My sister is taking contraception. What should I do?

[wendy_w]

Justin, You have told her and given her the knowledge that comes from your faith and that is all you can do. Now pray she has a conversion of heart on the matter. This is something I struggled with when I first reverted to the faith. Now I realize everyone has free will and will do what they want. Be a good christian example to your sister and continue to love her as Jesus love us. If I won’t be friends with my friends and family who are sinners I won’t have anyone around and I can’t get away from myself.

 

[Mystic_Banana]

The only two people who determine the sexual and reproductive behaviors that happen within a marriage are the husband and the wife. If they follow the teachings of their faith, fantastic (the family of which the OP speaks is not Catholic). If they don’t it’s on them.

Everyone else should mind their own business.

No one - and I mean no one - welcomes an uninvited third party into their marriage asking all kinds of intrusive, personal questions and giving unsolicited advice.

The OP needs to keep her views of her married sister’s sex life to herself.

Luna

But as to be polite we should not inquire into there personal life.

one way or another, the OP knows that her sister is using contraception. This implies to me that they are close enough to discuss this issue. I don’t know how close you are with your siblings, but it doesn’t seem to me outrageous to have views on sexual practices, especially if they’ve been shared with you, and discuss them.

It’s not like she’s shouting it in the streets…

The only people who decide what they do is the people themselves - true. We have free will, and we must have choice. But we are doing others a disservice if we feel they are doing wrong, and/or doing themselves harm, and we do not say anything. That seems like basic morality to me

 

[Mystic_Banana]

As your sister is not a Catholic then it isn’t a sin for her.

Yes it is. A sin is a sin. You get a get out clause for *responsibility * if you’re ignorant it’s a sin, if there are difficult circumstances, etc., but the nature of the act remains the same

It is only *not * a sin for her if it is not a sin at all :hypno:

 

[Luna_Lovecraft]

That seems like basic morality to me

There is no way on this green and verdant Earth I would ever even discuss the details of my sex life with a minor/adolesent/child. That seems like basic morality to me.

And if a minor/adolesent/child had the temerity to tell me when and how I could have sex, as in “I just converted to this religion you don’t follow, but for the followers of this religion ABC is a sin, so don’t you be using it. And by the way, don’t have sex with your husband if you don’t want more kids.” Seriously? You’d seriously expect someone - especially an older sibling - to fall in to line?

Ain’t going to happen. At least not to me or anyone else I know away from these forms. And that seems like basic common sense to me.

Luna

 

[Hokomai]

Grest to see all the posts urging respect for the privacy and rights of the OP’s sister. Religions which use family relationships to pressure others into acting against their honest conclusions for religious reasons are called cults. All religions sometimes act in a cult-like way, and the founder of Christianity himself said some things which can inspire such behaviors. but the Catholic Church is pretty free of these tendencies. That’s a good thing!

 

[Incomplete]

I think the main issue is what you said in the beginning…she is not really religious at all. So she has no reason to think about serving God.

So what you can do is live life with joy. Show her in your actions how God (and His church) bring such love and joy in your heart. It might take years. But be Christian. Be good to her, be good to others, even those who are difficult. Be warm and loving and caring.

And pray every day for her.

One day she may well want to know about your source of joy. But until she develops a relationship with God, contraception will be a non-issue for her. It’s God who will show her the truth, but not until she is willing to listen. And she won’t be willing to listen if she doesn’t care about Him.

And truly, what she needs is a relationship with God.

It is so good that you care about her.

 

[AHapka]

And if a minor/adolesent/child had the temerity to tell me when and how I could have sex, as in “I just converted to this religion you don’t follow, but for the followers of this religion ABC is a sin, so don’t you be using it. And by the way, don’t have sex with your husband if you don’t want more kids.” Seriously? You’d seriously expect someone - especially an older sibling - to fall in to line?

While you are right, nowhere in the thread were the ages of the people mentioned. Either if one was a child or if he was older or younger than her.

 

[Mystic_Banana]

While you are right, nowhere in the thread were the ages of the people mentioned. Either if one was a child or if he was older or younger than her.

Well, it sort of does - the OP mentions they’re not of 'marriagable age", so presumably younger than their sister at least

 

[Mystic_Banana]

There is no way on this green and verdant Earth I would ever even discuss the details of my sex life with a minor/adolesent/child. That seems like basic morality to me.

And if a minor/adolesent/child had the temerity to tell me when and how I could have sex, as in “I just converted to this religion you don’t follow, but for the followers of this religion ABC is a sin, so don’t you be using it. And by the way, don’t have sex with your husband if you don’t want more kids.” Seriously? You’d seriously expect someone - especially an older sibling - to fall in to line?

Ain’t going to happen. At least not to me or anyone else I know away from these forms. And that seems like basic common sense to me.

Luna

Well, I’d be quite frankly impressed if they did, but theres certainly nothing wrong in the OP trying - unless they become quite annoying about it. Given they’ve gone on here to talk about it, sounds like they’re looking for another approach, only to be rebuked for trying to follow the religion she’s a part of, by members of that religion… Technically speaking, it’s supposed to be our duty to tell people when we feel they are doing harm, to themselves or others. Or is that just me?

 

[Mystic_Banana]

Grest to see all the posts urging respect for the privacy and rights of the OP’s sister. Religions which use family relationships to pressure others into acting against their honest conclusions for religious reasons are called cults. All religions sometimes act in a cult-like way, and the founder of Christianity himself said some things which can inspire such behaviors. but the Catholic Church is pretty free of these tendencies. That’s a good thing!

