Need God's Help and Guidance from this addiction

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needguidance99 said:
Im in texas and they said they are overloaded.

However I have an old girl friend who said I can stay with her.

But I am telling you. I feel scared. Need strength. I don’t know if I can stay AWAY. Please pray for me.

My desire to leave is not there. I feel so helpless. But I know I most go. You are all right. Just need to get through mi brain.

I love how smart he is. He removes cancer. I have such respect for him in so many ways. I feel he is so much better than me in many ways.
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Something doesn’t pass the smell test between this and the first post. This thread should have been two posts long. The first post, then the second.
 
Hoosier_Daddy said:
Something doesn’t pass the smell test between this and the first post. This thread should have been two posts long. The first post, then the second.
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Been saying that all along. It just doesn’t add up. Too many things don’t make sense.
Won’t answer if she has an annulment. Shows no desire to help herself or return to her faith.
Talks only of the manipulating abuser. Has mentioned her own son once. Really? But thousands of words of devotion for a man that breaks her finger or whatever that was. 🤷

Not buying it.
 
We do not have annulments. I filed for one. He hasn’t because both ex’s were not catholic.

And please don’t turn on me when I need help THD most. Between my therapist and this…I’m truly reaching out for help.

Please. Leaving is not as easy as it may seem.
 
Simple then. You Shouldn’t be together. GO TO CONFESSION.

I really don’t think there is anything anyone here can say that hasn’t been said, and nothing that anyone will say that you will listen to. If your story is true, your therapist would be the best one for you to talk to anyway. Coming here is serving no purpose since you deny and ignore what people suggest.
 
Irishmom2 said:
Been saying that all along. It just doesn’t add up. Too many things don’t make sense.
Won’t answer if she has an annulment. Shows no desire to help herself or return to her faith.
Talks only of the manipulating abuser. Has mentioned her own son once. Really? But thousands of words of devotion for a man that breaks her finger or whatever that was. 🤷

Not buying it.
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Yep - too much enjoyment of the attention she’s getting.
 
needguidance99 said:
We do not have annulments. I filed for one. He hasn’t because both ex’s were not catholic.

And please don’t turn on me when I need help THD most. Between my therapist and this…I’m truly reaching out for help.

Please. Leaving is not as easy as it may seem.
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The only help strangers on the internet can offer was summed up in post number two. Please read it and then act accordingly.
 
If you don’t have the strength to leave, acknowledge your weakness and turn to God and put it all in his hands. He will arrange it for you. Pray and stop sinning or this man will take you on his journey to hell with him.
 
Need guidance , can you see my posts?

You feel this way because this man has been very good at destroying you. Its what they do

Have you ever spoken to his ex wives and kids? Does he have a history of this? Why wasn’t his contract renewed? Ever found out his past history?

How do you know he is a surgeon? How do you know he is being truthful about a thing,"?

Would you prefer this man, and mortal sin? Or God?

I am also a bit confused, how can you be 3 hrs away , but with him last night or a few nights back?
 
I also want to say, he is now talking self harm - suicide. Guess what they do?

I am going to be blunt. They take us with them. Murder suicide.

Get your keys, your wallet, go into the driveway, get in your car, and drive away. Throw your phone in the water. Just drive, anywhere, to the police, the hospital, a homeless shelter.

DO NOT GO anywhere he knows.

Your son needs a mother. Don’t get killed and deny him this.
 
This man might kill you one day.
I work in domestic violence and men who physically hurt you will one day be capable of killing you. It’s a very high risk factor.

Get out whilst you can, it is only going to get worse. Your son needs you. God will help you.
 
Sadly, I think we have exhausted our fears and advice for OP. I recommend praying for her to be strong.
 
I am here and I am listening. I am worth your time and prayers, I promise.

The issues that I encounter revolve around fear, concern of being alone and questioning whether I am over reacting.

That’s the denial showing up.

He can be so dramatic and he has said so many lies in the past to manipulate me …that I tend to minimize his outbursts.

Are they real? I think there’s some truth to what he says. But much is a display to get to me.

To answer your questions. I was 3 hours away because I had to meet with a client out of town. And he was blowing up that I was out of town …even though I did it as a day trip. I never stay overnight with out him because it seems to be too big of a fight.
 
Im not defending him here but I will tell you that he has made me feel very guilty about the charges and the issue with my finger. He said that while he was blocking my exit and he yanked the bag out of my hand (twisting my finger in the process) he didn’t intend to physically touch me. And he never says. He just blocks me. All the time.

He yanked the bag because he says he wanted me to stay and not leave the house during this argument. He knew I was really prepared to leave him and he wanted to stop me because he said it was a misunderstanding.

So he says his family, friends, lawyer and therapist all said that I was setting him up and I wanted to hurt him and he would never have let that happen to me if it were in reverse.

So I ask …is this partially my fault?
illyxo said:
This man might kill you one day.
I work in domestic violence and men who physically hurt you will one day be capable of killing you. It’s a very high risk factor.

Get out whilst you can, it is only going to get worse. Your son needs you. God will help you.
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needguidance99 said:
I am here and I am listening. I am worth your time and prayers, I promise.

The issues that I encounter revolve around fear, concern of being alone and questioning whether I am over reacting.

That’s the denial showing up.

He can be so dramatic and he has said so many lies in the past to manipulate me …that I tend to minimize his outbursts.

Are they real? I think there’s some truth to what he says. But much is a display to get to me.

To answer your questions. I was 3 hours away because I had to meet with a client out of town. And he was blowing up that I was out of town …even though I did it as a day trip. I never stay overnight with out him because it seems to be too big of a fight.
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You are worth our time and prayers.
This is all real, you know it is, deep inside. You know deep inside that he has slowly and systematically destroyed your person.
You know you are scared of him. You know also you fear being alone.
You know you are not over reacting.
You just don’t believe anymore, because he took this truth away from you , that you deserve a good life, you and your son.

