He left us...

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Mommyof02green said:
My hubby had to sign papers…this was because the day we got married he was NOT baptized and was NOT Catholic. The papers he sign said that he realized that this was an sacramental marriage and the all children we have would have to be raised Catholic. (Hubby converted 1 year after our wedding day)

My brother-in-law had to sign papers…this was because the day he married my sister he was NOT Catholic (His papers were the same as my husband) (Brother-in-law is still a Non-Catholic…but he’s helping my sister raise the baby Catholic :))

I have NOT heard of 2 Catholics signing papers…
Are you and hubby both Catholic?
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Yes, we are both Catholic. Maybe that is why we didn’t sign anything.
 
MegO said:
Yes, we are both Catholic. Maybe that is why we didn’t sign anything.
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That’s what I’m thinking… I’ve never heard of Catholics signing papers…just Non-Catholics.
 
That seems like a great resource. Unfortunately they are in Austin which is about 3 hours away. Given that DH refuses to even work on our marriage, I highly doubt he I could convince him to go three hours away.
 
MegO said:
That seems like a great resource. Unfortunately they are in Austin which is about 3 hours away. Given that DH refuses to even work on our marriage, I highly doubt he I could convince him to go three hours away.
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The only thing I would suggest is call them…they may have “coaches” that are closer…

I wish you all the “BEST” God bless!
 
I didn’t think about them having coaches closer. I will definitely call them. I think the next Retrovaille weekend in our area isn’t until February, but I will definitely push for us to go if we haven’t found another source of help before then.
 
Meg there is a light at the end of the tunnel. All you can do now is leave everything in Gods hands. He will help and guide you in this tough time. But you will get through this.

Please I do not want offend anybody but Meg you need to except that your husband has decided to not be in this marriage anymore. He has admitted to you that he is involved with somebody else. You cannot force somebody to be with you or love you if they do not. If you guys attend Retrouvaille he has to give this women up and be willing to give your marriage a chance.Has he given you any indication that he wants to be in the marriage. Where he is right now it is nice he does not have to worry about anything. He does not have to be responsibile for a wife and kids. He is free to do what pleases him and makes him happy. And when things are good outside you be amazed at the things men say. Like I do not love you or I was to young to be getting married etc,etc. They always justify themselves for the wrong that they do. Nobody forced him into this marriage he went into it with his eyes wide open why now is he changing his tune You did not make the decision on your own to have kids you guys decided that together.

Meg just move on with your life and concentrate on your kids. Don’t put your life on hold worrying about that man I know it is easier said then done but with time you will see things will get better.Leave him to knock his own head and he will learn the hard way. It is nice out there for now but when reality sinks in it is not the way it seems. As for the other women she forgets that the same thing can happen to her one day that what he did to you he can do the same to her and the same goes for him. YOU DO NOT BASE YOUR HAPPINESS ON SOMEBODY ELSES UNHAPPINESS, TEARS, SUFFERING OR PAIN. And people do not realise that. I have been through so much and I am still standing because life does go on. You cannot force anybody to be with you if they do not want to. And I learnt that a long time ago. My husband of 12 years left me last year Oct (or should I say that I kicked him out) for a 19 year old girl (he is 33 and I am 32 and we have 2 kids boy 9 and a girl 6) and they have a 7month old son. He still thinks that he is young and he did not want the responsiblity of kids and a wife and the package that goes with it. But now he is living with this girl we are not even divorced yet still in the process as he was the one who went to file for the divorce. And anyway the baby stays with her parents in another town which is 16 hours away from where they are staying. And his own kids who live about 30min away he does not have the time of day for. He is very content and happy that I am looking after the two kids and the other child somebody else is looking after. She left her small baby to follow a man and to be with a man who is not even divorced yet who has a history of physical and emotional abuse etc.

So Meg you are not alone there are lots of women out there who are going through a tough time but you need to be strong for your kids sake. And leave hubby to grow up and start acting his age instead of his shoe size. And his day is coming and soon. Just let him go and leave him in Gods hands.
 
MegO said:
I am a SAHM, but I pay all our bills and control all of our money. We do not own a home and both of us owned our cars before we got married so they are legally our separate property. We do have a joint bank account but the majority of our money is in my savings account since it earns the most interest there…
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Smart girl. Get a GOOD lawyer, who knows how to make him pay for lawyer services. I’ll be praying for you.
 
The OB and her hubby ARE separated.

I know for a fact that separation does not ALWAYS = divorce. 😉
(Sometimes it ends in divorce; sometimes it doesn’t)
I know for a fact that affairs does not ALWAYS = divorce. 😉
(Sometimes it ends in divorces; sometimes it doesn’t)

If the OP and hubby decided to stay married, then they are going to need resources that will help them have better communication; resources that are going to help them heal from this troubling time.

