Men - how do you feel about your wife seeing a male physician?

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My husband has no problem with me seeing a male doctor for my annual. I haven’t had kid syet, so I can’t talk on that issue.

I do think that men who worry, should maybe go to an exam of this nature (when their wife goes of course), and see just how far from sexual these things are.
 
lizaanne said:
I had my first visit with a new Ob/Gyn yesterday. He is a very nice doctor and comes very highly recommended. It was the first time I’ve been examined by a male doctor in well over 10 years. I felt surprisingly comfortable with him, which is what I’ve been told to expect by other patients who see him.

But it got me wondering. How do men feel about their wives being examined by male doctors? Is it a total non-issue? Or are some bothered by it?

I had some bad experiences in the past with male doctors so I switched to a female doctor for the past 10 years or so, but distance and insurance have caused me to switch, and I’m happy with my choice so far.

Men? Comments?

~Liza
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It is awkward to say the least the first few times early on in our marriage, but the Doctor was highly professional and also an awesome doctor. I am just jealous sometimes because he gets to see what I don’t most of the time! (kidding). No, it is very professional, he is a good man and good to my wife and that is what is important to me, I can and have gotten past those awkward feelings.
 
My husband really, really likes our OB/GYN, who happens to be male. With my first child I had a female OB, because previously I had gone to a male GYN and was uncomfortable (because that male doctor was a jerk). The female OB made a botch of the delivery, and I ended up with a C section during which I nearly bled out. While she was NFP-friendly, it was clear she didn’t have the confidence to deal with my high-risk pregnancy.

When we were pregnant with #2, i asked around in our Catholic homeschooling group and heard about Dr. H, whose VBAC rate was 90%, meaning that most of his patients who wanted a natural birth after a c-section went on to have one. So we went to see him, talked to him about our bad experience with birth #1 and felt very comfortable with Dr. H.

He delivered our 10 pound #2 kid, with a vacuum extractor helping, and it was a wonderful birth experience. Our third was 12 pounds, 5 ounces, and his shoulders got stuck, but Dr. H got him out. Although right after he handed the baby over to the nurses, he leaned over my bed and said, “If you have another one like that, I’m retiring.” 😛

Dr. H also took me seriously about a problem I had that turned out to be potential cancer, and did the testing to find out it was benign.

Needless to say, my husband adores this doctor and is perfectly comfortable with him being my OB/GYN. It’s not about the gender of the doctor, it’s about the doctor’s professionalism and skill and bedside manner.
 
Physicians generally go into an area of medicine that interests them and I find it odd that some people think it strange that a man would go into gynecology and obstetrics because of some supposed perverted sexual interest. I think that is an insult to the profession. Being an ob/gyn involves so much more than the office examination. Women’s health issues are serious business, and I thank the many dedicated doctors who have used their knowledge and research to help in the fight against cervical, uterine, and ovarian cancer (the inventor of the PAP smear was a man after all), not to mention breast cancer. Pregnancy and childbirth and their management to deliver healthy babies, the management of menstrual disorders, surgery to remove diseased organs and bladder repair procedures to help resolve urinary disorders and incontinence issues, the prevention of osteoporosis and the devastating effects on women’s bodies are all part of their practice. In other words the men who go into this field (and I recognize the many dedicated women, too, but that is not the main subject of the discussion) help make us healthier women, and help us safely deliver healthy babies.

We need to GET OVER our sexual biases and recognize that until recently, women’s health was not a major consideration in the medical field, and that there were many dedicated men who brought this to the forefront and helped to improve our health dramatically. When we women are at their offices with our legs in those stirrups, we, and our husbands need to remember that sex is not what is on that Dr’s mind. Early disease detection and saving our lives is. False modesty has killed many women. I have a 37 year old neice right now who is battling an advanced stage of cervical cancer because she did not get get a PAP smear for 4 years. It mostly our attitudes that need to change, not the Dr’s. So if you are putting off going to the gyn, male or female, because of modesty issues, get over it, get your butt in there and get your PAP, your breast exam and your mammogram–it could save your life.
 
My exhusband hated it!! Most of my drs were men, and he despised it… He felt it was touching and looking at what was his?? 🤷 My db knows I have a male doctor and he’s uncomfortable with it, he feels such areas are special and for husband’s viewing only!! :rolleyes: But he keeps his comments to himself on most occasions… Some of the best doctors I had were women, and I wished I could find one here where I live but most are only men!! 😦
 
I agree with the above posters who say it’s an issue of competence and compassion, not gender.

