Great...just great

[Lorarose]

Dear Little Mary,
’
I sincerely doubt you are sorry and this will be the first time I use the ignore function.
Bye bye

 

[Jennifer123]

DVina:

Last summer I had read and begun to implement the principles in A Mother’s Rule of Life. It made a huge difference in our family during the summer

I am reading this book now and it’s wonderful. I’d recommend it to any mother, especially tose who are feeling life is a bit out of control.

I’m sorry you are feeling so down, but do know my prayers are with you too. It may sound trite right now, but do know the Lord will give us what we can handle, you can do this. God Bless you and your precious baby.

 

[DVIN_CKS]

I think you’re angry because you have not mastered NFP, not because you’re pregnant.

NFP is touted as being 99% effective if used properly. So, you are either in the 1% who use this method properly or you are one of the many who do not use this method correctly and end up pregnant. Does your husband help you track your fertility cycle? Does your body give you measureable signals? Maybe you need to take a refresher course or have your charts analyzed to see where you may be interpreting things in error. When you say you once got pregnant being “conservative”, what does that mean?

I think all your frustration comes over the fact not that NFP is hard…but rather that you are not good at tracking your body’s fertility signals. This makes you feel stupid and you fear that your family and friends will make comments that will confirm this feeling of inadaquacy. There are other methods you could try…like the Billings Method maybe?

I’m reading the NFP handbook right now and it just seems to me that with all the different things to look for to determine a fertile cycle (temp, mucous, internal clues) that it would be pretty tough to get pregnant if you really didn’t want to be. Granted, I’m completely ignorant of this method since I’m just learning it. It just seems to me that if one abstains for most (if not all) of Phase II and the first part of Phase III that you could be pretty sure that conception would not happen. Are you saying that you’ve actually conceived (now or in the past) at times other than this?

 

[Lorarose]

I think you’re angry because you have not mastered NFP, not because you’re pregnant.

I’m angry because I followed the guidelines and now I’m pregnant.

NFP is touted as being 99% effective if used properly. So, you are either in the 1% who use this method properly or you are one of the many who do not use this method correctly and end up pregnant.

Clearly - I am doubtful of this alleged 99% effectiveness.

Does your husband help you track your fertility cycle?

No

Does your body give you measureable signals?

Yes

Maybe you need to take a refresher course or have your charts analyzed to see where you may be interpreting things in error.

A refresher course is not going to tell me anything different than what I’ve been reading over the past 5 years.

When you say you once got pregnant being “conservative”, what does that mean?

It means we abstained during the recommended number of days.
I got pregnant.
So for the past few years we lengthened the period of abstaining.
Now I am pregnant.

I think all your frustration comes over the fact not that NFP is hard…but rather that you are not good at tracking your body’s fertility signals

I disagree.

This makes you feel stupid and you fear that your family and friends will make comments that will confirm this feeling of inadaquacy.

I feel stupid for trying NFP again even after it failed me once.
Yes…I am sure my friends and family will make comments.
I wouldn’t say I feel inadequate so much as I feel trapped in a situation I don’t want to be in.

I’m reading the NFP handbook right now and it just seems to me that with all the different things to look for to determine a fertile cycle (temp, mucous, internal clues) that it would be pretty tough to get pregnant if you really didn’t want to be.

It would seem so wouldn’t it?
I have read the same books. I have tracked the same signs.
Apparantly is isn’t tough at all for me to get pregnant when I don’t want to be.

Granted, I’m completely ignorant of this method since I’m just learning it.

And yet you seem comfortable sharing with me what my real problem is - I am not good at NFP, I feel stupid and inadequate.
Gee…thanks.

It just seems to me that if one abstains for most (if not all) of Phase II and the first part of Phase III that you could be pretty sure that conception would not happen

You would think so.

Are you saying that you’ve actually conceived (now or in the past) at times other than this?

Conception occurs during the same time - during ovulation.
So…I am guessing the possibilities are that my husband’s sperm are hardier than average - or - I may be ovulating more than one egg - or- I don’t know what else as I don’t have my book right here by my side.
but - whatever it is - I’m tired of the guesswork.
I could have 5 more trying to figure it out - examining charts, blaming my inability to “read the signs”

I’m tired of it.

 

[Jennifer123]

Lorarose:

Apparantly is isn’t tough at all for me to get pregnant when I don’t want to be.

Hi-

You are at your wits end, and that is understandable. I’m in the process of starting to learn about NFP myself, so I can’t say I know much of anything about it. I’m also in a situation where it would put a strain on us if I were to get pregnant due to medical conditions, living conditions, and so forth.

BUT isn’t being open to life, being open to the truth as Catholics, is that we must let God decide when we are ready? That is a hard cross to bear, and I know I’m stretching my welcome as I only have two boys right now, but He never said carrying His cross would be easy.