Also, regardless of what happens the OP and her children are going to need resource to help deal with the hurt.

A lot of people have advice the OP to get a lawyer, do all you can to insure the pocketbook and finances. However, money does NOT HEAL the heart.

Now finances are important, however at this point what are also EQUALLY important are resources that will help the OP heal, and resources that will help her children, and possibly resources that well help her marriage heal.

God Bless and Merry Christmas to all.
 
I just wanted to added:

I’ve heard that “Marriage” takes 3: God, Husband, and Wife.

It does NOT take: Husband, wife, and _________.
(Insert: CAF posters; relatives; friends; lawyers; counselors; etc) (Myself included)

OP, there is nothing wrong with posting here and getting “OPINIONS” and “ADVICE”; however I just wanted to say that it just opinions and advice. Everyone has opinions about everything and anything (Myself included)

It just at the end of the day the only thing that matters is what the people in the Marriage think i.e. God, Husband, and Wife.

OP of all the postings you have made the ones that stand out the most in my mind are:
MegO said:
I haven’t had much luck finding a lawyer who is supportive of my religious beliefs.
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MegO said:
I’m trying to find a priest that I know is fully in alignment with Church teaching.
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There’s a reason that you want a lawyer that is supportive of your religious beliefs and a reason that you want a priest is in full alignment with Church teaching. I’m almost positive that it’s a “Divine” reason. I would stick that that for sure: I would not ignore the urge to find a lawyer that is supportive of your religious beliefs and a priest that fully supports Church teaching.

Going from there I would also find a counselor and/or marriage coach that, also, is in full alignment with the Church teachings.

These outside things don’t make the marriage, however they can influence the husband and wife in the marriage. Just like with anything in life you want to surround yourself with “good” influences…

God Bless.
 
I have a couple points to make after updating myself on this thread. First of all I’m pretty sure you can get child support without filing for divorce. This would probably be through a legal seperation. I had to pay child support before we were divorced, however my x-wife started the divorce process early on and after the first court hearing I was forced to start paying.
I have also been through the annulment process. This process won’t even begin until you are civially divorced for a period of time. I believe it is no less than 6 months after the divorce is final. My diocese was 1 year. Also I didn’t pay one dime for the annulment process, but my x-wife may of payed something. She also started this process and it was never discussed if it cost anything. I can tell you that we were married in the Catholic Church (however I wasn’t Catholic at the time), attended engaged encounter, and also attended the required marriage prep with a priest. We had a child together and still received a declaration of nullity. I thought that there was no way we would ever be granted this, but after going through the process and really learning what a sacramental marriage is, it became obvious to me that something was lacking. The final ruling said that this marriage was null based on the grounds of lack of due discretion. Basically one or both of us didn’t understand what the Sacrament of marriage was all about. We have lived together before marriage, had premarital sex, were only married for a year and half before my wife at the time had left, and she was involved with another man. I Recently talked to a priest about annulments and he said sadly that most marriages now a days are not valid at the time a couple says their vows due to lack due discretion. Most couples live together before marriage and are engaging in pre-marital sex, plus the marriage prep is really lacking and most priest will still marry a couple even if they are living together. Also if you look at what people are being exposed to on T.V. in the media etc, we are not a society that is really preparing couples for the long haul of marriage. How many people are really going to stick it out for “better or worse?” We are an instance gratification culture and if someone isn’t happy what are they told to do? Move on and find happiness and if this means leaving your wife with infant twins for another women, than so be it. Statistically over 50% of all Americans are divorcing. And if you get divorced once, you are 75% likely to get divorced a second time. Very sad
 
Jared123 said:
if someone isn’t happy what are they told to do? Move on and find happiness and if this means leaving your wife with infant twins for another women, than so be it.
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And then they’ll move on, and on, and on in search of this thing called “happiness”.

“True happiness” is not found in your spouse: Sure you can be happy with them, however they aren’t what “makes” you happy.

“True Happiness” is not found in your home, car, clothing or anything else you own: Sure you can be happy and proud that you have them, however they aren’t what “makes” you happy.

“True Happiness” is not found in your children, friends, or other people: Sure you can be happy that you have them in your life, however they aren’t what “makes” you happy.

“True Happiness” is not found in the career or work you do: Sure you can be happy and proud of what you do, however they aren’t what “makes” you happy.

“True Happiness” is not huge amounts of money: Sure you can be happy that you have more then enough, but it doesn’t “make” you happy.

Complete and “True Happiness” can only be found in God.

Q: Why did God make you?

