If you commit adultery against your marriage

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hergratefulchild said:
Yes, and what does the Church teach that we are supposed to do when we commit a sin?
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2467
Man tends by nature toward the truth. He is obliged to honor and bear
witness to it: "It is in accordance with their dignity that all men,
because they are persons . . . are both impelled by their nature and
bound by a moral obligation to seek the truth, especially religious
truth. They are also bound to adhere to the truth once they come to know
it and direct their whole lives in accordance with the demands of
truth."262

2468 Truth as uprightness in human action and speech is called truthfulness,
sincerity, or candor. Truth or truthfulness is the virtue which
consists in showing oneself true in deeds and truthful in words, and in
guarding against duplicity, dissimulation, and hypocrisy.

2469 "Men could not live with one another if there were not mutual confidence that they were being truthful to one another."263
The virtue of truth gives another his just due. Truthfulness keeps to
the just mean between what ought to be expressed and what ought to be
kept secret: it entails honesty and discretion. In justice, "as a matter
of honor, one man owes it to another to manifest the truth."264

2470 The disciple of Christ consents to “live
in the truth,” that is, in the simplicity of a life in conformity with
the Lord’s example, abiding in his truth. "If we say we have fellowship
with him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not live according to
the truth."265
 
hergratefulchild said:
I’m sorry if this offends anyone but confessing only to a priest is not an option here.
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Why? Give me one theological reason?
hergratefulchild said:
A deeper problem exists that the union of marriage has been broken for whatever reason and the couple need to talk about why this happened and if the sin cannot be forgiven to move forward with the outcome.
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Not necessarily. People don’t always commit adultery because of deeper marital problems.

A priest could very well counsel this woman to not reveal this to the husband.

Just because it offends your sensibilities does not make your view correct.
 
AdamP88 said:
Just because it offends your sensibilities does not make your view correct.
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I am not offended, its not me :). I only want to discuss what everyone feels is the right way of acting in this instance.
 
2486
Since it violates the virtue of truthfulness, a lie does real violence
to another. It affects his ability to know, which is a condition of
every judgment and decision. It contains the seed of discord and all
consequent evils. Lying is destructive of society; it undermines trust
among men and tears apart the fabric of social relationships.
 
I think this has been covered enough on the previous (now closed) thread. Perhaps we should now let this matter rest and let the poor lady deal with this in accordance with her own informed conscience and the counsel of her priest in the confessional box?
 
hergratefulchild said:
Confess and try no to Sin again and is not this leaving the door open for the devil if the bond of marriage is not respected and as one mind and body there should be no secrets. I see it as taking advantage of the availability of a lie, which is what it is.
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The correct answer to my question as to what the Church teaches is: Confess and sin no more. Full Stop! That is what the Church teaches!

Is the marriage damaged by the adultery? Possibly, but we can’t know that for sure. The poster indicated that this was a one-time incident and brought on by alcohol abuse. If she gets her alcoholism under control, then there is no reason to suspect that the adultery is going to be repeated. In this case, at this time I personally see no reason for her to tell anyone other than her priest. She indicated that it’s only been a few days. I believe her best course of action is to talk to her priest in confession, and then ask for his counsel regarding when/if she should tell her husband. She undoubtedly needs to pray about this before she just tells her husband what happened. She needs to look at her motivation for doing so, and if as I stipulated before, it’s just to unburden herself, then I think she would need to keep praying about it.
 
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Brendan_64 said:
I think this has been covered enough on the previous (now closed) thread. Perhaps we should now let this matter rest and let the poor lady deal with this in accordance with her own informed conscience and the counsel of her priest in the confessional box?
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the problem, however personal has been brought to the public forum and we should talk about the appropriate actions between us or otherwise we may be mislead (myself included) into something that is not correct.
 
Understandably in the very distant past, if you confessed to Adultery you would be stoned to death. that’s a good reason to keep your mouth shut. but confronting the issue is always the best option. is it not?
 
hergratefulchild said:
I am not offended, its not me :). I only want to discuss what everyone feels is the right way of acting in this instance.
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Yeah. But the Church doesn’t require adulterers to confess. They may have to if there is a material reason to, such as pregnancy or STD. But I have had this same discussion with some priest friends and they all say that they will often counsel the woman not to tell in this situation.

The Church values marriage, and sometimes the “obvious” or apparently “righteous” course of action is not actually the correct one.
 
can we at least conclude that lying is a grave matter and if you include Adultery as its content then it’s a very big deal.
 
hergratefulchild said:
can we at least conclude that lying is a grave matter and if you include Adultery as its content then it’s a very big deal.
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Of course, but I think you are blurring the lines by saying this is lying.

It is not. It could be if he ever asked her: were you ever unfaithful?

Or if she was pregnant and she said it was her husband’s child.

But simply not revealing information is not lying.
 
JanetF said:
She needs to look at her motivation for doing so, and if as I stipulated before, it’s just to unburden herself, then I think she would need to keep praying about it.
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I’ve already said this but I’ll say it again. I also think reasons for not telling need to be looked at. You’ve already hurt your spouse by cheating, and even with alcohol involved I think it’s a symptom of a deeper issue. If the main reason is fear of the spouse leaving if they find out (I suspect that is the case the majority of the time) that is not a good reason. Also you are going to have to avoid intercourse with your spouse until you’ve been tested for STD’s which may require an explanation.
 
Rather strange relationship if “have you had extra marital relations” comes up in regular conversation I’d think.

The best thing, have this talk before you marry. Do not enter marriage until you both know and respect the other’s wishes.

If my husband committed adultery, I do not want to know about it. We have had the talk.
 
Thank you, I have learned very much today. that in some circustances lying is ok… It’s not for me but I’ll agree that it may be suitable for some.
 
Thank you, personally I would suffer the consequences thn bear the burden. I couldnt lie to myself. I will always have the Lord no matter what.
 
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Well, I know what I’m going to pray about this evening in front of the blessed sacrament 🙂
 
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