My prayers are with you.

 

[Lorarose]

BUT isn’t being open to life, being open to the truth as Catholics, is that we must let God decide when we are ready? That is a hard cross to bear, and I know I’m stretching my welcome as I only have two boys right now, but He never said carrying His cross would be easy.

I think my kids deserve better than a mother who behaves like a zombie much of the time.
They are not getting the best of me and now I’m going to add one more to this.

I have seen large catholic families that are out of control.
2 of these families had deacons as fathers. Wonderful couples, wonderful faith filled parents.
But they had so many kids they were in over their heads.
There seems to have been alot of hurt in these families as there turned out to be a great deal of drug/alcohol problems - problems at school and with the law.
I know many parents are better at it than this - and God bless them, they have a gift.
I just don’t think every catholic family is meant to be like this.

Everyone has their limits and I have reached mine.
God gave me a brain and hopefully He gave me the gift of common sense to recognize when I’m in over my head.

 

[carol_marie]

Lorarose:

And yet you seem comfortable sharing with me what my real problem is - I am not good at NFP, I feel stupid and inadequate.
Gee…thanks.

Conception occurs during the same time - during ovulation.
So…I am guessing the possibilities are that my husband’s sperm are hardier than average - or - I may be ovulating more than one egg - or- I don’t know what else as I don’t have my book right here by my side.
but - whatever it is - I’m tired of the guesswork.
I could have 5 more trying to figure it out - examining charts, blaming my inability to “read the signs”

I’m tired of it.

I just wanted to tell you that you are NOT stupid or inadequate. I always ovulate around day 16 of my 31 day cycle. Like clockwork. My husband and I had relations on day 9. That’s a full week before ovulation and yet I got pregnant. I think some sperm just hang around & hang around. We were shocked.

So two months ago I had #5 - a baby girl. My house is chaotic - noisy & messy but I tell myself, this too shall pass.

I don’t have your health problems so I can’t speak on that except that I am very sorry… it seems like a heavy burden to carry. I would be cranky too. When can you go to your OB? I don’t know how to say this without sounding like it would be a good thing… but you mentioned that you don’t “feel pregnant” - the egg thing. I totally get that. I’ve had pregnancies like that in the past (6 of them) and they all resulted in a miscarrage. I would get yourself to the doctor and make sure it’s a good pregnancy before telling anyone & getting yourself worked up over it.

 

[Lorarose]

I just wanted to tell you that you are NOT stupid or inadequate

Thank you very much!

That’s a full week before ovulation and yet I got pregnant. I think some sperm just hang around & hang around. We were shocked.

This is what I’m thinking too. This would have been a 6 to 7 day gap.
Maybe I need to get a hot tub for my hubby?
Or… a new hobby - like biking in those tight little shorts?
Y’know what I’m saying?

So two months ago I had #5 - a baby girl. My house is chaotic - noisy & messy but I tell myself, this too shall pass.

congratulations on your new beautiful baby.
I wish I could give you some advise about the house…but…

When can you go to your OB?

I usually don’t get in to see my midwife until the end of the first trimester.

I don’t know how to say this without sounding like it would be a good thing… but you mentioned that you don’t “feel pregnant” - the egg thing. I totally get that. I’ve had pregnancies like that in the past (6 of them) and they all resulted in a miscarrage

I had one other pregnancy like this. I remember thinking “this is great I feel so much better than I did with the others”
And I miscarried around week 8.
My midwife theorized that sometimes a placenta and a sack will grow, but there is no baby growing. She thinks that’s why the body will kick off the pregnancy hormone, but won’t cause the morning sickness to kick in.
Maybe she was trying to make me feel better, because it’s not as sad to think you’ve just lost a placenta as opposed to losing a baby.

I would get yourself to the doctor and make sure it’s a good pregnancy before telling anyone & getting yourself worked up over it.

Good advice. I guess I am getting worked up a bit early aren’t I?
I’m not sure if they will see me earlier just because I don’t feel sick, but it won’t hurt to try.

Thanks - I’ll keep you posted.
Good night!

 

[Lorrie]

beckers:

As someone who has a thyroid problem my only suggestions is BEWARE. I went through years of testing before they finally detected my disease. I had the symptoms but every time i went in for blood test they turned out negative or still in the normal range. Turns out my body would be okay for awhile and then my thyroid would start to crash.So by the time i got in to see the doctor things were normal again. Also they are doing some studies right now to find out what really is considered a “normal range” because some people on the high end or low end of the range would benefit a lot from medicine. I’ve been takine medicing for 5+ years now and will have to take it for the rest of my life but believe me it has helped a lot. I was able to find be able to lose weight, I gained a regular cycle, I stopped having periods of insomina and stop having huge bouts of doing nothing but sleep.

