Importance of looking 'nice' for your spouse

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I try to look good for me. It me makes me feel good. If I’m doing it just for my husband, then it would, for me, feel fake. I have to be the best me, in order to be able to be a good person. (wife mother,friend, actress)

I gained 80lbs during my pregnancy last year. (I’m normally 5’1 110lbs) Even after a gave birth, my hubby told me I still looked good. I still dressed nice and did my hair etc. But I didn’t feel good about myself, thus very unhappy.

I think I got back to normal when my son was about 8 months.

But when my hubby goes to work in the morning, he is waved goodbye by a cheery one year old and a groggy woman with a big red afro who MAY have brushed her teeth 🙂
 
Taking care of yourself and your health, while having simple self respect is good. As a husband and father it is far more attractive for my wife(and other Mom’s or single girls) to be healthy, cute, stylish and MODEST, then slinky and tacky.
 
As a non-married person, I guess I have a question for those of you who have written on this thread. I definitely understand the importance of keeping physically fit in a relationship, but as far as looking “nice” on a day to day basis goes, if I were married to my bf it doesn’t seem like he would really notice or care.

He tells me I look nice when I get dressed up for special occasions, but unless the difference is really pronounced it doesn’t seem to make a difference to him. For example, he seems to honestly not be able to tell the difference if my hair is wavy or straight. He also tells me I shouldn’t wear make-up (though he usually can’t tell when I do). It really does not seem to matter how I look day to day because he’ll always say I’m pretty. And in all honesty, since we have been dating I feel like I have “let myself go” and am perfectly happy with it. I don’t have to worry about my appearance because my boyfriend always thinks I’m beautiful, and why would I try to impress anyone else?

So does this change when you get married? Obviously I’m not running around in my pajamas with my hair completely messed up when I see my boyfriend, but a lot of times I don’t make much effort to look nice because the time I spend on that could be spent with him instead. (We’re also long distance, so time together is precious).

I feel great being freed from a lot of the nonsense of “looking nice.” I’ve been self-conscious of my looks since my teens due to bad acne (which I still have at 20) and before my boyfriend and I started dating I always tried to cover it up with make-up best I could. Now I really try not to worry about it, and though it still bothers me to some extent, I try to focus on other more important things than how I look physically. I still like to try and look extra nice sometimes (I’ve always been a girly-girl) but when it’s a hassle day-to-day I just don’t think about it anymore. Is this bad or will it have to change when I get married?
 
I think we need to define what we mean by looking nice. I certainly do not wear a dress or skirt or even slacks everyday. I don’t dress up like I am going out on a date if I am just staying home. When I say looking nice I mean that I shower, do my hair and my make-up and get dressed. This takes maybe 45 minutes. Usually I wear jeans and a fitted T shirt. If we are going out somewhere then I get more dressed up.

Does anyone else just feel tired until they have gotten ready for the day? I feel like I cannot wake up until I have gone through my morning routine.
 
Melissa2007 said:
I think we need to define what we mean by looking nice. I certainly do not wear a dress or skirt or even slacks everyday. I don’t dress up like I am going out on a date if I am just staying home. When I say looking nice I mean that I shower, do my hair and my make-up and get dressed. This takes maybe 45 minutes. Usually I wear jeans and a fitted T shirt. If we are going out somewhere then I get more dressed up.

Does anyone else just feel tired until they have gotten ready for the day? I feel like I cannot wake up until I have gone through my morning routine.
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Your morning routine sounds much like mine. I don’t do much beyond blow-dry my hair and maybe barrette some of it back, and I don’t wear much makeup, but I do put it on unless I’m sick. Even when I’m sick I still shower daily- it usually makes me feel better. I always say that I can’t wake up in the morning without having a large quantity of water dumped on my head. :rolleyes:
 
My wifey has a similar routine - shower, blush(or is it base), puts on her lips, puts on running shorts, jogging suite, etc. and is off for another day as a housewife. By the same token, what wife wants to look at some fat, unshaven, wild hair husband the rest of her life either?
 
Jessamy said:
As a non-married person, I guess I have a question for those of you who have written on this thread. I definitely understand the importance of keeping physically fit in a relationship, but as far as looking “nice” on a day to day basis goes, if I were married to my bf it doesn’t seem like he would really notice or care.

