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JanR
Guest
Thanks. It looks like you have to first highlight the text you want blurred, then click on that option. That’s how I got it to work.
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aidan8756
Guest
Pickup Line:
Hey girl, how about we go out and grab a bite …that when combined with another bite doesn’t equal a full meal?
Hey girl, how about we go out and grab a bite …that when combined with another bite doesn’t equal a full meal?
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GEddie
Guest
How do you chase a Unitarian out of your neighborhood?
Burn a question mark on their lawn.
Burn a question mark on their lawn.
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GEddie
Guest
A Catholic, a Jew, and an Episcopalian meet in Hell.
They ask each other what they are in for.
The Catholic said, "Woe is me, I ate steak on Good Friday. "
The Jew said, “Oy vey, I ate pork on Yom Kippur.”
They both looked at the Episcopalian, who bowed his head, and said…
“I used the wrong dinner fork!!!”
They ask each other what they are in for.
The Catholic said, "Woe is me, I ate steak on Good Friday. "
The Jew said, “Oy vey, I ate pork on Yom Kippur.”
They both looked at the Episcopalian, who bowed his head, and said…
“I used the wrong dinner fork!!!”
A company, feeling it was time for a shake-up, hires a new CEO.
This new boss is determined to rid the company of all slackers.
On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall. The room is full of workers and he thinks this is his chance to show everyone he means business!
The CEO walks up the guy and asks, “And how much money do you make a week?”
Undaunted, the young fellow looks at him and replies, “I make $600 a week. Why?”
The CEO then hands the guy $600 in cash and screams, “Here’s a week’s pay, now GET OUT and don’t come back!”
Feeling pretty good about his first firing, the CEO looks around the room and asks, “Does anyone want to tell me what that slacker did here?”
With a sheepish grin, one of the other workers mutters, “He’s the pizza delivery guy.”
This new boss is determined to rid the company of all slackers.
On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall. The room is full of workers and he thinks this is his chance to show everyone he means business!
The CEO walks up the guy and asks, “And how much money do you make a week?”
Undaunted, the young fellow looks at him and replies, “I make $600 a week. Why?”
The CEO then hands the guy $600 in cash and screams, “Here’s a week’s pay, now GET OUT and don’t come back!”
Feeling pretty good about his first firing, the CEO looks around the room and asks, “Does anyone want to tell me what that slacker did here?”
With a sheepish grin, one of the other workers mutters, “He’s the pizza delivery guy.”
J
JanR
Guest
A new CEO was just hired by a large corporation, to replace the one who had died.
As he was given the tour, he was told the previous guy’s name was Dave. Everyone loved him. They all called him G.O.D., which meant “GOOD OLD DAVE”.
After this new boss had been around for awhile, he confided in the same colleague who had given him the tour. "You know, around here, I’ve come to be called S.O.B. Do you suppose that means “SWELL OLD BOY”?
As he was given the tour, he was told the previous guy’s name was Dave. Everyone loved him. They all called him G.O.D., which meant “GOOD OLD DAVE”.
After this new boss had been around for awhile, he confided in the same colleague who had given him the tour. "You know, around here, I’ve come to be called S.O.B. Do you suppose that means “SWELL OLD BOY”?
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JanR
Guest
Four board members were sitting around the table in the board room, waiting for the chairman, who was late.
To while away the time, one of them suggested they go around the table and each one reveal his biggest vice.
“I’ll start”, he said. “Mine is drinking.”
The second board member admitted, “My biggest vice is womanizing.”
A third one confessed to gambling.
The fourth member was remaining silent.
“Ah, come on, now,” prodded the member who had started the game. “We all told our vices. Now it’s your turn to tell yours.”
“Well …” the fourth guy began, hesitantly. “Well … I love to gossip, and I can’t wait to get the hell out of here!”
To while away the time, one of them suggested they go around the table and each one reveal his biggest vice.
“I’ll start”, he said. “Mine is drinking.”
The second board member admitted, “My biggest vice is womanizing.”
A third one confessed to gambling.
The fourth member was remaining silent.
“Ah, come on, now,” prodded the member who had started the game. “We all told our vices. Now it’s your turn to tell yours.”
“Well …” the fourth guy began, hesitantly. “Well … I love to gossip, and I can’t wait to get the hell out of here!”
