Marrying a man twice your age

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Well he and I will be having a serious conversation by the end of the year. I’ll be doing a lot of traveling up until Christmas then we plan on vacationing somewhere warm for New Years where many important things about the future will be discussed. I will keep you all posted. 👍
 
Well he and I will be having a serious conversation by the end of the year. I’ll be doing a lot of traveling up until Christmas then we plan on vacationing somewhere warm for New Years where many important things about the future will be discussed. I will keep you all posted. 👍
Good luck!
 
I’m jumping in here late but just in case someone did not mention this I would like to say that I married very young at 18 and it can take about 2 years or more before the totally “in love feelings” (where you just want to do anything for your beloved) wears off a bit. After about a couple of years you start to see that your beloved has faults like everyone else and it can start to be truly an act of your will to do loving things for him/her. I am just thinking that you might want to wait a few more years until you really know each other well.

My husband was not religious at all when we married and after 34 yrs. of marriage he is still not into religion. I am not saying that this will be the case with your guy but I know that it is so hard to bring up children in the faith when the father is not on board all the way, not to mention maybe having to go to church by all by yourself or not being able to discuss the love you have for your faith with him. Your faith is what will sustain you. Marriage is work. It is our job to get our spouses to heaven and if your spouse is not on board that you have to get both of you to heaven.
 
I’m jumping in here late but…
Hmm I’m also jumping in here late but I’ve followed this thread and this runawaymodel seems to be girl after my own heart (no I’m not a man and I’m straightest, lol)
…It can take about 2 years or more before the totally “in love feelings” (where you just want to do anything for your beloved) wears off a bit. After about a couple of years you start to see that your beloved has faults like everyone else and it can start to be truly an act of your will to do loving things for him/her. I am just thinking that you might want to wait a few more years until you really know each other well…
Really you are not married until you get married.:doh2: You will most likely still go through the learning process (learning to love each other) after marriage even if you wait for 20years. Until you say I do, you never really start
…My husband was not religious at all when we married and after 34 yrs. of marriage he is still not into religion…It is so hard to bring up children in the faith when the father is not on board all the way…
The important thing is that you have discussed your faith with him and he is aware that you will remain Catholic and will raise your children Catholic and he shares this obligation. What will bring him round is not long talks or debates but if he sees how you live your faith consistently and how it helps you through even difficult times

Go gal, wishing you all the best:thumbsup: i already hear wedding bells ringing:yup:
 
I’m jumping in here late but just in case someone did not mention this I would like to say that I married very young at 18 and it can take about 2 years or more before the totally “in love feelings” (where you just want to do anything for your beloved) wears off a bit. After about a couple of years you start to see that your beloved has faults like everyone else and it can start to be truly an act of your will to do loving things for him/her. I am just thinking that you might want to wait a few more years until you really know each other well.

My husband was not religious at all when we married and after 34 yrs. of marriage he is still not into religion. I am not saying that this will be the case with your guy but I know that it is so hard to bring up children in the faith when the father is not on board all the way, not to mention maybe having to go to church by all by yourself or not being able to discuss the love you have for your faith with him. Your faith is what will sustain you. Marriage is work. It is our job to get our spouses to heaven and if your spouse is not on board that you have to get both of you to heaven.
I dated my husband for 18 months and then we lived together for another 3.5 years before being married.

Honestly, it’s when the kids come along that you really begin to see eachother’s faults. The stress of kids brings out the “ugly” in a marriage. You can still have a good marriage with kids, but that’s when dirt hits the fan.
 
He wants 2 kids, I want 3 but we both agreed that either is acceptable—sometimes God blesses you with more. Funny enough, twins run in my family. We have 3 sets in my extended family. I warned him about that. 😃
And what if God wants to send more than 2 or 3, and what if He wants to send them when you are in your late thirties (he is in his late 50’s)… Just something to think about 🙂 before marriage (and I am not in the group that says one shouldn’t have kids if one won’t be able to be a grandparent to their kids, if one can’t walk etc). FWIW, my dad had me in his late 20’s and died in his early 30’s.
 
