Great...just great

[Lorarose]

with your home, i don’t know about your financial situation, but is it possible to hire a nanny to help you for a few months? I know that ideally we want to be able to raise our children ourselves, but for a few hours a day to give you rest and help keep the house up? this could help greatly with this stress. if you can find a reliable young person, especially over the summer when kids return home from college, they would also cost much less than a professional. if not, then your older children. even a six year old can help fold laundry.

I would love a nanny.
But no - we cannot afford one.
I suppose I’ll have to spend the next few months training the kids.
They aren’t the most ambition bunch when it comes to chores.

its getting nice out (well it is near me anyway, not sure where you are), but get your kids outside. just bring them to the park and let them run around and plop down on the bench and let yourself rest.

Spring finally arrived in my neck in the woods.
We managed to get to the park this week. I imagine I will spending alot of time there over the summer.

please know and remember that all of us here at caf will pray and support you in every way we can. i can completely understand why you are overwhelmed right now, i think everyone can, lean on Christ, He will not let you fall

thank you. I know I’m doing alot of whining, but the urge is very strong today.
Thank you everyone for listening.

 

[Lorik]

I just wanted to say hang in there. The Lord will give you the grace to love and want this precious soul. But you must cooperate with his grace. I’ve sort of been there mine are:9,7,5,3 and 8 months. I know there are some days when you feel like the whole family is out to make you crazy! Remember it doesn’t matter what other people think or say, Jesus said “blessed are those who are insulted and persecuted because of me”. This life is so temporary, but these little souls we have been entrusted with are forever. We have the ability to be co-creators with God not even the angels have been so blessed. I’ll be praying for you.

 

[maryceleste]

Just wanted to throw in a few practical health tips…

With the combination of thyroid trouble, fatigue, jangly nerves, and cavities, it sounds as if you could be deficient in calcium. I had similar problems after my last child was born, and taking calcium lactate helped me to feel 1000% better. Although I’d been getting a lot of calcium from food and supplements, apparently it wasn’t in a form that my body could assimilate. (I’m sure it didn’t help that it was getting dumped out of my system by all the coffee I was drinking. ) It’s good to take the calcium together with magnesium citrate in a 5:1 ratio, e.g. 1000 mg calcium + 200 mg magnesium. Both minerals can help a lot with stress.

Also… this is going to sound weird, but, given your history of varicose veins, you might want to try eating buckwheat sprouts. They’re the best source of rutin, a bioflavonoid which helps to build strong capillaries. (Rutin capsules are also available, but I’m not sure if they’d be as effective. The bioflavonoids seem to deteriorate rapidly when they’re not perfectly fresh.)

Wheat germ oil is also good for the blood vessels and circulation. The capsules are probably better-protected from oxidation, but the bottled form (e.g. Viobin or Spectrum) is also fine if you keep it refrigerated after opening, and use it within a few weeks.

Finally, I haven’t personally tried Collinsonia (aka Stone root), but it’s a herb that’s also supposed to be very helpful for varicose veins. It’s traditionally considered safe during pregnancy, but you’d need to double-check with your doctor or midwife.

I wish you all the best with your pregnancy, and will pray for your health of mind, body, and soul.

 

[BlindSheep]

Congratulations! (I realise you’re not feeling very positive right now, but congratulations are still in order)
I’ll keep you in my prayers. I can relate (kind of - I only have 3 kids) to feeling overwhelmed by the chaos of kids & housework, depressed and out of control Sometimes it feels like you’re buried in noise and craziness, and there is nothing you can do to get control of it; at those times knowing God knows how overwhelmed I am, and maybe doesn’t expect more of me than endurance until things get better - is all that keeps me from going crazy. All I can say is hang in there - and if you can find any opportunity to relax, go for it, don’t feel guilty. Now that the weather is getting nice, spend as much time outdoors as you can - the kids get exercise, and you don’t have to clean or look at a mess.

 

[Chovy]

I don’t have a lot of advice on how to manage all of these feelings and struggles because my husband and I haven’t been able to conceive, but I can tell you something my mother shared with me.

I was baby number 5. My parents had one child, went through 6 years of infertility, quit trying and had 3 kids within 6 years. 6 more years passed and my oldest sister was heading off to Creighton U. and my 3 older siblings were all in Catholic grade school when my mom found she was pregnant with me. My father, the sole support of the family, had fallen at his job and was out of work temporarily while they investigated the accident. My parents struggled to pay the bills under good circumstances but all of this seemed impossible to handle.

I never knew how my mom felt until I was much older. But my dad once told me that my mom cried for 3 months after she found she was pregnant. My mom then talked to me about it and explained what she was going through at the time. She shared 2 points that I thought might be good for you to consider.

