Frustration in being continuously told "its just a date"

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I wrote larf, didn’t say it, I was thinking laaaaarf, like Prince Charles would say init.
 
Concentrate on cultivating friendships with other men.

Friendship is so underrated especially friendships among men. The US is funny about that where only sexual relationships seem to count.
 
Hmm, Prince Charles talks funny.

It’s like he strangles his vowels.

Do posh people talk like that?
 
My grandfather used to say “there’s someone in this world for everyone.” Sometimes he said it charitably in reference to people observing what they considered to be a mismatch. Human interactions and affection can be complex. Hugh Laurie’s tv character is a good example for women wanting to either heal him, or avoid him.

As Catholics we are advised to make our relationship first with Christ and all that means about being sensitive to others. No one gets it all right, everyone struggles. Our attributes can manifest as shortcomings; our weakness as strengths.
 
Style is less important than most people think. It is important to a point, and then it has steeply diminishing returns. And too much emphasis on style in a man (at least in Western countries) can be a turn off.

Height is a big factor for most girls, but you can’t really change that so it’s just something you have to work with. Again, i am not trying to be harsh or mean, but you should mentally prepare yourself for the possibility that ~50% of the girls you are interested in are going to reject you right off the bat because of height. Could be less, could be more, but a sizeable chunk. The vast majority of women put “tall” as one of their primary descriptions when talking about an “ideal” man.

Mentality is the only thing we have a great deal of control over once we Look-Max. You seem to have maxed out Style and hygiene (though I would try to find a “natural” hair style that doesn’t involve any kind of gel or wax) so at this point it is all about mentality.

First you need to detach yourself emotionally from rejection and also from your looks. Imagine if you took a poll on your face of all the girls in the world and they gave you a 4/10. Not saying that is true, but just imagine it. If that thought hurts your feelings, then you have a problem. Also don’t let rejection hurt your feelings AT ALL. Your value is not determined by the opinions of women.

If you’ve maxed out your facial aesthetics and style, and you have good hygiene, and you’re still not getting any interest then it is one of two things:
  1. Most likely you are swinging “out of your league” This is okay, and don’t stop doing it, but just be aware that it’s a possibility and if its true then it means you will be rejected far more often than not.
  2. You are giving off some vibes of either insecurity or desperation. This one is great because it is very fixable. I can’t go into too much detail of how to fix it or I might offend some in our “Catholic community” but it is a simple fix. You just have to change the way you look at yourself and the women around you. I guess you can PM me if you are interested, but honestly the mindset is readily available if you look hard enough.
BoomBoomMancini said:
Is this a phrase I’m just not familiar with or would i need to consult some kind of specialized PUA glossary?
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It is both a phrase you are not familiar with and a PUA phrase. Its meaning is pretty self evident. Maxing out the potential facial, hygenic, muscular, and style aesthetics. It is a way of maximizing the potential you have from your genetically inhereted “looks”

There are some problems with the idea, but overall it serves its purpose well. A man interested in dating should at least consider improving his appearance, even if he isnt interested in look-maxing.
 
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MarlboroMan said:
Mentality is the only thing we have a great deal of control over once we Look-Max
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Is this a phrase I’m just not familiar with or would i need to consult some kind of specialized PUA glossary?
 
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I may be wrong, but I think you are trying way too hard. Too much “you”, too much hurry hurry hurry , too much clock ticking and too little “God” and His silent patience.

What if the Lord wants you single? What if he sends you a mate at age 60? What then of all this busyness? Give the Lord credit for being the Divine Vocation Counselor and Matchmaker.

If you can, you might try to simply let go, give up, hand it over as completely as possible to God. Then, be as patient with Him as He has been with you. Seek Him in silence and He will both reveal Himself as well as His plan for you.
 
Listening to BBC announcers from the past and comparing them present ones, I can tell there’s been a change in the accent.
 
Do not listen to this heathen he doesn’t even have gravy on his chips
 
You wouldn’t Even recognise my accent as being English unless I was being really formal and polite ie the first time I spoke to you 😂
 
I probably wouldn’t.

I would think you were Welsh.

I actually did mistake someone from Birmingham to be from Wales.
 
Hmm, that’s what the guy from Birmingham told me too.

🤔😳
 
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NappingDragon said:
An interest they might develop by trying going on a date.

But ultimately, my frustration is with constantly being told that I, as a man, need to treat it like its “just a date”, don’t be worried, and just ask, because its no big deal, whilst women are not simultaneously having the same idea drilled into their heads. It feels almost like people are intentionally trying to lead me into a trap.

Why is the idea that its no big deal being so widely and adamantly spread to young adult men when the same is not also being taught to young adult women?
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If you give off the vibe that you are wife-hunting, then the woman feels she needs to either decide on the spot whether you are a good long-term prospect or else turn you down. This is especially true if you work with her or go to the same church with her, to the point that there are women who not only will not date someone at church or at work but who try to avoid guys from work or church who ask them out. They want to avoid a long-term relationship that doesn’t work out with someone in either of those two circles that much.

That is why you are cautioned that it is “just a date.” The person initiating the date needs to be careful not to give the impression that they’re about to start a pursuit that will be difficult for the “quarry” to shake off gracefully once it starts.

I’m not sure what to tell you, except perhaps that you need to figure out how to socialize with women in large groups in the hopes that you will make a good impression that way.

Another possibility is to get someone to fix you up or to try a dating website where everyone is there because finding someone to date has been a frustration. You’re not alone; there are women who feel like you do. The issue is how to find them.
 
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