Married daughter not using NFP!

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lizaanne said:
This has nothing to do with the daughter’s sex life - this has everything to do with the state of her eternal soul.

To the Mom - make sure she is extremely clear on the fact that what she is doing is a mortal sin. Do not mince words, do not try to save her feelings. She needs to know what she is doing and the possible consequences. Encourage her to speak with her priest. She should also not be presenting herself for holy communion.

Then – stay out of it. Say your piece, get all the facts out there so she is aware of them, and then your work is done. She is a grown woman, and once she has been provided with the facts, she has to make those decisions on her own.

~Liza
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It sounds like she has already shared that with her daughter long ago. Now is the time for prayer.
 
ryecroft said:
I get the feeling the poster’s goal is not to alienate her daughter completely - you seem to be extremely aware that she would be doing this if she took your course of action. I know if I was in her daughter’s situation and my mom did what you’re saying (although my mom would NEVER EVER pull something as underhanded and dispicable as this), then she would hear from me - loud and clear -then she likely wouldn’t talk to or see me about anything or any holiday for a very, very long time - at least until she apologized for forcing herself into a place she had no business being.
God Bless
Rye
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I assume by all the smilies that Cristiano was joking.
 
Don’t stay out of this, your daughters health and fertility may depend on it.
Please warn her of the dangers of artificial birth control. Women develop blood clots and irregular spotting. My best friend was on birth control for years, went off to get pregnant and discovered she could not conceive. Please do research on the dangers so your daughter can make an informed decision.
Also,there are quite a few NFP methods. They allow a woman to really understand her body in such a thorough way. It should be looked at not only from a spiritual point of view but absolutely a scientific point of view.
 
Cristiano said:
Maybe the daughter should care about the mother too and not just about herself. There were so many different ways for the daughter to drop the topic without having to share details. It is hypocritical to keep a person in the loop of intimate things and then to expect that the person does not have an (name removed by moderator)ut. This is not how families relate, this is how family members distance themselves from each other.
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Because its not her mother’s place to remind her to pick up her NFP stuff. Even bringing that up crosses a line. Her daughter didn’t owe her a lie to make her feel better. She told her the truth. Her mom got to voice her disapproval then, but now she has to stay out of it because it’s not her concern.

When you find yourself trying to butt in to your adult (married) daughter’s sex life its a clue that it’s time to cut the apron strings.
 
BlueEyedLady said:
Because its not her mother’s place to remind her to pick up her NFP stuff. Even bringing that up crosses a line. Her daughter didn’t owe her a lie to make her feel better. She told her the truth. Her mom got to voice her disapproval then, but now she has to stay out of it because it’s not her concern.

When you find yourself trying to butt in to your adult (married) daughter’s sex life its a clue that it’s time to cut the apron strings.
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A parent cuts the apron strings when the child acts like an adult. If the daughter were acting like an adult then the mother would have not asked that question and for sure would have not known about the pill. I think that this is the problem when young women (men) want to still be pampered as children but then they resent it when they are not treated as full adults. Adults know how to avoid conversations without offending anyone, unless it is intentional.
 
Cristiano said:
A parent cuts the apron strings when the child acts like an adult. If the daughter were acting like an adult then the mother would have not asked that question and for sure would have not known about the pill. I think that this is the problem when young women (men) want to still be pampered as children but then they resent it when they are not treated as full adults. Adults know how to avoid conversations without offending anyone, unless it is intentional.
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Disagree. The apron strings are cut once the child marries.
 
Cristiano said:
A parent cuts the apron strings when the child acts like an adult. If the daughter were acting like an adult then the mother would have not asked that question and for sure would have not known about the pill. I think that this is the problem when young women (men) want to still be pampered as children but then they resent it when they are not treated as full adults. Adults know how to avoid conversations without offending anyone, unless it is intentional.
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Why does this mean that she is not acting like an adult? Or that she is somehow “pampered”? She is married, and deserves to be treated the way any adult married woman should be treated- being a parent does not give you the right to ask inappropriate questions that do not involve you at all. Nor is it a parent’s right to know anything about their child’s sexual relationship with her spouse.
 
PatriceA said:
Disagree. The apron strings are cut once the child marries.
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Absolutely! If not well before then.

Treating your married child like a child is slapping them and their marriage in the face.

I can’t imagine my mom telling me now, much less when I’m married that she’ll treat me like an adult when I act like it. That’s relationship damaging.