I dated my husband for 18 months and then we lived together for another 3.5 years before being married.

Honestly, it’s when the kids come along that you really begin to see eachother’s faults. The stress of kids brings out the “ugly” in a marriage. You can still have a good marriage with kids, but that’s when dirt hits the fan.
Aw, don’t blame the kids, I don’t think they bring out the “ugly” in a marriage, I think our honeymoon baby helped us not dwell on silly petty things that I could have possible dwelt upon had we not had our little one on her way. After the first two weeks when we first met, dh went back to where he lived 800+ miles away and we had a long distance relationship from then on, and married a year later, so I don’t really agree with the need for dating for a long time or anything, I think it can be different for wach couples, just as I think different marriages can go through different high’s and lo’s for different reasons. I wouldn’t blame the little bambinos :).
 
Aw, don’t blame the kids, I don’t think they bring out the “ugly” in a marriage, I think our honeymoon baby helped us not dwell on silly petty things that I could have possible dwelt upon had we not had our little one on her way. After the first two weeks when we first met, dh went back to where he lived 800+ miles away and we had a long distance relationship from then on, and married a year later, so I don’t really agree with the need for dating for a long time or anything, I think it can be different for wach couples, just as I think different marriages can go through different high’s and lo’s for different reasons. I wouldn’t blame the little bambinos :).
I’m not blaming the babies; I’m just saying that myself and most married couples experience a huge re-adjustment when kids come along. Kids change everything, including a marriage. It’s not all bad. Like I said, you can still have a good marriage, but it’s when kids come along and you’re sleep deprived and stressed out that you see eachother’s “ugly” side more so than before.

It’s just life happening really.
 
And what if God wants to send more than 2 or 3, and what if He wants to send them when you are in your late thirties (he is in his late 50’s)… Just something to think about 🙂 before marriage (and I am not in the group that says one shouldn’t have kids if one won’t be able to be a grandparent to their kids, if one can’t walk etc). FWIW, my dad had me in his late 20’s and died in his early 30’s.
We only know what God has in store for us now. No clue what will happen even later today.

I have a friend who lost her first husband at 24, 6 months after their wedding to cancer. They had no children, she remarried a few years later.

My cousin married an older man, she was 19 he was in his thirties. She was widowed at 32. He died at a very young age relatively speaking, not even 50.

I had another friend whose parents were 20 years apart. They seemed to get along nicely.

Adding: not disagreeing with lib, adding to her answer.
 
I’m jumping in here late but just in case someone did not mention this I would like to say that I married very young at 18 and it can take about 2 years or more before the totally “in love feelings” (where you just want to do anything for your beloved) wears off a bit. After about a couple of years you start to see that your beloved has faults like everyone else and it can start to be truly an act of your will to do loving things for him/her. I am just thinking that you might want to wait a few more years until you really know each other well.

My husband was not religious at all when we married and after 34 yrs. of marriage he is still not into religion. I am not saying that this will be the case with your guy but I know that it is so hard to bring up children in the faith when the father is not on board all the way, not to mention maybe having to go to church by all by yourself or not being able to discuss the love you have for your faith with him. Your faith is what will sustain you. Marriage is work. It is our job to get our spouses to heaven and if your spouse is not on board that you have to get both of you to heaven.
I agree. Another year or so of dating then engagement…well, that would be MY ideal version, but we all know sometimes things don’t work out how you plan. :rolleyes:
Marriage definitely seems like work and I do admit, sometimes I get scared about entering the ‘next chapter’ in my life but that is a common fear, I imagine.

PaulineOsinachi said:
Hmm I’m also jumping in here late but I’ve followed this thread and this runawaymodel seems to be girl after my own heart (no I’m not a man and I’m straightest, lol)

Really you are not married until you get married. You will most likely still go through the learning process (learning to love each other) after marriage even if you wait for 20years. Until you say I do, you never really start

The important thing is that you have discussed your faith with him and he is aware that you will remain Catholic and will raise your children Catholic and he shares this obligation. What will bring him round is not long talks or debates but if he sees how you live your faith consistently and how it helps you through even difficult times

Go gal, wishing you all the best i already hear wedding bells ringing

You made me laugh with your first sentence. :rotfl: How very sweet of you. Thank you.
Yes, he is a cradle Catholic but his Mother is quite religious so we both have no arguements about raising possible future children Catholic and attending Mass together. He really is not difficult about it at all and loves the fact that I am very much into my faith.
 
