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space_ghost
Guest
in case i was a little to tender with the first post…
NO SHACKING!
NO SHACKING!
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StephiePea
Guest
I lived with my husband before we were married. We had been having sex for years before marriage. I thought I was a big girl, and he was my first, and I was going to marry him anyway, so whats the big deal? Well, after we were married, I started desiring forgiveness for this sin, and more purity in our marriage. And let me tell you, I wish I had waited. It has been very difficult and has caused me a lot of emotional stress. My brother and his new wife were married recently and I know they waited. I admire them, really.
S
Steve_Andersen
Guest
mark a:
And has no problem with our living arrangements
We’re not kids by any stretch of the imagination
In fact when we went to visit my folks for the holidays a few years back I was expecting to sleep on the couch but my CCD teaching, choir member, Mom made up one bed for us without even asking
And I was too well raised to contradict my mother
Everyone seems to be happy that we’re happy
And has no problem with our living arrangements
We’re not kids by any stretch of the imagination
In fact when we went to visit my folks for the holidays a few years back I was expecting to sleep on the couch but my CCD teaching, choir member, Mom made up one bed for us without even asking
And I was too well raised to contradict my mother
J
jimmy
Guest
Steve Andersen:
:bigyikes: :bigyikes: :bigyikes: :banghead:
S
Steve_Andersen
Guest
was it something I said?
L
La_Chiara
Guest
Steve Andersen:
Well, it sounds like your mom’s parenting didn’t emphasize all the Catholic Church’s teaching. Can I assume she also is not opposed to abortion nor birth control?Everyone seems to be happy that we’re happy
And has no problem with our living arrangements
We’re not kids by any stretch of the imagination
In fact when we went to visit my folks for the holidays a few years back I was expecting to sleep on the couch but my CCD teaching, choir member, Mom made up one bed for us without even asking
And I was too well raised to contradict my mother
S
Steve_Andersen
Guest
no, you can not.
J
jimmy
Guest
Steve Andersen:
I thought it was amazing that your mom would do something like that. If shes a devout Catholic, I would think she would expect you to wait till marriage.
L
La_Chiara
Guest
Your mother’s conduct actually doesn’t surprise me. Most people have a set of values. But when a beloved family member behaves contrary to those values, many decide they value harmony in the family over making a fuss.
J
jimmy
Guest
La Chiara:
Harmony means nothing if your breaking your values.
T
The_Hidden_Life
Guest
Steve Andersen:
Y’know, age doesn’t matter in this. My father-in-law is 80 and his wife died about five years ago. Six months later a friendly widow friend of his moved in with him. Despite the fact that they married a few months later and they were both freshly grieving for their spouses and seeking comfort, it still caused a scandal and yes, it was still immoral of them to live together before the wedding. (Actually my father-in-law is a lapsed Catholic as of about 1940 or so and this is his fourth attempt at marriage and his first Catholic spouse is still living with no annulment, but that’s sort of beside the point in this discussion.)
TarAshly, ten years ago I was in a similar situation to you. By the grace of God, we’ve managed to work through many problems in our marriage despite having lived together three months before the wedding for “financial reasons.” You don’t want to hear this, but usually the willingness to cave in on one’s morals for “financial reasons” also indicates a weakness in one’s morals period. You may think you had a good reason for your fiance to live with you while you recuperated from surgery, but other arrangements could have been made. God does not make it impossible for us to do the right thing, it is only whether we are willing to do it despite the cost to ourselves.
We lived together pre-wedding and regret it. Find another place to stay for these last few days before the wedding. Are you getting married on the Feast of the Immaculate Conception? Wouldn’t you like to present yourself as a bride without sin or shame? Make it right and get yourself to confession, then pack a bag and sleep on your mother’s bedroom floor if you have to. Yes, it is that important! If your fiance thinks you are crazy, then maybe he is the wrong fiance.
