Ill Neighbor Keeps ringing my bell for money

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momof2angells

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Hi all,

We are new to this neighborhood and we have a young lady neighbor who keeps saying she needs to borrow $20 because her transportation broke down. We keep (kindly) telling her that we don’t keep money in the house and I the other day she rang the bell asking for cigarettes.

This is bothering me, I don’t have a peephole so I have to answer by opening the door.

She looks like she’s in her twenties maybe 30’s and sadly she may be using drugs only because I knew someone with similar behaviour patterns and the shaky lip. We live in a nice area and I have to tell my kids not to answer the door now.

I’m typing fast because I have to step away but I did not want to forget to ask for advice. My husband usually answers and just says we don’t have money everytime she asks for $20.

I feel bad for her and we have prayed for her, should I be doing anything else? The constant ringing of my bell every week is annoying, she goes to some other houses too.

Thank you all for your (name removed by moderator)ut and sorry for the hasty question.
 
"I am really sorry, but could you please stop asking us for money? We don’t have any to spare for you. "
 
Someone in the neighborhood is giving her money or she would not keep coming around. Talk to your neighbors, find out if anyone knows her. If someone knows her or has a contact for her, do look into setting her up with an outreach org that can help her with her needs.

If not, put a “no soliciting” sign on your door and tell her that the next time she comes soliciting that you will call the police.
 
Exactly, Brittany! Print out the names of bona fide charities and slip it through the crack in the door. You will notice that she is not at those charities. In my experience, that is because they will not provide money for alcohol, smokes, drugs, or doggie treats for her pet.
 
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I would speak to my pastor about obtaining gift cards for her or I would send he to him if she can get there. And I would give her money if I had it.
 
Don’t be afraid to be firm with her. Unfortunately people who won’t work and especially those on drugs can prey upon people they see as being weak. People can perceive kindness as weakness. Remember Jesus said be wise and serpents.
 
Blessedwithfive said:
I would speak to my pastor about obtaining gift cards for her or I would send he to him if she can get there. And I would give her money if I had it.
Click to expand...
If it is of value, it can be traded for cash.
People on SNAP are known to max out buying pop, which is then traded.
 
If it’s warm out, go outside with her, locking your door, keeping your key in your pocket, and sit on your porch. Ask her to tell you what the real problem is. Ask her why she isn’t working and why she smokes cigarettes when they’re very unhealthy. Explain the organizations that can help, as has been mentioned here. Explain that everybody over eighteen is earning their own money. Basically keep her talking. She will likely not welcome further discussion. If she figures out that a lecture is coming whenever she sees you, she will not want to see you anymore. Try to ask her mother’s phone number if she does come around again. Why isn’t your mother taking care of you? you can ask. Also, have something distinctive on your lawn like a flamingo. She may not realize she’s coming to the same place every time because she’s on drugs.
 
Pray for her. Tell her that you are praying for her. Ask her if she goes to church. Plant the seed of an idea. It may take some time, but that seed may take root.
 
I would agree with giving her a list of charities that can help and further asking her to please stop coming around for money as you don’t have any to spare.

As several others have noted, the problem with giving money in a situation like this, or even giving food or engaging her in a long conversation, is that once she sees she can get something from you, she will just keep coming around. And if she has any friends who are in similar straits, you could find yourself being hit up by more than one person or even targeted for a crime based on your being friendly.

I know it sounds un-Christian to say “if she keeps it up, call the police” but if she continues the behavior after you ask her to stop, I would suggest filing a police report on the non-emergency line just so it’s on file in case there is an issue later on.
 
Nope! Definitely would NEVER see her at a charity! Just never! Grrrrr! Yes, shame on those dumb people with addictions! They are definitely looking ONLY for ways to get drugs. How on earth could they ever truly want help finding a path cleaner more fulfilling life??
 
I was with you until “she will likely not welcome further discussion”. Oooooorrrrr the discussion will influence positive change? Also, NOT everyone over the age of 18 is earning their own money, at least not in the USA. That’s just the reality.
 
Lots of very un-Christian advice being given here… I also suggest not giving cash, but I do NOT suggest just sending her away and washing your hands of the situation. Have a conversation and try to make an actual human connection and learn about this women and how you can REALLY help. Don’t assume that she just wants money for drugs. How does she stand a chance at all if everyone she asks for help has the same perception as you? Have $20 loaded onto a public transportation card ready to give her. Who knows, she may take it and be extremely grateful because transportation is what she actually needs in order to get back on her feet.
 
