My sister is taking contraception. What should I do?

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No more so than any other choice, of which they make hundreds, maybe thousands every day - cereal, alcohol, bread, books, TV, shoes, newspapers, web-browsing - I know it is a big deal for Catholics, but it just isn’t for others.
It’s about the same for everyone, it’s just whether you consider the implications or not, and take responsibility for your actions or not. Everything has a consequence, and contraceptives have had quite powerful implications… we now live in cultures where the concept of sex is increasingly that of a consequence free leisure time activity, yet there is an ever increasing rate of divorce, venereal disease and abortion, all of which surely result, at least partly, from that sense of safety that the availability of contraceptives is used actively to promote. So, I think it is a big deal - it’s just not admitted that it is

At least not publicly… :rolleyes:
 
Can’t help but suspect the “your sisters sex life is none of your business” bunch are more a “stop hassling her for using contraceptives - it’s not as bad as reported” bunch. If her sister was a heroin addict, I doubt there’d be the same “how dare you get involved!” response.

So we have 2 aspects to this:

a: If your older sister is doing something wrong, should you try and stop her, or assume she’ll ignore you because she’s ageist and

b: is the use of contraceptives something many Catholics indulge in, and rejecting the official stance of their faith, defend the right of sisters to take staunchly, if indirectly?

:whistle:
 
Excellent. The issue to be concerned about is her lack of faith. The way to help with that is first to pray for her and second to show her a loving example of a good Christian.

On the contraception issue, you’ve said you piece. Don’t ask any more questions. If it comes up in conversation naturally you can say something, but don’t get into a fire and brimestone speach. That’s not your place.

Your goal should be to draw her into the Church, where her soul can be redeemed and her conscience can be formed.
Perhaps this is the one reply that serves the original post the best.

The author of the original post is on FIRE for the HOLY SPIRIT. Did he not just celebrate his confirmation? So I can totally understand why he’s asking for help or why he tried talking to his sister about it. He went to her from a place of love, I assume.

I say keep praying for your sister and brother-in-law. Pray for their ‘hearts to soften to the truth’. It may not happen soon, but don’t stop being a light for your family!

Good for you to show such bravery!!!👍
 
It is good to say something about what is intrinsically evil. All people should be informed of this that they may live in charity.
4. The Church has always taught the intrinsic evil of contraception, that is, of every marital act intentionally rendered unfruitful. This teaching is to be held as definitive and irreformable. Contraception is gravely opposed to marital chastity; it is contrary to the good of the transmission of life (the procreative aspect of matrimony), and to the reciprocal self-giving of the spouses (the unitive aspect of matrimony); it harms true love and denies the sovereign role of God in the transmission of human life.33
  1. A specific and more seroius moral evil is present in the use of means which have an abortive effect, impeding the implantation of the embryo which has just been fertilized or even causing its expulsion in an early stage of pregnancy.34
(33) The Encyclical Humanae Vitae declares as illicit “every action which, either in anticipation of the conjugal act, or in its accomplishment, or in the development of its natural consequences, proposes, whether as an end or as a means, to render procreation impossible”. And it adds:
“To justify conjugal acts made intentionally infecund, one cannot invoke as valid reasons the lesser evil, or the fact that such acts would constitute a whole together with the fecund acts already performed or to follow later, and hence would share in one and the same moral goodness. In truth, if it is sometimes licit to tolerate a lesser evil in order to avoid a greater evil or to promote a greater good, it is not licit, even for the gravest reasons, to do evil so that good may follow therefrom, that is, to make into the object of a positive act of the will something which is intrinsically disorder, and hence unworthy of the human person, even when the intention is to safeguard or promote individual, family or social well-being. Consequently it is an error to think that a conjugal act which is deliberately made infecund and so is intrinsically dishonest could be made honest and right by the ensemble of a fecund conjugal life” (Paul VI, Enc. Humanae Vitae, July 25, 1968, n. 14).
“When couples, by means of recourse to contraception, separate these two meanings that God the Creator has inscribed in the being of man and woman and in the dynamism of their sexual communion, they act as ‘arbiters’ of the divine plan and they ‘manipulate’ and degrade human sexuality—and with it themselves and their married partner—by altering its value of ‘total’ self-giving. Thus the innate language that expresses the total reciprocal self-giving of husband and wife is overlaid, through contraception, by an objectively contradictory language, namely, that of not giving oneself totally to the other. This leads not only to a positive refusal to be open to life, but also to a falsification of the inner truth of conjugal love, which is called upon to give itself in personal totality” (John Paul II, Apost. Exhort. Familiaris Consortio, November 22, 1981, n. 32).
(34) “The human being must be respected and treated as a person from his conception. Therefore, from that very moment the rights of a person must be accorded to him, foremost among which is the inviolable right to life of every innocent human being” (Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, Instruction on Respect for Human Life in its Origin and on the Dignity of Procreation Donum Vitae, Feb. 22, 1987, n. 1).

vatican.va/roman_curia/pontifical_councils/family/documents/rc_pc_family_doc_12021997_vademecum_en.html​
 
There is no way on this green and verdant Earth I would ever even discuss the details of my sex life with a minor/adolesent/child. That seems like basic morality to me.

