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Debora123
Guest
I think kissing is perfectly ok in a committed, monogamous relationship.
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april32010
Guest
right,but isn’t there a question as to whether this is a committed relationship ?
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12345678
Guest
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Debora123
Guest
Sure, but I wasn’t referring to THIS relationship. I was just making a general statement in regards to kissing.
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Debora123
Guest
Some Catholics will agree with me about kissing, others will disagree.
This forum and its apologists tend to take a very conservative view on things that aren’t directly addressed by the Church.
I’m 26 years old, happily married, and have done my share of dating/kissing. I still stand where I stand in regards to kissing.
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Giggly_Giraffe
Guest
Papa Benedict writes:
This is due first and foremost to the fact that man is a being made up of body and soul. Man is truly himself when his body and soul are intimately united; the challenge of eros can be said to be truly overcome when this unification is achieved. Should he aspire to be pure spirit and to reject the flesh as pertaining to his animal nature alone, then spirit and body would both lose their dignity. On the other hand, should he deny the spirit and consider matter, the body, as the only reality, he would likewise lose his greatness. The epicure Gassendi used to offer Descartes the humorous greeting: “O Soul!” And Descartes would reply: “O Flesh!”.[3] Yet it is neither the spirit alone nor the body alone that loves: it is man, the person, a unified creature composed of body and soul, who loves. Only when both dimensions are truly united, does man attain his full stature. Only thus is love —eros—able to mature and attain its authentic grandeur.
vatican.va/holy_father/benedict_xvi/encyclicals/documents/hf_ben-xvi_enc_20051225_deus-caritas-est_en.html#_ftn13
This is due first and foremost to the fact that man is a being made up of body and soul. Man is truly himself when his body and soul are intimately united; the challenge of eros can be said to be truly overcome when this unification is achieved. Should he aspire to be pure spirit and to reject the flesh as pertaining to his animal nature alone, then spirit and body would both lose their dignity. On the other hand, should he deny the spirit and consider matter, the body, as the only reality, he would likewise lose his greatness. The epicure Gassendi used to offer Descartes the humorous greeting: “O Soul!” And Descartes would reply: “O Flesh!”.[3] Yet it is neither the spirit alone nor the body alone that loves: it is man, the person, a unified creature composed of body and soul, who loves. Only when both dimensions are truly united, does man attain his full stature. Only thus is love —eros—able to mature and attain its authentic grandeur.
vatican.va/holy_father/benedict_xvi/encyclicals/documents/hf_ben-xvi_enc_20051225_deus-caritas-est_en.html#_ftn13
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Winter_Warlock_1
Guest
Eastern,
The question should not be “how much does physical attraction matter to YOU!”
The thing is you need to choose what you find attractive in a person not what society tells you is attractive. Remember if she makes you happy and you make her happy who gives a –blank- what anyone else thinks. You are no in a relationship with the world just the one you chose.
Winter
The question should not be “how much does physical attraction matter to YOU!”
The thing is you need to choose what you find attractive in a person not what society tells you is attractive. Remember if she makes you happy and you make her happy who gives a –blank- what anyone else thinks. You are no in a relationship with the world just the one you chose.
Winter
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Winter_Warlock_1
Guest
Oops,
Correction:
The question should be “how much does physical attraction matter to YOU!”
Correction:
The question should be “how much does physical attraction matter to YOU!”
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EasternWestern
Guest
Please pray for me: I’m going to give her “the talk” soon. I’m not very good at this, and she is incredibly deeply in love with me and attracted to me. Who knows? When I see her I may not have the nerve? Or maybe I’ll chicken out at the last minute and just focus on her stellar personality and change my mind. Oh, Lord, I am so confused. None of this is fun.
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WingsOfEagles
Guest
Praying for you.
I wouldn’t focus on “not being attracted to her” if you do decide to break it off. Perhaps, something along the lines of “I thing you are an amazing person, but I feel sisterly love for you more than romantic love.”