He tells me I look nice when I get dressed up for special occasions, but unless the difference is really pronounced it doesn’t seem to make a difference to him. For example, he seems to honestly not be able to tell the difference if my hair is wavy or straight. He also tells me I shouldn’t wear make-up (though he usually can’t tell when I do). It really does not seem to matter how I look day to day because he’ll always say I’m pretty. And in all honesty, since we have been dating I feel like I have “let myself go” and am perfectly happy with it. I don’t have to worry about my appearance because my boyfriend always thinks I’m beautiful, and why would I try to impress anyone else?

So does this change when you get married? Obviously I’m not running around in my pajamas with my hair completely messed up when I see my boyfriend, but a lot of times I don’t make much effort to look nice because the time I spend on that could be spent with him instead. (We’re also long distance, so time together is precious).

I feel great being freed from a lot of the nonsense of “looking nice.” I’ve been self-conscious of my looks since my teens due to bad acne (which I still have at 20) and before my boyfriend and I started dating I always tried to cover it up with make-up best I could. Now I really try not to worry about it, and though it still bothers me to some extent, I try to focus on other more important things than how I look physically. I still like to try and look extra nice sometimes (I’ve always been a girly-girl) but when it’s a hassle day-to-day I just don’t think about it anymore. Is this bad or will it have to change when I get married?
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I agree…I am a jeans and tee shirt kind of woman…I wear makeup to work, and not much at home. I don’t think someone needs to obsess over one’s looks whatsoever. That is not healthy, either. I think that a balance should be what one goes for–with everything. My husband loves me no matter what I look like…but, I personally like to look attractive to him, as well. I love him no matter what…but I agree with Guardian…this is not a one way street!😉
 
actorgirl said:
I try to look good for me. It me makes me feel good. If I’m doing it just for my husband, then it would, for me, feel fake. I have to be the best me, in order to be able to be a good person. (wife mother,friend, actress)

I gained 80lbs during my pregnancy last year. (I’m normally 5’1 110lbs) Even after a gave birth, my hubby told me I still looked good. I still dressed nice and did my hair etc. But I didn’t feel good about myself, thus very unhappy.

I think I got back to normal when my son was about 8 months.

But when my hubby goes to work in the morning, he is waved goodbye by a cheery one year old and a groggy woman with a big red afro who MAY have brushed her teeth 🙂
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Yes…we all need to do it for ourselves…and most importantly, it’s vital that we take care of then bodies that GOD GAVE TO US.

LOL@ your red afro comment!😛

The point of this thread isn’t about changing ourselves for our spouses…it’s more a question of is this aspect of life important to you, in your marriage? Thanks for your replies, everyone…very diverse group today.🙂
 
whatevergirl said:
.

LOL@ your red afro comment!😛
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well I’m african-american with nn-chemically red hair thus afro 😃

I’m a little baffled with the make-up and not going out. Don’t get me wrong, I love’s m’make-up. But just around the house? Maybe b/c when I’m in a show or a shoot I have to wear a lot, but I like to give my skin a break.

I knew several girls in college who ALWAYS had make-up on.To the point that when they didn’t they looked odd.
 
actorgirl said:
well I’m african-american with nn-chemically red hair thus afro 😃

I’m a little baffled with the make-up and not going out. Don’t get me wrong, I love’s m’make-up. But just around the house? Maybe b/c when I’m in a show or a shoot I have to wear a lot, but I like to give my skin a break.

I knew several girls in college who ALWAYS had make-up on.To the point that when they didn’t they looked odd.
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Your hair sounds like it ROCKS…🙂 My sister always has make up on…I have often said…is Vogue going to show up at the grocery store today?😛 😉 To each’s own…I don’t wear a lot of make up, hubby prefers it that way too…I don’t like how it looks…but, I do wear it for work. I feel a little ‘naked’😊 without wearing any, when I’m dressed in a suit.
 
oh pooh. I Meant Non-chemically relaxed red hair.

If I’m leaving the house you can best believe I’ve putting at least lipstick on. I know I don’t look bad without it, but it IS sort of a security blanket. That’s why I like this tinted moisturizer from MAC. It gives a bit of color, so you feel like you are not going out all face-nekkid. But, again, that’s for running errands. If I’m going out out, it’s on 🙂
 
Where’s all the guys on here? Surely you men want to look nice for your ladies, no?😃

My husband, I’ll speak for him…he likes to always wear cologne when we’re going out, or even just to the store…I think that’s his ‘security blanket,’ stealing a phrase from you, actorgirl. He also will never leave the house without being clean shaven…and I mean never. Even just to go up and get bagels or something. 🤷
 
actorgirl said:
oh pooh. I Meant Non-chemically relaxed red hair.

