Kissing on the lips during the sign of peace

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Some people have some misconceptions about how the kiss between spouses began. They seem to think that it is all due to the ignorance of the people involved. And yet that is not a fair assessment. Here is my experience. We were still a young family attending a parish in South Carolina. At that time we shook hands at the sign of peace. It did seem awkward. I don’t know if others had spoken to the pastor about it, but one Sunday he told us that it was ok for spouses to give a kiss (sober of course) as the sign because it was not natural for spouses to shake hands. And that is how this sign began with us. I have learned more about the rite of the sign of peace since then, and there have been some good arguments against it along with a lot of wrongful assumptions. But there has been no condemnation by our bishops of this sign yet. And as far as I know, the bishops in the U.S. have not determined the sign to be used.
 
HoneyBea said:
Would everyone be happy if we began our peace with those around us and ended it in reverse with our families kissing and all?
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Why do you need to kiss your family during the Liturgy? Could this not wait until after Mass? It is a sign of peace, not a sign of familial love and closeness. Do you make a point of hugging and kissing members of your family at other times during the Mass?
 
zab said:
And as far as I know, the bishops in the U.S. have not determined the sign to be used.
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Sadly, even when Bishops’ Conferences do designate a sign (as in the UK where a handshake is designated) many people still use this part of the liturgy to hug and kiss their families. We are not supposed to be saying, “I love you as my wife”, or “I love you as my son”. We are supposed to be greeting all those around us as a sign of peace in Christ, as part of one Body of Christ, with all parts equal in importance to us. But even with the UK bishops having designated a sober handshake as the gesture, some families still use it as a break in the Liturgy to engage in a mini love-in with their families.
 
I’d be squirmish if I thought about it because I wouldn’t want you or your husband kissing me how you kiss each other and the peace is about are you at peace with each other before receiving communion. Not are you in love with each other. But are you at peace with each other be it whoever is stood nearby you. I would say that you not at peace with me if you kissed him on the lips but then calmly shook hands with me. though I really wouldn’t want you to kiss me on the lips as rather too personal but one person does but she does with whoever not her lover who don’t go but whoever… if you can kiss me on the lips and the person you dislike the least in church then fine go ahead and kiss your lover but remember this is not about your lover but a sign of peace between each other whoever is stood next to you and you are willing to do the same all round otherwise it just… I hate it enough when priests give each other a big symbolic hug then the rest of us get the shake of the hands on the altar and again I wouldn’t be happy with the symbolic hug either especially on days am feeling sensitive but I really do feel a lot of people miss the point of the peace. it not about your husband being your husband. it about whether you are at peace to be able to receive communion if it about anything. Hence ‘sign of the peace’:dancing: If you can kiss me like you kiss him then fine, if you can’t then perhaps rethink what you are doing. One person does kiss me on the lips and does that with anyone who is there.
 
zab said:
that it was ok for spouses to give a kiss (sober of course) as the sign because it was not natural for spouses to shake hands.
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We bow and smile and lift the hand…and say “peace of Christ be with you”…or “pax tecum” sometimes even on my part…

Very sober and reverent – I think fitting in liturgy.

I personally do not like the “handshake” for anyone…
 
Brendan_64 said:
Sadly, even when Bishops’ Conferences do designate a sign (as in the UK where a handshake is designated) many people still use this part of the liturgy to hug and kiss their families. We are not supposed to be saying, “I love you as my wife”, or “I love you as my son”. We are supposed to be greeting all those around us as a sign of peace in Christ, as part of one Body of Christ, with all parts equal in importance to us. But even with the UK bishops having designated a sober handshake as the gesture, some families still use it as a break in the Liturgy to engage in a mini love-in with their families.
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It is sad that people are not following what the bishops in your country have directed or that perhaps your pastor has not encouraged it more. But the is no need to judge what they are doing or could do when they get home. I have to ask the question of why some seem to be so offended and bothered by a family sharing the sign of peace. Is it the fault of the family that they feel so left out or is something else going on? Perhaps the family is also in need of sharing a sign of peace amongst other family members. And that is their opportunity.
 
pnewton said:
Perhaps because one wants to, is allowed to, and chooses to?
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Perhaps. Perhaps I’ll lie down on a pew in a quiet Mass and have a rest, or play on my phone during Mass. After all if I want to, am allowed to, and choose to… then why not?
 
Bookcat said:
We bow and smile and lift the hand…and say “peace of Christ be with you”…or “pax tecum” sometimes even on my part…

Very sober and reverent – I think fitting in liturgy.

