"Michigan couple: Priest, 'bully' coach ruined our son's funeral"

[MiserereMeiDei]

Sounds like the post about the redditors.

 

[MiserereMeiDei]

Seems like lesson learned: if you’re the parent of a suicide go to a different parish for your requiem mass if you didn’t like the homily.

 

[DeniseNY]

Where did the priest say he’s going to hell?

 

[CTBcin]

Does this priest presume to know the mind of God, and how he’s going to judge someone? Did God whisper in this priest’s ear that he was going to condemn this young man to hell for all of eternity? How DARE he be so presumptuous, especially at a time like that! This is why people leave the Church – that kind of insensitivity and lack of compassion when it’s needed most. Shame on him! He didn’t need to be so judgmental. Only God knows for certain the circumstances under which that young man took his life. Only God knows what was going on inside of him, the things he was going through, and how insurmountable this young man might have found them. God is mercy. God is love.

Here’s some advise for if you’re working with someone whose child died, whether you’re a priest or a layperson.

Never say “Your child went to Hell”; if you honestly think that then still don’t say it. If the deceased died of suicide or a drug overdose or in a shootout or whatever then you still shouldn’t say it. If you do then I guarantee that it will push people away from God.

The priest did not say that he was going to hell. At all. Nor did he insinuate it. The vast majority of the homily was about the mercy of God. I suggest you read the full text of the homily, which was posted earlier in the thread.

 

[dconklin]

Seems like lesson learned: if you’re the parent of a suicide go to a different parish for your requiem mass if you didn’t like the homily.

I am on staff at a large parish, working with children and their families. My feeling (educated guess?) is this family does not attend Mass and does not know the pastor at all. They met with him to arrange the funeral Mass and were not aware of his preaching style. Easily, two thirds of our families that send their children to faith formation do not go to Mass.

 

[JulianN]

It isn’t really about whether you “liked” the homily. It’s whether or not it is appropriate for a priest to disclose the cause of death during a homily.

 

[MiserereMeiDei]

Is there a way of determining that without it being a mere opinion?

 

[MiserereMeiDei]

That makes a lot of sense…and is extremely unfortunate that the faith means so little/nothing to them.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

This article is over a year old and there were a whole bunch of threads on it at the time it was new.

Why are you bringing it up again now?

Here’s a 244-post thread from last year when the story was new

Shining a light on truth vs. comforting the grieving? Funeral homily in cases of suicide Apologetics

This story is making the rounds in the media right now. What do you all think? Obviously, we don’t know what the fate will be of this child, but was it really prudent for Father to focus on this for the homily at the funeral mass? I’m sure Father thought he was shining light on the truth, but what of bring comfort to those who are grieving? Eternal rest grant unto Mason oh Lord…

Here’s another thread on the same story with over 60 posts

Parents say priest told mourners that son may be kept out of heaven over suicide: report Catholic News

Please read the article for discussion. Amazing story and I’m saddened for the young man. Apparently, this just happened this month. Too much detail and the headline does not tell all. I’d certainly be sensitive to any family who goes through something like this.

 

[mrsdizzyd]

I think it’s because the family has only just decided to file suit against the diocese.

It’s all over Catholic media at the moment.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

I think it’s because the family has only just decided to file suit against the diocese.

It’s all over Catholic media at the moment.

Is there a current article from Catholic media about the lawsuit? This article posted is like I said from 2018 and we’ve had over 300 past posts on the forum discussing it. This is a duplicate thread in my mind.

It’s normal for people to wait until almost a year to file a suit because the statute of limitations often gives them a year (sometimes more) and they use the time to select a lawyer, meet with a lawyer, prepare all the information needed for the suit like how badly this priest’s action has affected their health and their mental health and their kids etc. The priest was already disciplined right after this happened so it’s not a matter of preventing the priest from ever doing this again as the diocese was already reviewing all of his homilies and restricting his ability to handle funerals.

It’s not like this is an ongoing problem in the Church either. I’m not seeing complaints on a regular basis from people who object to the funeral homily.

The coach was also fired from his job shortly after this happened (and the coach is not the responsibility of the Church, he was coaching at a public school).

I will refrain from commenting on the plaintiffs in the suit because they are no doubt in grief, but it seems like this is an isolated incident and one of two things will occur: the suit will be tossed, or more likely the Diocese will give them a settlement to go away. End of story.