As a teen, I saw one male OB who creeped me out when he began my exam and the nurse hadn’t entered the room yet. Then in my 20s I saw a female OB who was so rough during the manual exam that I asked her about it, and her reply was a flip “that’s how I was taught”. That was the LAST time I saw either of them.

Then, right before I had Twosweetgirls, I had a woman OB who I wish could clone herself–she is THAT good. As smart as the day is long, with credentials covering her walls, and one of THE best bedside manners I’ve ever encountered. No wonder people wait on looooong waiting lists to see her. 👍

So while I can’t vote in the poll, I am wondering: those men/fiance’s/husbands who have such an issue with their wives seeing a male doctor. . . what drives that? An issue of control on the husband’s part?
 
I guess the same as a woman feels if her husbands doctor is a woman. No problem.
Most people dont even like to go to their doctor. There is nothing attractive about the doctor-patient situation mostly… people just wanna get outta there.

If people wanna worry about everything they are free to… But I live in Israel right now and this discussion reminds me of what I would expect from orthodox Jews…
 
Whitacre_Girl said:
My husband has no problem with me seeing a male doctor for my annual. I haven’t had kid syet, so I can’t talk on that issue.

I do think that men who worry, should maybe go to an exam of this nature (when their wife goes of course), and see just how far from sexual these things are.
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There have even been some women which have admitted that they have either become aroused or experienced an orgasm during these type of exams.

How do you know what is going through a male doctor’s mind when he is examining a beautiful woman? Perhaps a male is taking longer to complete an exam, or does an unecessary stroke, etc.

There have been countless occasions where male doctors that have crossed the line.

To all you ladies out there who think that the gyn exam is simply clinical, here is a link to a student doctor website, where medical doctors are discussing their thoughts about women, and also their thoughts when giving the exam.

Required Reading:
forums.studentdoctor.net/showthread.php?t=604811
 
CB_Catholic said:
Physicians generally go into an area of medicine that interests them and I find it odd that some people think it strange that a man would go into gynecology and obstetrics because of some supposed perverted sexual interest. I think that is an insult to the profession. Being an ob/gyn involves so much more than the office examination. Women’s health issues are serious business, and I thank the many dedicated doctors who have used their knowledge and research to help in the fight against cervical, uterine, and ovarian cancer (the inventor of the PAP smear was a man after all), not to mention breast cancer. Pregnancy and childbirth and their management to deliver healthy babies, the management of menstrual disorders, surgery to remove diseased organs and bladder repair procedures to help resolve urinary disorders and incontinence issues, the prevention of osteoporosis and the devastating effects on women’s bodies are all part of their practice. In other words the men who go into this field (and I recognize the many dedicated women, too, but that is not the main subject of the discussion) help make us healthier women, and help us safely deliver healthy babies.

We need to GET OVER our sexual biases and recognize that until recently, women’s health was not a major consideration in the medical field, and that there were many dedicated men who brought this to the forefront and helped to improve our health dramatically. When we women are at their offices with our legs in those stirrups, we, and our husbands need to remember that sex is not what is on that Dr’s mind. Early disease detection and saving our lives is. False modesty has killed many women. I have a 37 year old neice right now who is battling an advanced stage of cervical cancer because she did not get get a PAP smear for 4 years. It mostly our attitudes that need to change, not the Dr’s. So if you are putting off going to the gyn, male or female, because of modesty issues, get over it, get your butt in there and get your PAP, your breast exam and your mammogram–it could save your life.
Click to expand...
There have even been some women which have admitted that they have either become aroused or experienced an orgasm during these type of exams.

How do you know what is going through a male doctor’s mind when he is examining a beautiful woman? Perhaps a male is taking longer to complete an exam, or does an unecessary stroke, etc.

There have been countless occasions where male doctors that have crossed the line.

To all you ladies out there who think that the gyn exam is simply clinical, here is a link to a student doctor website, where medical doctors are discussing their thoughts about women, and also their thoughts when giving the exam.

Required Reading:
forums.studentdoctor.net/showthread.php?t=604811
 
duskyjewel said:
Honestly, I view this as a maturity issue. I think it’s infantile (and controlling) for a man to care whether his wife’s doctor is male or female. It’s more important that they are compassionate and competent. If my husband ever brought this up, I would tell him to grow up.

