My sister is taking contraception. What should I do?

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George_Stegmeir said:
Have you ever heard the saying that you can be right but also be wrong at the same time? She may be your sister, but all things considered, her sexual behavior is none of your business! If you value your relationship with her, and for that matter, the rest of your family, let the subject drop. By pursueing the matter all you are going to do is promulgate hate and discontent within your family- which is a sin unto itself !
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I agree with the previous post it really is not any of your business.

“Judge not lest ye be judged”
 
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collette124:
I agree with the previous post it really is not any of your business.
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Unless it came up unexpectedly–without him raising the issue. No need to jump to uncharitable conclusions.
“Judge not lest ye be judged”
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“Do not judge by appearances, but judge with right judgment.” (John 7:24)

I see the OP merely expressing genuine concern for his sister’s spiritual welfare.

To imply that the OP is being judgmental is an act best described as judgmental.

Where has he declared her predestined for eternal doom or said anything that one can take to be uncharitable?
 
PatriceA said:
The post number that stevestone1988 quoted, was directed at YOU, not the OP, if you go back reread the whole thread.
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:rotfl:

It was replying to me, but not referring to me - there’s a difference!!! I don’t think you’re reading it properly… or if you are, it’s even more insulting then I thought… either that, or *you * are!
🤷
 
I would go to a couple of anti-contraception websites such as onemoresoul.com/ and print some stuff out for her to read. Let her get informed about the consequences of contraception. There is much free stuff to print out at the website I mentioned. There is also a lot of stuff that you can buy.
 
marty1818 said:
Well you told her it was sinful so there is not much else you can do except pray for her.
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Yep. This is what I think.

Also does she claim to be Catholic? if she does you can tell her exactly why shes not one.
 
PumpkinSeed said:
Yep. This is what I think.

Also does she claim to be Catholic? if she does you can tell her exactly why shes not one.
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In the very first post it says she is not a Catholic. it’s always best to read a whole thread.
 
It might be a sin, but if she chooses not to go to church or practice the faith, it’s her business.
 
jazzy0710 said:
It might be a sin, but if she chooses not to go to church or practice the faith, it’s her business.
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…but technically speaking, we’re supposed to tell her it’s a sin, and that she should go to Church…
 
Lost_Sheep said:
But once you’ve done that, you’ve done your job. You can’t force anyone to heed your advice.
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Yeah - I don’t think there’s a “failed to evangelise? Well, let them rot in mortal sin!” pseudo-positivity to all this. If you believe it’s worthwhile, you’ll want to do your best to convince the other person to do what you believe is right and good for them. Which, yes! May even involve trying twice :eek:

Heck, maybe more!! :eek::eek:

Basic morality 👍

That said, a tactical approach would indicate labouring the point may not be especially effective - But, as I’ve said before THAT’S WHY THEY’VE POSTED ON HERE!!!

:whackadoo:
 
OP -

I think this perpetuates one of the most criticized points about Catholic practice today: the belief that being Catholic gives you the right to “save” everyone…by telling them what to do because they are doing it all wrong. THAT approach will earn you no one’s respect.

Your sister is not even Catholic, so stop trying to make her be one. It is the Church’s job to educate on what is acceptable behavior, not anyone else’s, not yours, not even her parents’ (since she is an adult now). I know you’re desperately trying to “help” her, but you don’t help somebody by forcing them to do things/not do things according to your opinion. That’s called controlling, and nobody likes feeling controlled.** You can give her advice until she doesn’t want advice anymore, and then you have to stop.** You can disapprove all you want, but if God wants her to behave a certain way, HE WILL TELL HER. It’s not up to you or anyone else to decide what’s morally right for her.
 
In_Training said:
OP -

I think this perpetuates one of the most criticized points about Catholic practice today: the belief that being Catholic gives you the right to “save” everyone…by telling them what to do because they are doing it all wrong. THAT approach will earn you no one’s respect.

Your sister is not even Catholic, so stop trying to make her be one. It is the Church’s job to educate on what is acceptable behavior, not anyone else’s, not yours, not even her parents’ (since she is an adult now). I know you’re desperately trying to “help” her, but you don’t help somebody by forcing them to do things/not do things according to your opinion. That’s called controlling, and nobody likes feeling controlled.** You can give her advice until she doesn’t want advice anymore, and then you have to stop.** You can disapprove all you want, but if God wants her to behave a certain way, HE WILL TELL HER. It’s not up to you or anyone else to decide what’s morally right for her.
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Friends don’t let friends drive drunk. Even on a deserted dirt road on which no other cars can reasonably be expected to travel in the middle of the night.

The OP has done a good job so far. He hasn’t been going after his sister about this issue, but merely expressed himself on something that came up when talking to her, and since then has posted to ask what, if anything, he should do.

My advice would be not to press her on the matter–it will probably make things worse–but instead to pray that God will do what is best. We have no need to attack the OP for what he has done and how he sees the situation–he has someone’s best interests at heart and is dealing with his concern in a way that does not involve shouting at her. 🙂
 
Mystic_Banana said:
That said, a tactical approach would indicate labouring the point may not be especially effective
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Perhaps, but the more you proselytize the more they are going to be resistant. I think one should get their own house in order before anything else and not “cast the first stone.”

You worry about your soul and I’ll worry about mine.
 
Incomplete said:
I think the main issue is what you said in the beginning…she is not really religious at all. So she has no reason to think about serving God.

