If you commit adultery against your marriage

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hergratefulchild said:
I would suffer the consequences thn bear the burden. I couldnt lie to myself. I will always have the Lord no matter what.
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But by suffering the consequences and no longer bearing the burden yourself, you would then be putting the burden on your spouse. Is that fair to your spouse, just so you can say “i’ve told you everything, I’m not keeping anything from you.”?

What that says to me is…“Ok, I feel better know, I did something awful, but I told my spouse, so it’ll be okay”. That doesn’t take into considering at all the burden being put on the spouse! But the spouse is now blindsided by the news, and if the offending spouse hasn’t spend enough time discerning her choice to tell, will she be able to work through the discussions with her spouse. That’s why time is needed!

Look, it may be that she ends up needing to tell her husband, I’m just advising extreme caution this early in the process.
 
JanetF said:
But by suffering the consequences and no longer bearing the burden yourself, you would then be putting the burden on your spouse. Is that fair to your spouse, just so you can say “i’ve told you everything, I’m not keeping anything from you.”?
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for me, yes.
 
hergratefulchild said:
Understandably in the very distant past, if you confessed to Adultery you would be stoned to death. that’s a good reason to keep your mouth shut. but confronting the issue is always the best option. is it not?
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And she will confront the issue when she confesses to HER PRIEST.
 
The sin can be forgiven; however, the damage remains. I couldn’t live with the burden. I’m really transparent so the truth would come out eventually :man_shrugging:t2:

Would the person in question forgive their spouse? Would they want to be kept ignorant?
 
hergratefulchild said:
for me, yes.
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But that’s not what I asked…I asked is that fair to your spouse? Telling your spouse, just so you can feel unburdened is selfish. It puts the burden on him and now he suffers, possible unnecessarily. Is that just?

Sure we’d all like to vent and unburden ourselves, but is it always the best thing for the other people involved?
 
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JanetF said:
Telling your spouse, just so you can feel unburdened is selfish.
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No, it’s just not what YOU would do.
JanetF said:
It puts the burden on him and now he suffers, possible unnecessarily. Is that just?
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Better they hear it from me than someone else. Better to be proactive than reactive.

Who knows! Maybe they can keep the secret and bury it. However, nowadays everybody’s secrets are getting exposed…
 
Cruciferi said:
I couldn’t live with the burden.
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Just to clarify, I’m not saying the the burden on the sinner is easy to bear, but sometimes I think it might be more appropriate to bear such a burden alone rather that dump it on the spouse, just so one can feel better.
 
“Hi, Honey so I was on the way home and heard someone talking about cheating on their partner, hilarious… you wouldn’t cheat on me would you?”
 
hergratefulchild said:
we are not talking about dumping, we are talking about being honest and open.
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Semantics…the result is the same, you’ve unburdened yourself, but burdened your spouse, POSSIBLY unnecessarily. Especially considering that in this particular instance the event just happened last weekend.

i’ve already stipulated that it may be, that over time, she should tell her husband, BUT caution should be taken at this time.
 
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Just So long as the individual is prepared for the possibility that they’ll be exposed at some point. They cannot mention it to anyone except the Priest inside the Confessional.
 
Cruciferi said:
Just So long as the individual is prepared for the possibility that they’ll be exposed at some point. They cannot mention it to anyone except the Priest inside the Confessional.
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Agreed, but why on earth would anyone tell someone else outside of their priest, if they aren’t going to tell their spouse?
 
hergratefulchild said:
that would be so hard, my face tells my lies… i literally cannot lie without someone knowing.
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How is not telling other people your private business lying? Do you tell everyone you meet all your business?

It’s not lying to not tell everyone you meet that you did something horrible.
 
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