He doesn’t care, BTW.
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This is not a maturity or control issue! It’s about respect for your husband, and protection of the intimacy of the marriage. What self respecting woman would submit herself to a non-emergent male gyn exam, when an appointment could be made?
 
I’ve had male doctors and female doctors, both post-pubescent and I never felt that anyone was being sexual in any way.

Also, you could make that argument about breastfeeding (I’ve heard women have felt aroused, etc because the hormones are produced).

It is about competence and professionalism. Any doctor who can’t control themselves or abuses their power in anyway is not fit to be a doctor, regardless of gender. And if we as healthy adults cannot learn to control our unhealthy desires, there is a greater problem than gender and I would say that person was not healthy and should not be in a professional field.
 
Homers said:
This is not a maturity or control issue! It’s about respect for your husband, and protection of the intimacy of the marriage. What self respecting woman would submit herself to a non-emergent male gyn exam, when an appointment could be made?
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Yes it is. Women don’t go to male gyns for sexual reasons. Men don’t go into this field primarily for sex. And honestly, if there are no female OB/GYNs, then I’d rather go to a male doctor than none. I’d rather have a male physician and stay faithful to my marriage, rather than not have a marriage due to death from breast/ovarian/uterine/cervical cancer that wasn’t caught quickly enough or death of myself and my child due to pregnancy complications from lack of prenatal care. And between a bad female physician and a good male physician, I’d pick the good male. Of course, if it was a good male and good female, I’d probably go with the female, just because she knows the female body from her own experience as well as from a medical standpoint. But I’m not turning down a competent male doctor just because he doesn’t possess XX chromosomes.

Trust me, when I’m putting my feet in stirrups and having a doctor looking for signs of cancer, the last thing on my mind is anything sexual.
 
sanctamaria17 said:
Yes it is. Women don’t go to male gyns for sexual reasons. Men don’t go into this field primarily for sex. And honestly, if there are no female OB/GYNs, then I’d rather go to a male doctor than none. I’d rather have a male physician and stay faithful to my marriage, rather than not have a marriage due to death from breast/ovarian/uterine/cervical cancer that wasn’t caught quickly enough or death of myself and my child due to pregnancy complications from lack of prenatal care. And between a bad female physician and a good male physician, I’d pick the good male. Of course, if it was a good male and good female, I’d probably go with the female, just because she knows the female body from her own experience as well as from a medical standpoint. But I’m not turning down a competent male doctor just because he doesn’t possess XX chromosomes.

Trust me, when I’m putting my feet in stirrups and having a doctor looking for signs of cancer, the last thing on my mind is anything sexual.
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Dear Sanctamaria,

Thanks for your posts. Surely there must also be a great number of competent women doctors out there. And, yes, I agree that hopefully most women do not go to the doctor for “sexual” reasons. But there have been unfortunately a great number of male doctors that have crossed the line, and why would any woman take the chance of ruining their marriage? Once violated, you can’t take it back. Plus, I believe that scripture calls us all to be as modest as possible. Have you ever read Leviticus 18? Also, you should also visit the student-doctor link above. I am sure your opinion will change!
 
Many women and their husbands will find the All Female OB/GYN Directory useful because they desire for the women to only have intimate health care by female doctors. They also want to do whatever to assure that the women will only have female gynecologists doing intimate examinations and procedures on them such as pap smears, pelvic examinations, breast examinations, hysterectomies, ovarian cyst removals, etc. Many women and their husbands only want female medical providers to be there for the birthing process.

We encourage doctors to respect women and husbands’ desires to have only female medical providers for intimate female medical care. Please do whatever you can do to respect women’s wishes when they want only female medical professionals such as anesthesiologists, scrubs, nurses, assistants, etc. in the room for surgeries, birth, etc. If a woman must have an emergency Cesarean section and she desires to have only female medical professionals in the room during the process, please try your best to get a female anesthesiologist. If that is not possible, you should ask the male anesthesiologist stay out of the room until you all have done all of the prepping for surgery including putting in the catheter. Be sure to keep the woman properly covered at all times so that her modesty and dignity are protected.

As for intimate examinations you may do on women, please do whatever you can to protect the lady’s modesty. Be sure you keep the door closed when you do intimate examinations. Always ask the lady for permission about if she wants any medical students (even female) in the room with you all.

