Many Catholics leaving the faith by age 10

[JimG]

This whole thread seems wacky to me. When I was 10 I had no idea of telling my parents I don’t believe anymore and I knew better so stop taking me to church.

How does that work anyway? I guess we make kids mini adults and let them run their own lives now. As I say I just cannot believe this thread. So does this work with school as well? The kids say they don’t believe in higher education so stop taking me to school.

This is my thinking as well. I can only imagine that 10 year olds are taken seriously in this regard only because the parents have no faith themselves.

 

[Beautiful]

I would agree with poor priorities but not the other two.

Okay
I don’t think I will elaborate too much. It just seems to me that family life has deteriorated greatly over the past 50-60 years. There is much less focus on important and pivotal family experiences and too much emphasis on child care support outside the home given by paid workers. While the teaching nuns from the past were paid, their interest in the children had a different accent compared to childcare givers and teachers of today. Sex roles within families have become cloudy too. And don’t forget the number of divorces, unusual living arrangements and contraception family down size.
This funky chemistry has been the basis of the downward spiral.

 

[Beautiful]

Okay
I don’t think I will elaborate too much. It just seems to me that family life has deteriorated greatly over the past 50-60 years. There is much less focus on important and pivotal family experiences and too much emphasis on child care support outside the home given by paid workers. While the teaching nuns from the past were paid, their interest in the children had a different accent compared to childcare givers and teachers of today. Sex roles within families have become cloudy too. And don’t forget the number of divorces, unusual living arrangements and contraception family down size.
This funky chemistry has been the basis of the downward spiral.

And unless you are age 50 or more there is a good chance you grew up mostly in a daycare center and only know a lifestyle of bed & breakfast at the home of your birth nights and weekends. Most of your life was probably experienced with mixed bag of strangers from about age 5-6 months.

Are there exceptions to the rule? Yes but I think generally…deterioration of family life is the root cause of young Catholics dropping away.

 

[Padres1969]

And unless you are age 50 or more there is a good chance you grew up mostly in a daycare center and only know a lifestyle of bed & breakfast at the home of your birth nights and weekends. ** Most of your life was probably experienced with mixed bag of strangers from about age 5-6 months.
**
Are there exceptions to the rule? Yes but I think generally…deterioration of family life is the root cause of young Catholics dropping away.

Likely a true statement. But that’s what happens in a society that requires both parents to work in most cases even in unbroken homes. Both parents have to work just to make ends meet. And that’s squarely the result of the continuing erosion of the middle class that’s been occurring since the early 1980’s.

 

[Blessedwithfive]

Likely a true statement. But that’s what happens in a society that requires both parents to work in most cases even in unbroken homes. Both parents have to work just to make ends meet. And that’s squarely the result of the continuing erosion of the middle class that’s been occurring since the early 1980’s.

Not really a true statement for me. both my parents worked outside the home but they made us attend Mass and CCD as long as we were living in their house. Not even a question. After I was married I decided to attend almost out of spite. I still have times of doubt but, once again, I decided to believe and raise our children in the faith. It is all about priorities. And I did have to work full time with the first three kids…now I stay home with the kids but I don’t think that is why our kids practice even in college and once they have graduated college and have gotten married. We also practice the faith at our home and never miss Mass and go to Confession as a family several times a year. It is important to all of us.
Ten is too young to decide if you believe. 20 is too young also in my book. Actually at 48 I am probably too young to decide to leave…I still don’t know the faith well enough to say I understand, but I don’t believe.

 

[Padres1969]

Not really a true statement for me. both my parents worked outside the home but they made us attend Mass and CCD as long as we were living in their house. Not even a question. After I was married I decided to attend almost out of spite. I still have times of doubt but, once again, I decided to believe and raise our children in the faith. It is all about priorities. And I did have to work full time with the first three kids…now I stay home with the kids but I don’t think that is why our kids practice even in college and once they have graduated college and have gotten married. We also practice the faith at our home and never miss Mass and go to Confession as a family several times a year. It is important to all of us.
Ten is too young to decide if you believe. 20 is too young also in my book. Actually at 48 I am probably too young to decide to leave…I still don’t know the faith well enough to say I understand, but I don’t believe.

Well everyone is different. As you say you were raised and now raise your kids in what seems like very faithful households. Not everyone is so lucky. And indeed in many cases it’s not a lack of understanding that keeps the household from being as faithful as it should. Sometimes it’s timing reasons, sometimes financial, or sometimes it’s just that despite being raised properly the parents don’t believe any longer. And if the parents don’t really believe, what’s their motivation to ensure their kids do?