The first was that she didn’t tell anyone she was pregnant (except my dad and my 18-year old sister who was obviously menstruating at the time and would have figured it out) because she wanted to be happy about the baby before anyone knew about me. Every child deserves to be wanted, she said, and it took her some time but I eventually I was wanted. Once she was happy about it, all of the people she was afraid to tell could sense her excitement and were happy about it also.

The second thing she shared was that although she would not have chosen to have me at that time, it was the best thing that ever happened to her. It was one of the first reminders she had that our lives are not dictated by our plans but by God’s plan. Of the 4 children I know in our extended family who were completely unplanned, all four of us have extremely close relationships with our Mothers and have been a good support to the family in times of crisis.

I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

 

[Celia]

What a beautiful post, Chovy

Lorarose, I’ve never been in your situation so I don’t really know what to say that will be of any help, except that I will pray for you and your family. Congratulations and my best to you.

 

[TridentineFan]

I know babies are wonderful - but I’m not sure if it’s such a great thing that I’m only pregnant because NFP didn’t work.

I ask this with naive sincerity . . . are you sure NFP did not work or that you and your husband did not practice NFP conservatively enough to prevent conception? I cannot yet speak from experience like you can. The teaching I received during the three-month course from the Couple to Couple League was that NFP only works as well as the couple is willing to work it. There are varying levels of rules, from liberal (we’ll chance whether we’re going to conceive or not) to very conservative (we’re not going to conceive). I know the Couple to Couple League keeps statistics on surprising conceptions and I recall being told many times those those conceptions always have an explanation. If you are feeling disillusioned about NFP, perhaps it would help to mail your chart to the Couple to Couple League for analysis. If the folks there are able to show you what rule you did not follow conservatively enough, then at least you won’t feel disillusioned about NFP and might feel better about continuing to use it (more conservatively) in the future instead of going against Church teaching by being sterilized.

I certainly do feel for you and my prayers are with you.

 

[Island_Oak]

Sometimes…you feel overwhelmed and you just want to wallow in it for a while. And that’s OK…for a while. I would strongly encourage you to work with your husband, extended family, friends, neighbors (whomever you can lean on) to try and carve out a brief time–maybe a 3 day weekend–where you can get away from all this.

You sound understandably overwhelmed. The break won’t erase the stress in your life and all those kids will be waiting for you when you get home, but sometimes a break works wonders for your attitude and ability to see life from a different perspective. Don’t just shrug it off and say it won’t work. Make a plan and make it work. Those few days of peace and reflection may spare you weeks of despair and worry if you can approach your challenges with a renewed sense of energy and purpose.

 

[DVina]

Though I do not have the health problems you have, I also had a surprise blessing (#5). I cried. I had just come to terms with not having more kids, and I was also over 40 and perimenopausal. We were no “careful” enough with NFP. Now we are a lot more conservative in determining fertile and non-fertile days.

When you were describing your house and how it runs, well, it sounds just like mine! I am not happy with the way things are going, and am going to try (again) to get things straightened out. Last summer I had read and begun to implement the principles in A Mother’s Rule of Life. It made a huge difference in our family during the summer, but when school started I fell back into bad habits. I really recommend this book. The author is a Catholic homescholer, but you don’t have to homeschool to get a lot of help from her ideas.

I found flylady overwhelming, too. And not structured enough for me to use. I could spend all day on the plan and never DO anything, LOL. I was introduced to Motivated Moms (on yahoo groups) It is much easier to use. I get two e-mails each day, one with the every day chore list and one with the day specific list. I can’t say I do everything on each list every day, but it really is helpful.

If you live in Houston, I’ll come over and help, LOL, my baby is in all day PK.

 

[beckers]

Lorrie:

Hi, thanks for the reply! Yes, I got my blood checked, everything was fine (including my thyroid, my iron level and no Lyme disease, living here in Arkansas where ticks are abundant they automatically check for it…lol). My blood was also checked for diabetes which came up negative.

Yes, my doctor mentioned a possible MRI. They found a sclerosis on my one of my sisters myelyin, but chopped it up to it being caused from a virus. This was about 6 years ago and she’s had no more symptoms. The difference between her and I is that my symptoms have been consistent for the last 2 years. Anyway, we’ll see. I’ll keep you posted.

As someone who has a thyroid problem my only suggestions is BEWARE. I went through years of testing before they finally detected my disease. I had the symptoms but every time i went in for blood test they turned out negative or still in the normal range. Turns out my body would be okay for awhile and then my thyroid would start to crash.So by the time i got in to see the doctor things were normal again. Also they are doing some studies right now to find out what really is considered a “normal range” because some people on the high end or low end of the range would benefit a lot from medicine. I’ve been takine medicing for 5+ years now and will have to take it for the rest of my life but believe me it has helped a lot. I was able to find be able to lose weight, I gained a regular cycle, I stopped having periods of insomina and stop having huge bouts of doing nothing but sleep.

