I am sorry to hear about your health… I will pray for you. I understand what you mean about wondering if we will make it to heaven. I pray that I will, and believe that I will, but I have learned that it doesnt matter if I smoke every day, or drink every day, because the reward of Heaven is not based on my merits, but it is the fulfillment of the promise of Christ, and therefore is dependent on HIS merits first and foremost which he delivers to us through grace (through the sacraments), and whatever I can contribute through my love.
I know that SDA’s dont believe in confession to another person, but I have found since I converted that it has been one of the most difficult and also most rewarding parts of my Christian life. I would encourage you to study the benefits of confessing to another person, your sins, the reassurance, peace, and often advice you will receive is amazing.
I saw your post about smoking killing… yes… it can. So can driving a car, getting your mail by the road, eating sugar, having surgery, and flying on planes. Each of these are choices that we make with the full knowledge that they could result in our deaths. I am confident that smoking will not keep you out of heaven, but the guilt that you feel because of your beliefs may hurt you here on Earth. I, and I know many others on this forum, will be praying for you!
BTW… I am the one from Utah… LOL I am 32 and have lived here all my life. You can read a little of my journey if you want… by going
here. Both my wife and I were raised SDA, and were quite active in the Church at different times. I was a rep. on the Church board, taught Sabbath School, and was even a delegate to the Conf. constituency meetings for my church a couple of times. I took an active part in Revelation Seminars every year, and gave dozens of people Bible studies… I was an Adventist to the core!
Brandon