vatoco6:
Why do so many people here insist that I’m some sort of nasty person who’s trying to have the rules bent for my benefit? I just wanted guidance, not condemnation.
Therese
Dear Therese,
Some say if it looks, walks, and quacks like a duck, it must be a duck. If only my own thoughts were that simple, I might not be as crazy as I am and maybe I would quit getting myself into trouble all the time…
I’m so confused I don’t know whether to apply the above paragraph to your or your ostensible adversaries. (I love that word “ostensible” – makes me feel smart.)
Anyway, in this case, may I lovingly suggest (I’m not attacking you – really) that you might be a bit presumptuous yourself for thinking these people really have judged you? From personal experience, I know that certain devout Christians get extremely defensive when you observe, rightfully or not, that they have been dispensing “condemnation.” We all are socialized to judge and condemn, and Christians are some of the most highly socialized in this regard although they probably try very hard to fight the tendency. After all, from the time we are babies we are taught that we are “good” or “bad” depending on whether or not we do the “right thing.” We are taught to apply the same judgmental attitude toward others, while not necessarily learning at the same time how to do it out of pure love. Of course, when we get a bit older we find that whether we get praise or condemnation really doesn’t depend on whether we do “right” v. “wrong” but in whether we “get caught” v. “appear holy.”
Please allow me to offer another view of those who are chastising you. As far as we know, they are doing it as an act of spiritual mercy, and are concerned for your eternal soul. They have been taught, sometimes for generations, that the Church is innocent until proven guilty, and that anyone who is at odds with the Church is guilty and cannot be proven innocent. They really can’t help how they sound, but I’d like to believe that they just want you to know what is right and wrong so that you may be so enlightened to take the situation into your own hands and do what is necessary to save your own soul. It is not through a lack of sympathy for you, but a lack of empathy. They don’t know how you feel or how they appear to you because their motives are actually so pure that they can’t understand why you would think they are being unkind. Others honestly are too unselfish to care, as they are willing to sacrifice their “friendship” with you in order to exercise “tough love” toward you. So you see, they are not really condemning you at all but trying to save your life. You might try saying the prayer “Father forgive them for they know not what they do.”
I hope this helps, and I hope it doesn’t sound like I’m against everybody in the world. Many think I argue just for the sake of arguing and will fight anybody just for sport, but believe me, I honestly think I’m doing it in search of “the Way, the Truth, and the Life.” If I’m mistaken about how I go about it, I suppose I will suffer the consequences and that really scares me. That’s why I ask so many questions and argue so much – I don’t want to be wrong about anything.
Therese, I have a hunch that you really are not trying to fool us or circumvent the spirit or letter of Church law, but I may be wrong. When I am judged for my life on this earth, I think it is a lower risk for me not to have been wrong about your innocence than to have been wrong about your guilt. For your own sake, you have to make up your mind whether I’m right or whether they are right. Come to think of it, that in itself would be judging, now, wouldn’t it?
I’d better shut up now before I get in any deeper. I think I have revealed too much, but I’ll take that risk.
Alan
