It has nothing to do with the appropriate number of children; I assume the same for everybody. I’ve never met anybody who uses NFP or finds the objections to ABC any more than a quaint holdover from the bronze age. I generalize accordingly. I will work on thinking everyone uses church approved methods now lest a infertile couple get their feelings hurt.
They would do well to learn to not get their feelings hurt.
I was being sarcastic. I know people like to take umbrage at just about everything.
yeap. Those that take these forums too serious probably have issues and think the characters on soap operas are real too.
Why have you concluded that you’ve never met anybody who uses NFP? Do you think the couples who use it are going to grab you by the lapels and tell you all about it?
I’m not sure I get your meaning. Surely you would rather they not be hurt at all. Yes, they could learn not to take anything you say at all seriously, and so not be hurt by whatever it is that you choose to let fly out of your mouth and your keyboard. That is one way of accomplishing it. Still, when you know something is likely to hurt someone’s feelings, and to no good end, maybe you could learn to avoid that? I don’t know you, so I can’t say, but is getting control of yourself such an unrealistic goal that it is too much to ask?
yeap. Those that take these forums too serious probably have issues and think the characters on soap operas are real too.
I really don’t understand the need to poke fun at the people that come here for advice and answers to questions they have about their faith.
Thank you! I’m sitting here weeping and wish I never entered this thread. I never imagined anyone would think this of me. We have had several miscarriages with a lot of plain infertility in between. After my last miss, the doctors finally were able to detect what was wrong (the science of fertility has really changed since I first married). I was told there was an “experimental” treatment (it is now old news, but it was still new when I last missed), but the bad news was I was totally infertiile and starting menopause. The only solution was to quit my job, drive 3 hours round-trip every day for up to 6 months to get some pretty invasive, and not particularly Catholic approved treatments. All to the tune of about $35,000.
It comes up in conversation, not started by me. When people are talking about their husbands getting vasectomies so they don’t have to worry any more, what do I do? Even if I do the absolute minimum and reply with “That is against our religion” I get mean stares, eye rolls, and storming off.
I don’t think your response was wrong. We have a duty to instruct and admonish one another. When a Catholic comments to other Catholics that they are freely choosing to do things against Church teaching, I don’t see how you can remain silent without validating what the choice they’re talking bout, unless of course your defense of the Church’s teaching is so well known as to go without saying. In that case, you could say, “Were you looking for a response from me?”
If you do have any documentation that proves that it is unhealthy for any woman, regardless of situation, nutrition, health, resources, medical care, etc. to ever have children less than 2 years apart I would like to read it, I am always interested in learning more in this area. I just don’t want any mothers reading this to feel like they are being irresponsible or negligent by being open to blessings before this period since each woman’s situation is unique, and God has a different plan for each one of us. I mean, even one of the practitioners at my OB likes to use the blanket statement of waiting 1 year before conceiving again (my OB sees it more as a case to case), and even following that guideline the babies could still end up being under 2 years apart. The beauty of the Church’s teachings is that if a couple does see the need to space children further (for serious/just etc reasons, and health can be one of those reasons) they can use NFP to do so, but we can’t assume that everyone has to do it, that everyone should space a certain amount, and anything different is “too soon”. While close spacing can make a parent weary, the temperament, health etc of the children can be a big factor too. We are getting ready to have our 5th baby (all have had a spacing under 2 yrs
) and for me personally so far the most difficult time, the time I was the most weary, was when my first was born and I was a parent of 1. I have no idea what this 5th baby will be like, maybe he will be the most difficult, maybe labor will be different, maybe health issues will arise in the future where we will need to space our children more, but for now, I am thankful for the little blessings we have received and the relationships they have formed.I feel that as a mom of a couple of kiddos I am often approached by people and told why they are avoiding children and through what means. I think it is tought to figure out how to respond since you don’t want to validate their choice, but you have to be careful with how you respond, always with charity and love, in order to be effective, also acknowledging that you have no idea of where they are in their faith journey, and may even have a kinder soul than someone who has been blessed with a better Catholic formation. Some people are actually just confused about the teachings. I have heard it more than once where people have said (after stopping ABC because someone else enlightened them) that nobody had said anything to them, no one had told them, they wish someone would have told them sooner. Now, this is relevant to conversations where people are openly telling you they are going against the Church’s teachings. This is very different from assuming anything about people who have not said anything regarding the subject and saying things to them. I, too, know several people IRL (along with so many wonderful people on here) that have fertility issues or health issues etc that make a new pregnancy impossible or probably deadly and assuming anything negative about them, or even worse, vocalizing it, would be adding more onto the cross that they are already carrying, a cross that can be so very heavy and difficult to bare on its own. They are often accepting God’s will better than other people that may be blessed with more fertility and their weaknesses may not be that apparent.
There are hundreds of millions of people in the United States alone. A thread on a forum with lots of posts and subscribers means nothing. Trustworthy statistical evidence is necessary.
oops meant bear
I think you’re wise to assume that people would like to be listened to and to have a conversation about the topics they bring up until proven otherwise. Some people do throw this stuff out to provoke either an argument or applause, but there is no reason to assume that right off the bat. You’re right: it works better to assume the best.
Ditto. Both my sisters have one child and would want at least another one and has been trying for years with no success. Even me an my wife took a good three years before having our son, and we didn’t use anything to prevent it, ABC or NFP,nothing. We wanted a child and it took 3 years.