caring about another person and trying to proctect your own vows can be close.

Well it sounds like you have a crush. It sounds like you’ve had plenty of good advice. Do your best to avoid what will make you start thinking about that other person. Fill your life with your husband and the third person of the marriage the Holy Trinity. Ask your Blessed Mother and look to the saints who’ve had this problem too. Any of this suffering give to the Lord, for you care about the husband he let you have, as well this other guy. After all you have to do what you can to get everyone to heaven. Take care and I’ll pray for you, please do so for me.
 
40.png
jman507:
I just have to wonder if this has happened to your husband too. As a minister I’m sure he’s scene plenty of women, who have had a horrible marriage and wanted to do what he could to help. It probably gets hard at times because the line between caring about another person and trying to proctect your own vows can be close.
I don’t think it has happened to him. My husband is a music minister, so he doesn’t spend any of his time counseling people or anything like that. Plus, he works for a very small church, and most of the women are above 50 and have been married for forever and a day.

He has another full-time job, with a lot of guys who are divorced or have lousy marriages. Sometimes they make lude comments about other women, and my husband just walks away. He doesn’t participate in their conversations when they turn vulgar. They used to give him a hard time about it, but he’s told them again and again that he loves his wife and wants to be faithful to her. They finally stopped teasing him about it.

Thanks for your encouragement. I’ll keep you in my prayers.
Scout :tiphat:
Click to expand...
Click to expand...
 
Shoot Scout, your cutting me off at every pass. LOL. Hope everything goes well. Keep that guard up & the prayers going. You’ll be in my prayers too. We all can take all the help we can get. Acckkk it just takes a little pebble in your shoes to make a walk a huge pain. Take care.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top