And if a minor/adolesent/child had the temerity to tell me when and how I could have sex, as in “I just converted to this religion you don’t follow, but for the followers of this religion ABC is a sin, so don’t you be using it. And by the way, don’t have sex with your husband if you don’t want more kids.” Seriously? You’d seriously expect someone - especially an older sibling - to fall in to line?

Ain’t going to happen. At least not to me or anyone else I know away from these forms. And that seems like basic common sense to me.

Luna
Luna…why are you trying to ring this kids neck so badly? Lighten up he’s obviously a young man trying to do what’s right. Chastising him to death only makes YOU look uncharitable…please stop.
 
Excellent. The issue to be concerned about is her lack of faith. The way to help with that is first to pray for her and second to show her a loving example of a good Christian.

On the contraception issue, you’ve said you piece. Don’t ask any more questions. If it comes up in conversation naturally you can say something, but don’t get into a fire and brimestone speach. That’s not your place.

Your goal should be to draw her into the Church, where her soul can be redeemed and her conscience can be formed.
Excellent response! I do love that the OP is on fire for his faith. As our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ said: “I know thy works, that thou art neither cold, nor hot. I would thou wert cold, or hot. But because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold, not hot, I will begin to vomit thee out of my mouth”. (DR Rev. 3:15-16)

As far as the OP being young so supposedly he isn’t allowed to open his mouth with Truth; St. Paul had this to say: “Let no man despise thy youth: but be thou an example of the faithful in word, in conversation, in charity, in faith, in chastity”. (DR 1 Tim 4:12) Keep the fire and the faith, but temper it with love and compassion (something most of us, including myself, could stand to do a lot more often).
 
I think everyone is giving you a very difficult time. I think it is very courageous of you to have even approached the subject with your sister! Moral courage (also known as fortitude) is one of the gifts of the Holy Spirit, and it is a beautiful virtue to have. Please don’t ever lose that.

I think that as long as your sister knows that you truly have her best interest at heart she cannot be angry with you. I can see that you want what is best for her.

If you’re feeling extra courageous, you could mention Natural Family Planning (NFP). There are a lot of misconceptions about Natural Family Planning out there so she may blow you off at first, but it is based in science. I am newly married, but I am not yet ready for children, so my husband and I practice NFP. Yes, Natural Family Planning takes dedication, but I believe it actually brings my husband and I closer together. It’s like working together on a project, and we get to learn more about each other.

As others have mentioned, you may only be able to pray for her at this time. And be patient. Remember, St. Monica had to pray for her son for 30 years before he found the Lord. We now call her son St. Augustine!

Please do not let some of these more negative posters discourage you. Your enthusiasm and compassion is inspiring.

Kind regards,
Evelyn
 
Luna…why are you trying to ring this kids neck so badly? Lighten up he’s obviously a young man trying to do what’s right. Chastising him to death only makes YOU look uncharitable…please stop.
I didn’t find her comments too extreme. 🤷
 
I didn’t find her comments too extreme. 🤷
They’re pretty contemptuous of someone (who is assumed to be a minor, remember) who’s displaying quite exemplary enthusiasm for practising the faith, from, presumably, an adult. Tactless, at least 🤷
 
Sin for you if you are catholic but she isn’t catholic so its not a sin and she isn’t breaking any law either. no offence.
:mad:

Here we go again. Stop derailing the thread with your own opinions. This is wrong, if sin exists, it exists for everyone, whether they believe in it or not.

And it does exist.
 
They’re pretty contemptuous of someone (who is assumed to be a minor, remember) who’s displaying quite exemplary enthusiasm for practising the faith, from, presumably, an adult. Tactless, at least 🤷
The post number that stevestone1988 quoted, was directed at YOU, not the OP, if you go back reread the whole thread.
 
Grest to see all the posts urging respect for the privacy and rights of the OP’s sister. Religions which use family relationships to pressure others into acting against their honest conclusions for religious reasons are called cults. All religions sometimes act in a cult-like way, and the founder of Christianity himself said some things which can inspire such behaviors. but the Catholic Church is pretty free of these tendencies. That’s a good thing!
Coming from you, I supposed that is meant to be a compliment?

:rolleyes:
 
2 Thessalonians 3:11

We hear that some are conducting themselves among you in a disorderly way, by not keeping busy but minding the business of others.g

(and I would say, considering your age, it’s really out of bounds, IMO, and she most likely isnt going to take you seriously anyway. I dont think it bad for you to state what you believe and hold true as a Catholic, but you need to stay out of your older sister’s bedroom and marriage.)
 
I think everyone is giving you a very difficult time. I think it is very courageous of you to have even approached the subject with your sister! Moral courage (also known as fortitude) is one of the gifts of the Holy Spirit, and it is a beautiful virtue to have. Please don’t ever lose that.

I think that as long as your sister knows that you truly have her best interest at heart she cannot be angry with you. I can see that you want what is best for her.