Italian men (whether religious or not) tend to follow Catholic traditions b/c they tend to be very family oriented and are very loyal to their momas and they know moma wants Catholic grandchildren 😃

In your case, the religious aspect is a non-issue.
 
Italian men (whether religious or not) tend to follow Catholic traditions b/c they tend to be very family oriented and are very loyal to their momas and they know moma wants Catholic grandchildren 😃

In your case, the religious aspect is a non-issue.
Amen to that! :extrahappy:
 
I don’t know you and I don’t know him personally, but I do know of a couple in my family where the husband was twice the wife’s age (18 and 36 when they started dating), and this is where my perspective is coming from. I also am speaking from personal experience here, having met my DH when I had been out of college only a month (at 22) while he was 27 and had been a working adult for several years.

My main concern for you is not that he is a bad man or will purposely hurt you, but that your personal growth will be stifled in marrying someone who is already more or less fully formed as an adult and who has lived a full life for many years. There is likely to be a sort of daughter-father dynamic in the relationship where he is the older, wiser partner, which will impact all sorts of future life decisions, including where to live, how to raise your kids, etc., while you are the one he indulges or spoils. When you turn 30 or so, you might start to feel dissatisfaction with your role as the “little wife” and that is when the rubber is really going to hit the road as to whether your marriage will be a happy one.

Believe me, I am only 5 years younger than my DH, and this happened to me. I had no idea how much I had really lost myself in order to join his universe. We were able to work through it quite successfully, however, and it improved our marriage dramatically. However, with the first couple I referenced, where the husband was 20 years older than the wife, the results were devastating. I don’t want to get into it over the Internet as it is so personal, but basically they had the same problem, except that the inequality was too deep to be overcome, and the wife was the one who suffered.
 
I don’t know you and I don’t know him personally, but I do know of a couple in my family where the husband was twice the wife’s age (18 and 36 when they started dating), and this is where my perspective is coming from. I also am speaking from personal experience here, having met my DH when I had been out of college only a month (at 22) while he was 27 and had been a working adult for several years.

My main concern for you is not that he is a bad man or will purposely hurt you, but that your personal growth will be stifled in marrying someone who is already more or less fully formed as an adult and who has lived a full life for many years. There is likely to be a sort of daughter-father dynamic in the relationship where he is the older, wiser partner, which will impact all sorts of future life decisions, including where to live, how to raise your kids, etc., while you are the one he indulges or spoils. When you turn 30 or so, you might start to feel dissatisfaction with your role as the “little wife” and that is when the rubber is really going to hit the road as to whether your marriage will be a happy one.

Believe me, I am only 5 years younger than my DH, and this happened to me. I had no idea how much I had really lost myself in order to join his universe. We were able to work through it quite successfully, however, and it improved our marriage dramatically. However, with the first couple I referenced, where the husband was 20 years older than the wife, the results were devastating. I don’t want to get into it over the Internet as it is so personal, but basically they had the same problem, except that the inequality was too deep to be overcome, and the wife was the one who suffered.
I have the same concerns…and even with all the joking around yesterday, at 51 years old, I sure bet I would feel overwhelmed if I had a 70plus husband right with my three children. I would be so concerned for the children, especially the youngest , knowing that their father was aging …would you be quitting modelling to have your children young?
Seems like you need to get a degree as a backdrop resource…but then that would postpone children too…Blessings! Will be praying for you!
 