Sorry if this hyjacked your thread. If you do end up haveing thyroid problems there are a few things you have to do differently while being pregnant.

Hi, thanks for the reply! I also don’t mean to hijack this Lorarose .

See, at first I thought I might have a thyroid problem too and I asked my doctor about it, he said basically what you said, you have good times and bad times when one has a thyroid problem…but the difference is is that my symptoms have been consistent for the past 2 years, no down time. So needless to say, that’s been ruled out. Oh and I can’t get pregnant (bless God…lol) so that isn’t an issue. Thanks again!

 

[sanctareparata]

There is such a thing, Lorarose - it’s called a blighted ovum, when just the sac and placenta develop but the baby dies extremely early-on (if there is a baby) so it is not seen on ultrasound. But still there is pregnancy hormone so you can test positive on a test. I know from experience, like Carol Marie said, that that pregnancy just “felt” different.

I am praying for you.

 

[DVIN_CKS]

So NFP hasn’t been working for you and it isn’t because you can’t chart your cycle correctly. Now what? You sound like you’re ready to just chuck the whole thing and move on to some more “permanent” form of birth control. Sounds like you may need to go find a doctor who supports NFP who may be able to talk to you about other forms of NFP. However, from the tone of your posts, it sounds like you have already decided that NFP isn’t for you and you are trying to justify your reasons (health, kids, up keep on house, fatigue, etc…). As one poster already said, this is a cross for you right now. It isn’t easy nor is it any fun.

I would find time to go and sit in front of the Blessed Sacrament and ask God for strength and courage to rise above all the obstacles in your life right now. Ask for wisdom to be able to see beyond the chaos.

You are not a failure. I never called you one. I simply said (based on your previous posts) that you *feel * like a failure. If you don’t feel like a failure, then GREAT!! You shouldn’t feel that way. You should feel that God is calling you to something great and perhaps you must endure some suffering for the greater glory of His kingdom.

I’m sorry if you find my advice to be insensitive. However, you are here at a public forum posting your woes and people are going to give you their two cents. You are not required to agree with what people say or to even respond. But you will get truth. It may not be what you want to hear and you can certainly ignore it. Not really sure what you want people to tell you. Are you just looking for sympathy? Do you just want a place to rant? Are you looking for approval to do away with NFP?

 

[Lorarose]

Are you just looking for sympathy? Do you just want a place to rant? Are you looking for approval to do away with NFP?

I think I am arriving at the notion that NFP is not a one size fits all solution.
I am frustrated with that and I don’t want to be a killjoy, but it’s just where I’m at right now.

I know this won’t be a popular thing to say on a catholic forum, but I don’t think catholics should pretend problems like mine don’t exist.

I doubt I am the only this has happened to…in fact - one other poster shared a similar story.

I am beginning to wonder if much of what NFP proponents claim is really propoganda.
It is easy to claim a 99% effectiveness when you blame failures on the woman and not the plan.

 

[Maureen_Fiore]

After reading the many, many post I just thought I would add to this thread. Lararose I wish you a safe pregnancy and pray that your unborn is born perfect. Children are a blessing and sometimes we need to stop and look at our children with awe. I have three beautiful children and I am amazed how perfect each one is. Please understand I don’t have a cross as heavy as yours but hopefully someone will help you carry your cross atleast a little. I can read by your posts that you seem frustrated and annoyed at your situation. Please remember that God does not give us anymore than we can handle. Obviously, God sees that you are a strong person and because you are strong you have a lot to bear.
God Bless and I will keep you in my prayers.

 

[momstheword]

Have you ever read the story of St. Gianna Molla? I’ve forgotten what her diagnosis was, but she died as a result of not getting proper treatment because she didn’t want to risk her unborn baby. St. Gianna may not have understood during her time why she was being taken from her young family, or why she had to suffer so much. But, now we know. She is a light for the rest of us in a society that neither values the unborn child, or the role of a mother. It has taken the 50 years since her death, but her impact, her example of trust in God, is much larger than it would’ve been had she made another “choice” (BTW-I know that is not what you are advocating.) You, Lorarose, may be destined for some holy greatness a generation from now that you cannot see from where you are.

 

[JMJ_Theresa]

I’ve been praying for you. Your story reminds me of the Virgin Mary telling St. Bernadette, “I don’t promise you a happy life in this world, but the next.” However, reading her life, she seemed happy. Maybe, the right word is easy instead of happy.

I’d like to add, too, that my sister is pregnant after using condoms. ABC has a failure rate, too. Although, my sister is very very happy. She had an aneurysm two weeks after her last baby and almost died. They are very poor as well with few prospects for improving their situation.

I had a friend who had an unexpected pregnancy on NFP. She has short cycles and they didn’t follow the 28 day rule (out of ignorance). She had numerous health and anxiety problems–she almost died from a rapid onset thyroid problem–it stopped working. She had a miscarriage and afterward, she and her husband abstained for nine months!! Then they moved to one day a month. Then, finally to just phase three. That’s where they are now.