So what you can do is live life with joy. Show her in your actions how God (and His church) bring such love and joy in your heart. It might take years. But be Christian. Be good to her, be good to others, even those who are difficult. Be warm and loving and caring.

And pray every day for her.

One day she may well want to know about your source of joy. But until she develops a relationship with God, contraception will be a non-issue for her. It’s God who will show her the truth, but not until she is willing to listen. And she won’t be willing to listen if she doesn’t care about Him.

And truly, what she needs is a relationship with God.

It is so good that you care about her.
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👍 I agree with this post! Justin, since your sister isn’t religious, you need to set a good example for her and show her what a joy it is to serve God. If you become the best Catholic you can be, who knows what might happen?
 
Trebor135 said:
Friends don’t let friends drive drunk. Even on a deserted dirt road on which no other cars can reasonably be expected to travel in the middle of the night.

The OP has done a good job so far. He hasn’t been going after his sister about this issue, but merely expressed himself on something that came up when talking to her, and since then has posted to ask what, if anything, he should do.

My advice would be not to press her on the matter–it will probably make things worse–but instead to pray that God will do what is best. We have no need to attack the OP for what he has done and how he sees the situation–he has someone’s best interests at heart and is dealing with his concern in a way that does not involve shouting at her. 🙂
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Didn’t mean to give that impression. It’s always nice when someone has someone else’s best interests at heart, but you can only do so much before you have to allow that person to have control of their own life and stop thinking you know better. Like I said, OP can offer advice, but that’s ALL he can do, and ONLY until she doesn’t want advice anymore. Anything beyond this borders on trying to control her decisions, and that’s degrading. It’s degrading even if you have her best interests at heart. It’s not up to you to be her hero - it’s up to her to save herself. She can’t rely on others to make her decisions for her.

No matter how much you care for someone, you have to allow them a sense of personal responsibility and hold them accountable for their own decisions. Only Christ can save everyone - I can act like him but not as him. I know I’m not exactly the model Catholic, so I’m not at all saying that my opinion on this is completely right, but I would ask a priest, OP - I agree that we have a responsibility to help those in need, but if your sister has made it clear that she is not in need and does not want your help, it would be wrong to force her anyway. Respect her ability to make her own decisions and have her own opinions, even if they are different from your own. I think to love and accept someone as they are, even if you personally disagree with some of their decisions, is a pretty powerful thing.
 
In_Training said:
Didn’t mean to give that impression. It’s always nice when someone has someone else’s best interests at heart, but you can only do so much before you have to allow that person to have control of their own life and stop thinking you know better. Like I said, OP can offer advice, but that’s ALL he can do, and ONLY until she doesn’t want advice anymore. Anything beyond this borders on trying to control her decisions, and that’s degrading. It’s degrading even if you have her best interests at heart. It’s not up to you to be her hero - it’s up to her to save herself. She can’t rely on others to make her decisions for her.

No matter how much you care for someone, you have to allow them a sense of personal responsibility and hold them accountable for their own decisions. Only Christ can save everyone - I can act like him but not as him. I know I’m not exactly the model Catholic, so I’m not at all saying that my opinion on this is completely right, but I would ask a priest, OP - I agree that we have a responsibility to help those in need, but if your sister has made it clear that she is not in need and does not want your help, it would be wrong to force her anyway. Respect her ability to make her own decisions and have her own opinions, even if they are different from your own. I think to love and accept someone as they are, even if you personally disagree with some of their decisions, is a pretty powerful thing.
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Now I get what you’re saying more clearly. My sole comment, in response to your last paragraph, is that being tolerant of others is not equivalent to being accepting of their (sometimes unwise) decisions–we can’t confuse the two. But in general I agree with your post.
 
Trebor135 said:
Now I get what you’re saying more clearly. My sole comment, in response to your last paragraph, is that being tolerant of others is not equivalent to being accepting of their (sometimes unwise) decisions–we can’t confuse the two. But in general I agree with your post.
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Exactly - it is absolutely possible to disagree with someone’s decisions and at the same time still value, accept, and support that person. Being “tolerant” may mean just not arguing with them, but making your disapproval clear while at the same time still treating them as a valuable, intelligent, and important part of the community and not trying to change or control them - that shows real Christianity. 😉
 
In_Training said:
OP -

I think this perpetuates one of the most criticized points about Catholic practice today: the belief that being Catholic gives you the right to “save” everyone…by telling them what to do because they are doing it all wrong. THAT approach will earn you no one’s respect.

Your sister is not even Catholic, so stop trying to make her be one. It is the Church’s job to educate on what is acceptable behavior, not anyone else’s, not yours, not even her parents’ (since she is an adult now). I know you’re desperately trying to “help” her, but you don’t help somebody by forcing them to do things/not do things according to your opinion. That’s called controlling, and nobody likes feeling controlled.** You can give her advice until she doesn’t want advice anymore, and then you have to stop.** You can disapprove all you want, but if God wants her to behave a certain way, HE WILL TELL HER. It’s not up to you or anyone else to decide what’s morally right for her.
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Entertainingly, you do realise that all you’re doing is hypocritically denouncing someone for imposing their moral judgements on someone else… by trying to impose your own moral judgements on them???

:tsktsk:
 
Lost_Sheep said:
Perhaps, but the more you proselytize the more they are going to be resistant. I think one should get their own house in order before anything else and not “cast the first stone.”

You worry about your soul and I’ll worry about mine.
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If you were only worrying about your own soul, you wouldn’t be proselysing your own views here… 🍿
 
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