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Castello
Guest
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TraderTif
Guest
I’ll second that - I took all my creighton instruction long-distance (and my case is not the simplest). I’ve learned to do it!! And the information has been invaluable for their doctors, who have helped treat my health problems.
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tundra1
Guest
To the OP:.Yet interestingly enough, I wasn’t told in any of my Church’s pre-marriage counseling sessions that people shouldn’t get married unless they plan on having kids in the first 2 years of marriage.…Neither had I even heard that before in my life, until I came to this website and started being criticized for getting married. It seems to be some type of notion that exists only on CAF.
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Greetings,
But to be fair, there are lots of things one wont hear from the average Chruch pre-marriage counseling sessions, or from the pulpit for that matter. Its an unfortunate and sad state of the Church today, that the truth is not taught fully.
If you dont belive the people here on CAF check with other reliable sourses.
ps. Who knows, perhaps one day you’ll see as I have that we were both victims of those in higher positions who’s job it was to preach us the truth and for what ever reason, they did not.
Pray for the Church!
God bless
B
Brav3N3wWorld
Guest
Good luck OP!
Although, I don’t fully understand your position, I can relate to it. My husband and I were in graduate school when we got married. We wanted to finish school before having children. I had practiced charting 6 months before our wedding, and we abstained during our honeymoon because I was fertile.
About 10 months into our marriage I was pregnant because we had misread my thermal shift and mucas pattern due to illness. 10 months after that, our daughter was born. We had to drop out of graduate school, so DH could work full time and I could take care of the baby. DH got a pretty good job as a teacher, so the arrangement worked out.
Then I did ecological breastfeeding, as per the special class sold by the C2CL. Twelve months later I was pregnant with our second child because the only symptom I could check at that point was mucus. We had relations and saw mucus a few days later, and I knew what that meant.
Six months after the positive pregnancy test, DH lost his job teaching due to budget cuts. Because he was in an alternative certification program, he couldn’t get another teaching job. I couldn’t get a job because, even though it’s illegal, employers do discriminate when they see that baby bump. DH worked two part time jobs. We lost our health insurance, and completely went into financial ruin. Two months after our baby was born, we could no longer pay rent on our apartment. We were homeless.
Thankfully, my husband’s parents rescued us. We are now living in a space on their property, so everything worked out. Now we are trying to get back on our feet, and I am completely terrified at the prospect of becoming pregnant again. Being pregnant and caring for babies for most of our 4 year marriage, has left us pretty unstable. I do not trust NFP, and I do not trust ecological breastfeeding (Yes, I know this is part of NFP).
In full disclosure, we have been abstinent for 5 months, and have only had sex 3 times within the past year. Our marriage has survived. And in many ways, I prefer abstinence to NFP. At least I KNOW that I am not pregnant.
All of this to say, there are NFP errors, and you may end up with a baby. Be prepared to welcome and love you’re child(ren) anyway. Be ready for difficulties, which happen in any marriage, whether or not those difficulties are related to “surprise” pregnancies. Be prepared to sacrifice for the good of your family. Despite what others say, you are ready for marriage if you are prepared to do these things. It’s not about necessarily *wanting *kids right away, but how you would respond if you did have a child.
ETA: To answer your question, when we were practicing the sympto-thermal method, we usually abstained, anywhere between 2 weeks and 20 days per cycle. We were being careful and using the conservative rules–another reason why I am now afraid to do NFP again.
Although, I don’t fully understand your position, I can relate to it. My husband and I were in graduate school when we got married. We wanted to finish school before having children. I had practiced charting 6 months before our wedding, and we abstained during our honeymoon because I was fertile.
About 10 months into our marriage I was pregnant because we had misread my thermal shift and mucas pattern due to illness. 10 months after that, our daughter was born. We had to drop out of graduate school, so DH could work full time and I could take care of the baby. DH got a pretty good job as a teacher, so the arrangement worked out.
Then I did ecological breastfeeding, as per the special class sold by the C2CL. Twelve months later I was pregnant with our second child because the only symptom I could check at that point was mucus. We had relations and saw mucus a few days later, and I knew what that meant.
Six months after the positive pregnancy test, DH lost his job teaching due to budget cuts. Because he was in an alternative certification program, he couldn’t get another teaching job. I couldn’t get a job because, even though it’s illegal, employers do discriminate when they see that baby bump. DH worked two part time jobs. We lost our health insurance, and completely went into financial ruin. Two months after our baby was born, we could no longer pay rent on our apartment. We were homeless.