Men who don’t want their wives to not go to a male gynecologist are not crazy. They just love their wives so much that they don’t want another man to access and see the private parts of their wives. Some women and their husbands want to protect their intimacy and they feel like their intimacy is violated when the women are treated by male gynecologists. The bond between a husband and a wife is very special when they never expose their private parts to another person of the opposite sex.

Many women prefer female gynecologists for a variety of reasons. Some of the reasons are: 1.) They feel very uncomfortable having a male gynecologist treating them for intimate examinations. 2.) They feel like female gynecologists can understand some things better. For example, men never have cramps, ovarian cysts, and other female health problems. 3.) They want to protect the intimacy between their husbands or future husbands and themselves. 4.) They want their husband to be the only man in the world to see them naked or access certain parts of their body. 5.) Religious and moral reasons.

The All Female OB/Gyn Directory encourages all doctors to be sensitive to why many women patients and their husbands may not want the women to have another male in the room for intimate procedures or surgeries and not question them why.

Link:
allfemaleobgyndirectory.com/tipsfordoctors.aspx
 
I think the decisions made by these women are for the best of their families and I think these doctors know the husbands and know that their jobs are on the line should they have any funny business. And who’s to say a female doctor never violated a woman? How many times have I seen on this board, “I had a female doctor but she was rough on me!”

As for the husband thing, I do think a man is crazy if he thinks a doctor can’t be mature enough to respect his wife’s body. And I did read your link, a lot of the other med students acknowledged that the one guy was a sicko, male and female students alike. I’d understand being wary if a man’s wife had been assaulted by a male doctor before but seriously, people? Then it turns to territorial control and if my husband wasn’t secure enough in my love for him that he doesn’t trust me to go to the doctor, I’d be wary. And if it was, “It’s them I don’t trust, not you,” well, my parents said the same thing to me when I was a teenager. In marriage, I’d expected to be treated as an adult, as my hubby’s partner and companion, who can be trusted to make her own decisions, not his teen daughter who needs to be watched and fiercely guarded!

It’s not immodest to go the doctor. And there are many factors, as well as competence that go into the decision of who’s your doctor. One would be location, another would be insurance, etc. Those are important too! Actually, if you find a good doc but you can’t switch insurance or don’t have the right one, that pretty much decides that they won’t be your doc.
 
Homers said:
Dear Sanctamaria,

Thanks for your posts. Surely there must also be a great number of competent women doctors out there. And, yes, I agree that hopefully most women do not go to the doctor for “sexual” reasons. But there have been unfortunately a great number of male doctors that have crossed the line, and why would any woman take the chance of ruining their marriage? Once violated, you can’t take it back. Plus, I believe that scripture calls us all to be as modest as possible. Have you ever read Leviticus 18? Also, you should also visit the student-doctor link above. I am sure your opinion will change!
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You know something? I WAS nearly violated and I’ve had a number of male classmates who’ve crossed the line in other ways when I was in junior high! You CAN’T compare that to going to a doctor who happens to be the opposite sex but is still competent! You JUST CAN’T!!! You HAVE NO CLUE WHAT THAT IS LIKE!

If I lived life like that, I would not ever wear a bathing suit on a public beach, walk home from work at night (because it would somehow offend my modesty and give the wrong message:rolleyes::rolleyes:), danced with my best guy friends at special events, worn a pretty sleeveless dress to my friend’s engagement dinner (because, you know, that might send the wrong message and allow men to violate me with their eyes) or geez, maybe as a baby, my father shouldn’t have bathed me or changed my diapers!

Nothing like, “protecting women’s modesty” as a way to control women for something a man may or may not do. That attitude has been used against women so many times, to the point where a woman’s reputation for modesty has determined whether rapists end up where they should: behind bars.

If men can’t control themselves, I seriously question whether they can even be called men.
 
sanctamaria17 said:
You know something? I WAS nearly violated and I’ve had a number of male classmates who’ve crossed the line in other ways when I was in junior high! You CAN’T compare that to going to a doctor who happens to be the opposite sex but is still competent! You JUST CAN’T!!! You HAVE NO CLUE WHAT THAT IS LIKE!

If I lived life like that, I would not ever wear a bathing suit on a public beach, walk home from work at night (because it would somehow offend my modesty and give the wrong message:rolleyes::rolleyes:), danced with my best guy friends at special events, worn a pretty sleeveless dress to my friend’s engagement dinner (because, you know, that might send the wrong message and allow men to violate me with their eyes) or geez, maybe as a baby, my father shouldn’t have bathed me or changed my diapers!

