Jokes/Puns you would like to share

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fredystairs said:
Cow stumbles in pot field.

The steaks have never been higher!!!
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A whole herd of cows discovered the joys of grazing on ditch weed. During the night, the buzz wore off so they went back and grazed some more.

It was a case of the pot calling the cattle back.
 
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Two guys were hunting for deer and came upon a wooded hill. The first guy tells his not so smart friend that they should split up and go opposite directions around the hill. A few minutes later he hears a gun shot. He rushes to his friend and sees him with his gun pointed at another man who pleads, “Okay, okay, you can have your deer. Just please let me get my saddle off him.”
 
Three economists go hunting for deer with bows and arrows. They are in the woods when they see a deer in the distance. The first economist lets fly an arrow and it goes just behind the deer. The second economist lets fly his arrow and it goes just in front of the deer. The third economist jumps up and down and says “We hit it, we hit it!!”
 
Mathematician screaming at his kid:

“If I’ve told you n times, I told you n + 1 times…!”
 
I before E
Except when your foreign neighbor Keith
receives eight counterfeit beige sleighs
from feisty caffeinated weightlifters.
WEIRD
 
My wife kept complaining about my lack of a sense of direction.

So I packed up my bags and I right.
 
My wife asked me why I hadn’t eaten any of the sandwich meat she had recently bought.

I told her that I didn’t like meat from sick pigs.

“What? You’ve always liked good ham“, she exclaimed.

“The label said it was uncured so I didn’t want to risk it”, I replied.
 
A man notices a farmer with a three legged pig. He asks the farmer about it. The farner replies, “Oh, this is the greatest pig I’ve ever raised. One day the barn caught on fire and she made such a racket that when I came to see what was happening I saw the fire and put it out before it got out of control. A fine pig she is.”

“But why does she only have three legs?”

“Let me tell you about her. One day my little boy fell in the creek and that pig jumped right in and saved him. A fine pig she is.”

“But what about the three legs?”

“I have to tell you about this pig. One time the gate got left open and one of my prize horses got out. She chased him down and herded him right back to the pasture. A fine pig she is!”

“But sir, please explain why she only has three legs.”

The farmer says with a big smile, “A pig like that you just can’t eat all at once.”
 
There’s a joke like that where the farmer comes to kill the pig, or maybe just take one leg. The pig can talk, of course, and he reminds the farmer of all that he has done. The farmer replies, “Yeah, but what have you done for me lately?”
 
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