Married daughter not using NFP!

[LilyM]

I don’t necessarily disagree. But I would draw the line at saying " what ever you decide" in the case of abortion for a fetal anomaly.

It’s not a case of saying ‘whatever you decide’ to anything. It’s a case of saying ‘I disapprove’ once (twice at most, soothe disapproval is clear) and then leaving it at that.

No rational adult child is going to construe that for approval, and no parent of an adult child really has any right to do much more. Or indeed the ability, given that the child is an independent adult who doubtless will do what they want - take themselves to the abortuary or the pharmacy and obtain their own abortion or contraception.

What are you really saying here? That the parent should attempt forcible prevention? Lock the adult child in a cupboard or something? How would that do any good? The sin in the heart (the determination to have an abortion or use contraception) is committed already, and we know what Our Lord had to say about ‘lust in the heart’ being just as grave a sin as the physical act of adultery.

Forcible prevention, ostracism or constant nagging doesn’t bring about the necessary repentance in the heart. But love and compassion just might.

 

[Gordon_Sims]

If the OP’s daughter brought up the topic then I’d have no problem with her voicing her concerns and opinions. However, I don’t think she should be the one broaching the topic. We just had another baby and in the days since we’ve been asked which one us got/is getting fixed, whether we’re using condoms or the pill and how my wife was “taking care of me” while she recuperates (surprisingly, this has been more from friends than family). Not surprisingly, no matter how politely we’ve answered that it’s none of their business, we’ve been told that we’re the ones being rude.

On the other hand, if the OP wanted to discuss the HHS mandate with her daughter, I think that would be a completely acceptable way of voicing her opinion without making demands or pointing fingers.

 

[ryecroft]

There is no way the OP could prevent her daughter from making the decision, even if she vehemently disagrees. The posts here repeatedly say “it’s their personal business, it’s their sex life”. So is being pregnant. Pregnancy comes from sex. So if you must refrain from saying ANYTHING whatsoever about anything as personal as birth control, then pregnancy is also just as personal. Many methods of BC are also abortafacient in their function, so it is not that big of a stretch.

I was just saying that I clearly see how you can go from one to the other, given the views here.

Completely disagree - birth control is Not something that is obvious - when you’re 8 months pregnant - it’s a little harder to hide. Yes it’s personal - but it’s one thing to go around with a sign on you saying “using the pill” - some things were just NOT meant to be asked about. And it is their personal business - I talk to my best friend about birth control - but the ONLY time my mom would EVER hear about how we are family planning would be if I was in hospital and the doctor was asking questions - (one other I DID ask my mom how well NFP worked for her when she used it - that’s as close as it gets - and my mom and I are REALLY close).
God Bless
Rye

 

[EasterJoy]

It’s not a case of saying ‘whatever you decide’ to anything. It’s a case of saying ‘I disapprove’ once (twice at most, soothe disapproval is clear) and then leaving it at that.

No rational adult child is going to construe that for approval, and no parent of an adult child really has any right to do much more. Or indeed the ability, given that the child is an independent adult who doubtless will do what they want - take themselves to the abortuary or the pharmacy and obtain their own abortion or contraception.

What are you really saying here? That the parent should attempt forcible prevention? Lock the adult child in a cupboard or something? How would that do any good? The sin in the heart (the determination to have an abortion or use contraception) is committed already, and we know what Our Lord had to say about ‘lust in the heart’ being just as grave a sin as the physical act of adultery.

Forcible prevention, ostracism or constant nagging doesn’t bring about the necessary repentance in the heart. But love and compassion just might.

Right…or even better than “I disapprove” would be “unless you’re doing such-and-so under these circumstances, that is objectively immoral. It’s your life and your decision, but don’t shoot the messenger. That is just wrong. I won’t nag you about it, but you need to reconsider that decision.” And then keep your word, and don’t nag them about it if the subject isn’t forced on you.

