How to treat young, unwed mothers

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It seems to me that we ought to rejoice that the world has given us another child and a courageous (if maybe inexperienced) mommy. When I see suspicious situations, I usually try to smile and enjoy the child for what it is - a gift from God. It’s up to Him to look after mom & baby.

Peace.
 
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Lilyofthevalley:
Jp, there are ladies who have 3 or 5 children by different men. They are not married and the children are the ones suffering. I will certainly wonder what they thinking.
If that makes me the evil judgemental lady so be it.
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I have reflected on that quite a bit,I am not infallible so bear with me. Women are by nature different than men as regards to sex(in general,so guys bear with me).Women are in constant search for true love and in todays society the sexual act is treated as synonymous with love. These women have not found that love in Jesus so they reach for these men to fill the search for love.They get dumped and continue the search they are looking for love in all the wrong places(parden the pun)😃 Anyway that is what I came up with.God Bless
 
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Lisa4Catholics:
I have reflected on that quite a bit,I am not infallible so bear with me. Women are by nature different than men as regards to sex(in general,so guys bear with me).Women are in constant search for true love and in todays society the sexual act is treated as synonymous with love. These women have not found that love in Jesus so they reach for these men to fill the search for love.They get dumped and continue the search they are looking for love in all the wrong places(parden the pun)😃 Anyway that is what I came up with.God Bless
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Certainly it’s apparent that as chuch has become LESS influential in the lives of more and more people, as any reference to religious is increasingly banished from the public square, we have people looking for what they think is love. Instead they find transitory relationships and those who become pregnant then turn to their babies for the love they didn’t get from the sperm donor (I refuse to call irresponsible men who impregnate girls and abandon them “father.”) However we now foist off responsibility from parent, family, religious community onto the government. Those who want the government to solve all our problems are also looking for “love” in the wrong place. But that’s what we’ve substituted for family and faith.

Lisa N
 
Well I usually do not stop to think about marital status, but I went into a maternity shop this weekend and I found one woman staring at me and I felt so uncomfortable about it.
Just because I am young does not mean I am not married. I am not really showing yet so this is the first experience I have had with this.
I felt so judged and I have not done anything wrong, I almost wanted to cry because she looked down upon me. If I had been out with my hubby instead of a friend I doubt I would have had a problem.

I have another story. One of my friends has an older sister who found out she was pregnant when she went into labor, she had no real symptoms and had been under a lot of stress. Some people looked down upon her for being an unwed mother until she would tell them that her husband had died of cancer and then they felt so bad for her.

You can not just look at someone and know if they are an unwed mother or what their situation is, it is so much better to look at someone and tell them how beautiful their child is.
Kat
 
well mabye you can treat me nicely bc i have convinsed my mother to let me have my baby!

soon i will be an unwed mother 😦
thanx for helpng me out b4 everyone

i wuld have put this in my other thread but this msg board delted it
 
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sadlisa:
well mabye you can treat me nicely bc i have convinsed my mother to let me have my baby!

soon i will be an unwed mother 😦
thanx for helpng me out b4 everyone

i wuld have put this in my other thread but this msg board delted it
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SadLisa–you may never know how much joy you have brought to all the people encouraged and renewed by your strength…not to mention all those people who will know and fall in love with your yet unborn child. I see God’s hand in all of it. Bless you for this sacrifice of yourself, your pride and privacy and for choosing the harder, public reckoning of an earlier error in judgement.
 
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sadlisa:
well mabye you can treat me nicely bc i have convinsed my mother to let me have my baby!

soon i will be an unwed mother 😦
thanx for helpng me out b4 everyone

i wuld have put this in my other thread but this msg board delted it
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Lisa,

Thank you so much for your courage and witness. Through this baby, God is giving you the chance to give him glory!

I don’t know your plans for the future, but you are already demonstrating one of the most precious characteristics of motherhood – putting the needs of your baby above your own desires.
 
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Galieo:
You are equating our Most Holy Mother, the Immaculate Conception, the Second Eve whose most holy “Yes” at the Annuciation to an obvious fornicator (unless the woman was raped)? Seriously? You are kidding right?

I am not suggesting one treat an unwed mother with anything but compassion and warmth, but I find this comparison way off base.
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There were probably those who thought our Holy Mother was a fornicator. I think the point is that you don’t know another person’s circumstances (perhaps they were coerced or raped), or what is in her heart. You don’t know for sure that they have seriously sinned, and you certainly don’t know if they have repented or not.

Anyway, Jesus treated some obvious fornicators pretty well.
 
Sadlisa,

I am glad your parents came to their senses and are not requiring that you kill your baby. God Bless you and the baby. I hope you find some faith filled people to support you. Have you told your priest yet? How about the father? Better to be the 15 year old mother of a beautiful baby than one who is in heaven.
 
I didn’t vote 'cause I didn’t see an answer that I felt adequately addressed the situation described.

I think a person should talk to these young ladies but what they should say I don’t know. I feel that these young women, girls, have enough problems with getting a raft of…well, you know what from the likes of me. But someone needs to tell them something.

I follow the current situation surrounding this phenomenon in our culture because it closely intertwines with the abortion situation which I’m sure is of critical interest to all of us.

Facts I’ve read include the following. Over 30% of whites in this country are currently being born out of wedlock. Over 70% of blacks. And here’s the heart break: Over 73% of the population of our juvenile prison system come from “no father” homes. Not “bad father” homes but “no father” homes.