If you’re feeling extra courageous, you could mention Natural Family Planning (NFP). There are a lot of misconceptions about Natural Family Planning out there so she may blow you off at first, but it is based in science. I am newly married, but I am not yet ready for children, so my husband and I practice NFP. Yes, Natural Family Planning takes dedication, but I believe it actually brings my husband and I closer together. It’s like working together on a project, and we get to learn more about each other.

As others have mentioned, you may only be able to pray for her at this time. And be patient. Remember, St. Monica had to pray for her son for 30 years before he found the Lord. We now call her son St. Augustine!

Please do not let some of these more negative posters discourage you. Your enthusiasm and compassion is inspiring.

Kind regards,
Evelyn
And, Justin, believe it or not, there are people who AREN’T EVEN CATHOLIC who use Natural Family Planning! For the reasons given here - because they don’t want to use artificial birth control.

I do not give you that information so that you can run straight to your sister with it and beat her over the head with how she can avoid having children yet not sin. I have no idea how the discussion even arose between you and your sister. Maybe you asked a question and she answered honestly, but did not want to go any further with it. Maybe she offered the information casually.

However it did come up, know that now, you have said all you need to say to her. Pray for her. Maybe get a few resources on NFP together, just in case, but don’t count on her asking for it. Let go, and let God take it from here. But pray for her.

👍
 
I know how it hurts to see people you love, in your own family, commiting spiritual suicide… as we -catholics- see it. But you said she isn´t catholic, so the best you can do is pray for her conversion… and if she ever asks for advice, have well documented answers, so that her mind opens up and can appreciate the church´s point of view. good luck, and don´t worry so much, she has a good hearted brother looking out for her!
 
And if a minor/adolesent/child had the temerity to tell me…
And the blind and the lame came to Him in the temple, and He healed them. But when the chief priests and the scribes saw the wonderful things that He had done, and the children who were shouting in the temple, “Hosanna to the Son of David,” they became indignant and said to Him, “Do You hear what these children are saying?” And Jesus said to them, “Yes; have you never read, ‘Out of the mouth of infants and nursing babies You have prepared praise for Yourself’?” Matthew 21:14-16
…when and how I could have sex, as in “I just converted to this religion you don’t follow, but for the followers of this religion ABC is a sin, so don’t you be using it. And by the way, don’t have sex with your husband if you don’t want more kids.” Seriously?
Yes. Seriously. 🙂

Now if a person sins and does any of the things which the Lord has commanded not to be done, though he was unaware, still he is guilty and shall bear his punishment. Leviticus 5:17
You’d seriously expect someone - especially an older sibling - to fall in to line?
Do you suppose that I came to grant peace on earth? I tell you, no, but rather division; for from now on five members in one household will be divided, three against two and two against three. They will be divided, father against son and son against father, mother against daughter and daughter against mother, mother-in-law against daughter-in-law and daughter-in-law against mother-in-law. Luke 12:51-53

That’s from Jesus, just FYI… 😉
Ain’t going to happen. At least not to me or anyone else I know away from these forms.
If neither you, nor anyone else you know outside the forums would “fall in line” when confronted with the Truth, I’d say you need to find some new friends…like pronto 🤷
 
If neither you, nor anyone else you know outside the forums would “fall in line” when confronted with the Truth, I’d say you need to find some new friends…like pronto 🤷
If you’re comfortable taking direction from a child about your sex life, party on.

Me? Not so much.

Eeeewwww.
 
If you’re comfortable taking direction from a child about your sex life, party on.

Me? Not so much.

Eeeewwww.
Children have the innocence of heart that we should all strive to regain, Luna. And many times a simple question from a child can cut through all the adult nonsense with which we try to hide our sins. You know this is true as much as anyone else. You just don’t like to have your faults pointed out to you, so you resort to immature responses like this one. It’s something I struggle with as well. I’ll pray for both of us to grow in that regard.
 
There is no way on this green and verdant Earth I would ever even discuss the details of my sex life with a minor/adolesent/child. That seems like basic morality to me.

And if a minor/adolesent/child had the temerity to tell me when and how I could have sex, as in “I just converted to this religion you don’t follow, but for the followers of this religion ABC is a sin, so don’t you be using it. And by the way, don’t have sex with your husband if you don’t want more kids.” Seriously? You’d seriously expect someone - especially an older sibling - to fall in to line?

Ain’t going to happen. At least not to me or anyone else I know away from these forms. And that seems like basic common sense to me.

Luna
Well said. This kid’s sister is probably a little creeped out.
 
Excellent. The issue to be concerned about is her lack of faith. The way to help with that is first to pray for her and second to show her a loving example of a good Christian.

On the contraception issue, you’ve said you piece. Don’t ask any more questions. If it comes up in conversation naturally you can say something, but don’t get into a fire and brimestone speach. That’s not your place.

Your goal should be to draw her into the Church, where her soul can be redeemed and her conscience can be formed.
Yes, I agree.

First introduce her to Christ and His Church, through prayer and good Christian example. Do not be concerned that your sister may be sinning by using contraception; be concerned that she doesn’t know Christ.

The issue of contraception is a stumbling block for many Catholics. It is a hard doctrine to understand even for many of us who respectfully obey the teachings of the Church. It is not the place to begin with when trying to introduce people to the faith (though can/should be defended when it comes up).
 
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