Jokes/Puns you would like to share

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A guy orders a large pizza and the chef asks him if he wants it cut into 6 slices or 12. The guy says, “Only 6 slices please. I don’t think I can eat 12.”
 
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There are two types of people in the world: those who can extrapolate from incomplete data sets.
 
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It’s not hard to believe the story of Lot’s wife looking back and turning into a pillar of salt. The other day my daughter was driving her car and she looked back and turned into a mail box.
 
A rabbit goes to see the dentist. The dentist says, “Looks like I’ll have to pull a tooth. I’ll give you a shot of Novocain.” The rabbit shakes his head and says, “Nah, I’m an ether bunny.”
 
Santa was taking his yearly flight check.

The FAA checker carefully examined his sleigh runners, the cargo hold, the reins, harness and Rudolph’s nose.

Then, climbing in behind Santa for the check ride, he pulls a shotgun.

“What’s that for???” Saint Nick squeaked.

“This is where you lose an engine on takeoff!”
 
When I was a kid, my mother told be I could be anyone I wanted to be.

Turns out identity theft is a crime.
 
Never judge someone until you have walked a mile in his shoes.

That way, if they get offended, they are a mile away and you have their shoes.
 
I never wanted to believe that my brother was stealing from his job as a road worker

But when I got home, all the signs were there
How much memory does it take to store a joke ?

One Gigglebyte
Was at a wedding today and it was so beautiful everyone started crying.

Even the cake was in tiers.
Why do golf announcers whisper?

Because they don’t want to wake up the people watching.
I just got my son a flat piece of cardboard for his birthday

I have no idea why he was so desperate for an ex box.
 
Today we were going down the hwy when I noticed a bucket in the road. I told my son there is a pale in the road to which he responded “it looks bright blue to me”
 
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Two blondes were taking a test.

Blonde 1. ‘What did Old MacDonald have?’

Blonde 2. (After a bit of a think) ‘A farm’.

Blonde 1. (Also after a bit of a think) ‘How do you spell that?’

Blonde 2. (After an even longer think) ‘E-I-E-I-O’
 
An engineer went to Heaven and was told it was full.

So he went to the other place and, in short order, put in air conditioning, hot tubs, and escalators. Everybody felt really good about him.

When Saint Peter looked down to check on Old Scratch, he saw the engineer, and said, “He’s ours; you must return him.”

The Devil said, “Like fun; you turned him away, tough cookies!”

Saint Peter: “You can’t do that! We’ll sue!”

Devil: “Oh yeah? Where are YOU going to get a lawyer???”
 
Speaking of lawyers, did you hear of the terrorist who took over the courthouse and held everyone hostage?

He threatened to “release a lawyer” back into society every hour until his demands were met.
 
An American tourist in Dublin asked: “Is the whisky here really strong?”

“Yes it is” a local said; “why, two nights ago I had two whiskies and then went to 7 AM Mass.”

“How is that special?” the tourist asked.

“I’m Jewish!”
 
A frugal rabbi named Ari was frustrated at God for not answering his prayer to win the lottery.

Ari (in prayer): “Dear God, why don’t you help me win the lottery?”

God: “Ari, you’ve got to help me out a little and purchase a lottery ticket first”.
 
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