Jokes/Puns you would like to share

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Thank you JanR! In my family having a groaner was the highest of compliments in response to a pun. ☺️
 
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Paranoia has reached absurd stages…
I just sneezed in front of my laptop and the
anti-virus started a scan of it’s own…
 
( So excited, my first day as a cop! )

Me: Suspect is dancing naked through the town.
Dispatch: Copy that.
Me: I’ll try, but I’m not much of a dancer…
:woman_facepalming:t4:
 
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Q: Why do they say “family tree?”

A: if you look.hard enough, you’re bound to find some sap in it.
 
The human body is roughly 60% water.
🤔 🤔 🤔

So…
I’m not fat… I’m flooded !
 
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My wife just finished a forty week body building program. It’s a girl and she weighs 7 pounds 12 ounces.
 
Tommy999 said:
True story that happened last week:

I took some dried clothes from the dryer and gave to my wife for folding and to put on hangers, which she prefers to do because she does it better than me.

Wife: “Can you bring me about 10 hangers?”
Me: “Sure, here you go”.

A couple of minutes later:
Wife: “Can you bring me about 10 more hangers?”
Me: I think you are having hanger management issues.
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I actually have lots of hangers (the good kind - metal, wood and plastic ones made in the USA).
 
fredystairs said:
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GEddie:
That’s par for the course in NM. They even had a book, “One of our 50 is Missing,” listing instances of the state being confused with the foreign country immediately to its south.
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Oy vey…🤦🏻
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@GEddie and @fredystairs: Here’s a good one:

In White Christmas, Rosemary Clooney tells Vera Ellen that their brother is in Alaska: “He’s been out of the country for two months.” 😆
 
White Christmas was made in 1954 - 5 years before Alaska achieved statehood. So technically she was right (at that time).
 
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This morning on the classical music radio station, the host introduced a piece of music as Mozart’s Thirty-Second Symphony.

I’ve gotta tell him, it was way longer than that.
 
And look at this: Tomorrow is the Thirty-Second Sunday of Ordinary Time. Something tells me it’ll be way longer than that. 🕤
 
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