Thankfully, my husband’s parents rescued us. We are now living in a space on their property, so everything worked out. Now we are trying to get back on our feet, and I am completely terrified at the prospect of becoming pregnant again. Being pregnant and caring for babies for most of our 4 year marriage, has left us pretty unstable. I do not trust NFP, and I do not trust ecological breastfeeding (Yes, I know this is part of NFP).
In full disclosure, we have been abstinent for 5 months, and have only had sex 3 times within the past year. Our marriage has survived. And in many ways, I prefer abstinence to NFP. At least I KNOW that I am not pregnant.
All of this to say, there are NFP errors, and you may end up with a baby. Be prepared to welcome and love you’re child(ren) anyway. Be ready for difficulties, which happen in any marriage, whether or not those difficulties are related to “surprise” pregnancies. Be prepared to sacrifice for the good of your family. Despite what others say, you are ready for marriage if you are prepared to do these things. It’s not about necessarily *wanting *kids right away, but how you would respond if you did have a child.
ETA: To answer your question, when we were practicing the sympto-thermal method, we usually abstained, anywhere between 2 weeks and 20 days per cycle. We were being careful and using the conservative rules–another reason why I am now afraid to do NFP again.
D
divinefaith
Guest
OP, do you at least know what your fiancee’s fertility is like? If she has a condition then the average answer might differ. Like other posters said, you and your future Mrs should take NFP classes and talk about the issue personally.
I understand your concern about NFP abstinence. Im single yet afraid at how difficult NFP might be if I do get married. Its not immature at all.
I understand your concern about NFP abstinence. Im single yet afraid at how difficult NFP might be if I do get married. Its not immature at all.
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divinefaith
Guest
People here sound closed. But it’s how I was taught religion in high school. Things like being obliged to have children as soon as we get married and that we can only NFP when we’re really and only struggling turned my thoughts away from marriage. I understand why some posts here are way conservative . I still dont know what view of marriage and procreation we should have but I hope its more liberal than what some here (and my teachers) have said.To the OP:
Don’t worry about the people who are telling you to not get married until you are able to have children immediately.
I have been married for a year and have been told by these online “strangers” who don’t even know me that I shouldn’t have gotten married because I said my husband and I are waiting to have children until we have more money/stability.
…Yet interestingly enough, I wasn’t told in any of my Church’s pre-marriage counseling sessions that people shouldn’t get married unless they plan on having kids in the first 2 years of marriage.
Now, to answer your question, you will need to abstain for an average of 8-12 days per month. Not bad compared to the 20+ you were expecting.I think you’ll do just fine.
Congratulations to you, and I hope you have a beautiful wedding and a great marriage.
D
Debora123
Guest
Wow. In that case, how awful my Parish and my priest should be for having married my husband and I. If they were doing their job correctly they obviously wouldn’t have married me, right?
Sorry. Some things can only be answered with sarcasm. Especially when people (complete strangers) offend me, my marriage, and my Church.
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Debora123
Guest
What some people here are saying, and what some of your teachers may have told you, is nothing but their own extremely conservative opinion.
There is no Church doctrine, nothing in the wedding vows, nothing described officially about the sacrament of matrimony, that specifically says a couple must purposely try to have children as soon as they get married… and that they should not get married if they will initially have legitimate reasons not to get pregnant right away.
So to take their opinions and try to rub it in my face like it’s official Church teaching and tell me that I shouldn’t be married and that my parish shouldn’t have married me is, once again, extremely rude and inappropriate. Offensive to myself, my marriage, and my priest.
