I don’t know if this is enough concern or not, but it’s the best that I can do. Before I entered religious life I was married and the father of three children. On June 3, 1993 my wife, father, and seven-year old son were killed by a drunk driver. My nine-year old daughter and four-year old son survived.
After raising my children alone and spending a great deal of time with the driver of the other car, I realized that God loves us all. The image of Mary, standing quietly at the foot of the cross always moved me. I often wondered about that silence. It dawned on me one day as I was praying before the Blessed Sacrament that Mary’s silence was about love. Not only did she love her son, but she also loved those who condemned her son to death and those who carried out the execution. Her immaculate heart could do not more than love. There was no room in her heart for anger, indignation, hatred or punishment. She wanted nothing more than to see these souls saved.
My relationship with the driver of the other car changed. I began to visit him. Later I began to visit his family. I discovered that underneath all of this there was a human being who was very broken. I had received the greater blessing. Even though I had lost most of my family in a tragic accident, I did not have to live with the guilt. I came to the conclusion that God would not allow me to allow another person to go without forgiveness and kindness. God had been kind to me. Had I been the driver, I do not know if I could have lived with the guilt.
God in his infinite wisdom did not allow me to be in that position, which he knew that I could not handle. Instead he placed me in a position that I could handle. I was the victim. Forgiveness and charity was not beyond my capability, if I wanted to do so. God had given me Mary as an example. Not only had he given me Mary, but I had been educated by Capuchin Franciscans all of my life. I knew about Francis and his great love for Jesus in the rejected and marginalized. God had given me the tools and the examples that I needed. Having been born with a free will, I also had the ability to fogive and to help. It was my choice. Everything was in my hands. I had been blessed.
That’s all that I can say. Because there was not much more that I could do or can do today. You may be right. I have nothing to add here. I may not have much to contribute. But that is my poverty and I can’t do more than this.
Fraternally,
Br. JR, OSF