My relationship with my former parish priest

[Consecrated]

Change my email and phone? Are you guys serious? So I am supposed to forget about his tears and pleading with me to not walk out of his life. I understand not pursuing an inappropriate relationship with him, but turn my back on him and report him to the Bishop? We didn’t do anything. I did not sleep with him.

oh my goodness, dear. yes you did do something, and the sooner you can come to admit this, the better. you have an sexual relationship with this man, whether it became physical or not. You have to realize that to practice true Godly love for him, you must think now of his (and your) immortal soul, that you are helping to endanger by keeping in contact with him. And you also have to realize that he does not really love you, either, by putting your immortal soul in danger. ultimately, this path could lead both of you to Hell. this is not what you want for your brother in Christ.

yes, cut off all contact. and seriously prayerfully consider going to his bishop.

 

[SarahR]

He doesn’t care about you or your family, he is being selfish. (“But you don’t understand…” is the way that everyone in adulterous relationships would begin the responding sentence, btw. Ask me how I know).

In addition to absolute cut-off starting NOW, I would recommend notifying his bishop too. This priest needs an accountability partner. He needs help. He isn’t choosing to see past the glitter of sin, and if it isn’t you it will be some other woman. He is using a worn-out line that no one else understands him. You need to stop romanticizing the situation and realize you are filling a gap for him, you are a distraction from his holy vocation. You are not being reverenced at all by this priest or he never would have sought your violation as has happened. Sexually explicit conversations with a priest?? RUN.
Perhaps he will self-destruct (with alcohol or something else to numb his conscience) that it will only get worse and worse.

He married the Church (all of us), and no one appreciates you being his partner in adultery against US. Please stop for all of us.

Nothing good at all comes from this relationship. Your heart is turned away from your own husband, your own family, and your mind and heart is on someone else’s bridegroom. Your husband deserves all of you, not deception.

If this is harsh, you’ve already read many more gentle replies from other posters stating the same things.

God be with you, do the right thing. Listen to Father Corapi’s talks about sin or something if you need an extra boost…we’ve all been there in one way or another.

 

[estesbob]

He doesn’t care about you or your family, he is being selfish. (“But you don’t understand…” is the way that everyone in adulterous relationships would begin the responding sentence, btw. Ask me how I know).

I suspect being he is now three hours away the Bishop knows or is at least suspicious. This is the way the Diocese usually handles such things.

The OP is having a hard enough time breaking off the realtionship without having to worry about dragging the bishop into this.

What we need to do now is pray for her. Telling her to call the Bishop or , as another poster did, accuisng of her of doing this in retaliation for her husbands past infedelity does nothing but it harder for her. She KNOWS what the right thing to do is. we just need to pray that she has the strength to do it.

 

[Catholictrain]

Change my email and phone? Are you guys serious? So I am supposed to forget about his tears and pleading with me to not walk out of his life. I understand not pursuing an inappropriate relationship with him, but turn my back on him and report him to the Bishop? We didn’t do anything. I did not sleep with him.

The gospel Sunday said if your eye causes you to sin, cut it out. Emotions, tears, etc should not rule your life. You need to do something drastic… like block his emails, change you phone, make it so he cannot contact you at all. No matter who started this, to be emotionally involved with someone consecrated to God is a VERY GRAVE SIN.
Run away. Run very fast.

 

[always_catholic_1]

I continue to read the replys even though I do not respond to all of them. Satan is really working a number on me. I feel as if I see him one more time and we share just one more embrace that I can put 2 and 2 together and realize he does not belong to me and be done with him forever. I know that would not be the way that everyone would do it but it is what makes sense in my mind. I will not tell him that will be it so that he does not plead with me but will simply just walk away. I feel I am losing a good friend but I know that I am leaving him in God’s hands. I will then repent and not notify his Bishop. That is for him to do to seek help.

 

[whatevergirl]

I continue to read the replys even though I do not respond to all of them. Satan is really working a number on me. I feel as if I see him one more time and we share just one more embrace that I can put 2 and 2 together and realize he does not belong to me and be done with him forever. I know that would not be the way that everyone would do it but it is what makes sense in my mind. I will not tell him that will be it so that he does not plead with me but will simply just walk away. I feel I am losing a good friend but I know that I am leaving him in God’s hands. I will then repent and not notify his Bishop. That is for him to do to seek help.

