Has anyone here been excluded form their Children's Mormon Temple Wedding?

[Annie_B]

Excuse me? How could anybody here know what you have been through?

Exactly! So who are you to tell anyone here that parenting is about being “thick skinned”? You do not know any of us. Your post implied that those who are hurt by this situation of being offended by not being able to attend their child’s wedding needed to be more “thick skinned”…hence my response.

Annie

 

[Annie_B]

I have not been on either side of this issue, but I would like to raise another side.

Let’s say that you have a child who wants to be married by a shinto priest in a traditional ceremony in a Japanese temple. Now, as a Catholic, or even a Christian, you object to it. WHen push comes to shove, you decide that, as a point you will not attend. Will your child be hurt? Yes. Will this cause damage to the relationship? Yes. Can the burned bridges be rebuilt? Yes, but it does not always happen.

Now, same thing, but you decide to go, so as not to upset the relationship. Are you doing something that is against your consceince and faith? Yes. It is a sin? Probably. Is it the easy way? Yes.

This is different from the situation presented. You have the option of going or not going. The OP’s situation is one where someone else is telling you that you are not worthy. I would find offense at that.

Now, is it possible that these people did not know until it is too late? Yes. It may not be intentional, but sometimes people do not know all of the information when they commit.

My prayers for all the families involved.

I would attend my child’s wedding no matter where it was, if I was “allowed” by their church. I would be there to support my child - not to necessarily approve of their choice of church. Thank you for your prayers.

Annie

 

[ralphinal]

I would attend my child’s wedding no matter where it was, if I was “allowed” by their church. I would be there to support my child - not to necessarily approve of their choice of church. Thank you for your prayers.

Annie

You are more than welcome. God bless you

I think that my point is that we should be able to choose if we go or not.

Besides, if someone told me that I was not welcome at my child’s event, no matter what it was, I would have serious doubts about the validity of that group. Further, I would not miss the wedding. I may cause a big enough scene that there is no wedding and I am in jail, but my opinion would be known. At 6’ 230, I can cause a rukkus.

 

[Annie_B]

You are more than welcome. God bless you

I think that my point is that we should be able to choose if we go or not.

Besides, if someone told me that I was not welcome at my child’s event, no matter what it was, I would have serious doubts about the validity of that group. Further, I would not miss the wedding. I may cause a big enough scene that there is no wedding and I am in jail, but my opinion would be known. At 6’ 230, I can cause a rukkus.

Ok - will you come as my bouncer? I think between you and my husband you could get the job done

Seriously though, it is not at a place that you can just walk into. The temple (though I have never been in one) has a front area w/desk (where I suppose they check if you have your “temple recommend” then there are a bunch of different rooms for a bunch of different ceremonies, dressing rooms, etc…I would not have a clue as to where to go anyway. If it were as simple as being at a church that anyone could actually walk into, I would be there!

Annie

 

[historybrat]

Well I’ve not actually gone through a situation like this but I’m sure it will happen at some point. My dad’s whole side of the family is Mormon so sooner or later one of the cousins will invite me, I’ll have to mention I converted to Catholicism, and will be found unworthy to attend. Not that I’m keeping it a secret that I converted but I’ve been moving around alot so I’ve not kept in great contact with everyone.

Anyways I asked my mom what she thought about this whole situation, including whether or not she thinks she will feel excluded if I’m every lucky enough to get married.

Her response is that she doesn’t feel excluded when she goes to mass with me. This hasn’t happened often but it has happened. When I was getting baptized a year ago she was very concerned that because she thought since she was not Catholic she could not attend. Once I explain that she could attend she just couldn’t take communion, she was fine. According to her she was just happy to be there. She said it would be the same when if I ever get married. She isn’t Catholic, so she doesn’t expect to take communion. She just wants to be there on my big day.

She did say she would be very hurt if I ever married in a Mormon temple. We know that non-Mormons and Mormons without temple recommends cannot attend. She said she really could not understand me not wanting her there.

Annie B, I will pray for you and your family. I can see where this will cause a lot of hurt feelings. I hope that everything will turn out ok eventually.

Historybrat

 

[zerinus]

Agreed. In some other countries, that is actually the norm among LDS. This is because those countries have laws requiring that all marriages be performed publicly in order to be legal. So the legal civil ceremony is done first, then soon after the temple sealing is performed.

In the U.S. if a couple has a civil ceremony first, even in the LDS chapel performed by the bishop, they must wait a full year before being sealed in the temple. This seems to be a punitive measure to discourage civil ceremonies.

Paul

In those countries where this is necessitated by law, the temple ceremony must follow the civil ceremony immediately. They both must be performed on the same day. If it is delayed by one day, they have to wait a year.

zerinus

 

[zerinus]

I could never quite understand why there could not be two ceremonies. First, a chapel ceremony and after that, a temple ceremony. It would make sense and take some wind away from antimormon sails.

