Going without sex is not the end of the world!

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deb1

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First let me begin by saying that I am not frigid. I have a pretty good libido for a forty year old woman. I don’t dislike sex or anything like that.

But I have been surprised by some of the posters who seem to think that living without sex is either an impossibility or cruelty.

I noticed this first attitude, first when talking to those who suffer from same sex attraction. In my eyes the Church’s stance is very loving. If you are homosexual and can not help being attracted to the members of your own sex then you must refrain from having sex but you, yourself, are not evil or bad. It is the act of homosexuality that is wrong not the involuntary attraction.

Yet suggesting that such people live without sex is sometimes geeted with anger and the accusation of judgmentalism.

Then there was another poster who married his wife and was not able to get an annulement. It was suggested that the poster live chastly with his wife until he could rectify his situation.

the poster got very frustrated at the suggestion that he do without sex, even for a time. I don’t understand this attitude.

there are so many worse crosses to bear then living without sex.

Yes, going without sex would be difficult. If my hubby returned from Afghanistan with some sort of horrible injury that left him impotent, I would not have an easy time, but I certainly wouldn’t leave him, or stop loving him. He means much more to me then any physical desire that I have for him.

I guess I don’t understand why people get so upset over the suggestion that not having sex might be the answer-even temporarily- to their problems.:confused: Surely not having sex isn’t the worse thing that could happen to a person.
 
deb1 said:
But I have been surprised by some of the posters who seem to think that living without sex is either an impossibility or cruelty.

I guess I don’t understand why people get so upset over the suggestion that not having sex might be the answer-even temporarily- to their problems.:confused: Surely not having sex isn’t the worse thing that could happen to a person.
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Yep - I have to agree with this for the single person called to live a chaste life.

I am also surprised when posters recommend that a young person simply get married or push up the wedding date if they can no longer wait for marital sex.

Go see thee a wife to fix the sexual problem that ails you?

Are there no other reasons to get married than sex? I don’t get it!
 
jrabs said:
Yep - I have to agree with this for the single person called to live a chaste life.

I am also surprised when posters recommend that a young person simply get married or push up the wedding date if they can no longer wait for marital sex.

Go see thee a wife to fix the sexual problem that ails you?

Are there no other reasons to get married than sex? I don’t get it!
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i don’t think that anyone should get married just to have sex. i don’t even know how a marriage would survive the common problems of life if sex is the only point of it.

my hubby is in Afghanistan, so I am temporarily celibate. I am not saying that it is easy but there are much worse crosses that I wouldn’t want to trade this temporary celibacy for.

I wonder if our society has become so sex soaked that the idea of living without sex seems more of a hardship then it did to previous generations?
 
deb1 said:
i don’t think that anyone should get married just to have sex. i don’t even know how a marriage would survive the common problems of life if sex is the only point of it.

my hubby is in Afghanistan, so I am temporarily celibate. I am not saying that it is easy but there are much worse crosses that I wouldn’t want to trade this temporary celibacy for.

I wonder if our society has become so sex soaked that the idea of living without sex seems more of a hardship then it did to previous generations?
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I am a single woman for the past 8 years…also temporarily celibate. 😃
 
It might be easier for women than it is for men, to go without sex.
 
I can’t imagine a marriage that wouldn’t call for celibacy at times-pregnancy,childbirth, illness, separation from each other. It might be temporary or it might be permanent. If you go into marriage with sex being the be all and end all then you are asking for trouble I think.
 
But if I don’t have constant sex I’ll die. Seriously though, we live in a over sexualized culture where more and more people have absolutely no impluse control. It’s not just sex either. Yesterday the woman the lives nextdoor called, she accidently cut some black guy off in traffic. It happens in the Seattle area where traffic is always bad. Instead of just letting it go he was driving like an idiot to follow her, don’t know exactly what he intended to do. She called the cops, but well response times aren’t that great, so she asked if I were home and if I could help. Of coursing sitting on her poarch with a shotgun I’m pretty sure all the neighbors think I’m a nut now.
Sex, road rage, or any other of a thousand things. People just have absolutely no control of themselves or their emotions.
 
Deb, I think you are right on track with this one. I am so amazed that people look at sex as a right not as a way to express marital love. I was celibate during most of my first marriage and went years at a time without and I was married!!! Then after we split up and divorced I remained celibate and through 6 yrs of dating my dh too. I feel like shouting to these people: **Look people it can be done **You are right, it isn’t easy, but it can be done…living proof here! I think we have gotten into such an entitlement mindset, that we actually consider it one of the fundamental rights that was guaranteed in the constitution, but funny, I don’t remember the right to sexual relations in either the Declaration or the Constitution! The one that irritates me the most is homosexuals that think that sex is necessary and they should have a right to it! or that you might as well get your child on birth control because you know they just can’t control their urges and they will have sex…UGH!!! This is dehumanizing! This is saying that we are no better than animals and we can’t control our urges…BuLL!!! Sometimes it takes alot of prayer to get through your feelings, but not impossible… we are not animals!!!

Thank you for letting me rant, I feel much better now!
 
jrabs said:
Oh really? And you say this from which point of view? Why would you think your plight is any easier for me? :confused:
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I’m just speaking speculatively. Since women and men are biologically different (I think we all agree with that), then it’s possible that their sexualities are different. (We know that their sexualities are different, in a few ways.)

These differences might mean that women find it less difficult to be celibate than men. These differences, nonetheless, would not mean that men are off the hook.
 
Ahimsa said:
It might be easier for women than it is for men, to go without sex.
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I’ve always heard this from men and I don’t agree. I have a high libido and lust is something that I struggle with but that doesn’t mean that I can’t be celibate. It is difficult but so are many crosses that we have to bear.
 