I’d probably classify my own upbringing in this last category. My parents were both raised Catholic and properly catechized for their day. My dad in particular was raised in an active Catholic household. But he clearly didn’t retain his faith beyond a cultural connection which drew him back a bit when it was time to get married, for his kids to be baptized or time for his kids to apply for Catholic school.

 

[Beautiful]

Likely a true statement. But that’s what happens in a society that requires both parents to work in most cases even in unbroken homes. Both parents have to work just to make ends meet. And that’s squarely the result of the continuing erosion of the middle class that’s been occurring since the early 1980’s.

I’m not sure exactly how to address this greater problem money. Maybe parishes could get more involved in supporting family members in need?

Iceland epitomizes family deterioration.
cnn.com/2016/03/24/travel/wonder-list-bill-weir-iceland/

"You have this horrible term in English, ‘broken families,’ " Bryndis Asmundottir says over coffee. “Which basically means just if you get divorced, then something’s broken. But that’s not the way it is in Iceland at all. We live in such a small and secure environment, and the women have so much freedom. So you can just, you can choose your life.”
Bryndis has three kids with two partners and not a drop of shame or regret.

I posted this Iceland article because you mentioned the word ‘broken family’.

Reminder…discussing here why young people are leaving the Church…family deterioration.

 

[ConfusedLucy]

This whole thread seems wacky to me. When I was 10 I had no idea of telling my parents I don’t believe anymore and I knew better so stop taking me to church.

How does that work anyway? I guess we make kids mini adults and let them run their own lives now. As I say I just cannot believe this thread. So does this work with school as well? The kids say they don’t believe in higher education so stop taking me to school.

Kids these days aren’t always growing up in Catholic environments an in addition have access to more information through TV and the internet than their parents and grandparents would have had at 10. Parents can still make their kids go to church but can’t really control what they believe.

 

[oneofmany]

Kids these days aren’t always growing up in Catholic environments an in addition have access to more information through TV and the internet than their parents and grandparents would have had at 10. Parents can still make their kids go to church but can’t really control what they believe.

My parents never talked to us kids on what we believed, we were taken to Church each Sunday. It was no big deal, it just was something that was expected of us like going to school. Do parents talk to their kids about deciding if they still want to attend school? People would say that’s just crazy. Most kids will go in and out of what they like to do but that is only normal. They do this with everything they belong to, from soccer to the scouts. If they are allowed to drop out of everything they get tired of no wonder kids are so confused now.

 

[ConfusedLucy]

My parents never talked to us kids on what we believed, we were taken to Church each Sunday. It was no big deal, it just was something that was expected of us like going to school. Do parents talk to their kids about deciding if they still want to attend school? People would say that’s just crazy. Most kids will go in and out of what they like to do but that is only normal. They do this with everything they belong to, from soccer to the scouts. If they are allowed to drop out of everything they get tired of no wonder kids are so confused now.

If you don’t mind my asking, what kept you in church when your parents were no longer in a position to make you go to church? What I see with people I grew up with is that a lot of them went to please their parents but once they were older or moved out didn’t see any reason to keep going as they didn’t share their parents beliefs. A lot of them are getting to the marriage/kids stage and even that’s not drawing them back, though some will baptize their kids to please their parents.

 

[Phemie]

My parents never talked to us kids on what we believed, we were taken to Church each Sunday. It was no big deal, it just was something that was expected of us like going to school. Do parents talk to their kids about deciding if they still want to attend school? People would say that’s just crazy. Most kids will go in and out of what they like to do but that is only normal. They do this with everything they belong to, from soccer to the scouts. If they are allowed to drop out of everything they get tired of no wonder kids are so confused now.

If you don’t mind my asking, what kept you in church when your parents were no longer in a position to make you go to church? What I see with people I grew up with is that a lot of them went to please their parents but once they were older or moved out didn’t see any reason to keep going as they didn’t share their parents beliefs. A lot of them are getting to the marriage/kids stage and even that’s not drawing them back, though some will baptize their kids to please their parents.

It was the same way with our family as with oneofmany’s. Talking about faith was just not something my parents did. But we knew that Mass was non-negotiable. Neither were prayers, following the fasting laws, etc. We attended daily Mass during Lent and Advent, we went to Confession with my parents, etc.