Sorry if this hyjacked your thread. If you do end up haveing thyroid problems there are a few things you have to do differently while being pregnant.

 

[momstheword]

While I haven’t had health problems ever, I have had a period in my life when I thought I couldn’t take anymore. In 2002/03 my father was dying from brain cancer and I was his caregiver. I had 4 children at the time. My marriage started falling apart because my husband had made a business deal with my dad that my mother rescinded after the diagnosis (against Dad’s will). So, we were fighting like cats and dogs about the awful situation we were in (dh needed to find a job) Then, I found out I was pregnant and just about collapsed. Headaches every day, no sleep at night. Worry, grief, the 4 kids and Dad defined my days. My Dad began going downhill in my 8th month. I delivered my ds and before getting home from the hospital was called back because Dad was having a seizure. Anyway, at son’s 2 week appt. the doc found a hole in his heart. (here let me say it turned out to be small and not a big issue, but for those couple of days…) I was in disbelief that God would compound everything with this. A month after baby my husband moved 3 hours away to his new job, but I stayed while my father died, a single parent and caregiver during the week, for 3 more months. I remember the exhaustion and that hot flash that crept over my head and neck whenever I filled up the water to clean Dad and his sheets again.Y’know that kind of tired when your eyes water uncontrollably? Dad died at the end of July, we buried him, and one week later I left the home, my hometown, that we had made for our children. I was furious at my mother, as she could’ve stopped this at any time (although that is another subject) The point I want to make is that this little baby turned out to be my solace and my consolation during the most difficult time of my life. I cried out to God because I felt so alone with all of the things that had unfolded in the previous year and a half. Then, I would look at my Gabriel (who was born on the Feast of the Annunciation that year) and could praise God again for this gift. But, not once during the pregnancy was I happy. In fact, I have told many people that if I was pro-choice, I would have aborted him. I don’t say that to be flip, it is meant as a grim reminder of what I would’ve lost if I had seized control from God.
We spent two unhappy years at that new home, but moved last summer to a wonderful new place with a spiritual family like I only could’ve dreamed of. We are thrilled to have had our 6th child last Sept. and we look forward to more.
On a practical level, I sometimes find myself needing respite, too, when hubby isn’t here. I put the 5y/o and 3y/o Gaby in their bedroom, and I stack one gate on top of another so they can’t climb out. They have come to enjoy this little “cave” of theirs, and I can easily get an hour out of it. My older kids are easy to get rid of! They are happy to go to their rooms and play quietly, especially if threatened with laundry or dishes!
Lastly, do not expect to much of yourself re: a clean house. It is not going to happen with 5 children. Do what you can, but better the house be disheveled than mom. Read a book to the children instead of washing out the sink. (Flylady was unrealistic for me, too)
Any remember that the mere intent to pray is a prayer. A quick morning prayer with the kids will make for a better day than you could ever have without it. I prayed in the shower when I didn’t have another private moment.
We will all be praying for you, you are not alone.

 

[TridentineFan]

To momstheword and other mothers who have shared their stories: Thank you so much for sharing! I know you are responding to the originator of this thread, but please know there are young Catholic newlyweds watching and reading and LEARNING. It is inspiring to hear about how other women have conquered such difficult situations by leaning on Jesus. I only pray that when I am tested, I will be able to remember the stories of women like you.

 

[beckers]

TridentineFan:

To momstheword and other mothers who have shared their stories: Thank you so much for sharing! I know you are responding to the originator of this thread, but please know there are young Catholic newlyweds watching and reading and LEARNING. It is inspiring to hear about how other women have conquered such difficult situations by leaning on Jesus. I only pray that when I am tested, I will be able to remember the stories of women like you.

Prefectly said…I am not even married yet and i get up here and read these amazing stories from all these mom’s and realize that A.) it’s an honor for GOD to choose you as a mother…B.) it’s hard being a mom…C.) God has more faith in us then we have in ourselves… D.) life is difficult but one can succeed if they lean on GOD in all cases…

Thank you moms!

Beckers

I think i am going to call mine and let her know i love her…

 

[Lorarose]

With the combination of thyroid trouble, fatigue, jangly nerves, and cavities, it sounds as if you could be deficient in calcium. I had similar problems after my last child was born, and taking calcium lactate helped me to feel 1000% better. Although I’d been getting a lot of calcium from food and supplements, apparently it wasn’t in a form that my body could assimilate. (I’m sure it didn’t help that it was getting dumped out of my system by all the coffee I was drinking. ) It’s good to take the calcium together with magnesium citrate in a 5:1 ratio, e.g. 1000 mg calcium + 200 mg magnesium. Both minerals can help a lot with stress.