They can still have a party or reception in the chapel, wher the celebrations take place, and everyone can attend. What happens in the Temple is the actual solemnization of the marriage, and is very brief and simple event. It is not like a party. But in a country like the US, where the temple marriage is recognized by law, you can’t have a second civil marriage, because that would be like getting married twice. The law requires one solemnization of a marriage, not two.

zerinus

 

[Annie_B]

Well I’ve not actually gone through a situation like this but I’m sure it will happen at some point. My dad’s whole side of the family is Mormon so sooner or later one of the cousins will invite me, I’ll have to mention I converted to Catholicism, and will be found unworthy to attend. Not that I’m keeping it a secret that I converted but I’ve been moving around alot so I’ve not kept in great contact with everyone.

Anyways I asked my mom what she thought about this whole situation, including whether or not she thinks she will feel excluded if I’m every lucky enough to get married.

Her response is that she doesn’t feel excluded when she goes to mass with me. This hasn’t happened often but it has happened. When I was getting baptized a year ago she was very concerned that because she thought since she was not Catholic she could not attend. Once I explain that she could attend she just couldn’t take communion, she was fine. According to her she was just happy to be there. She said it would be the same when if I ever get married. She isn’t Catholic, so she doesn’t expect to take communion. She just wants to be there on my big day.

She did say she would be very hurt if I ever married in a Mormon temple. We know that non-Mormons and Mormons without temple recommends cannot attend. She said she really could not understand me not wanting her there.

Annie B, I will pray for you and your family. I can see where this will cause a lot of hurt feelings. I hope that everything will turn out ok eventually.

Historybrat

Thank you for your prayers and for sharing your story. Luckily my daughter and I are extremely close and I know our realtionship will survive It just breaks my heart, as a mother, that I am not able to be with her at this moment in her life.

Annie

 

[Annie_B]

In those countries where this is necessitated by law, the temple ceremony must follow the civil ceremony immediately. They both must be performed on the same day. If it is delayed by one day, they have to wait a year.

zerinus

Actually, that is not true in all cases. Sometimes a couple must travel quite far (more than a day…) and in order that they do not “fall into sin and or have to share a room” while they are traveling together (because it is not always possible to travel with an extra person such as a chaperone) they are able to be married civilly and then marry in the temple ~as soon as they are able to travel there~. This information was taken directly from the church handbook of instructions; I checked it myself.

Annie

 

[Annie_B]

In those countries where this is necessitated by law, the temple ceremony must follow the civil ceremony immediately. They both must be performed on the same day. If it is delayed by one day, they have to wait a year.

zerinus

That information is incorrect.
Page 73 of Church Handbook of Instructions states clearly that there are exceptions to having to marry in the temple the same day you are married civilly. It states:

Sealing after Civil Marriage
A husband and wife who were married outside a temple may be sealed after one full year from the time of the civil marriage. However, this one-year waiting period does not apply to worthy couples in the following cases:

1. The temple in which the couple will be sealed is in a country that requires a civil marriage and does not recognize a marriage in the temple.
2. The couple live in a country where there is not a temple and the laws of the country do not recognize a marriage performed outside the country
3. An unchaperoned couple’s travel to a temple will require one or more overnight stops because of distance.
4. The couple could not be married in a temple because one or both had not been a member of the Church for one year at the time of their civil marriage. They may be endowed and sealed any time after both have been members for at least one year.
5. The couple were married in a civil ceremony while awaiting the processing of an application that had already been submitted to the First Presidency for (a) the cancellation of the wife’s previous sealing or (b) the husband’s sealing clearance. The couple may be sealed any time after they receive notification from the First Presidency that the cancellation or clearance was granted. They must present the letter(s) at the temple in which they will be sealed.
   In the first three cases, worthy couples should receive their endowment and be sealed as soon as possible after their civil marriage.

 

[zerinus]

That information is incorrect.
Page 73 of Church Handbook of Instructions states clearly that there are exceptions to having to marry in the temple the same day you are married civilly. It states:

Sealing after Civil Marriage
A husband and wife who were married outside a temple may be sealed after one full year from the time of the civil marriage. However, this one-year waiting period does not apply to worthy couples in the following cases:

1. The temple in which the couple will be sealed is in a country that requires a civil marriage and does not recognize a marriage in the temple.
2. The couple live in a country where there is not a temple and the laws of the country do not recognize a marriage performed outside the country
3. An unchaperoned couple’s travel to a temple will require one or more overnight stops because of distance.
4. The couple could not be married in a temple because one or both had not been a member of the Church for one year at the time of their civil marriage. They may be endowed and sealed any time after both have been members for at least one year.
5. The couple were married in a civil ceremony while awaiting the processing of an application that had already been submitted to the First Presidency for (a) the cancellation of the wife’s previous sealing or (b) the husband’s sealing clearance. The couple may be sealed any time after they receive notification from the First Presidency that the cancellation or clearance was granted. They must present the letter(s) at the temple in which they will be sealed.
   In the first three cases, worthy couples should receive their endowment and be sealed as soon as possible after their civil marriage.