Like I said, someone needs to tell these young ladies something.

There was a young woman where I worked. A church going girl but not Catholic. Has a beautiful little boy from an earlier relationship. The father dumped her when she got pregnant.
She was about to be married to another young man, whom she has been sleeping with. The wedding date was about two weeks off when she discovered he was sleeping with one of her friends. Naturally she dropped him like a hot potato. He was a regular church going member of her church too.
Now she’s pretty much given up on men.

I keep thinking of that little boy growing up to be someone’s plaything down at the local juvenile hall.

Is anyone telling these kids anything down there at the church where she goes? Is anyone telling them anything down at your Church?
I know I don’t hear much, if anything, down at my Church on the subject.

:crying: From Death Valley, prayin’ for rain,
  • FranL
 
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bapcathluth:
I wouldn’t act judgmental to the young woman, but I certainly wouldn’t congratulate her for using such bad judgement herself. If somebody is having sex outside of marriage, they better darn well use birth control. Obviously they are disregarding the laws of the church anyway, so use your brain and contracept.

You all act like it is so rosey these young girls having babies. Some young, unwed mothers do a good job, but most are unprepared for the responsiblity that is motherhood.
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Can’t handle the consequences of one sin so let’s add another. Two sins for the price of one. Yeah, I like that. Sounds like a blue light special from hell.

Hey, no one promised any of us a rose garden. :tsktsk: How about we try some good old fashioned parenting instead?!?!? Maybe even the parents need some parenting, huh?

Get with the program,
  • FranL
 
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katybird:
I do feel bad for people who want to adopt… but when I thought of how they wanted MY BABY and how they probably all felt self-righteous about how they would be better for my baby than I would, I just felt sick.
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This thread was about people judging young un-wed mothers. But what I’m hearing is the opposite.

You don’t know what’s in these peoples minds. You have no business using the term “self righteous”.

Maybe this negative self image we’re seeing here is part of the reason you’ve had problems in the first place and maybe you don’t need to transfer your negative feelings about yourself to others, who are in fact innocent, just to justify your own situation.

Let’s lighten up girls!

😦 FranL
 
Don’t traumatize them. They have their whole lives ahead of them with the great responsibility of raising a child.

They need sagacious guidance at this moment of crisis.

The unwed parent could be shocked into giving up the child for adoption, and it could be a homosexual couple who adopts the kid, and that would be unforgivable.
 
My 17 year old daughter was raped and became pregnant. She had been very active in promoting abstinence and was a peer counselor on abstinence.

She had initially planned on releasing the baby for adoption, but upon delivering her baby, she could not part with this precious child. Sometimes I am self-conscious when we are out, about what other people think about this young girl as a mother. We don’t want to tell people that my daughter was raped, for fear of what they may think about the child. But I feel sad sometimes that people are judging my daughter, who was so incredibly brave about her decisions.

I pray for myself and others to not be judgemental. Only God knows the full circumstances, etc. Let us just continue to see Christ in each human being that we encounter, and try to love each person we meet as much as Jeuss loves them!!

In Love of Chirst,
 
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JBPEETZ:
My 17 year old daughter was raped and became pregnant. She had been very active in promoting abstinence and was a peer counselor on abstinence.

She had initially planned on releasing the baby for adoption, but upon delivering her baby, she could not part with this precious child. Sometimes I am self-conscious when we are out, about what other people think about this young girl as a mother. We don’t want to tell people that my daughter was raped, for fear of what they may think about the child. But I feel sad sometimes that people are judging my daughter, who was so incredibly brave about her decisions.

I pray for myself and others to not be judgemental. Only God knows the full circumstances, etc. Let us just continue to see Christ in each human being that we encounter, and try to love each person we meet as much as Jeuss loves them!!

In Love of Chirst,
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My word, talk about strength! Good for You!

How is your daughter doing psychologically? How is she coping mentally with that ordeal? You must watch her closely for some time in the future if any repressed memories are triggered by some stimulus. It shouldn’t be a stigma to be a rape victim anymore, so you might want to speak with a professional about ways of relaying that information to others.

You are an inspiration to others! :blessyou:
 
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JBPEETZ:
My 17 year old daughter was raped and became pregnant. She had been very active in promoting abstinence and was a peer counselor on abstinence.

She had initially planned on releasing the baby for adoption, but upon delivering her baby, she could not part with this precious child. Sometimes I am self-conscious when we are out, about what other people think about this young girl as a mother. We don’t want to tell people that my daughter was raped, for fear of what they may think about the child. But I feel sad sometimes that people are judging my daughter, who was so incredibly brave about her decisions.

I pray for myself and others to not be judgemental. Only God knows the full circumstances, etc. Let us just continue to see Christ in each human being that we encounter, and try to love each person we meet as much as Jeuss loves them!!

In Love of Chirst,
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God bless you. I can understand what you and your daughter must be going through. Things like this are precisely the reason why we must not judge others, “until you have walked a mile in their sandals”.
 
God Bless you Julie P. and your daughter and grandchild. I am glad you pray for others not to be judgmental. It may have been prayers such as yours that allowed the Lord to open my eyes to my sin of judging.
 
How do we treat young unwed mothers.

With love and kindness of course, as
God would. No one knows how they have come this way in their lives. No one has walked their road. Make no judgement people. Easy to do.

Shae
 
I know lots of couples that live together, aren’t married and have babies. I don’t treat them any other way than other people. It’s their choice of life, and I don’t have the right to judge them about their choice.
 
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