If I’m leaving the house you can best believe I’ve putting at least lipstick on. I know I don’t look bad without it, but it IS sort of a security blanket. That’s why I like this tinted moisturizer from MAC. It gives a bit of color, so you feel like you are not going out all face-nekkid. But, again, that’s for running errands. If I’m going out out, it’s on 🙂
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I’m a lipstick girl myself…I like to put a little foundation under my eyes to even my skin tone, but I feel like lipstick can really add color to one’s face. Now, that I’m living in Florida, I have a nice base…so I’m not as pale as when we lived in PA (during the winter months)
 
I in Florida, too. I lived in NYC for a few years and even I got pale. My parents thought I was sick everytime I came home to florida to visit.

My husband LOVES the gym. He is in excellent shape.
 
actorgirl said:
I in Florida, too. I lived in NYC for a few years and even I got pale. My parents thought I was sick everytime I came home to florida to visit.

My husband LOVES the gym. He is in excellent shape.
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oh yeah? where in florida are you? I’m near Tampa.🙂 It was hot today…I have been liking those cooler nights!!!
 
actorgirl said:
Orlando. I cannot abide cold weather.
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I went to UCF…I lived in Orlando for 10 years…met my husband, we moved to PA for 10 years, and now we are back in FL. Orlando’s traffic seems horrendous…do you have to deal with it much? How about your hubby?

Oops…don’t mean to stray off topic…we’ll talk another time.🙂
 
I really enjoy getting dressed up for my wife, and have felt myself taking more and more time to get dressed if we are just going to the mall in order to impress her.

However, she has told me many times that she just “settles for her average”. To which I wonder…what the heck am I? Chopped liver? I tried to get her to go hiking with me (I’ve never been either, but I thought it could be something we embark on together), but I was eventually rejected after much banter. I will have to try again soon.

Anyway, since graduating college and getting a real job, I have done a complete over-haul of my wardrobe. In addition to impressing her, it is probably better for me from a career standpoint as well. (I never knew how much I enjoyed Eddie Bauer sales) I love it when she compliments me in the morning or when I come home from work.

Thanks for all the suggestions,
– TxIrishCatholic
 
whatevergirl said:
I read a Christian article recently about this topic, and got to thinking…of the important of ‘not letting one’s self go’ in a marriage. Do you think it’s important to look nice, and be physically fit for your spouse? I think that it’s important to get and stay physically fit because it shows God that we care about our bodies, and will make sure we take care of our health. I don’t look at being healthy as a vain thing–it’s because our bodies are the Temple of the Lord.

That being said, though…I know some of us have put on a little weight (or maybe a lot) since we got married…or maybe we are a little more ‘comfortable’ with our spouses, and don’t dress up or as nice as we did when we were dating.

Do you place any importance on looking ‘nice’ for your spouse…and ‘keeping yourself up?’ If not, does your spouse ever say anything to you about it? My dh and I love one another – no matter what–but we do like to look nice for one another–especially when we have ‘date nights.’

Just curious if you place value on how you look to your spouse?
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I try to look nice for dh. He does the same. It makes me feel special when he puts on that shirt I like, and smells himself up with cologne. It still makes me happy to hear him compliment me when I wear that certain blouse or dress. Appearance isn’t everything, of course. However, the effort given for someone else is never wasted!
 
I sort of think this whole topic is peculiar to westerners. Many people in the world don’t have luxuries like make-up, cologne, fancy clothes, etc. Probably the thought of such things wouldn’t even cross their minds. I guess I don’t really think looking ‘nice’ for one’s spouse is intrinsically important, though it may be from a western cultural point of view.

Anyway, I wasn’t exactly a looker to start with, and I’m not into make-up, so I guess there are no dashed expectations here…

A shower, clean clothes, hair pulled back and I’m good to go. Obviously, I dress up for the very rare times we go to a formal occasion. I don’t expect much of dh either, though he does kind of gross me out when he gets home from work. He works in a restaurant and comes home reeking of the kitchen - or maybe it’s just my pregnant nose, but I digress…
 
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