A: God made me to know, love, and serve HIM in this world, and to be happy forever.

People need to embrace the statement: “God made me to know, love and serve HIM in this world, and to be happy forever”. Embracing that would help people to be “truly happy”, Embracing that would help marriages last! This is because to embrace that statment means you are embracing God.
 
Can you call Catholic Charities to set up an appointment with one of their mediators? Would your husband be willing to work through this separation and possible divorce by using a mediator instead of an attorney. Mediators deal with the emotional, spiritual, and financial aspects of seperation and divorce… With you and your husband they write up a legal documentation that gets approved by a judge (if it’s a legal seperation or divorce) and they make sure all the "i"s are dotted and the "t"s are crossed. They even work out custody issues and its not as expensive and it usually is more beneficial for everyone (considering the circumstances). If you get a mediator through Catholic Charities, you’ll most likely have someone working with you through this process who respects your beliefs.
 
Just so folks from other states know know, Texas does not have an option for legal separation. Issues of child support, visitation, and temporary spousal support are handled at the initial (temporary orders) divorce hearing, with a mandatory 60 days(?) before the divorce can be finalized (I waited 9 months, som go much longer). Alimony after a divorce is finalized is usually only available if a marriage had lasted 10 years or more, and then only for a few years. There also is not a precedent/framework for court-ordered marital counseling. There are allowance for mediation if both barties agree to try it, but I do not think (this is something I am not certain of) the courts cannot order the parties to try it.

In my case, since she would not agree to mediation, filing for divorce was the only option to legally compel my now-ex to let me see our kids at all after she went into hiding when I insisted she get better mental help. I also got very little in the way of guidance or referrals when I contacted the branch of Catholic Charities where the OP and her husband lived, but I was looking for resources closer to me since I was at the fringe of the diocese, so I might have goten more assitance if I’d made an appointement and a personal visit.

I will say that the child support collection system in Texas has run smoothly for me so far (I am on the receiving end). The current practice is for all payments to be garnished by the state and paid out by the state treasury so the state is tracking compliance and the supporting parent does not have to worry about dealing with bad checks from the other.
 
George’s visit went alright. He actually cried when he left. I’m glad to see him showing at least a little emotion finally.

I had my first appointment with the counselor at a nearby parish. It went really well. I realize now that George is much more immature than I ever thought. Counseling is helping me to realize that while I do have a part in our problems, the majority of this is not my fault. The counselor believes that there are four main issues in our marriage: codependency on my part (basically enabling George’s poor behaviors and making excuses for him); immaturity on George’s part; dysfunctional family control and enmeshment by George’s parents; and inappropriate use of alcohol by George (she actually think he shows addictive behavior but I’m not so sure). She says that unless George can see that it isn’t appropriate for a married man (especially one with children) to be going to bars and leaving his wife home to take care of the children on a regular basis, unless he can develop a healthier relationship with his parents, and unless I can quit enabling his behavior, we really don’t have a shot of making anything work. George refuses to work on either of his parts. I am working my co-dependency issues, something I need to do irregardless of what George does.

I still pray for a miracle, but in all reality, I realize that our marriage is probably over, and not only that, but we probably never had a sacramental marriage in the first place. According to the counselor, George never had an accurate view of what marriage should be. She says that marriage should be George’s second priority, with God being his first priority, but in reality George’s order is George first, parents 2nd, marriage 3rd, God lower down the list of priorities. It really makes me sad. Sadder than you can even imagine for myself and for the babies, but mostly for George. He is going to miss out on such great joy.

I have reached a point where I am no longer mad at George. Although he claims to see things so clearly now, in reality, he is extremely confused and needs time to grow up and find himself. I hope he takes the time to do so, but with this new relationship already in progress, I fear that he won’t.

I’m actually feeling fairly at peace with what is happening. I know that God can work even the worst things for good. Like I said I still pray for our marriage to be saved, but I also pray that if it isn’t, God will give me time to heal and then provide me with a holy spouse, one who will treat Grace and Jake as his own, who is loyal to the Church and all it’s teachings, someone who is mature and can truly lead a family. I don’t doubt for a minute that my calling remains to be a wife and mom and I still want a big family. I just have to trust God to provide that even if it isn’t with George.

I’m actually enjoying taking more time to focus on my faith. I’ve been doing a lot of reading and praying. I’m even looking for a spiritual director, and I’m hoping God will provide someone soon. I feel closer to God now than I have in quite awhile.
 
+JMJ

Meg,

My prayers are with you and I pray that this hurt will pass in time. Saying that “God” has told him to get out of a marriage is defantly not biblicaly based. I would keep praying for him that if he so choses to go this route that God may have mercy on him.