Thanks for the tip. I have been taking calcium, but not in this form.
I recently started taking iron when I found out my ferritin level was low.

 

[Lorarose]

The first was that she didn’t tell anyone she was pregnant (except my dad and my 18-year old sister who was obviously menstruating at the time and would have figured it out) because she wanted to be happy about the baby before anyone knew about me. Every child deserves to be wanted, she said, and it took her some time but I eventually I was wanted. Once she was happy about it, all of the people she was afraid to tell could sense her excitement and were happy about it also.

The second thing she shared was that although she would not have chosen to have me at that time, it was the best thing that ever happened to her. It was one of the first reminders she had that our lives are not dictated by our plans but by God’s plan. Of the 4 children I know in our extended family who were completely unplanned, all four of us have extremely close relationships with our Mothers and have been a good support to the family in times of crisis.

Thank you for sharing your mothers story - she sounds like a wonderful woman.
Not all of my children were planned, but I thinked I handled it better before because I didn’t have so many health problems before.

My husband is the only one who knows.
The strange thing is…I don’t feel pregnant.
When I’m pregnant I get a funny taste in my mouth - My sense of smell gets strong and I can’t handle certain smells.
I used to have what I called the “egg test” with the other pregnancies. If I couldn’t eat eggs for breakfast I knew I was pregnant.
I don’t have any of this right now .

 

[Lorarose]

I ask this with naive sincerity . . . are you sure NFP did not work or that you and your husband did not practice NFP conservatively enough to prevent conception?

Quite frankly, I’m fed up with the whole NFP business.
Our last pregnancy was due to us not being “conservative” enough.
I think the only thing conservative enough for us is to not have sex at all.

I don’t think it is very practical for the Church to honestly believe NFP is going to work for every couple.

I’m sorry if I sound harsh. We have tried hard not to be cafeteria catholics, but I’m finding this teaching impossible to live up to.
I cannot believe that God would set a standard so high that couples would find it so difficult to live up to it.

 

[Lorarose]

I found flylady overwhelming, too. And not structured enough for me to use. I could spend all day on the plan and never DO anything, LOL. I was introduced to Motivated Moms (on yahoo groups) It is much easier to use. I get two e-mails each day, one with the every day chore list and one with the day specific list. I can’t say I do everything on each list every day, but it really is helpful.

If you live in Houston, I’ll come over and help, LOL, my baby is in all day PK.

Thanks for the offer! I’m in New York though - a bit of a drive for you!
The source of much of my mess problems is starting kindergarten this year - so hopefully I can catch up on the damage each day before he gets home from school.

I used to have lists, and that worked up until I had 4 children.
After that the list only made me mad because it was getting longer and the kids were interrupting me all the time.
At then end of the day - I would only have 2 or 3 things done.

So, right now - I just do what I can whenever I can.

 

[Lorarose]

Also they are doing some studies right now to find out what really is considered a “normal range” because some people on the high end or low end of the range would benefit a lot from medicine

Yes the range was changed a couple of years ago.
It used to .5 to 5.0, and most labs and doctors are still going by these numbers.
It is now .3 to 3.0. Some people will feel sick in the 2.5 -3.0 range.

I’'m learning that doctors seem to treat the numbers instead of the symptoms. One person could feel fine at 3.0, and another person would not. But the patient will be told “you’re in range, this isn’t your problem” When it actually COULD still be the problem.

Go to about.com. Click on health and fitness, and then click on thryoid disease for more info.

 

[Lorarose]

Thank you everyone for sharing your stories and your prayers.
I don’t mean to sound bitter and whiny - but I think I’m beginning to better understand why so many folks have given up on this teaching.
I’m not trying to say I am right and the Church is wrong - I am just very frustrated and feel like I am in an impossible situation.

 

[Little_Mary]

Lorarose, I know you’re cranky and I, like many here, would like to comfort you and see you cheer up.

But…

#1 - God wants you to be pregnant right now or you wouldn’t be so get over it. Health issues and all. Nothing happens by chance. It is all in His design and conforms to His will. Give your life back to Him. Leave it at the cross.

#2 - I have two children but I have a huge hole in my heart because I can’t have any more. I would give anything to have 5 or 6. You are thinking I know not what I say and, true, I have not walked in your shoes but my sister has. I’ve seen her have days like this - countless times. Anyway, I sure wish I had all those little angels to love and be busy over.

Sorry if my post made you even more cranky. But maybe you need a little splash of cold water to re-group.