Steve, that’s just repulsive. I’m sorry your mom forgot her morals too. Just because your mom made it easy for you to sin doesn’t mean it was not a sin. Actually, I am trying to figure out whether she led you into sin or you encouraged your mom to sin by putting the pressure on her to accept your immoral behavior in the first place!Everyone seems to be happy that we’re happy
And has no problem with our living arrangements
We’re not kids by any stretch of the imagination
In fact when we went to visit my folks for the holidays a few years back I was expecting to sleep on the couch but my CCD teaching, choir member, Mom made up one bed for us without even asking
And I was too well raised to contradict my mother
Y’know, age doesn’t matter in this. My father-in-law is 80 and his wife died about five years ago. Six months later a friendly widow friend of his moved in with him. Despite the fact that they married a few months later and they were both freshly grieving for their spouses and seeking comfort, it still caused a scandal and yes, it was still immoral of them to live together before the wedding. (Actually my father-in-law is a lapsed Catholic as of about 1940 or so and this is his fourth attempt at marriage and his first Catholic spouse is still living with no annulment, but that’s sort of beside the point in this discussion.)
TarAshly, ten years ago I was in a similar situation to you. By the grace of God, we’ve managed to work through many problems in our marriage despite having lived together three months before the wedding for “financial reasons.” You don’t want to hear this, but usually the willingness to cave in on one’s morals for “financial reasons” also indicates a weakness in one’s morals period. You may think you had a good reason for your fiance to live with you while you recuperated from surgery, but other arrangements could have been made. God does not make it impossible for us to do the right thing, it is only whether we are willing to do it despite the cost to ourselves.
We lived together pre-wedding and regret it. Find another place to stay for these last few days before the wedding. Are you getting married on the Feast of the Immaculate Conception? Wouldn’t you like to present yourself as a bride without sin or shame? Make it right and get yourself to confession, then pack a bag and sleep on your mother’s bedroom floor if you have to. Yes, it is that important! If your fiance thinks you are crazy, then maybe he is the wrong fiance.
L
La_Chiara
Guest
I totally agree. I am not condoning putting family harmony over moral values. Unfortunately, I know full well that others do.
J
jimmy
Guest
La Chiara:
I wasn’t accusing you of condoning it incase that is what you thought. I just think it is terrible that people think like that.
C
CARose
Guest
Steve,
I’m sorry that your mother made a grave error when she encouraged you to take liberties when you and your girlfriend visited, but this does not change the Truth.
If you’re Catholic, if you believe that the Catholic Church is the Church founded by Jesus Christ, then you should understand that the Church has been given the fullness of the Truth.
We are NOT allowed to pick and choose which of these Truths we care to accept and incorporate into our lives. We live in a fallen world, and we have a lot of Catholics who don’t understand or even accept the concept of Infallibility of the Dogma of the Church. This does not change the fact that Dogma is defined Truth and that Catholics are required to accept these as Truth.
People here have been trying to Charitably tell you that what you are doing is SINFUL. As such, you have closed you off from God’s Grace.
How exactly will this create difficulties in your life? My goodness, none of us here is a mind reader or tells the future. Many can share how similar decisions led to difficulties in their lives, but how exactly you might have less than the Best that God desires for you, only God Himself knows. But what we do know is that the Best IS what God desires. It is because of this that He has given us a Church which tells in clear terms what He wants from us.
I could use all the characters alloted to a reply in a bulleted list of possible problems you can encounter through pre-marital sex, but you seem to have all the answers and they don’t add up.
2 + 2 will never equal 5. Truth is Truth. Deal with it.
Your married life will be better for waiting, even if it means you have to START waiting. You deserve it, She deserves it.
Just because you aren’t the only ones who haven’t waited doesn’t make 2 + 2 = 5. If you have a bad teacher and everyone in the class says 2 + 2 = 5, it still isn’t so.
CARose
I’m sorry that your mother made a grave error when she encouraged you to take liberties when you and your girlfriend visited, but this does not change the Truth.
If you’re Catholic, if you believe that the Catholic Church is the Church founded by Jesus Christ, then you should understand that the Church has been given the fullness of the Truth.
We are NOT allowed to pick and choose which of these Truths we care to accept and incorporate into our lives. We live in a fallen world, and we have a lot of Catholics who don’t understand or even accept the concept of Infallibility of the Dogma of the Church. This does not change the fact that Dogma is defined Truth and that Catholics are required to accept these as Truth.
People here have been trying to Charitably tell you that what you are doing is SINFUL. As such, you have closed you off from God’s Grace.