I have the same concerns…and even with all the joking around yesterday, at 51 years old, I sure bet I would feel overwhelmed if I had a 70plus husband right with my three children. I would be so concerned for the children, especially the youngest , knowing that their father was aging …would you be quitting modelling to have your children young?
Seems like you need to get a degree as a backdrop resource…but then that would postpone children too…Blessings! Will be praying for you!
Yes I intend to retire from modeling whenever it is that I happen to marry. I was considering going back to school to finish my degree (I only need 2 semesters) but that has been postponed because of my schedule at the moment. However, it is not out of the question.
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NSFrame:
I don’t know you and I don’t know him personally, but I do know of a couple in my family where the husband was twice the wife’s age (18 and 36 when they started dating), and this is where my perspective is coming from. I also am speaking from personal experience here, having met my DH when I had been out of college only a month (at 22) while he was 27 and had been a working adult for several years.

My main concern for you is not that he is a bad man or will purposely hurt you, but that your personal growth will be stifled in marrying someone who is already more or less fully formed as an adult and who has lived a full life for many years. There is likely to be a sort of daughter-father dynamic in the relationship where he is the older, wiser partner, which will impact all sorts of future life decisions, including where to live, how to raise your kids, etc., while you are the one he indulges or spoils. When you turn 30 or so, you might start to feel dissatisfaction with your role as the “little wife” and that is when the rubber is really going to hit the road as to whether your marriage will be a happy one.

Believe me, I am only 5 years younger than my DH, and this happened to me. I had no idea how much I had really lost myself in order to join his universe. We were able to work through it quite successfully, however, and it improved our marriage dramatically. However, with the first couple I referenced, where the husband was 20 years older than the wife, the results were devastating. I don’t want to get into it over the Internet as it is so personal, but basically they had the same problem, except that the inequality was too deep to be overcome, and the wife was the one who suffered.
I am sure marriage is overwhelming either way, but I understand where your concern is coming from. As I have mentioned before, my Grandparents had a 25 year difference (and my parents about 10), so while it does worry me sometimes, I have learned–with the help of this post–that I shouldn’t stress too much over situations that are beyond my control. If marriage is in the future then I will just leave it in God’s hands while he and I do our best to living a fufilling Catholic life.
 
I dated my husband for 18 months and then we lived together for another 3.5 years before being married.

Honestly, it’s when the kids come along that you really begin to see eachother’s faults. The stress of kids brings out the “ugly” in a marriage. You can still have a good marriage with kids, but that’s when dirt hits the fan.
Well,. I guess it is different for everyone. We all have different personalities. But I still think that the feeling of being"in love" does wane for many and it often becomes a choice to love, to be loving even when you are angry or don’t feel like it.

We had a different experience when we had children. Our children brought us closer. We had a shared interest, our children. What a blessing for us.
 
Well,. I guess it is different for everyone. We all have different personalities. But I still think that the feeling of being"in love" does wane for many and it often becomes a choice to love, to be loving even when you are angry or don’t feel like it.

We had a different experience when we had children. Our children brought us closer. We had a shared interest, our children. What a blessing for us.
Children have brought us closer too, but what I’m trying to say is that children also add a lot of stress into the mix.

I think I’m being misunderstood.

Anyhoo, you’re right that love becomes a choice and not a gooey feeling. When you’ve been with someone for years, you have to force yourself to be nice when you want to be snippy.
 
Anyhoo, you’re right that love becomes a choice and not a gooey feeling. When you’ve been with someone for years, you have to force yourself to be nice when you want to be snippy.
I think there is a great silver lining to that, though. I think it is so beautiful and I believe it relates very close to our relationship with God.

Forcing ourselves to love a person when we are so tempted to take them for granted and get angry with them. It is like how we are so tempted to fall into our sins and mistreat God, but through self-denial we can overcome our shortcomings and demonstrate our love for him. That is the true definition of unconditional love- a love best demonstrated, of course, by the passion of our Lord and savior, Jesus Christ.

The parallels between the domestic church and the universal church never cease to amaze me.

God’s blessings,
Joshua
 
Children have brought us closer too, but what I’m trying to say is that children also add a lot of stress into the mix.

I think I’m being misunderstood.

Anyhoo, you’re right that love becomes a choice and not a gooey feeling. When you’ve been with someone for years, you have to force yourself to be nice when you want to be snippy.
👍
 
Every marriage is risk and reward. Better to minimize the risk and maximize on the reward. Age can be a problem but then again a blessing.
 
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