When Jesus let the rich young man go, when he told his disciples to shake the dust from their feet when a town wouldn’t hear them, there was no lack of love in him towards those who were making the bad decisions. He was just trusting that the Holy Spirit had to do the work that was left. The only people who got stern reprimands were the people who were confronting him with their behavior or about his teachings.

 

[ZoeyBdo]

So… if the daughter decided to have an abortion should the mother stay out of that too because she’s a married woman, it’s her life, and between her husband, herself, and God? I think not.

Personally, my family is my family. I have had many conversations from before my marriage, and during my marriage, with not only my mother, but also my sister and my husband’s mother.

I’m a bit shy on bringing up the topic of sex and babies, so honestly I was happy when they did.

Recently, my LUTHERAN mother-in-law brought up NFP to me. She didn’t state it as such but talked to me about the natural methods of knowing one’s cycle. I WAS GRATEFUL!
My husband and I have just been “letting nature take it’s course” but it’s been TWO YEARS and guess what? NO, we haven’t gotten pregnant yet.

So it’s a good thing that a mother should take interest in her child’s life, even her sex life to a point, you can’t always assume that her daughter doesn’t appreciate the advice.

 

[maryjk]

So… if the daughter decided to have an abortion should the mother stay out of that too because she’s a married woman, it’s her life, and between her husband, herself, and God? I think not.

Okay, so what do you DO. Or take it back to NFP. What do you DO, if you find out that your daughter isn’t using NFP?

Personally, my family is my family. I have had many conversations from before my marriage, and during my marriage, with not only my mother, but also my sister and my husband’s mother.

Personally my family is my family. BUT my husband is my husband. And what happens in our bedroom isn’t my mother’s concern.

I’m a bit shy on bringing up the topic of sex and babies, so honestly I was happy when they did.

That would be different. If you WANT to talk about it, go for it. Just make sure your husband is aware that you are sharing intimate details about your sex life. He may not be so happy about it.

Recently, my LUTHERAN mother-in-law brought up NFP to me. She didn’t state it as such but talked to me about the natural methods of knowing one’s cycle. I WAS GRATEFUL!
My husband and I have just been “letting nature take it’s course” but it’s been TWO YEARS and guess what? NO, we haven’t gotten pregnant yet.

So it’s a good thing that a mother should take interest in her child’s life, even her sex life to a point, you can’t always assume that her daughter doesn’t appreciate the advice.

And again, if you want to share those details, go for it. But I would not be happy about anyone nosing into my sex life.

 

[ZoeyBdo]

Okay, so what do you DO. Or take it back to NFP. What do you DO, if you find out that your daughter isn’t using NFP? Personally my family is my family. BUT my husband is my husband. And what happens in our bedroom isn’t my mother’s concern.That would be different. If you WANT to talk about it, go for it. ** Just make sure your husband is aware that you are sharing intimate details about your sex life. He may not be so happy about it.**
And again, if you want to share those details, go for it. But I would not be happy about anyone nosing into my sex life.

My husband has always been very open with his mother about his sex life. It may sound odd to most, but he was raised by his mother and has two other brothers. She’s been very open and involved in discussing EVERYTHING with them.

Yes, that is quite different than my family, but a bit refreshing as well.

When she was discussing this with me, my husband was sitting right there. He didn’t even bat an eyelash.

As to what I would do, I wouldn’t criticize, but I would have an open discussion as to the options. Perhaps discuss why her daughter decided on the pill vs. NFP.

I’ve never been on the pill, so I don’t know how it makes you feel or what it does to your body. It’s just always been a personal choice. Frankly, though, i’m not really excited over the disclaimers for “may cause blood clots, stroke, possibly heart disease, or death” that is played at the end of the commercials.

 

[Iheartcoffee]

Pray for her unceasingly. Some of the biggest proponents of NFP were once on the pill. Some of the biggest proponents of abortion were once clinic directors (Abby Johnson). The take-away from this is that it is ALWAYS possible for her to change her stance. Keep praying for her, and occasionally mention NFP to her (very occasionally-don’t make her dig her heels in). You should read up on the subject by researching Theology of the Body and reading all that there is to know about NFP. Be prepared should she change her mind or start asking questions. That way the materials are ready for her immediately if she ever starts to reconsider.

