Married daughter not using NFP!

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My 24 year old daughter just recently got married to the love of her life of 6 years. She came over the other day and I asked her if she got her NFP materials(charts, etc) and she told me that they weren’t doing NFP. I am just devistated that my daughter is thinking like this. I don’t really want to press the issue, but what can I do? How can I talk to her about this??
 
Hi Jeanne,

Welcome to the forums. I’m not well liked here, because I have a different outlook on things but I’ll put my 2 cents in. Stay out of your daughters sex life. It is none of your concern. How would you like it if she stuck her nose into you and your husband’s sex life? Wouldn’t like it, would you? She is a grown woman. She can make her own decisions.
 
If she’s not doing NFP, maybe she and her husband have just decided to let nature take its course 🙂
 
Maybe they don’t feel they have a valid reason to postpone pregnancy.

but that would be a discernment process between just the two of them and they most certainly would want to keep that private.
 
… and?

You’re missing the part of the story where you claim they’re using the pill or condoms or something else. Maybe they’re trying to get pregnant? Or not not-trying?

I agree with joshkt79, keep your nose out of it unless you know for certain that they’re sinning – and that would probably involve being invited into their bedroom.
 
Maybe they don’t feel they have a valid reason to postpone pregnancy.

but that would be a discernment process between just the two of them and they most certainly would want to keep that private.
Yep. Its a private matter.
 
I don’t really think you should be asking her about it. This is between your daughter, her husband, and God. She did not even have to tell you that they weren’t practicing NFP. Also, NFP is not a requirement.
 
The reason why I’m upset is that she is now on the pill. I forgot to mention that in my first post.
 
Your daughter would have been wise to answer “yes, we got them”, and left it at that, but she didn’t. Oh, well. NFP is a means by which a couple with a serious need can attempt to avoid pregnancy, but it is not a requirement for all married couples. Think about it: for how many centuries of Christianity did this method not even exist?

They may not have any reason to avoid pregnancy, her husband may be sterile and they don’t care to tell the world about it, etc. etc… To be blunt, they may also think that NFP is too often used with a contraceptive mentality. Who knows? They may be scandalized by your assumption that they ought to use it when they don’t feel they have any serious reason to avoid pregnancy! There are some very serious Catholics who have that concern about NFP. At any rate, if you were to jump to the conclusion that they are conducting their sex life in an immoral way, you would be guilty of rash judgement.

You have done your duty by seeing to it that your daughter and SIL have been educated in the faith and have been given the information needed to avoid pregnancy* if they ever have a serious need to do so*. If your counsel is sought, of course you should answer according to what is moral, but if your counsel is not sought, you do have a duty to give your daughter and SIL authority in their own home.

You also have a moral obligation to avoid rash judgement and to avoid making statements to anyone that knows them that could lead others to rash judgement concerning their situation. Even if you have concrete knowledge of the sins of others, you may not speak in a way that would harm their reputations unless there is a compelling reason for you to do so. You don’t have that reason here.

Pray that their marriage continually increases in love and holiness, and pray that you may leave behind anxiety about their unknown choices in favor of trust in God. That is the best thing for you to do.
 
My 24 year old daughter just recently got married to the love of her life of 6 years. She came over the other day and I asked her if she got her NFP materials(charts, etc) and she told me that they weren’t doing NFP. I am just devistated that my daughter is thinking like this. I don’t really want to press the issue, but what can I do? How can I talk to her about this??
As a mother, I can totally understand your sadness and disappointment with your daughter’s decision. I am assuming she is aware that using ABC is a grave matter? There is nothing wrong with talking to your daughter calmly about this…then let it go. After that, all you can do is pray, pray, and pray some more for her. I will say a prayer as well…hugs!
 
The reason why I’m upset is that she is now on the pill. I forgot to mention that in my first post.
That must be very hard for you, but you have done your duty. They know what the Church teaches and why. They know how to conduct themselves according to Church teaching. Now you have to accept that you are not in control of your married children. It is not easy.

It was important to give them the information they need and to advocate for a moral answer to their decision that they have a serious need to avoid pregnancy right now, but now that you have done that you will not convert them with more words, and might even disaffect them. Keep praying for them, and try to bury your anxiety in your trust in God’s ability to touch hearts. It is hard, but you can do it.
 
She is a married adult. She and her husband are the ones to make this decision, even if it’s the wrong one. Pressing the issue will only cause problems between you and she and will likely cause her to become indignant. I would let it go and pray for her.
 
She is a married adult. She and her husband are the ones to make this decision, even if it’s the wrong one. Pressing the issue will only cause problems between you and she and will likely cause her to become indignant. I would let it go and pray for her.
Wisely stated.
 
She is a married adult. She and her husband are the ones to make this decision, even if it’s the wrong one. Pressing the issue will only cause problems between you and she and will likely cause her to become indignant. I would let it go and pray for her.
This.
 
I would stay out of it. You are no longer rearing her. Pray for her and let it be.
 
My 24 year old daughter just recently got married to the love of her life of 6 years. She came over the other day and I asked her if she got her NFP materials(charts, etc) and she told me that they weren’t doing NFP. I am just devistated that my daughter is thinking like this. I don’t really want to press the issue, but what can I do? How can I talk to her about this??
Agree with all above - it’s between her, her husband and God - now if she comes to you and says "mom, I NEED YOUR ADVICE’… on this then you have an opening - if and until that happens, it’s between all three of them -
God Bless
Rye
 
I’m inclined to agree with everyone who said that its none of your business. You wouldn’t want your daughter in your sex life, so stay out of hers.
 
This has nothing to do with the daughter’s sex life - this has everything to do with the state of her eternal soul.

To the Mom - make sure she is extremely clear on the fact that what she is doing is a mortal sin. Do not mince words, do not try to save her feelings. She needs to know what she is doing and the possible consequences. Encourage her to speak with her priest. She should also not be presenting herself for holy communion.

Then – stay out of it. Say your piece, get all the facts out there so she is aware of them, and then your work is done. She is a grown woman, and once she has been provided with the facts, she has to make those decisions on her own.

~Liza
 
Talk to her husband and ask him on how does he feel not being considered a functional head of the family. That is truly the way she considers him when she takes the pill. 😉

After that conversation with your son in law I am quite sure that you will not have any further discussion about the topic or about anything else with the two of them for years to come. 😃
 
Talk to her husband and ask him on how does he feel not being considered a functional head of the family. That is truly the way she considers him when she takes the pill. 😉

After that conversation with your son in law I am quite sure that you will not have any further discussion about the topic or about anything else with the two of them for years to come. 😃
I get the feeling the poster’s goal is not to alienate her daughter completely - you seem to be extremely aware that she would be doing this if she took your course of action. I know if I was in her daughter’s situation and my mom did what you’re saying (although my mom would NEVER EVER pull something as underhanded and dispicable as this), then she would hear from me - loud and clear -then she likely wouldn’t talk to or see me about anything or any holiday for a very, very long time - at least until she apologized for forcing herself into a place she had no business being.
God Bless
Rye
 
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