I personally do not like the “handshake” for anyone…
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I personally like this sign the best. But I have to admit that when I first read it, it sounded like you ready to high five it. Better keep that smile in check, too, 😉
 
I give my husband a quick peck on the lips as a greeting. This is the silliest splitting of hairs I’ve ever seen. That is how we greet each other and it isn’t “making out” or elongated show off of affection. I think there are much bigger things to worry about in the Church than this. Most people that give “kisses” are usually giving it to spouses or a kiss on the check to someone very close. People need to stop looking and worrying about what others are or are not doing during the “kiss of peace”. Likewise do not see other getting out and going across the Church. It’s a wonder when we have threads like this that people don’t want to become Catholic. Threads like this make the Catholic church look like a bunch of neurotic nuts when we have real problems on our hands with threats to our freedom and religious liberty, Catholics voting for pro-abortion pro-homosexual leaders and we have 200 some posts on if it’s ok to give a quick kiss to one’s own spouse during the “kiss of peace”.
 
robwar said:
I give my husband a quick peck on the lips as a greeting. This is the silliest splitting of hairs I’ve ever seen. That is how we greet each other and it isn’t “making out” or elongated show off of affection. I think there are much bigger things to worry about in the Church than this. Most people that give “kisses” are usually giving it to spouses or a kiss on the check to someone very close. People need to stop looking and worrying about what others are or are not doing during the “kiss of peace”. Likewise do not see other getting out and going across the Church. It’s a wonder when we have threads like this that people don’t want to become Catholic. Threads like this make the Catholic church look like a bunch of neurotic nuts when we have real problems on our hands with threats to our freedom and religious liberty, Catholics voting for pro-abortion pro-homosexual leaders and we have 200 some posts on if it’s ok to give a quick kiss to one’s own spouse during the “kiss of peace”.
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Amen!
 
Since GIRM 82 gives the USCCB the authority to define the action within the boundaries given by Rome ( “in accordance with the culture and customs of the peoples”)

This was all the I could find on specific instructions from the USCCB
The Rite of Peace follows. The celebrant prays that the peace of Christ will fill our hearts, our families, our Church, our communities, and our world. As a sign of hope, the people extend to those around them a sign of peace, typically by shaking hands.
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usccb.org/prayer-and-worship/sacraments/eucharist/structure-and-meaning-of-the-mass-backgrounder.cfm

Given the nebulous statement ‘typically by shaking hands’, it would appear as to not exclude other means, as long as they remained in the boundaries given by Rome in regard to culture and customs.

I would also state that a small kiss given between family members is generally considered to be a greeting within the bounds of North American culture, even more so in other cultures that reside in the US. My French Canadian in-laws for example.

Unless there is some more specific ruling, it would seem to be permitted.
 
zab said:
Why is that? Do you think we would not welcome a change due to clarification? In my experience, parishioners have always conformed to instruction given. And I would be happy to do so. Be careful not to judge.
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robwar said:
Catholics voting for pro-abortion pro-homosexual leaders
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One would have to use some imagination here. There might have to be a different set of instructions, say for the Cathedral in Chicago, where you have gays and feminists parading in front and inside of the Church, with a few homeless amongst them, and a small church in some remote place, where you have a few families in attendance, very seldom young kids going to church by themselves.

But generally, you do see the singles much more receptive to the exchange of peace so what kind of instructions would they need? It’s those who come in couples (and families) is what this this thread seems to be all about.
 
Brendan_64 said:
Perhaps. Perhaps I’ll lie down on a pew in a quiet Mass and have a rest, or play on my phone during Mass. After all if I want to, am allowed to, and choose to… then why not?
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Absurd exaggeration makes poor argument. If There is a significant difference between someone choosing an option for Mass you do not like, but that they are allowed to choose, and someone acting a fool in Mass.
 
pnewton said:
There is a significant difference between someone choosing an option for Mass you do not like, but that they are allowed to choose, and someone acting a fool in Mass.
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And a person’s foolishness would be a matter of your personal opinion I guess?
 
robwar said:
I give my husband a quick peck on the lips as a greeting. This is the silliest splitting of hairs I’ve ever seen. That is how we greet each other and it isn’t “making out” or elongated show off of affection. I think there are much bigger things to worry about in the Church than this. Most people that give “kisses” are usually giving it to spouses or a kiss on the check to someone very close. People need to stop looking and worrying about what others are or are not doing during the “kiss of peace”. Likewise do not see other getting out and going across the Church. It’s a wonder when we have threads like this that people don’t want to become Catholic. Threads like this make the Catholic church look like a bunch of neurotic nuts when we have real problems on our hands with threats to our freedom and religious liberty, Catholics voting for pro-abortion pro-homosexual leaders and we have 200 some posts on if it’s ok to give a quick kiss to one’s own spouse during the “kiss of peace”.
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I’m not bothered if you kiss your wife. Heck, if you gave me a hug, I’d hug you back, during the sign of peace or otherwise. 🙂 I’m sure not a sourpuss that is going to stew or mope because things are going the way I think they probably should. I just think it makes sense that the gesture be uniform because it represents unity, and so far, I haven’t heard a reason to think otherwise.
 
Brendan_64 said:
And a person’s foolishness would be a matter of your personal opinion I guess?
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Yes. If someone stretches out across the pew to rest during Mass, it is my opinion that this is silly and frivolous, which is a better description than foolish. Playing on a phone is foolish, in my opinion, but I believe that whether one is in Mass or at home.
 
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