My two brothers left the faith the minute they left home. They still did things to please my parents if they came home, including dressing for Mass and then going for coffee instead. They just didn’t want the hassle of my parents knowing, though by the time he died, Dad had realized that neither practiced the faith and it tormented him greatly.

I hope Dad never realized that in the 18 months he lived with my younger brother and was too incapacitated to go to Mass he never received Communion. Whenever he requested Communion my brother pretended to go to church, went to the local coffee shop then to his office where he kept altar bread (which you can buy at the corner store where they live) and brought an unconsecrated host home for Dad. I only found this out after he’d gone into palliative care and was receiving Communion as often as the EMHC came to his bedside.

I, OTOH, never gave up the faith. Not when I was in university or nursing school and not even when I married a non-Catholic. On the odd occasion that I had to miss Sunday Mass there was a feeling of emptiness in my life.

Our children were raised Catholic and my husband did his best to help me, even learning prayers in my language so he could help the kids with theirs if I had to be away at bedtime. Yet “talk” of the faith didn’t happen in our home any more than it had in my parents’ home. My three kids bailed on the faith the minute they became adults. Two are in invalid marriages and my grandsons are not baptized. Now I know what Dad went through in his last years.

 

[mexolic]

Many parents are simply repeating what their parents did. Relying solely on the child’s catechism from the parish church. Instruction from the church is only part of it. Catholic instruction, through example starts at home. Be it prayer, discussing matters of faith, attending Mass and yes, opening the Bible. Parents with busy schedules need to make time to spend with their children in Catholic activities, even if it’s a short prayer moment. The children will see why it’s essential make time for prayer.

 

[Sy_Noe]

A very long time ago, a great number of Churchmen “went political”, and they taught the parishioners and the children that “gospel”. The only thing that really mattered was being “socially responsible”, which meant voting for whoever promised to tax the amorphous “rich” the most (which some politicians were willing to do) and “helping the poor” (which the politicians are not willing to do).

And so, there’s no content in what the children are taught, either in the schools or by their parents.

As opposed to going “political” and the only things that really matter are social issues such as abortion and SSM?

While of course both of these are extremely important aspects of the Catholic faith and for the Catholic faithful, the Catholic faith would seem so much more than just two or three or a handful of political issues.

Pope Francis himself says, “I have never understood the expression non-negotiable values. Values are values, and that is it. I can’t say that, of the fingers of a hand, there is one less useful than the rest.”

catholicnewsagency.com/news/all-values-are-non-negotiable-pope-says-in-new-interview/

And in a discussion about climate change and protecting the environment and the interrelation between that issue and abortion, Cardimal Wuerl said, “I think he (Pope Francis) probably recognizes, as popes have always had to recognize, certainly as we bishops have to recognize, there are those who take part of what we say and there are others that take another part of what we say. But we have to keep saying the whole package. We have to keep delivering the entire package.”

foxnews.com/transcript/2015/06/21/cardinal-donald-wuerl-on-pope-climate-change-message-can-rick-perry-escape/

So the entire package it would seem to me would refer to a vast array of issues. Certainly the social justice concerns which you alluded to. Along with abortion and marriage. But climate change and the death penalty and a whole host of others as well. I’m just not sure going to one extreme or another politically is what the whole package is all about.

 

[Sy_Noe]

Maybe because they stopped believing themselves, though they may still go through the motions.

I think you hit onto something that many overlook. Regardless of how well catechized a child is, how well their parents practice, and so on, one must still believe.

 

[OriginalJS]

I found the article to be on point with my observations.

Among my immediate and extended family I have seen many leave probably never to return. For the most part, this is done without any fanfare - they just slow and then stop going. These are men and women mostly 40 and under, who are cradle Catholics and whose mothers and fathers are cradle Catholics. There have been divorces and remarriages without even considering annulments and the parents (as far as I know) never say a word- they just accept it. When the divorced and remarried do attend Mass, they receive just like everyone else, and, again, no one says a word.

We of the older set (50 and up) generally say grace before meals, the younger not much except perhaps are Christmas, Easter, or some other special occasion when one of the old folks will take over.

There has been a “sea change.” In the 40s and 50’s when I was growing up we used to have arguments about religion - not that we knew much - but it was a matter of some importance to many. Now many younger people aren’t interested or, better said, are disinterested. Some have told me they just don’t believe in “fairy tales” or “nonsense” but most are too polite to say much of anything. In the US you can believe whatever you want and it’s nobody else’s business seems to be the theme.