*I think that ultimately, it’s up to you, I personally would just end it…no ending hugs, etc. And the reason is because he doesn’t want things to end, and another hug…another moment of contact, that is just continuing things. He isn’t strong right now…he is in a vulnerable place, it sounds like. That isn’t your fault, certainly, but continuing to see him…and giving him hope, isn’t going to make him stronger. He needs to figure out things on his own, and I am sorry you are in this situation, but trust us on this…it’s best to not see him anymore…I would end things perhaps in a brief email…explaining things, saying you’ll pray for him. If he continues with emails, pleading to meet with you, I would stop replying. This isn’t to be mean, or cold…it’s to end something that should never have gotten this far. You know, we all make mistakes. And when we are knee deep in confusion, or heading down a sinful path…sometimes, things don’t seem so clear at that moment. A year from now, or maybe sooner, when you look back on this, you will see things much clearer. I have been there (not in your shoes) but with sin, and once you turn your back on temptation–you become stronger for it.

Anyways, this is just my advice. You don’t have to take it, of course. lol But, I’m just trying to help you see that seeing this priest again is not a good idea.

God bless, and praying for you!!*

 

[Catholictrain]

It is very easy for everyone to say just cut it off but very hard. I do care about him very much. I will confess but think we can remain friends. Or shall I say hope!

I know a person who thought the same way. The friendship last a short while, then it would fall back into something sinful. Then they would pull back and try to be friends again… and again it would fall back into something that was wrong. This cycle continued for TEN YEARS. Finally, something happened that allowed the relationship to be severed permanently. Now this person tells me they wish they could get back the last ten years of their life. How sad to think this person lost ten years. Ten years they could have been loving their wife and children. Ten years that they could have been growing stronger in the Lord. Instead they spent the ten years on a roller-coaster ride that ended up where they started. Sad. Very sad indeed.

Don’t make this mistake! Break it off permanently and completely. A year from now you will realize it was the best decision you ever made!!! Just do it!!!

 

[TEPO]

I feel as if I see him one more time and we share just one more embrace that I can put 2 and 2 together and realize he does not belong to me and be done with him forever.

These are the words of an addict. You have an addiction and you are in trouble. You opened the door and now the devil wont leave you alone.

Pray the rosary daily. Your only hope is to beg for Gods Mercy.

I will pray for you…

 

[RachelKH]

one more time = more
you will be more culpable because you know even more how wrong it would be
you need to do what is right w/o again doing what is wrong – one more time only makes it harder
one more time is worse than one fewer
one more time is a step back, not forward
I am dying inside reading all this because I was just in a situation like this, finding myself in a totally unexpected place with a married man who was helping me in my marriage, and we got too close and now we both hurt and have wounded ourselves, our marriages, our spouses, our children, even though we never even touched or looked at each other or attempted it, we were committing adultery with each other in getting too close and after only 3 weeks of talking over the Internet, we knew we were doing wrong and I had to be the stronger one and break off all contact even though I felt I would die, I was losing my hope, my best friend, my heart, and I made it to confession just Saturday after cutting off all contact Friday and now I can make it, I can feel God helping and comforting me, even though I have this need, this emptiness, this loss, I will not turn back, I will find the strength to work again on my marriage through safer ways. I told my husband, I confessed to my priest, I pleaded with my God to somehow make it right or help me to stop and He answered that it was not ever right and that is all there will ever be to this story: wrong is wrong, end it before adding more to the story

 

[Shin]

An in person goodbye is not advisable in a case like this in more way than one. If one person starts to cry, etc. etc. suddenly all the fortitude to end it dissappears in smoke. Then one thing leads to another, promises are made, the relationship continues.

And it is not as if you two have any right to privately meet together anymore, or have any physical contact. That is a near occasion of sin and against your marriage.

If you look at this relationship as the sin it is rather than as something good, then your feelings may begin to change to proper ones.

The way a person should feel about this is different than you feel about it right now. With enough thought you can feel the way you should about this, and because you love God, hate the sin.

Keep praying and recognize your weaknesses that need to be guarded against! If we put ourselves in danger we are disregarding God’s will and all the more prone to fail.

So – end it safely! And return to God and peace.

…

People can be intimate without knowing every sin another person committed in the past and now repents. Some feelings of the need to confess some things are selfish and have to do with our own guilty feelings not the needs of our spouse – and so are temptations, the feelings aren’t oriented towards intimacy. We share intimacy in the Lord and by being the good people He meant us to be. People have to take responsibility. The offended spouse is generally not the person to go to confess this sort of thing as if that will make it better. It normally makes things horribly worse, sometimes permanently, forever. We go to Confession to a good priest. That is what a good priest is for.