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thewanderer
Guest
To be honest, to someone with weight issues and sensitivities I don’t think that would make a huge difference. Although perhaps if you can point this out as there being something wrong with you instead of with her, such as bringing up the fact that it is not just weight, but grey hair and wrinkles as well, that you have a problem with and so that this is an issue you should probably work through on your own before thinking of marrying, it might go over a little better.Praying for you.
I wouldn’t focus on “not being attracted to her” if you do decide to break it off. Perhaps, something along the lines of “I thing you are an amazing person, but I feel sisterly love for you more than romantic love.”
(by the way OP, I’m not bringing this up to badger you or paint you as an evil horrible person or anything, its just another perspective that hasn’t been brought up for you to think about.
)
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Debora123
Guest
Honestly, I don’t think the OP should talk to her about physical appearances at all… he should just say he’s not feeling the chemistry/spark and leave it at that.To be honest, to someone with weight issues and sensitivities I don’t think that would make a huge difference. Although perhaps if you can point this out as there being something wrong with you instead of with her, such as bringing up the fact that it is not just weight, but grey hair and wrinkles as well, that you have a problem with and so that this is an issue you should probably work through on your own before thinking of marrying, it might go over a little better.
(by the way OP, I’m not bringing this up to badger you or paint you as an evil horrible person or anything, its just another perspective that hasn’t been brought up for you to think about.
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thewanderer
Guest
Yes, I guess I didn’t quite phrase it the best way either.
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kelvinf
Guest
You can write it down on a piece of paper and give it to her.
And it was a girl who told me this when she noticed that I wanted to tell her something but just couldn’t say it.
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Ms_Manners
Guest
Don’t.
Not in this order.
If you chicken out first and then talk yourself into changing your mind now, it could turn out to be a really serious mistake later for both of you.
She should have someone who won’t look at her with that nagging thought in her head, who won’t always be wondering if it was an honest choice.
How would you feel if roles were reversed? Would you want someone who stayed with you because she chickened out?
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12345678
Guest
And some Catholics disagree with the fact that ABC is wrong, and that abortion is wrong, etc etc… but anyways, this is a tangent.
OP, another thought, there is a difference between A. you not being attracted to someone, and B. you worrying about what others may think regardless of how you feel, and not being satisfied because of your pride in wanting to walk around showing what a ‘good catch’ you got in secular standards. Just make sure that the reason you are breaking up is A and not B.
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Debora123
Guest
Find me something in any Church document that directly says “pre marital kissing is intrinsically evil” and I will put it on the same level as abortion.
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kelvinf
Guest
Do you know of a formal or any collection of Church documents?
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12345678
Guest
I’m just saying that just because different people hold different opinions, it does not mean they are all right. Abortion and ABC are clearly intrinsically evil according to our Teachings, yet there are Catholics that choose to ignore this and hold a different “opinion”. If they can be wrong about things that are clearly spelled out, why can they not be wrong about things that moral theologians and priests that are loyal to the Magisterium, with their consciences well formed, have stated (based on documents of the Church eg, Catechism, etc)?Find me something in any Church document that directly says “pre marital kissing is intrinsically evil” and I will put it on the same level as abortion.
In short, regardless of any opinions, I think we can all agree on the advice that the OP should not be kissing this young lady which can be misleading to her.
I am of the opinion that it is ok to break it off with someone because you are not attracted to them, even if they have other nice qualities. And I definitely don’t agree with the idea of staying with someone because they are the best you can find for now. I do believe that a person should educate him/herself on what they should be looking for in a future spouse, and they should learn about marriage, family, and love, and the purpose of this all, in order to have this in mind when seeking a spouse. It is possible for one to have one’s priorities wrong and make choices based on the wrong things, but I definitely think that attraction is important and it is good to seek someone one is attracted to for marriage. Now, if one has the right perspective, one’s love for the other person will go way deeper than the physical attraction, and as the years go by, and the youthful beauty withers, a couple that truly loves each other will still be attracted to each other. A couple that truly loves each other will take care of their appearances as best they can (even if it is through simple hygiene) out of love for each other.
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Marc_Anthony
Guest
Try the Vatican website.
I’m all with Debora on this, although I do agree he shouldn’t be leading her on by kissing her.
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