Nothing like, “protecting women’s modesty” as a way to control women for something a man may or may not do. That attitude has been used against women so many times, to the point where a woman’s reputation for modesty has determined whether rapists end up where they should: behind bars.

If men can’t control themselves, I seriously question whether they can even be called men.
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Changing of diapers by a family member, vs. a strange man (a male doctor), who might have chosen ob/gyn as their speciality, by sticking their hands inside of grown women is totally diffrent!

Of course I know what it is like. I have had my prostate checked before. I am also a father of (3) children, and know what it is like to be expecting. I am blessed to have a wife that shares the same convictions that I do, as she would never want to be intimately examined by a male doctor unless of course in a “code blue” situation. My wife also has a male dentist. *We are not talking about what women wears, or bathing suits… The title of this forum is about “Men - how do you feel about your wife seeing a male doctor.” So, please let’s stay on topic.
 
Homers said:
Men who don’t want their wives to not go to a male gynecologist are not crazy. They just love their wives so much that they don’t want another man to access and see the private parts of their wives. Some women and their husbands want to protect their intimacy and they feel like their intimacy is violated when the women are treated by male gynecologists. The bond between a husband and a wife is very special when they never expose their private parts to another person of the opposite sex.
Click to expand...
Just out of curiosity - what about the whole gay/bi thing? Perhaps that female OB/GYN is gay/bi and is viewing the wife the same way a man would? Perhaps the male doctor is gay and doesn’t have the slightest interest in the wife.

Have you taken this into account?
 
CB_Catholic said:
Physicians generally go into an area of medicine that interests them and I find it odd that some people think it strange that a man would go into gynecology and obstetrics because of some supposed perverted sexual interest. I think that is an insult to the profession. Being an ob/gyn involves so much more than the office examination. Women’s health issues are serious business, and I thank the many dedicated doctors who have used their knowledge and research to help in the fight against cervical, uterine, and ovarian cancer (the inventor of the PAP smear was a man after all), not to mention breast cancer. Pregnancy and childbirth and their management to deliver healthy babies, the management of menstrual disorders, surgery to remove diseased organs and bladder repair procedures to help resolve urinary disorders and incontinence issues, the prevention of osteoporosis and the devastating effects on women’s bodies are all part of their practice. In other words the men who go into this field (and I recognize the many dedicated women, too, but that is not the main subject of the discussion) help make us healthier women, and help us safely deliver healthy babies.

We need to GET OVER our sexual biases and recognize that until recently, women’s health was not a major consideration in the medical field, and that there were many dedicated men who brought this to the forefront and helped to improve our health dramatically. When we women are at their offices with our legs in those stirrups, we, and our husbands need to remember that sex is not what is on that Dr’s mind. Early disease detection and saving our lives is. False modesty has killed many women. I have a 37 year old neice right now who is battling an advanced stage of cervical cancer because she did not get get a PAP smear for 4 years. It mostly our attitudes that need to change, not the Dr’s. So if you are putting off going to the gyn, male or female, because of modesty issues, get over it, get your butt in there and get your PAP, your breast exam and your mammogram–it could save your life.
Click to expand...
Oh really? “sex is not what is on the Dr’s mind.”? Well why then have so many male doctors crossed the line then? Why are there so many women who have indicated that they have been touched inappropriately? Ever before there were male doctors, babies were delivered by “mid-wives”, while the men stayed outside. While I am all for advancements in medicine, but surely there are just as competent female doctors out there. If there is time to make an appointment, there is certainly time enought for an accommodation. If you think that the gyn exam is simply clinical to male doctors, you should definitely read the following link:

Required Reading:
forums.studentdoctor.net/showthread.php?t=604811
 
PaulinVA said:
Just out of curiosity - what about the whole gay/bi thing? Perhaps that female OB/GYN is gay/bi and is viewing the wife the same way a man would? Perhaps the male doctor is gay and doesn’t have the slightest interest in the wife.

Have you taken this into account?
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Dear Paulin,

Thanks for your post. Good Question! I definitively have considered this concern as well. I would suggest that there is possibly a less likelihood of something occurring between care givers of the same sex, as 1 of them (possibly definitely the patient) would be heterosexual. While it might be best to find a same sex care giver who possibly has their own family and children.
 
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