I did something wrong

  • Thread starter Thread starter oldcathgirl
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
I pray that you are healthy and that you may have the heart to confess as soon as you can.
I pray your marriage will come to its balance too.
I am not married and the only thing I know how to advise is that you must realize that the friend… is no longer your friend. Not even if you weren’t married.
These stories in real life make me sad. When I see them in movies is dramatic and artistic and no one is to blame etc it’s all romantic life. But when it is real it just feels so sad. You also just lost a friend don’t lose your man too.
I wouldn’t tell my husband either. And I wouldn’t rush to counselling now unless he suggests it. If it is all of a sudden he might wonder why.
I feel you. May God bless you and help you and everyone involved out.
 
What kind of friend commits adultery against his friends husband? Maybe it was a drunken mistake for him as well or something…
But…stay away from being alone with him.
You can trust him.
Confess immediately and go to counseling.
 
Refrain from telling your husband. Do go to confession. Alcohol makes a bad companion. Peace.
 
Do not make a definitive judgment on whether to tell your husband from this forum. Follow the advice of your confessor, be sure to ask about the pathway to reparation and regarding recommendation of marriage counseling.
 
Last edited:
Tis_Bearself said:
If you have a wife, unless you keep her locked up or go everywhere with her, she’s going to be “alone with a man” in Western society at some point. We do not have chaperones in this day and age.
Click to expand...
I agree, in modern Western society this is so. But we need chaperones more than ever in this day and age. This is a day and age of libertinism, abortion, divorce, same sex ‘marriage’. As G. K. Chesterton pointed out these old fences existed for a reason. We are fools to tear them down.
 
Thank you everyone for your advice. It does help me knowing you took the time out t help me. I didn’t go to church this morning because I felt so bad. But I did stop by after mass was over and prayed, but I didn’t make confession yet. I got my priest cell number and left him a message to call me. I’m not going to tell my husband. It s a one time horrible decision I made. All I can think about is how much this would hurt me f my husband did this to me. I don’t need to worry about pregnancy or std. I am in menopause and the man is not sexually active. I have been hinting at my husband to go to counseling but he said no. Thank you again and keep me in your prayers. I could use some more advice or help any of you can provide.
 
oldcathgirl said:
I need to talk to someone now. I am a devoted catholic, been married for 25 years and last night I cheated on my husband for the very first time. I was drinking with a friend and we went back to his place. This is totally out of character for me. I feel awe full and I don’t know what to do. I know ignwoont happen again but I’m not sure if I should tell my husband. He hasn’t given me any attention in the past 12 months and things have been stressed and I know that’s not an excuse but I feel so bad. What do I do?
Click to expand...
I am not Catholic and for that reason I almost never responded out of respect for the seriousness of what happened. I feel you are genuinely remorseful for what happened and it is important for you to know you are not an awful person. I too would encourage you to go to confession as soon as you can for that is your belief and practice. God already knows this happened and He already knows you are sorry so I see value in verbally telling Him immediately but still practice your faith and go to confession.

I would take time to decide on whether or not to tell your husband. You know better than any of us what your unique circumstances are. If you and your husband are good friends then for you to ignore him, cut him out of your life or in any way be cool to him, your husband will soon figure it out. Are you prepared to lie to him in the future if he ever suspects something and asks if you have ever been untrue?

In my humble opinion how much you value your marriage has an effect on your decisions. If you really want it to last, then considering there has been a history of some problems, being contritely honest and upfront about what has evolved may be the stimulus your husband needs to realize he has a good thing going and will fight to keep it.

One thing about being open and honest is that you do not have to live with guilt and deceit.

I sincerely hope I am not being offensive in any way. I have experienced that when we cross the line like you did last night, that even though you have remorse and confess the sin, and resolve to never let it happen again, our mutual enemy goes to working overtime and often the next time we are confronted with the temptation it is even harder to refute. May God keep you strong!
 
oldcathgirl said:
I’m a horrible person! I know I shouldn’t have done that and yet I did. My husband is out of town. I let my emotional weakness of our marriage get to me and I know I won’t do it again! I just don’t know what to do. I know some said never tell my husband and I won’t but I just feel so aweful. It’s a terrible sin I committed.
Click to expand...
You’re NOT bad. You were weak, human. You just need to deal with it correctly from here forward.
 
