I did something wrong

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Look, I’ve been alone with literally dozens of men at work and on business trips over the course of 30 years. Nothing ever happened, started to happen, or was hinted at happening (well okay, except for the one business trip I went on with my husband-to-be - we were both single and were dating at the time - but I reckon that doesn’t “count” at this point). If it had, I would have nipped it in the bud, but it never happened.

If somebody else finds a person at work to be a temptation, then by all means, exercise some control there, but you are suggesting that just being alone with a man, any man, could lead to this. That’s not the case. Being alone with a man who is a friend, or to whom you feel attracted, or with who you are talking intimately and drinking, is different from “being alone with a man”.

Technically, when you go into the confessional with a priest or you meet with him in a private room at the rectory, you are “alone with a man”. This generally does not lead to the two of you doing illicit things.

When you go to your doctor, in a private examining room, and your doctor is a man, you are “alone with a man”. This generally does not lead to anything untoward either.

When you visit your lawyer, he will likely close the door and have a discussion with you in private to maintain lawyer-client confidentiality. You are “alone with a man”. Nothing strange should be happening there either.

If this lady gets counseling, the counselor might be a man. If her husband refuses to come with her, she will be “alone with a man” in the counseling room. I wouldn’t expect this to be an issue.

And so on. Your statement was simply overbroad. This woman was with her good friend, she was drinking. That is different from simply being “Alone with a Man”.
 
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TheLittleLady said:
“my wife and I made an agreement when we got married that we will never socialize with friends”
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Please don’t put words in my mouth, that’s not what I said.

I said hanging out alone with other males. It’s totally unacceptable for married people to be spending time alone with people of the opposite sex as “friends”.
 
I’m a horrible person! I know I shouldn’t have done that and yet I did. My husband is out of town. I let my emotional weakness of our marriage get to me and I know I won’t do it again! I just don’t know what to do. I know some said never tell my husband and I won’t but I just feel so aweful. It’s a terrible sin I committed.
 
The Church reminds us to "avoid even the near occasion of sin"

I rest my case.

Tens of thousands of marriages (maybe millions) have been wrecked by going soft on this topic.

Little failures…lead to little indiscretions…lead to little sins…lead to adultery.

Thanks.
 
Go to confession.

Know that you might not feel one bit better after Confession. Don’t let that shake you.

Make an appointment for counseling, for you alone if your husband won’t go. Try to find a Catholic counselor. Catholic Charities at your Diocese should have some references if your priest does not (not all priests keep the bajillion reference lists that some CAF posters seem to think they do).

There is also Catholic distance counseling.

This is a solid Catholic group, the founder has been on CA Live http://www.maritalhealing.com/
 
TheLittleLady said:
Go to confession. Do not tell your spouse until you have had a good, frank confession and listen to what your priest says.

Get tested for STDs, pregnancy, and then after that you need to work with your pastor. It may ease your conscience to tell your husband, and destroy your marriage at the same time. You can never untell your husband.

Realize that married women have no business getting drunk alone with male friends. New rule, no drinking unless DH is with you.
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Yeah. This.

I wouldn’t say anything to your husband until I had a good chat with a priest.

It might be better for your marriage in the long run to keep it to yourself.
 
You’re not a horrible person @oldcathgirl, you’re a sinner like all of us.

Every single one of us married people has committed adultery one way or another — if not physically, at least in the heart. Any married man who says he’s never checked out or had sexual thoughts of a woman beside his wife is a liar.

Try and learn from this and grow.

And in case you missed it, I’ll reiterate because this is of the utmost importance:
  1. Go to Confession ASAP, and in the meantime refrain from receiving Communion (but do go to Mass still!)
  2. Do NOT tell your husband. These “mistakes” are best kept between you and God, and never repeated again.
  3. Do not ever do this again. Cut all contact with this “friend” — block him on social media, delete his number, pretend like he has passed away and no longer on the planet. Do not ever “hang out” with male “friends” like this, especially ones you’re physically attracted to, EVER again.
 
oldcathgirl said:
I’m a horrible person! I know I shouldn’t have done that and yet I did.
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You’re not a horrible person. You made a mistake. It’s a bad mistake, yeah, but it’s not so big that you won’t be forgiven.

Time to start working on your marriage. And, desptie what some others have said, there is such thing as a near occasion of sin and it probably isn’t prudent to be alone with male friends if you are going to be drinking. Especially if you feel like you aren’t getting enough love in your marriage.
 
oldcathgirl said:
He hasn’t given me any attention in the past 12 months and things have been stressed
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oldcathgirl said:
My husband is out of town. I let my emotional weakness of our marriage get to me
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You both need marriage counseling, after you’ve asked God for forgiveness. In time, the truth will come out. Your marriage has extensive decay and is ripe for infidelity. Unless both of you can come together, your marriage is on borrowed time.
 
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Spyridon said:
Do NOT tell your husband. These “mistakes” are best kept between you and God, and never repeated again.
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I’d wait until I’ve spoken to the priest and gotten checked for STD’s before I make this decision. I’d ask the priest about this and do what he thinks is best. Though my gut feeling is that he’d say not to mention it.
 
Just so you don’t confuse my position with that of Edwards, I didn’t say literally NEVER be alone with a man - that’s quite absurd and unrealistic.

I specifically meant never go and hang out with “friends” who you’re physically attracted to alone and without your spouse.
 
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I love how a few people here have to contort and turn into a caricature someone else’s response in order to make a (continuing) bad point.

“discretion” is a word that implies an attentive application of something, a reasoned approach, done with so much refinement that it’s barely if at all noticeable.

I stand by my point that Catholics should prepare for these situations ahead of time and be prepared to apply them with “prudence, justice, temperance, and fortitude” (those are called Cardinal virtues and the Church recommends we grow such virtues over our entire lifetime, every day, until we die.

So please stop with the gross contortions of my points.
 
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So long as no STD is involved, I’m sure he’d say not to.

God forbid though if she caught some horrible thing like HIV, then I’m sure she’d be forced to tell her husband.
 
Tis_Bearself said:
If you have a wife, unless you keep her locked up or go everywhere with her, she’s going to be “alone with a man” in Western society at some point. We do not have chaperones in this day and age.
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I guess the Church was just messing when they said to avoid near occasions of sin.
 
Yeah. I agree. To be honest if I was the husband, I’d rather not know. And I’m not sure I’d be able forgive if I did find out. At least not immediately.
 
Precisely some of the reasons why, in these cases, it’s best to not tell the spouse.

Some things are best left unsaid and confined to the heart — this is one of those things (provided there’s no STD involved and no strong possibility of hubby getting wind of it through a third party).
 
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Yeah. If there did happen to be a permanent STD she’d have to tell him. And if there’s a chance of him finding out then probably better to tell him before that happens.
 
Spyridon said:
I specifically meant never go and hang out with “friends” who you’re physically attracted to alone and without your spouse.
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I completely agree with you there. If you have a “friend” you can’t trust yourself around, then best to avoid any sort of alone time. Especially if the “friend” has actually shown himself willing and able to engage in adulterous behavior.

I’ve had a few social friends I had to be careful of in this regard.

With a number of other people, it’s not been an issue.
 
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