Don’t worry about it. Just try to be a better person everyday.
 
Still chastising? Look, I worked with such poor souls for 31 years, OK? Know their tactics well. Have seen the scams. Know their addictions well. Counseled them. Encouraged them. Evangelized them. Gave them New Testaments. Bought them food.

But NEVER smokes, drinks or drugs. To do so, to enable them, is no charity.

We are expected to use prudence - a virtue.
 
I had typos and fixed them. Sorry.
Salutations,
I had been helping a woman to earn more money to help her w her rent. She’s been working hard as a waitress. She brought her son in to my house w her. He did yard work and swimming pool work. She was going through my clutter w bills and mail. Great job. Nice handwriting on files. The first day, we were in house in back watching TV. This first day, they or she or he took 24 of my Vicodans. I’m in constant pain and go to pain clinic.it was not good for me to be out early on drug. I couldn’t get pain meds( thank you)
Didn’t think it was someone stealing. We were in house. I thought I took extra pills. Tried coming up w something but not 24 pills. Next time she came, my husband was in house w them. They left w him in bathroom. Great work! Id almost hire her again and lock her in room.
Anyway, that day a gun was missing, 10 of my husbands sleeping pills, a bottle of Southern Comfort, and a small TV in guest room were gone.
She knew I was spending the 24 th somewhere.Dinner was at 5 pm. We got home at 830pm. The first part of house looked OK. My husband went to bathroom and drawers were pulled out of chests. Another gun gone. A rifle gone w ammo. $1200.00 in ones. We had $2.00 bills in sequence. Ppl collect them. New, like I printed them.
That kills me. I’m wounded w money gone and apoplectic w guns gone. They took all my husbands pills now.
We had survival food-stolen. A laptop was stolen. My top sheet was gone to haul the stuff out. We know who it was. They asked her questions. She cried worried about her son. The idea here is 2 things. Get a door w a peep hole or glass to see through. Check locks on doors and windows. Get a security system. We got ADT. It costs $60.00/‘mo. It makes us feel safe. They used the ring system and three cameras.
I have to check w police on Monday.
Check w police to find out crime in your area.
God bless

And yes, give her a list of Charities and AA AND NA MEETINGS. If you find out her name, you could do a background check on Truthfinders.

I forgot to take care of her soul in this note. It’s b/c we just went though the robberies.
I sent St. Teresa of Avila’s prayer to my criminal.

Saint Michael the Archangel,
defend us in battle.
Be our protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil.
May God rebuke him, we humbly pray;
and do Thou, O Prince of the Heavenly Host -
by the Divine Power of God -
cast into hell, satan and all the evil spirits,
who roam throughout the world seeking the ruin of souls.
Amen.
In Christ’s love
Tweedlealice
 
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As uncharitable as it may sound I agree with you plus you had a horrid experience. This woman may be just stalking the OP out. The OP has kids. Go tell a mother to risk their safety for a stranger! Who would? If someone can do charity at their own kids risk then they are good people and maybe they know how to. The OP doesn’t know how obviously and it’s unfair to expect that from her. I think a mother’s responsibility is her kids first. I doubt God would judge a mother protecting the souls He sent to her to be her kids. I think the OP has every right to protect herself here and yes she should get a peep hole.
@tweedlealice You and your husband are in my prayers. Good health and safety to you!
 
@momof2angells I feel it wise to be cautious in this instance. I would find it an invasion of privacy if a neighbour kept rocking up asking for money on a regular basis. For me it would be a significant issue.

I did have one instance a decade ago when a man frequently asked if I had spare smokes. I said no, he went to the neighbour and she gave him some. He became a regular at knocking on her door asking for more. It is difficult to make too many waves within the neighbourhood as your home is within that neighbourhood.

What you are doing by saying that you don’t have cash with you is a good call. Making and keeping the boundaries is crucial. Offering her written information (placed in an envelope) on getting financial support will need to be a decision for you and your husband to make.

As for security in general, if you don’t have a peep hole then there are other forms on the market such as 7 smart doorbells that make screening visitors oh-so easy
 
Didn’t Pope Francis say we were to give money to those who need it without worrying about how they were going to spend it. What they do with it is not for me to judge. My job is to give if I am able. I would give if I could.
 
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