The question becomes, at what age is it okay for your wife to be trusted alone with a man? Such as the plumber, the mail carrier, the UPS delivery, the next door neighbor…

I can see raising an eyebrow if wifey wants to go have a few beers with her old college boyfriend and husband isn’t invited, but we all need to trust our wives AND our husbands to navigate around in the world while generally keeping their promises.
 
I did go to confession to the priest at my church. I’m glad. Did go and he was sympathetic and compassionate about it. He recommended I see a professional counselor and that as far as me telling my husband, it’s up to me:. I told him things have been strained and how hard it’s been. I still feel bad and I never ever wanted to hurt anyone but I ended up hurting myself and being a big disappointment. It was so stupid of me. I have to get they the holidays. We have a family trip for a week, we leave next Saturday. I don’t want to ruin the holidays, but I already have ruined mine.
 
The advice given here has been basically unanimous:

Do not tell your husband.

The damage has already been done, and telling him will only cause way more damage than you could ever want. You’re in damage control mode now - don’t do something that’s gonna be another disaster.
 
That’s very good.

If the priest has left it up to you to tell then I’d say just keep it to yourself. It’s not going to help your marriage at this stage.
 
The advice given here has been basically unanimous:

Do not tell your husband.

I won’t: I know I am hurting now and her time I pray the hurt gets less. I am in contact right now with someone I know who doesn’t know me well but she is a Christian marriage counselor.
 
Thank you for the advice and yes, I won’t tell him. I am going to work hard at our marriage to help rebuild it.
 
Get tested. Even if your partner has not been sexually active, he can still carry STDs. You don’t want to play around with that!!
 
@oldcathgirl Good decision,Though its a grievous sin, you realized your mistake with sorry and repentance, that’s what Jesus is looking for,its good that you took the responsibility of your sin,do confess them without delay, as your living in mortal sin You also mentioned about your dad did to your mother,its a deep rooted generational sin, which needed to be healed and prayed over by a pious Catholic Priest,try to find them ASAP God Bless
oldcathgirl said:
This is exactly what my dad did to my mom. It hurt me so bad. I never heated to do something like this.
Click to expand...

Healing Your Family Tree


It is very important to remember that the sins of previous generations can be visited upon the present generation, as well as our sins today being visited on future generations. The Bible says in Exodus 20:5 (where God gives us His First Commandment to have no strange gods before Him), Exodus 34:7, Numbers 14:18, & Deuteronomy 5:9, that the punishment for sins can be given to the 3rd and 4th succeeding generations.

https://www.catholicnewsagency.com/news/exorcist-says-theres-a-demon-that-targets-the-family-34067

Exorcist says there’s a demon that targets the family
 
Last edited:
Its also not healthy to constantly obsess over the possibility of falling into temptation. It simply isn’t true that any given man alone with any given woman are going to be tempted to have sex… as a man, there are hundreds of millions of women on this planet who could never ever tempt me on any level. As a married man I have a handful of women friends whom I’ve known since childhood whom I never would have dated when I was single and certainly wouldn’t cheat with now…they’re like sisters. Avoid near occasions of sin…we do that by knowing ourselves. But that doesn’t mean becoming a social piranha or seeing potential adultery around every corner.
 
Spyridon said:
Any married man who says he’s never checked out or had sexual thoughts of a woman beside his wife is a liar.
Click to expand...
Really? That makes me so sad 😦 I am female, and it always really upsets me and makes me lose faith in men when I read things like that. Why does it seem like males think about those kinds of things all the time? Is there no man on the planet that can love his wife so much that no other female could ever tempt him again???
Maybe I just have unrealistic, overly-romantic standards 😦
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top