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JoArtist
Guest
I know what you mean. People tend to add on their opinions and then treat it like Church teaching. They are offensive to many marriages and I have a feeling, don’t understand how incredibly inappropriate to make themselves the judge of what the Church should do, who should get married, ect. The Church is the one who should make those decisions, not them. The Church was obviously okay with you and your husband getting married, and my husband and I getting married even though neither couple could have children right away. As I have said earlier, I trust my priest way before I trust the people on this site. (who know nothing of either of our life situations)
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Rita77
Guest
Priest don’t chase out all the parishioners who are in the state of serious sin with harsh judgment no a good Priest welcomes them home (church) and humbly and gently tries to bring them back into the state of grace. we do need to stand up for our faith and our moral beliefs, otherwise our beliefs and morals will get stomped out and others who had different morals and beliefs will prevail over ours like abortion and gay marriage. We have to stand up so our voices (beliefs) will be heard but we must be kind about it but there is a time and a place for it. Its good to help others become aware of sin and its good to be righteous but we must be gentle, kind and humble when we do. Its prideful, unnecessary, rude, unkind, to use harsh judgment. Sometimes it’s necessary to judge like when voting for president and sometimes not. I don’t think anyone should tell the op that he shouldn’t get married that’s very rude but we can and should tell him the church teachings on the matter. In this case we should give the facts (teachings) and not judgment. If you saw someone in church dressed immodestly reveling her chest would you be rude and say you are dress wrong or would you explain the church teaching on modesty in a humble way or would you say nothing at all and let her views change the dress code. Only 2% of Catholic’s use NFP so you see we need to promote NFP if you want to be faithful its our only moral option when we have just reason for it. So I see the OP as a young engaged man interested in NFP and so I encouraged him to learn more about and learning about NFP is also learning about the Church teaching on sexuality and abstaince. To tell him he shouldn’t get married is harsh unnecessary sinful judgment.
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Warrior1979
Guest
It will vary, but it will be quite a few days if you want to be certain as is possible to avoid pregnancy.
When I got married in my 20’s, and if I would’ve practiced NFP, my head would’ve exploded.I’m quite shocked to see few threads telling that having sexual abstinence will require a rather large part of the month. Because after marriage I want to unify with my wife physically and emotionaly, and in my opinion sex plays a rather big part of it, as sex is made as the ultimate beautiful expression of love between married couple (with the purpose of unity and procreation). I already waited until marriage with some difficulty. I can’t abstain for that long every month
BTW, don’t listen to the judgmental people implying you shouldn’t get married. You should be receiving praise, not judgment, for attempting to follow the Church’s rules. Good luck with your marriage.
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Luvz2travel
Guest
I’ve been saying this for awhile and everyone gets mad when I point it out!
:clapping:
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maryjk
Guest
What you have been saying is that to use NFP we must first consult with a priest.I’ve been saying this for awhile and everyone gets mad when I point it out!
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Alistair_DB
Guest
You’re also among those who claim you pretty much have to have no fewer than 7 types of cancer before NFP is used. Sorry, but my wife and i lived in one tiny bedroom in my parents house after we got married, and made $90 a week. We could barely look after ourselves, lete alone a kid
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emmar
Guest
That’s definitely a grave reason to avoid. I’ve heard many people on here say that money isn’t a reason to avoid. However we avoided for same reason, ended up pregnant anyway and it has ruined us financially. I think in many Catholic circles women are seen as “baby-poppers.” Pop one out every 2 years. This is not only unhealthy for the mother, but I grew up watching all my friends families, and the bad effects that came from this. So, I think grave reason should be left to the parents not a priest or the Church. The priest or the Church is not the one suffering and struggling when NFP fails.
I do agree that you should learn NFP months before the wedding, Just keep in mind this does not insure success.
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Em_in_FL
Guest
Actually - roughly 2 years IS the “recommended” (general medical community) spacing between pregnancies… there’s nothing “unhealthy” about that and certainly doesn’t qualify a woman to be considered a “baby-popper”…
And don’t forget that breastfeeding plays an important role in this “between pregnancy” spacing… it doesn’t work for everyone, but it’s a win-win situation all around!
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CountrySinger
Guest
But aren’t Catholics supposed to not do anything to help themselves, and just let lay there and think God is supposed to do it all? Because God will send a big old basket of money through your roof. And then you have to pay for the roof repairs of course.
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FullOfThought
Guest
We are getting married in 2 months and have been learning the Creighton model, it looks like for us we will have to abstain for 9 days a month plus the menstral flow time, which all couples would abstain from anyway regardless of NFP or not.
The way that we are thinking about this is that on average an American couple has sexual intercourse 2-3 times a week, so that’s a max average of 12 days a month, and we have plenty more infertile days than that!
Plus those 9 days of not having intercourse will enable us to focus on other aspects of our relationship and never take intercourse for granted… what a gift!
The way that we are thinking about this is that on average an American couple has sexual intercourse 2-3 times a week, so that’s a max average of 12 days a month, and we have plenty more infertile days than that!
Plus those 9 days of not having intercourse will enable us to focus on other aspects of our relationship and never take intercourse for granted… what a gift!
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Em_in_FL
Guest
Eh… some are okay with this…
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