It appears you may be right. I had not looked it up in the handbook. I had gone by what I knew from personal experience. However, I note the last paragraph in your quote: "In the first three cases, worthy couples should receive their endowment and be sealed as soon as possible after their civil marriage." The temple marriage must follow the civil marriage as soon as possible. That means the same day if that is possible. That is the practice that is commonly followed.

zerinus

 

[ralphinal]

It appears you may be right. I had not looked it up in the handbook. I had gone by what I knew from personal experience. However, I note the last paragraph in your quote: "In the first three cases, worthy couples should receive their endowment and be sealed as soon as possible after their civil marriage." The temple marriage must follow the civil marriage as soon as possible. That means the same day if that is possible. That is the practice that is commonly followed.

zerinus

Please note the date and time. Zerinus was wrong about Mormon doctrine.

Nice to know your human

 

[majick275]

he hasn’t been through the temple ceremony yet so can’t know about some of these things.

 

[Annie_B]

It appears you may be right. I had not looked it up in the handbook. I had gone by what I knew from personal experience. However, I note the last paragraph in your quote: "In the first three cases, worthy couples should receive their endowment and be sealed as soon as possible after their civil marriage." The temple marriage must follow the civil marriage as soon as possible. That means the same day if that is possible. That is the practice that is commonly followed.

zerinus

Personal experience does not always reflect doctrine and official church teachings - in ANY church.

Annie

 

[zerinus]

Personal experience does not always reflect doctrine and official church teachings - in ANY church.

Annie

zerinus

 

[Joe_Kelley]

Unfortunately we do not have the views and feeling of those who must leave family behind to be married in the Temple. I am reminded of Luke 14:26

"If any one comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple.

There is some satisfaction in the knowledge that they have learned to put God first, even if I think they are on the wrong track. I would rather my child be married in a Temple that I could not attend, than in a City Hall that I would not attend.

 

[Annie_B]

Unfortunately we do not have the views and feeling of those who must leave family behind to be married in the Temple. I am reminded of Luke 14:26

There is some satisfaction in the knowledge that they have learned to put God first, even if I think they are on the wrong track. I would rather my child be married in a Temple that I could not attend, than in a City Hall that I would not attend.

Excellent point! I too would rather have my daughter have some values than none at all…She is marrying a wonderful man and they are so good together and good for eachother. As the initial pain lessens, I am becoming more and more grateful just to have the family that I do and am trying not to sweat the things that, in the long run, really do not affect my relationship with my daughter.

Annie

 

[AMDGtoo]

I would rather my child be married in a Temple that I could not attend, than in a City Hall that I would not attend.

I guess we should just consider that the Mormon temple weddings of our beloved children (that we were deemed “unworthy” to attend but very “worthy” of doing the hard work of raising our children to be the kind of persons that the LDS would covet) to be just like a City Hall wedding that we wouldn’t want to attend. (Sort of like in the job market where a person finds out that he’s about to be fired and so quits first or the childish “You can’t hurt me because I didn’t want it anyway”.)

Annie B–I’m glad that the pain is lessening for you and that your relationship with your daughter is still strong. I hope it continues for you (and better yet that your daughter and her beau join you in your Catholic Faith…where she won’t have to exclude you.) And remember, that you’ll always be close to your daughter in your heart and that your memories can’t ever be taken from you.

 

[Annie_B]

I guess we should just consider that the Mormon temple weddings of our beloved children (that we were deemed “unworthy” to attend but very “worthy” of doing the hard work of raising our children to be the kind of persons that the LDS would covet) to be just like a City Hall wedding that we wouldn’t want to attend. (Sort of like in the job market where a person finds out that he’s about to be fired and so quits first or the childish “You can’t hurt me because I didn’t want it anyway”.)

Annie B–I’m glad that the pain is lessening for you and that your relationship with your daughter is still strong. I hope it continues for you (and better yet that your daughter and her beau join you in your Catholic Faith…where she won’t have to exclude you.) And remember, that you’ll always be close to your daughter in your heart and that your memories can’t ever be taken from you.

Thank you for your kind words and support

Annie

 

[dolphinlove]

Please note the date and time. Zerinus was wrong about Mormon doctrine.

Nice to know your human

Maybe he is forgetting about his untruthful doctrine and remember the truthful one which is Catholicism