 

[Shin]

one more time = more
you will be more culpable because you know even more how wrong it would be
you need to do what is right w/o again doing what is wrong – one more time only makes it harder
one more time is worse than one fewer
one more time is a step back, not forward
I am dying inside reading all this because I was just in a situation like this, finding myself in a totally unexpected place with a married man who was helping me in my marriage, and we got too close and now we both hurt and have wounded ourselves, our marriages, our spouses, our children, even though we never even touched or looked at each other or attempted it, we were committing adultery with each other in getting too close and after only 3 weeks of talking over the Internet, we knew we were doing wrong and I had to be the stronger one and break off all contact even though I felt I would die, I was losing my hope, my best friend, my heart, and I made it to confession just Saturday after cutting off all contact Friday and now I can make it, I can feel God helping and comforting me, even though I have this need, this emptiness, this loss, I will not turn back, I will find the strength to work again on my marriage through safer ways. I told my husband, I confessed to my priest, I pleaded with my God to somehow make it right or help me to stop and He answered that it was not ever right and that is all there will ever be to this story: wrong is wrong, end it before adding more to the story

God bless you I pray.

 

[Liberanosamalo]

Okay, let’s humor you. You drive three hours for your dramatic little goodbye hug. Then you drive three hours home. That’s a whole lot of gas and time from your family for a little dramatic scene.

During which time Satan will be playing on all of your senses. And don’t think Fr. Flirt won’t understand that final lingering goodbye. Why, he’ll feel your touch and your closeness, and the smell of your hair and…

Wow, that’s some good friend you are! Make sure that after you leave him, you leave him all worked up now! Maybe when he goes back to the rectory he’ll lie up all night thinking about you and desiring you. You’re pretty passive aggressive there!

Can I have a friend like you? We can call it something beautiful. Like a “close friendship.” Is your husband available? I gather he’s lonely. Give me his number.

I’ll come give him a hug. Don’t worry, it will just be goodbye.

By the way, what lie will you tell your family to justify this five minute hug? (It will only be five minutes alone with him, right? Or will you stand out in the church lobby in front of the statue of Mary? To make sure there is no last minute temptation? Being alone with this great passion might be dangerous.

Wait? Are you going to make this an all-day thing with him? Since it is the very very last time you’ll see him. Except for the next time when he calls and you just can’t leave him alone. He’s so very vulnerable. And you’re pretty good at making excuses.

Gee… doesn’t sound so lovely when I put it like that, does it? By the way, I’ve heard of women getting pregnant during goodbyes.

A little something to remember him by… Explain that one to your husband? Think it couldn’t happen? You’re handing Satan one last opportunity. Make it good!

Sorry to mock. We’re up to page 5 and you’re trying to convince us all that you’re noble. I’m not buying it. You want one of us to give you permission to do something wrong.

 

[joandarc2008]

I think you need to also look at what is so WRONG with your marriage that you would rather speak sexually on the phone with a man married to God and emotionally unavailable to you rather than having real sex with your husband. Work on your marriage - it is your vocation. He needs to work on his ordination vows- it his vocation.

 

[kage_ar]

As a priest, his time is not his own. What if someone needs the Last Rites and the office cannot reach Fr because he is in a sinful lingering goodbye with you?

As to telling his superiors, telling is the loving thing to do. He is entrusted with the care of souls and it is apparent he has problems. He needs professional help to deal with his problems. If you do not report him, he WILL do this again to another young woman.

 

[Shin]

As a priest, his time is not his own. What if someone needs the Last Rites and the office cannot reach Fr because he is in a sinful lingering goodbye with you?

As to telling his superiors, telling is the loving thing to do. He is entrusted with the care of souls and it is apparent he has problems. He needs professional help to deal with his problems. If you do not report him, he WILL do this again to another young woman.

I agree, he shows no signs of repentance, he will keep falling for this unless he gets help.

And he will be committing sins left and right during holy and sacred times when he should be officiating at the altar as a vessel for the Holy Ghost, not sin.

And that is what the bishop is for, to be a pastor to the pastors and take care of the shepherds of his flock. If he doesn’t know, how can he help? Some of it may be strong medicine but that is what is needed for someone far gone like this.

 

[estesbob]

Okay, let’s humor you. You drive three hours for your dramatic little goodbye hug. Then you drive three hours home. That’s a whole lot of gas and time from your family for a little dramatic scene.

During which time Satan will be playing on all of your senses. And don’t think Fr. Flirt won’t understand that final lingering goodbye. Why, he’ll feel your touch and your closeness, and the smell of your hair and…

Wow, that’s some good friend you are! Make sure that after you leave him, you leave him all worked up now! Maybe when he goes back to the rectory he’ll lie up all night thinking about you and desiring you. You’re pretty passive aggressive there!