How exactly will this create difficulties in your life? My goodness, none of us here is a mind reader or tells the future. Many can share how similar decisions led to difficulties in their lives, but how exactly you might have less than the Best that God desires for you, only God Himself knows. But what we do know is that the Best IS what God desires. It is because of this that He has given us a Church which tells in clear terms what He wants from us.
I could use all the characters alloted to a reply in a bulleted list of possible problems you can encounter through pre-marital sex, but you seem to have all the answers and they don’t add up.
2 + 2 will never equal 5. Truth is Truth. Deal with it.
Your married life will be better for waiting, even if it means you have to START waiting. You deserve it, She deserves it.
Just because you aren’t the only ones who haven’t waited doesn’t make 2 + 2 = 5. If you have a bad teacher and everyone in the class says 2 + 2 = 5, it still isn’t so.
CARose
R
RgtAct
Guest
I am just trying to make sense of this whole temptation issue. The question that keeps popping into my head is that there are a lot of things that we do everyday that lead us into temptation that we don’t even think about. For instance holding a knife in your hand to cut food. We can be certainly tempted to stab someone but we don’t. Why don’t we because we know it is wrong. But the way this topic is going it almost seems like we shouldn’t even be holding the knife because of the chance of killing somebody. This is where my confusion begins, is that everyday we are doing things that can lead us into committing sin, it is left to us to decide whether we are committing that sin or not. If I know it is wrong to have sex before marriage, I know that I will make sure it doesn’t happen no matter what the situation is. Yes we can all say that we are human beings and that we are not perfect. I know I am not the perfect human being. But when it comes to my faith and the rules that God has laid before me I will not falter. The greatest gift God has given me is Him. He is given me the power of self discovery and to ask questions so that I can find what I am looking for to become a better person!
J
jimmy
Guest
We all falter. You can’t put yourself into a situation where you are being tempted. Sometimes it is not easy to resist temptation. Even the pope goes to confession every week, he must have fallen sometime to need the sacriment.
S
Steve_Andersen
Guest
The Hidden Life:
The Hidden Life:
At my age sleeping together amounts to a lot of……sleeping
The Hidden Life:
I will take that in the charitable way it was meant
The Hidden Life:
You’re leaping to conclusions there.
At my age sleeping together amounts to a lot of……sleeping
The Hidden Life:
I didn’t put pressure on anyone
M
mercygate
Guest
C’mon. Even you don’t believe there is a connection here.
Actually, we have the Commandments just because people have a lot of trouble “deciding.” And we are to “decide” based on an informed conscience. Where one’s personal inclination differs from Church teaching, guess which trumps?
Yay! But be careful of pride in your confidence lest you stumble. And remember that it is a sin itself not to **avoid all near occasions of sin. **Living with your fiancee is about as near as you can get!
Glad you came here. Sometimes people come on like gangbusters, and maybe they do more harm than good, even when they are right about things. But at least now you know why living together is a scandal to the young and, in itself, morally problematic whether or not you are fornicating. Right?
As an adult member of our Christian community you are in a position of responsibility and your every choice is a teaching tool, a guide and a sign to the rest of us – especially the young. Unfortunately (or fortunately) your new knowledge places you under an even stronger obligation to step forward and claim your responsibility. God will give you the desire, strength, and will to do it. Just ask!
Lotta folks prayin’ for you and yours.
S
Steve_Andersen
Guest
Liberties? You’re making assumptions.
But I never said it would change the Truth
I just said that for various reasons I’ve exercised my free will and made a choice
Yes, I know that.
if the world was full of perfect people than there would be no need for the Church
just because someone doesn’t follow each and every rule don’t suppose that they “don’t understand” them
PS I thought that the “fallen world” was some of that Gnostic nonsense. the world is God’s great Creation…it is we who are fallen.
I know what they are saying and I pretty much agreed with them several posts back
I wasn’t asking for a pat on the head and a cookie
I would not be so bold to claim that I knew or understood the wants and desires of the Deity.
I never said I have all the answers
I’m just a guy
L
La_Chiara
Guest
Steve, buddy–I hear a lot of pride and arrogance in your posts. Why do you come and post on Catholic forums about sinful behavior that you justify and rationalize? It seems to me that you are toying with the people on this forum. Do you mess with your fiancee’ the same way? I rather suspect so. You can fool some of the people some of the time…
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