Being Catholic is not easy. We have so many gifts, but there is a burden to holding to the truth. You are living a maryrdom as true as those who died witnessing for the faith.

This life is not our home. We are sojourners. We have to endure and persevere.

I wish you were my friend and neighbor, so I could give you my practical help. I’ll just send prayers. God Bless you and your family.

 

[kparlet]

Lorarose:

I think I am arriving at the notion that NFP is not a one size fits all solution.
I am frustrated with that and I don’t want to be a killjoy, but it’s just where I’m at right now.

I know this won’t be a popular thing to say on a catholic forum, but I don’t think catholics should pretend problems like mine don’t exist.

I doubt I am the only this has happened to…in fact - one other poster shared a similar story.

I am beginning to wonder if much of what NFP proponents claim is really propoganda.
It is easy to claim a 99% effectiveness when you blame failures on the woman and not the plan.

You said in your posts that you didn’t feel pregnant and that you didn’t have the funny taste in your mouth like you did with all your other pregnancies…are you sure it wasn’t a false positive? I don’t recall reading exactly how you found out, so excuse me if I am drudging up something already mentioned.

 

[DVIN_CKS]

Lorarose:

I know this won’t be a popular thing to say on a catholic forum, but I don’t think catholics should pretend problems like mine don’t exist.

Catholics don’t pretend problems like yours don’t exist. Just reading these message boards should tell you that everyone is carrying some sort of cross in their journey. Catholics just approach the problems with a trust in God’s divine providence and with the assurance that with the help of God’s grace they will be able to endure the hardship. Sounds like trusting God is something you are battling right now. Perhaps you need to refill your tank with grace. Do you receive the sacraments regularly? Do you pray for grace? Do you pray to Mary and the saints?

It is easy to claim a 99% effectiveness when you blame failures on the woman and not the plan.

I think failures could easily be blamed on God. Especially when the couples are doing everything “by the book” and the conception came from out field – meaning that according to the books, there is no way in hell that it should have occurred. Failures happen with ABC too though.

As women age their cycles do change. Some get shorter, some longer. What might have been a safe period to have sex a year or more ago may be very different now. Our bodies are constantly changing and aging. We might have to start doing things differently in order to keep up with them. You and your husband may have to abstain for longer periods during the month. You may not be accustomed to this or WANT to get accustomed to having less sex in your marriage. It would be a sacrafice no doubt. Perhaps, as one poster said, you are being given a higher calling. “To whom much is entrusted, much is expected”.

 

[luvmykids]

blessedstar:

People don’t offer help unless they are asked by a mother, they do not like to intrude on a mother’s territory, so call up your family and friends and ask them to come over and help you out, even if it is to watch the kids whilst you tidy up or them to help you tidy the place up. Heck if we were friends I’d come over this evening and give you a hand, so how much more are your friends and family going to do for you?

I wish you were MY friend!! We could all use a friend like that!

 

[Lorarose]

I can read by your posts that you seem frustrated and annoyed at your situation. Please remember that God does not give us anymore than we can handle. Obviously, God sees that you are a strong person and because you are strong you have a lot to bear.
God Bless and I will keep you in my prayers.

Thank you. I don’t feel strong, and I haven’t for a long time, but maybe God knows something I don’t.

You, Lorarose, may be destined for some holy greatness a generation from now that you cannot see from where you are.

I appreciate the sentiment. I’ve never claimed to be a saint, or anywhere near to being a saint. Reading about St. Gianna just reminds of how far away I am from that standard.
Truth be told…I’m a bit of a cynic (surprise surprise!)

I wish you were my friend and neighbor, so I could give you my practical help. I’ll just send prayers. God Bless you and your family.

Thank you for the prayers and the blessing. I’m really going to need them.

You said in your posts that you didn’t feel pregnant and that you didn’t have the funny taste in your mouth like you did with all your other pregnancies…are you sure it wasn’t a false positive?

So far - 2 positive take home tests from the pharmacy.
I generally don’t get in to see my midwife until the end of the first trimester - but I’m thinking I should get in sooner now and see what they find.

 

[john_ennis]

Lorarose:

Quite frankly, I’m fed up with the whole NFP business.
Our last pregnancy was due to us not being “conservative” enough.
I think the only thing conservative enough for us is to not have sex at all.

I don’t think it is very practical for the Church to honestly believe NFP is going to work for every couple.

I’m sorry if I sound harsh. We have tried hard not to be cafeteria catholics, but I’m finding this teaching impossible to live up to.
I cannot believe that God would set a standard so high that couples would find it so difficult to live up to it.

NFP didn’t work for us once, too.
It worked for someone else. Her name is Megan.