I know if he has found someone that person maybe be egging him on also don’t forget she may be saying it and he is saying “God” has told me this. I wouldn’t believe it for a second honestly but I also know the marriage vows say “for better or worse”. I just don’t get it know my prayers are with you and your children in this difficult time.

:blessyou: :gopray: :gopray2:

In the arms of our Loving Mother
 
dulcissima said:
If you have left your home with your daughters to live with your mother, then there is another reason to be quick about getting to a lawyer. When I left my husband and took my kids to my parents’ house and told him that I was going to file for legal separation, he avoided being served and went to a lawyer and filed for divorce seeking full custody saying that I had “kidnapped” the kids. Fortunately the judge did not buy that, and I got custody. However, because he was able to serve me first, our divorce is being heard by a court in the county where we lived, which is 5 hours away from my parents’ house. I got ordered to move back down here with the kids. Fortuntately the judge also ordered him out of our home and issued a restraining order against him. It really could have turned out a lot worse though. It is not all that uncommon for women who “take the kids and go to Mom’s house” to lose custody at an ex-parte hearing, with the husband saying that she kidnapped the children. Your husband is going to have motivation to seek at least partial custody of your daughters though, once he finds out just how expensive child support and spousal support are. That is why it is really important to find a good attorney and soon.
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oh my. This is something that I never thought of, and this is why this site is so valuable. I learn so much. Never in a million years would I have known this, thanks Dulci.
 
Jared123 said:
I have a couple points to make after updating myself on this thread. First of all I’m pretty sure you can get child support without filing for divorce. This would probably be through a legal seperation. I had to pay child support before we were divorced, however my x-wife started the divorce process early on and after the first court hearing I was forced to start paying.
I have also been through the annulment process. This process won’t even begin until you are civially divorced for a period of time. I believe it is no less than 6 months after the divorce is final. My diocese was 1 year. Also I didn’t pay one dime for the annulment process, but my x-wife may of payed something. She also started this process and it was never discussed if it cost anything. I can tell you that we were married in the Catholic Church (however I wasn’t Catholic at the time), attended engaged encounter, and also attended the required marriage prep with a priest. We had a child together and still received a declaration of nullity. I thought that there was no way we would ever be granted this, but after going through the process and really learning what a sacramental marriage is, it became obvious to me that something was lacking. The final ruling said that this marriage was null based on the grounds of lack of due discretion. Basically one or both of us didn’t understand what the Sacrament of marriage was all about. We have lived together before marriage, had premarital sex, were only married for a year and half before my wife at the time had left, and she was involved with another man. I Recently talked to a priest about annulments and he said sadly that most marriages now a days are not valid at the time a couple says their vows due to lack due discretion. Most couples live together before marriage and are engaging in pre-marital sex, plus the marriage prep is really lacking and most priest will still marry a couple even if they are living together. Also if you look at what people are being exposed to on T.V. in the media etc, we are not a society that is really preparing couples for the long haul of marriage. How many people are really going to stick it out for “better or worse?” We are an instance gratification culture and if someone isn’t happy what are they told to do? Move on and find happiness and if this means leaving your wife with infant twins for another women, than so be it. Statistically over 50% of all Americans are divorcing. And if you get divorced once, you are 75% likely to get divorced a second time. Very sad
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Here’s what crossed my mind while reading your post, how on Earth does anyone know what the sacrament of Matrimony is all about until they do it?
So, wouldn’t it be more about whether or not both parties are truly committed to their promise to make it work. I don’t have kids, but I know for a fact that my “idea” as to what kids are all about is probably far removed from the actual situation of having a child. I would figure that marriage is the same.
 
Mommyof02green said:
The OB and her hubby ARE separated.

I know for a fact that separation does not ALWAYS = divorce. 😉
(Sometimes it ends in divorce; sometimes it doesn’t)
I know for a fact that affairs does not ALWAYS = divorce. 😉
(Sometimes it ends in divorces; sometimes it doesn’t)

If the OP and hubby decided to stay married, then they are going to need resources that will help them have better communication; resources that are going to help them heal from this troubling time.

Also, regardless of what happens the OP and her children are going to need resource to help deal with the hurt.

A lot of people have advice the OP to get a lawyer, do all you can to insure the pocketbook and finances. However, money does NOT HEAL the heart.

Now finances are important, however at this point what are also EQUALLY important are resources that will help the OP heal, and resources that will help her children, and possibly resources that well help her marriage heal.

God Bless and Merry Christmas to all.
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The reason I urged her to see a lawyer is because she already has a sound foundation in her Faith, so she doesn’t need any advice on that level.
I’ve known too many women who have been left with insufficient funds to care for their kids too be casual about it.
 
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