 

[Beryllos]

The only new aspect to this story is the lawsuit filing. Every other aspect has been thoroughly discussed, rehashed, and beaten to death – believe me, nothing was overlooked! – in the CAF threads linked to by @Tis_Bearself about 3 posts above this post.

I wish folks here at CAF would review those threads before posting here.

 

[Jen95]

The only new aspect to this story is the lawsuit filing. Every other aspect has been thoroughly discussed, rehashed, and beaten to death – believe me, nothing was overlooked! – in the CAF threads linked to by @Tis_Bearself about 3 posts above this post.

I wish folks here at CAF would review those threads before posting here.

Does it harm you in some way if people discuss topics more?

 

[JoeShlabotnik]

If this young man is blocked from Heaven because he took his own life, that is up to God. Not up to a priest or anyone else here on earth.
We must all pray for those folks who see suicide as the only way to end their pain. And we must pray for those who love those folks.

 

[Jen95]

A homily like that priest gave is conducive to people praying for the young man’s soul and for his family.
A homily like the parents reportedly wanted (“celebrating his life”) doesn’t necessarily encourage people to pray for his soul.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

Does it harm you in some way if people discuss topics more?

We’re generally supposed to avoid duplicate threads on the forum. Since the OP didn’t mention the lawsuit or post a new article, this is basically a duplicate of the threads from last year.

I’ll mute it now because I have no interest in seeing this discussion again. If others only just now heard about it and want to talk about it all again, I’ve posted the old threads for their reference.

 

[Beryllos]

Does it harm you in some way if people discuss topics more?

No. Now that you mention it, I think that if someone did not read or participate in last year’s discussion, they have much to gain by this discussion.

Carry on.

 

[Jen95]

Jen95:

Does it harm you in some way if people discuss topics more?

We’re generally supposed to avoid duplicate threads on the forum. Since the OP didn’t mention the lawsuit or post a new article, this is basically a duplicate of the threads from last year.

I’ll mute it now because I have no interest in seeing this discussion again. If others only just now heard about it and want to talk about it all again, I’ve posted the old threads for their reference.

So just flag it instead of lecturing us.

 

[Jen95]

Here’s a new article with some interesting quotes. It’s like the parents think they had a contract with the priest to say certain things. Once again, it’s possible that the message he chose to deliver was changed after he learned it was a suicide, and that the parents “hid” it from him when they met with him. He’s speaking on behalf of the Church, it’s not some kind of messaging service on behalf of the parents.

As Mrs. Hullibarger explains, “[A]t our own child’s funeral, we were taken down yet again when it was a place that we were supposed to be lifted up. And we had no idea, no indication that was going to happen.” Mrs. Hullibarger says, “No parent, no sibling, no family member should ever, ever have to sit through what we sat through. And it’s happened before. When you’re already beyond devastation, why would you make it even worse? No words can describe that [be]cause you don’t think you could feel any worse.” “Father LaCuesta’s conduct at Maison’s funeral service was intentional,” noted Andrea Young, an attorney at Charles Boyk Law. “It was apparent to those in attendance that Father LaCuesta had a message he wanted to relay. That message was not previously disclosed to the Hullibarger family and **it did not conform to homily that Father LaCuesta previously agreed to deliver.** At a time of tragedy, the Hullibarger family turned to their church for peace and comfort but instead Father’s LaCuesta’s actions caused them irreparable harm and pain.”

Shock: Lawsuit Filed Over Funeral Homily | Deacon Greg Kandra

 

[Beryllos]

No. Now that you mention it, I think that if someone did not read or participate in last year’s discussion, they have much to gain by this discussion.

Carry on.

I would add, however, that there is a tendency for CAF members to take sides with the priest. I recommend reviewing those old threads to see what another priest, well-respected here at CAF, wrote about it:

Shining a light on truth vs. comforting the grieving? Funeral homily in cases of suicide Apologetics

As a priest, I wish to say that I am horrified by the text of this homily. It is astonishing for its insensitivity. If I were not retired from the formation work I did over the decades, I would use it as an example of precisely what not to do inn a homily for a funeral. It fails in multiple points of modern homiletics as well as pastoral theology. I think the public statement of this priest’s archdiocese states well and succinctly the failure of this priest as well as the archdiocese’s effor…

Please follow the link and read his entire post. Don Ruggero knows his stuff.