No, they’re called religions. And all social movements use various efforts to influence people, including family, according to their ideologies, just as you’re doing here… hmmmm?

you can honestly conclude whatever, but you can still be wrong, and if I think you are, then I should tell you… but then, I’d say you’re doing exactly the same thing, but in a rather surreptitious (less honest) fashion, aren’t you? Actually, that sounds more cultish to me than the direct approach…are you in a cult? :hypno:

 

[Hokomai]

No, they’re called religions. And all social movements use various efforts to influence people, including family, according to their ideologies, just as you’re doing here… hmmmm?

you can honestly conclude whatever, but you can still be wrong, and if I think you are, then I should tell you… but then, I’d say you’re doing exactly the same thing, but in a rather surreptitious (less honest) fashion, aren’t you? Actually, that sounds more cultish to me than the direct approach…are you in a cult? :hypno:

If I am, then I am not doing well, as only I am a member! I also have no concern about whether people agree with me on questions that do not directly affect me or my community. The private use or non-use of contraception is one of these issues which does not directly affect me or my community. But I am interested in belief, and enjoy discussing it. The people with whom I discuss are free to agree, or disagree, with me. Most, or almost all really, disagree! Your assumption, or suspicion, that I am dishonestly attempting to pressure people to believe and behave as I do is without foundation. You may care to have a look at my posts and ask yourself whether I am honest, or not, in the light of the evidence you see.

 

[Mystic_Banana]

If I am, then I am not doing well, as only I am a member! I also have no concern about whether people agree with me on questions that do not directly affect me or my community. The private use or non-use of contraception is one of these issues which does not directly affect me or my community.

Right, so not a member of a cult, but member of a community…which community is that, by the way, that is apparently the limit of your interests? Sounds like an interesting one, if it’s not affected by the use or non-use of contraceptives…

:ehh:

a cult perhaps? Go on - admit it!

 

[Hokomai]

Right, so not a member of a cult, but member of a community…which community is that, by the way, that is apparently the limit of your interests? Sounds like an interesting one, if it’s not affected by the use or non-use of contraceptives…

:ehh:

a cult perhaps? Go on - admit it!

'fraid not. By ‘my community’ I mean my friends, the people who live near me, and to some extent the people I work with. Some of the people in it are (gulp) Catholics!

 

[englishredrose]

Yes it is. A sin is a sin. You get a get out clause for *responsibility * if you’re ignorant it’s a sin, if there are difficult circumstances, etc., but the nature of the act remains the same

It is only *not * a sin for her if it is not a sin at all :hypno:

Sin for you if you are catholic but she isn’t catholic so its not a sin and she isn’t breaking any law either. no offence.

 

[shocktrooper]

As your sister is not a Catholic then it isn’t a sin for her. You don’t have to do anything because she isn’t attending church and not receiving communion at the same time? There is nothing for you to do there.
But as her brother, you can simply be a friend for her. No good enforcing your principles onto her for that is just going to turn her away from turning to the church one day may be. Just pray for her and be a friend. That is most important things you can do for her since she is as of you say, is not Catholic. She isn’t doing anything legally or morally wrong in her … She married so she is entitled to sexual intercourse with her husband is she not? Even the RC church okays that?
You love her as your sister but please do not try too hard at telling her she is wrong because she is only wrong via what the Roman Catholic Church teaches and not wrong via Land Law etc

Just because one does not think they are sinning, does not mean they aren’t. The natural law was written on the hearts of mankind. ABC contradicts the natural order and is a direct violation of it. If one loves another, this truth must be relayed, though badgering them will likely be counter productive. Pray for her soul.

God bless!

 

[Mystic_Banana]

'fraid not. By ‘my community’ I mean my friends, the people who live near me, and to some extent the people I work with. Some of the people in it are (gulp) Catholics!

Well, unless they don’t have sex, or have no connection with people who have sex, and are entirely segregated from all cultural bodies where people have sex, I suspect the issue of contraceptives (and whether they’re used or not) has direct effects for them…

surely?!

 

[BettyBoop416]

Your sister is a married, adult woman who isn’t even Catholic. Her decision to use ABC, how many children she wants to have, and her sexual behaviors are absolutely none of your business. The only people who are or should be concerned with these issues are your sister and her husband, in consultation with their physician(s) or other health care providers.

Agreed. 100%

 

[Mrs_Sally]

I think that we get too caught up in what people are doing. The fact is ABC is the least thing to be concerned about with regards to someone who does not accept Christ. We get into this line of thinking that if someone just stops “sinning” they will be saved. If they don’t accept Christ, any change in behavior is for naught. First, lead her to Christ and then let her work out her behavior between God and herself.

Excellent. The issue to be concerned about is her lack of faith. The way to help with that is first to pray for her and second to show her a loving example of a good Christian.

On the contraception issue, you’ve said you piece. Don’t ask any more questions. If it comes up in conversation naturally you can say something, but don’t get into a fire and brimestone speach. That’s not your place.

Your goal should be to draw her into the Church, where her soul can be redeemed and her conscience can be formed.

 

[Hokomai]

Well, unless they don’t have sex, or have no connection with people who have sex, and are entirely segregated from all cultural bodies where people have sex, I suspect the issue of contraceptives (and whether they’re used or not) has direct effects for them…

surely?!

No more so than any other choice, of which they make hundreds, maybe thousands every day - cereal, alcohol, bread, books, TV, shoes, newspapers, web-browsing - I know it is a big deal for Catholics, but it just isn’t for others.

 

[TheHolyTrinity]

Have you ever heard the saying that you can be right but also be wrong at the same time? She may be your sister, but all things considered, her sexual behavior is none of your business! If you value your relationship with her, and for that matter, the rest of your family, let the subject drop. By pursuing the matter all you are going to do is promulgate hate and discontent within your family- which is a sin unto itself !

I second this.