Jokes/Puns you would like to share

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Once saw a bumper sticker that read My Boss Is A Jewish Carpenter. It was nice to know St Joseph hired an assistant.
 
My roommate seems to think that our house is haunted
I’ve been living here for the past 200 years and haven’t noticed anything.
After winning the game, I decided to throw the ball to the spectators…
Apparently that’s frowned upon in bowling.
Don’t spell part backwards
Its a trap
I had to get a new pair of scissors today.
The old ones just weren’t cutting it.
 
My doctor told me to come in for a COVID-19 test. I studied all night for it.
 
Funny, they didn’t ask me any hard questions. I think I failed the intelligence test though. When they told me to look up, I did.
 
“Think positive!” doesn’t work when someone awaits the COVID19 test.
 
Remember, if you can’t feel the urge to hum ‘The Lion Sleeps Tonight’…….

It’s just a whim away.

Siri Told me this one
 
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i guess it depends on how bad the criticism is. in this PC age…

I usually blur things I think someone may find offensive and state that it may be offensive to some.

I don’t know if blurring is good enough to meet the rules on religious jokes
 
I have one I’ve been wanting to share, but since some folks get offended at the least little thing these days, I’m not sure it would be prudent. If in doubt, don’t. That’s the safe choice.
 
JanR said:
I have one I’ve been wanting to share, but since some folks get offended at the least little thing these days, I’m not sure it would be prudent. If in doubt, don’t. That’s the safe choice.
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dang! now I want to hear it
 
Flag me if you want, if so I totally understand.

What do you get if you cross a Unitarian with a Jehovah’s Witness?

Someone who goes knocking on doors for no reason.

There you go flag me if you wish.
 
Why should you never lose your rosary?
Because you’ll end up searching for decades.
What is faster, hot or cold?
Hot, you can catch a cold.
An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings which were on display. ‘‘I have good news and bad news’’ the owner replied. ‘‘The good news is that a gentleman enquired if your paintings will increase in value after your death. When I told them they would, he bought all the 15 paintings hanging here!’’ ‘‘That’s wonderful!’’ the artist exclaimed, ‘‘What’s the bad news?’’ '‘The bad news is that the guy was your doctor’
Where do cats go when they die? To Purr-gatory.
Spoken by a true Cat-a-holic.
 
I know of someone with a butler lacking a left arm.

Serves him right.
 
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