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GEddie
Guest
Q: Why was Pharaoh’s daughter the best businesswoman in the Bible?
A: She pulled a “prophet” out of the bull-rushes.
A: She pulled a “prophet” out of the bull-rushes.
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RuthAnne
Guest
Two termites walked into a bar and the one said to the other, “Is the bar tender here?”
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RuthAnne
Guest
What’s worse than a male chauvinist pig?
A woman who won’t do what she’s told.
(ugh . . . my husband did that)
A woman who won’t do what she’s told.
(ugh . . . my husband did that)
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A man goes to see the Rabbi. ‘Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it.’
The Rabbi asked, ‘What’s wrong?’
The man replied, ‘My wife is poisoning me.’
The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, ‘How can that be?’
The man then pleads, ‘I’m telling you, I’m certain she’s poisoning me, what should I do?’
The Rabbi then offers, ‘Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I’ll see what I can find out and I’ll let you know.’
A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, "I spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?’
The man said yes and the Rabbi replied, ‘Take the poison’
The Rabbi asked, ‘What’s wrong?’
The man replied, ‘My wife is poisoning me.’
The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, ‘How can that be?’
The man then pleads, ‘I’m telling you, I’m certain she’s poisoning me, what should I do?’
The Rabbi then offers, ‘Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I’ll see what I can find out and I’ll let you know.’
A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, "I spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?’
The man said yes and the Rabbi replied, ‘Take the poison’
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GEddie
Guest
London stage producer: “Prime Minister Churchill, here are two tickets for my opening night; bring a friend – if you have one.”
Churchill: "My duties prevent me making it to opening night, but I will make a point to be at your second performance – if there is one. "
Churchill: "My duties prevent me making it to opening night, but I will make a point to be at your second performance – if there is one. "
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RuthAnne
Guest
Woman to her psychiatrist: My husband thinks he’s a dog.
Psychiatrist: Bring him in. He can lay on the couch and we will talk about it.
Woman: We can’t do that. He’s not allowed to lay on the couches.
Psychiatrist: Bring him in. He can lay on the couch and we will talk about it.
Woman: We can’t do that. He’s not allowed to lay on the couches.
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GEddie
Guest
A Vatican flunky ran into the Papal apartments, breathlessly: “Your Holiness, I have some good news and some bad news – the good news being, our LORD Himself is calling you on the overseas line.”
"Truly that is wonderful, " HH remarked; "what could be the bad news? "
“HE is calling from Salt Lake City!”
"Truly that is wonderful, " HH remarked; "what could be the bad news? "
“HE is calling from Salt Lake City!”
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GEddie
Guest
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
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Tommy999
Guest
Wife: Have I gotten fat during quarantine?
Husband: You weren’t really skinny to begin with.
Time of death: 11:00pm
Cause: COVID
Husband: You weren’t really skinny to begin with.
Time of death: 11:00pm
Cause: COVID
The son of a Saudi mogul goes to study in Europe.
One night, the phone rings at the house of his parents.
Dad: How’s your life going, son?
Son: It’s going well, dad.
Dad: Is something wrong? You don’t sound happy.
Son: No Dad, everything’s fine. Berlin is wonderful,
the people are nice and I really like it here.
Dad: Son, tell me the truth. I know something’s not right.
Son: Dad, I am a bit ashamed to drive to my college with my gold Ferrari 599GTB
when all my teachers and many fellow students travel by train.
Dad: My dear son, why didn’t you say so earlier? I will send you 15 million euro
this instant. Please stop embarrassing us and go and get yourself a train too.
One night, the phone rings at the house of his parents.
Dad: How’s your life going, son?
Son: It’s going well, dad.
Dad: Is something wrong? You don’t sound happy.
Son: No Dad, everything’s fine. Berlin is wonderful,
the people are nice and I really like it here.
Dad: Son, tell me the truth. I know something’s not right.
Son: Dad, I am a bit ashamed to drive to my college with my gold Ferrari 599GTB
when all my teachers and many fellow students travel by train.
Dad: My dear son, why didn’t you say so earlier? I will send you 15 million euro
this instant. Please stop embarrassing us and go and get yourself a train too.
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Tommy999
Guest
Q: Why did the Physics teacher and Biology instructor break up after just a few dates?
A: No chemistry
A: No chemistry
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