Jokes/Puns you would like to share

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The first jokes I learned were:
What did one wall say to the other wall?
Meet you at the corner.
What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?
Your to young to smoke
Why were L & M kicked out of the alphabet?
Because they were caught smoking.
 
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A little Indian boy asks his father how he named his children.

"Well, on the day your older brother was born, we were having a thunderstorm. Just as he took his first breath, we heard thunder, and we named him Big Thunder.

Your sister was born on a beautiful spring morning and when I heard her first cry I looked out into the meadow and saw a deer, and we called her Running Deer.

So, Dog Peeing on Tree, why do you ask?"
 
Just got back from a mates funeral.

He died after being hit on the head with a tennis ball.

It was a lovely service.
 
A woman in labour with twins had a difficult time and fell into a coma. When she awoke some weeks later, the first thing she said to the doctor was “Please tell me my babies are okay!?!”

The doctor replied, “Ma’am, your babies are fine, you’re the mother of a handsome baby boy and a beautiful baby girl. The only thing is, you’ve been in a coma so long we had to have the babies named.Your brother has done this for you”.

“Oh, no!” shrieked the woman. “Not my brother! He’s an IDIOT!”

The doctor replied, “Well, ma’am, your brother named your baby girl Denise.”

“Oh, that’s no so bad,” smiled the woman. Then, hesitantly, she asked, “What’s the boy’s name?”

The doctor grinned and said, “Denephew”.
 
True story:

My wife and two sons all have red hair. My hair is brown, although I have two sisters with red hair.

When one of my sons was in kindergarten, he reportedly told his teacher the following, which the teacher relayed to my wife at parent/teacher conference while trying not to laugh:

“I have red hair and so does my brother. Mom has red hair, too, but my daddy’s hair is the color of poop”.

Note: It’s easier to be remain humble when you have children.
 
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It’s always the darkest . . . before it goes totally pitch black.
 
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