 

[LilyM]

My husband has always been very open with his mother about his sex life. It may sound odd to most, but he was raised by his mother and has two other brothers. She’s been very open and involved in discussing EVERYTHING with them.

Yes, that is quite different than my family, but a bit refreshing as well.

When she was discussing this with me, my husband was sitting right there. He didn’t even bat an eyelash.

As to what I would do, I wouldn’t criticize, but I would have an open discussion as to the options. Perhaps discuss why her daughter decided on the pill vs. NFP.

I’ve never been on the pill, so I don’t know how it makes you feel or what it does to your body. It’s just always been a personal choice. Frankly, though, i’m not really excited over the disclaimers for “may cause blood clots, stroke, possibly heart disease, or death” that is played at the end of the commercials.

Very few people, I can assure you, would find it ‘refreshing’ to be discussing details of their sex life with mother or mother-in-law. I for one would find it the opposite - verging on an unhealthy and inappropriate interest for parent and child or child-in-law to be taking in each other’s private lives.

 

[ZoeyBdo]

Very few people, I can assure you, would find it ‘refreshing’ to be discussing details of their sex life with mother or mother-in-law. I for one would find it the opposite - verging on an unhealthy and inappropriate interest for parent and child or child-in-law to be taking in each other’s private lives.

I think you’re looking a little to far into what I said without noting the reason for the conversations. As I stated, my husband and I have been married for 2 years. We do not have children, we have not been preventing having children, so it’s something that yes, we had a conversation about.

I don’t think there is anything wrong with parents discussing having children with their own children.

 

[PatriceA]

My husband has always been very open with his mother about his sex life. It may sound odd to most, but he was raised by his mother and has two other brothers. She’s been very open and involved in discussing EVERYTHING with them.

Yes, that is quite different than my family, but a bit refreshing as well.

When she was discussing this with me, my husband was sitting right there. He didn’t even bat an eyelash.

As to what I would do, I wouldn’t criticize, but I would have an open discussion as to the options. Perhaps discuss why her daughter decided on the pill vs. NFP.

I’ve never been on the pill, so I don’t know how it makes you feel or what it does to your body. It’s just always been a personal choice. Frankly, though, i’m not really excited over the disclaimers for “may cause blood clots, stroke, possibly heart disease, or death” that is played at the end of the commercials.

But this is YOUR normal family dynamic, its what has always taken place in your husband’s family. AND you said when your MIL was discussing this subject with you, your husband was sitting next to you. So you were both well aware of the conversation taking place.

What one previous poster suggested, that the OP go to the son-in-law privately if the daughter would not listen to her about NFP is the part I take issue with. Its the divide and conquer part the would not sit well with me if it was my mother. I don’t even care if it was a totally different subject and not about NFP or our sexual history, its that my mother would think its ok to broach the subject (any subject) with my husband, behind my back, if our conversation hadn’t gone the way my mother wanted it to.

My MIL tried this tactic a few times with us. Not about our sex life, something completely different. It never goes the way the person thinks it will. My husband’s relationship with his mom will probably never be quite the same because a certain degree of trust was lost between them. She thought this tactic would work in her favor, it completely backfired.

 

[nickiwool]

I have not had a chance to read all the posts yet, but wanted to give my answer to the mother asking the question. I as a mother will find this hard if my daughter later tells me she is on a chemical contraception. If I knew my child wanted an abortion I would do everything in my power to get them to change their mind. I would do the same with chemical Contraception, They can and may cause abortion. Yes, this is my opinion on them and I know I am not the only one who believes this. My church website explains this and so does my old church along with many many sites I’ve researched. chemical Contraception cause the lining of the uterus to thicken causing a fertilized egg not to be able to implant itself causing it to come out during menstruation. Now some of you may believe a fertilized egg is not a baby until it’s implanted. I disagree. Well either way, I would rather be safe then sorry and refrain from the use of such things. This alone gives me enough reason to feel like I should do everything in my power to change my daughters mind, I wouldn’t want to lose my grandchild either from abortion or from using an abortifacient.