Ahimsa said:
These differences might mean that women find it less difficult to be celibate than men. These differences, nonetheless, would not mean that men are off the hook.
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Sadly I need to debunk your myth.
I am here to tell you that your plight is not any easier for some woman.
Though I am not dying as a result of being celibate.
 
Ahimsa said:
I’m just speaking speculatively. Since women and men are biologically different (I think we all agree with that), then it’s possible that their sexualities are different. (We know that their sexualities are different, in a few ways.)

These differences might mean that women find it less difficult to be celibate than men. These differences, nonetheless, would not mean that men are off the hook.
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I’m a female and lust is a problem that I have had to deal with. thankfully, it has somewhat lessened with age, but my libido is still pretty strong. Yet if i had to go without sex for the rest of my life, I certainly could. It wouldn’t be easy, but I could do it. Heck, I’m doing it now.😛
 
Don’t get me wrong. Men can be celibate, too. We call it “being masters of our domain.”😃
 
Chastity is a beautiful thing, and I’m also disgusted with how sex obsessed society is today.

However, I think it’s wrong to say that a couple has to divorce when one becomes impotent or when the wife can no longer have intercourse. I don’t know if anyone has said that, but if so, that would fall under the lines of cruelty.

Also, sometimes between a married couple one of them becomes impaired or is unable to have intercourse. During this time they are not allowed to engage in any sexual behavior because they can’t follow through with intercourse. This is a cross to bear, and although not the end of the world, it must be very, very hard for a couple who loves and desires one another not to be allowed to have any sexual intimacy, and what little they could have, they now can’t because it’s a sin to even touch one another sexually if the act will not end in intercourse (in other words, all the way or nothing at all). So what little special and beautiful moments they have left of their marital embrace is taken away from them, and indeed a sin, when it cannot end in intercourse. And I think (from what I’m hearing) it’s still a sin for them to engage in sexual activity even when they would intend to complete it with intercourse -if they could- (but obviously still can’t). It’s not the end of the world, but a very sad ending.

I agree with you though. The way the world looks at sex and obsesses about it like it is as necessary as air, food, or water, is disturbing. But on the other hand, I understand certain circumstances where a married couple (who have already sought and found no medical cure) must live a life of complete celibacy, and any intimate (sexual) moments that they could have, they cannot because it is forbidden. It’s just very heartbreaking for them. (I hope such a couple wouldn’t be forced to get a divorce… I heard that impotent people are not allowed to marry, so I wonder if married couples who become impotent after they are married are forced to seperate? I hope not…)

But yes, going without sex is not the end of the world. Love is the greatest gift.
 
I am a 25 year old single man and it’s really not hard at all to be celibate. Are there temptations and biological impulses and functions? Of course. But with a little prayer, discipline, will power, and the grace of God, it’s really not that difficult. 🤷 The yoke of the Lord is light and sweet 🙂
 
La-Petite-Fleur said:
Chastity is a beautiful thing, and I’m also disgusted with how sex obsessed society is today.

However, I think it’s wrong to say that a couple has to divorce when one becomes impotent. I don’t know if anyone has said that, but if so, that would fall under the lines of cruelty.

.
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I think that you misread something that I wrote. I stated that if, god forbid, my hubby returned home from Afghanistan with some horrible injury that left him impotent, I ***wouldn’t ***divorce him. My love for him is beyond just physical.🙂

I am a naturally affectionate person, as is my hubby. I don’t see why we wouldn’t be able to cuddle and hug one another even if we couldn’t have sex. So, all physical intimacy wouldn’t be lost.

It would be hard, horribly so, but it could be done.

The thread that started me thinking along these lines involved a man who needed to get his wife’s first marriage annulled. So, they would have to live without sex for while.

Although he asked for a Catholic opinion on this matter, he seemed genuinely offended that the responses were that he would have to go without sex.😦
 
I agree with you. I find that now that we have four kids and life is so hectic… I would far more appreciate kind words and holding hands or hugging far more than having sex.

I have a very low sex drive and have to actually tell myself that it is important to my husband as he (not a Catholic) looks at my lack of wanting to have sex as somehow meaning I don’t love him as much or find him attractive etc. so there are times that we have relations when I could easily go without.

My mom and dad (mom is 64) (dad is 60) anyways, my mom shared with me that they don’t have relations more than twice a year if that… but she said their marriage is the best it has ever been (43 yrs of marriage:D ) she said that sex is so overrated… it is about way more than that… yes it is a wonderful way to show your love but we can show someone just as much love in how we treat them, treasure them, support them, etc. She admits that as they have aged the drive has just gone way down and they are both fine with that and I’m not kidding… they are like two newlyweds… holding hands, rubbing backs, kisses… and they find that very fulfilling… I think that is awesome and I’m so glad to know that if my hubby and I lose more of our sex drive as we age… it doesn’t mean the love is gone… far from it:D
 
deb1 said:
I think that you misread something that I wrote. I stated that if, god forbid, my hubby returned home from Aghanistan with some horrible injury that left him impotent, I ***wouldn’t ***divorce him. My love for him is beyond just physical.🙂
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Oh, no :hug1:, it wasn’t from you, it was from an older thread that was closed.
 
I am a 51 year old woman who is a faithful obedient daughter of the Holy Mother Church. I am open to the idea of marriage (I am a widow) but am also open to be lead where God leads me and if that means no marriage then I guess that will mean no sex.

I agree with the OP that the idea of giving one’s sexuality to God to do with as HE see fit is an idea that is often mocked…we (those of us who choose to do this) are questioned as to our sanity, our level of comfort with intimacy and our overall mental health.

I have also discovered that no one will believe that I love men (think they are fabulous!) and am happy.
 
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