Can I have a friend like you? We can call it something beautiful. Like a “close friendship.” Is your husband available? I gather he’s lonely. Give me his number.

I’ll come give him a hug. Don’t worry, it will just be goodbye.

By the way, what lie will you tell your family to justify this five minute hug? (It will only be five minutes alone with him, right? Or will you stand out in the church lobby in front of the statue of Mary? To make sure there is no last minute temptation? Being alone with this great passion might be dangerous.

Wait? Are you going to make this an all-day thing with him? Since it is the very very last time you’ll see him. Except for the next time when he calls and you just can’t leave him alone. He’s so very vulnerable. And you’re pretty good at making excuses.

Gee… doesn’t sound so lovely when I put it like that, does it? By the way, I’ve heard of women getting pregnant during goodbyes.

A little something to remember him by… Explain that one to your husband? Think it couldn’t happen? You’re handing Satan one last opportunity. Make it good!

Sorry to mock. We’re up to page 5 and you’re trying to convince us all that you’re noble. I’m not buying it. You want one of us to give you permission to do something wrong.

WOW! That was blunt and absolutely positively the best post in this thread!

 

[whm]

Satan is really working a number on me.

Yes he is, at least you acknowledge as much. He is hoping to score a big win, with a major scandal. Don’t give him the opportunity.

I feel as if I see him one more time and we share just one more embrace that I can put 2 and 2 together and realize he does not belong to me and be done with him forever. I know that would not be the way that everyone would do it but it is what makes sense in my mind. I will not tell him that will be it so that he does not plead with me but will simply just walk away.

He belongs to God and you belong to your husband. DON’T GO SEE HIM EVER AGAIN. If you do you very well may fall off a cliff. You sound a lot like a porn addict with your justifications. Would you want your husband to go embrace the person he had an affair with one last time?

I feel I am losing a good friend but I know that I am leaving him in God’s hands. I will then repent and not notify his Bishop. That is for him to do to seek help.

He is not your friend. He is playing you. You should consider informing the Bishop, do you remember the abuse scandals? The diocese can help him, they won’t defrock him over this, they will get him help. The others are right, he will do this again or fall into some other serious sin.

You have done a good thing by coming here, follow through and end it period. Once you do, you will feel peace and be able to move on and repair the damage.

Prayers.

 

[RosaMystica]

I continue to read the replys even though I do not respond to all of them. Satan is really working a number on me. I feel as if I see him one more time and we share just one more embrace that I can put 2 and 2 together and realize he does not belong to me and be done with him forever…

No, you are giving yourself (and him) the chance to take this thing to the next level by having that “one more embrace.” And what is that embrace doing to your husband? Are you going to bring him along?

I know that would not be the way that everyone would do it but it is what makes sense in my mind. I will not tell him that will be it so that he does not plead with me but will simply just walk away. I feel I am losing a good friend but I know that I am leaving him in God’s hands…

Like I said, you are in a fog, which is why it makes sense in your mind when it makes no sense to anyone else.

I will then repent and not notify his Bishop. That is for him to do to seek help.

“I will then repent” is the sin of presumption, which is a grave offense to the mercy of our Savior. Don’t kid yourself, you are involved in something which is ugly, evil and selfish. I continue to be saddened, but not surprised, by your responses. Thankfully, our Lord WILL give you his mercy and forgiveness, even after you have deliberately taken advantage of it.

I’m afraid this is upsetting me too much to keep commenting. I’ve been through this in my own life and with family members who are close to me. It always leads to more harm, but ultimately people have the freedom to choose evil, and sometimes they have to hit the bottom before they are able to receive God’s mercy. I pray that the Holy Spirit will intervene before that happens, since you are obviously unable to escape this trap. I will pray for you.

 

[Liberanosamalo]

I’ve been here long enough to know that in a typical post 100 percent of the responders can’t agree on the color of grass.

The fact that everyone agrees here should tell her something. But she’s still trying to justify keeping the embers burning.

(Those embers… that spark she’s kindling… like the ones waiting in hell… funny how love is often compared to the same fire we burn in for all eternity when our “love” is disordered and out of place. Fire is like love. It’s good and useful and live-saving in its proper place. Out of place and with no boundaries… it destroys everything in its path. )

 

[whatevergirl]

WOW! That was blunt and absolutely positively the best post in this thread!

*I’ll say! Very well put, Liberano. *