Forgive me if this is already mentioned.

Note:When I post please know that during debates I am no way angry or posting in an angry mood. I want to make sure no one is hurt or offended by anything I say. My emotion is always caring, loving and cheerful. I am in no way rolling my eyes or ever posting in a sarcastic manner. I love you all regardless if we agree or disagree.

Many Blessings,
-Nicki

 

[ryecroft]

What one previous poster suggested, that the OP go to the son-in-law privately if the daughter would not listen to her about NFP is the part I take issue with. Its the divide and conquer part the would not sit well with me if it was my mother. I don’t even care if it was a totally different subject and not about NFP or our sexual history, its that my mother would think its ok to broach the subject (any subject) with my husband, behind my back, if our conversation hadn’t gone the way my mother wanted it to.

My MIL tried this tactic a few times with us. Not about our sex life, something completely different. It never goes the way the person thinks it will. My husband’s relationship with his mom will probably never be quite the same because a certain degree of trust was lost between them. She thought this tactic would work in her favor, it completely backfired.

I’ve seen this happen - she’s right it can really cause some bad situations -
God Bless
Rye

 

[nickiwool]

So… if the daughter decided to have an abortion should the mother stay out of that too because she’s a married woman, it’s her life, and between her husband, herself, and God? I think not.

Personally, my family is my family. I have had many conversations from before my marriage, and during my marriage, with not only my mother, but also my sister and my husband’s mother.

I’m a bit shy on bringing up the topic of sex and babies, so honestly I was happy when they did.

Recently, my LUTHERAN mother-in-law brought up NFP to me. She didn’t state it as such but talked to me about the natural methods of knowing one’s cycle. I WAS GRATEFUL!
My husband and I have just been “letting nature take it’s course” but it’s been TWO YEARS and guess what? NO, we haven’t gotten pregnant yet.

So it’s a good thing that a mother should take interest in her child’s life, even her sex life to a point, you can’t always assume that her daughter doesn’t appreciate the advice.

Hi there, Yea I agree here. For me the couple who took me in from birth where very elderly when I was a teen. My nana became very ill and was never able to think clearly anymore So I was never taught about sex or anything of that nature. She only would tell me to have “good clean fun” I had no clue what she meant and considered her old fashion. I started having sex with my then boyfriend and got on the pill for one month. It made me sick so I stopped, got pregnant then a year later we married and that’s when I started to learn a lot more about God. My nana and thatha had passed away by now . I was only 21 so I was still very young and didn’t really know much still. I just knew my thatha told me once to “never better do that! God will punish you!” Then walked away shaking his head saying to himself “Killing babies oh man oh man” in his native indian accent when I told him a friend had an abortion. But I didn’t know much about anything else. Until my neighbor who moved in when my thatha and nana did back in 1950. Started to talk to congradulate me on my new pregnancy She told me “good work” I asked her why she wasn’t angry that I was so young and having a second child. The protestant church was not very happy for us. She told me she was happy because we should never stop God’s will. I told her I had thought about the pill again and she freaked! She told me no no! to please never get on those things or tie my tubes ect. that all that is wrong and can hurt not only my health but the baby. I moved and never talked to her again But did research a few years ago and found out what she meant . I am glad she did this, I am glad she set me straight I would have never knew . I never did get on the pill because she seemed so strong about it the way she mentioned it. Oh and I forgot to mention she had studied to be a nun but fell in love before commiting. At least I think it was nun I never asked her. But, I know she studied the catholic faith so I respected her views. Sorry this is so long but I wanted to mention it, because I was glad someone talked to me about it.

Thank you all for your time!

Many Blessings,

 

[c0ldb33r]

As many others have stated its her decision and not yours.

 

[Lizzy21]

do you mean she’s using birth control? if not i dont see the problem. you’ll be a grandma soon then! lol