Probably Pentecost. That is when confirmations are held, right? I’m going through the RCIA confirmation classes right now.
I definitely feel that God is leading me this way. Sound reason, the Bible, powerful religious experiences, and our history books are all pointing me in the same direction. There is no logic, no scripture, no history and no religious experience pointing the other way, as far as I can see, and I’ve been debating this a lot with my Dad, who is extremely wise and knowledgeable.
I really could use prayer, though. I’m experiencing a lot of pressure from my family over my current views, and I know no one who I can see in flesh and blood, who believes I am doing the right thing. Only those in this forum believe I am doing the right thing, but even many of them would shy away if they knew that I now think the Inquisition was overall doing the right thing (though of course it was fallible and made mistakes, some grievous, like any human justice system will), and that religious freedom and separation of church and state are abominable.
**I’m feeling extremely isolated. **
The Catholic Church I’m going to is very loving, but it also seems to be rather significantly influenced by modern culture. My RCIA instructor said the Bible is self-contradictory and is not inerrant, and she spoke of Martin Luther as “quite a character,” but certainly not as a false prophet. I don’t know how much spiritual support I’ll be able to expect from this church. At least they oppose abortion.
My greatest solace as regards human support is that I can look back at the words of great saints from the past, for once upon a time the entire Christian world thought the same way I am coming to think.
The absence of support and the immense exterior pressure make it easier for me to fall into the trap of distrusting God. I have had far more doubts since the pressure from outside began, not for any rational reason, but simply coming from the desire to have peace and unity with my family. Mistrust is a force I am vigorously fighting.
I feel pretty sure that I never will change my mind, however, because I am absolutely disgusted now by the evil I can clearly see and understand. I can see this atrocious evil with spiritual eyes- I even sometimes receive dreams or images in my mind’s eye from God that show me the wickedness that has been developing in culture and law in society for centuries, and now I know where its roots are, where it comes from. So I don’t think I could possibly go back to my old ways of thinking without feeling as though I was eating vomit.
God speaks to me very often and comforts and strengthens me. That is an ENORMOUS help. But in spite of that, I’ve never felt so alone. The great gift of insight God has given me in the last year is acting nearly as much as a curse as it is a blessing. I love possessing this knowledge that unveils God’s actions in the fantastic sweep of Christian history to me, yet the pain that comes with the knowledge from my surroundings is acute. This new grace and insight, this new closeness of God in my life, has become like an infection or disease. This is because I know that if my friends were aware of what I think (I’ve told them I’m moving toward Catholicism, but most of them know no more than that), I would not be treated with confidence any longer, but rather as a . . . I don’t know exactly what, but the relationships certainly would change for the worse, as have my relationships with my family members. The gift of God is both wonderful and horrible at the same time.
As God cuts away my human supports and worldly connections, I rely more and more heavily upon him and so come closer and closer to him. I hear from him almost every day now. In the past, it was once every couple weeks, or sometimes once a month. But now, God is constantly present and active with me.
**Anyway, I could use prayer. And I also very much want prayer for my family members, that God will give them peace about the direction I am going. That is high on my prayer list. I could use prayer for increased confidence about the direction in which I am going. And self-control, strength, faith and love. I need any or all of these.
I’m not asking that you pray for me often or anything- just whenever you think about it. I’d really appreciate it**

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