If you have any respect for marriage then you will not insert yourself in to someone else’s.
 
Cristiano said:
A parent cuts the apron strings when the child acts like an adult. If the daughter were acting like an adult then the mother would have not asked that question and for sure would have not known about the pill.
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Please enlighten us. In what way is the daughter not acting like an adult?
 
Cristiano said:
A parent cuts the apron strings when the child acts like an adult. **If the daughter were acting like an adult then the mother would have not asked that question **and for sure would have not known about the pill. I think that this is the problem when young women (men) want to still be pampered as children but then they resent it when they are not treated as full adults. Adults know how to avoid conversations without offending anyone, unless it is intentional.
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Because no parent ever asks questions they shouldn’t of their mature adult children…:rolleyes:
 
I agree with the others here who have said to stay out of it. You’ve done your part. She knows about NFP, she knows Church teaching on it, and she is free to make her own decision. If she comes and asks for advice, of course you should speak your mind about it. But if she’s not asking for your (name removed by moderator)ut, it’s not your place to ask her questions about her sex life. That is between her, her husband, and God.
 
Cristiano said:
Talk to her husband and ask him on how does he feel not being considered a functional head of the family. That is truly the way she considers him when she takes the pill. 😉

After that conversation with your son in law I am quite sure that you will not have any further discussion about the topic or about anything else with the two of them for years to come. 😃
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Well if the poster wants to completely ruin her relationship with her daughter then yeah this is the best route to go. I know if I was on the pill which i was for a time and one of my parents pulled my husband aside and said such things I would be absolutely livid. I am sure my husband would be too. And you know what when I took the pill I certainly considered my husband a functional head of the family or whatever.
 
BlueEyedLady said:
Except that her mom is the one who asked. And frankly, my sex life is no open to “opposing viewpoints”, its private. And no, I would not maintain a close relationship with someone who told me that my husband wasn’t being a real man.
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Exactly the mother is the one that asked. I mean I can understand discussing it further if the daughter came out without being prodded and said mom I am on the pill. But she didn;t and being confrontational and telling her that her and her husband are just using each other and that she doesn;t view her husband as a real man or whatever is just going to cause a big rift and make her even less likely to get off the pill.
 
One point that no-one else seems to have mentioned - ‘the pill’ is used sometimes for legitimate medical purposes.

Most daughters wouldn’t be comfortable telling their mothers that they have gynecological or hormonal issues that they are using the pill, entirely properly, to treat.

Some mothers might jump to hasty conclusions and aren’t aware that the Church DOES allow use of the pill for legitimate treatment of medical issues.

Before condemning the daughter to hell, as some of you seem bent on doing, let’s make 110% sure that she is in fact in a state of grave sin, eh?
 
BlueEyedLady said:
Except that her mom is the one who asked. And frankly, my sex life is no open to “opposing viewpoints”, its private. And no, I would not maintain a close relationship with someone who told me that my husband wasn’t being a real man.
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👍
 
LilyM said:
One point that no-one else seems to have mentioned - ‘the pill’ is used sometimes for legitimate medical purposes.

Most daughters wouldn’t be comfortable telling their mothers that they have gynecological or hormonal issues that they are using the pill, entirely properly, to treat.

Some mothers might jump to hasty conclusions and aren’t aware that the Church DOES allow use of the pill for legitimate treatment of medical issues.

Before condemning the daughter to hell, as some of you seem bent on doing, let’s make 110% sure that she is in fact in a state of grave sin, eh?
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Excellent point!
 
Cristiano said:
One flesh while being on the pill?:confused:

That is an oxymoron.
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Yes, people can be “of one flesh” while being on the pill - you don’t know why she’s on it - it could be for many reasons - that being said, no offense to the mother but I don’t know why she would EVER ask a question of her child about her method of family planning - again it’s one thing if you are asked - not the case here! (I can’t EVER imagine my mother asking me about anything regarding this subject unless I first brought it up - )
God Bless
Rye
 
KostyaJMJ said:
Then why bring it up if you want things private? Yes, I got the NFP material would have been enough to end the conversation. The only reason to say no we decided to use the pill is to look for confirmation from mom. All I am saying that there is no reason mom has to condone her daughter’s actions through silence.
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Sometimes adult children get a perverse pleasure out of baiting their parents into rash judgement. Mom has not been silent. Provided she knows her point has been made, she ought to refrain from tossing any more pearls.
 
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