His drama is real. His drama broke your finger. His drama stops you leaving when you want.
His drama stalks you constantly. His drama has you totally isolated from friends and family. Its what they do.
His drama has you handing over all your pay to him. How did you feel when he took 10 thousand of your earnings, out of your account? Couldn’t your son have used that money, or you?

His drama has him now talking suicide. His drama has him talking quitting his patients, his cancer patients, his practice.

You can’t fix him. It is not your job to fix him.

It is your job to fix you. Jesus gives us trials so we can grow strong and firm in our faith.

You have a man who loves you. You have a man who will always stand by you. That man is Jesus. You will never be alone. You sound like you also have a supportive ex husband. You don’t have an annulment. You are still married to him. By God.

This trial is hard, one of the hardest things you will do. But you can do it.
Get your keys, get your wallet, get in your car, and drive away. Drive to your son, drive to your son’s father. Ask for help. To find a safe refuge.
Throw your phone away. Get a new pre paid.

Here is what I discovered. By the Grace of God.
I am strong.
I am loved by God
I am worth it because I am God’s creature.

And most importantly, I can now breathe. I am not afraid anymore.

We start saying no, we won’t live like this, we stop living like this.

We learn to breathe again. And , in time, smile.

Jesus is the Way, the Truth , the Life. He is your Man. He is Truth.

Pray for courage as you are driving away.
 
needguidance99 said:
Im not defending him here but I will tell you that he has made me feel very guilty about the charges and the issue with my finger. He said that while he was blocking my exit and he yanked the bag out of my hand (twisting my finger in the process) he didn’t intend to physically touch me. And he never says. He just blocks me. All the time.

He yanked the bag because he says he wanted me to stay and not leave the house during this argument. He knew I was really prepared to leave him and he wanted to stop me because he said it was a misunderstanding.

So he says his family, friends, lawyer and therapist all said that I was setting him up and I wanted to hurt him and he would never have let that happen to me if it were in reverse.

So I ask …is this partially my fault?
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Imagine a friend told you this. What would you tell her?

It’s hard, but helpful to emotionally detach from the situation. Is he being reasonable? Would his friends, family, therapist say that? (Why is he telling them in the first place?)

Do his actions line up with the words he says? Again, if this were another man and woman, what would you think?

We can’t make any decisions for you. You need to do that. You are strong enough and smart enough to look at this situation accurately, even if it’s scary. Running around in circles on the Internet will not help you.
 
needguidance99 said:
Im not defending him here but I will tell you that he has made me feel very guilty about the charges and the issue with my finger. He said that while he was blocking my exit and he yanked the bag out of my hand (twisting my finger in the process) he didn’t intend to physically touch me. And he never says. He just blocks me. All the time.

He yanked the bag because he says he wanted me to stay and not leave the house during this argument. He knew I was really prepared to leave him and he wanted to stop me because he said it was a misunderstanding.

So he says his family, friends, lawyer and therapist all said that I was setting him up and I wanted to hurt him and he would never have let that happen to me if it were in reverse.

So I ask …is this partially my fault?
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Google gaslighting. Its what they do. These men are masters at it, and manipulating their target, their victim. We get blamed by them , when they almost succeed in murdering us. They will look us in the eye and say, yes, but, it’s your fault your person was in the way of their rage. Its your fault you provoked them. Its your fault they are late.

Guess what! IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT, EVER.

And sweetie, it takes a lot of force to break a bone . You don’t just yank something like that.

And guess what else, they never admit to the outside world they are abusive to us. The outside world sees them as ‘the hot surgeon’. We know them as sociopathic monsters. We see their evil.
 
pensmama87 said:
Imagine a friend told you this. What would you tell her?

It’s hard, but helpful to emotionally detach from the situation. Is he being reasonable? Would his friends, family, therapist say that? (Why is he telling them in the first place?)

Do his actions line up with the words he says? Again, if this were another man and woman, what would you think?

We can’t make any decisions for you. You need to do that. You are strong enough and smart enough to look at this situation accurately, even if it’s scary. Running around in circles on the Internet will not help you.
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👍

Look at what you said in your last post: **“He knew I was really prepared to leave him and he wanted to stop me.” ** He will say whatever he can to stop you leaving - that you’re a liar, that no-one would ever believe you, that you’ll never see him again, that he’ll kill himself…you have to break this cycle. As long as it keeps you with him, he doesn’t care. But you have to do it, and you can do it.

Lou
 
These are the tools they use

Gaslighting
Manipulation
Destroying your self worth
Creating total emotional reliance on them

Many are incredibly narcissistic.

Stalking. ( they will go to extreme lengths)

Isolating you from everyone. Can You go to Mass alone? Even?

Playing the silent treatment / removing themselves game, then offering themselves as a reward if you are ‘good’

Any of these sound familiar?

And here is the cycle. The abuse builds. It explodes. You get hurt. They say sorry. You believe them. Things quiet down. The abuse builds, it explodes, you get hurt…

And each time you get hurt. They move the boundary , so instead of breaking a finger, they break a nose or ribs. Each time the boundary of acceptable hurt ( in their eyes) gets moved. Until its murderous.
 
This thread eerily reminds me of Julia Robert’s movie “Sleeping With the Enemy.”

OP, God loves you, your son and mom love you. I am sure they wanted to distance themselves from the drama so they wouldn’t be pulled in. I had to do the same with my sister. On a piece of paper, can you list the pros of staying in this relationship and the cons of staying? Then, can you list the pros and cons of leaving? Go to Confession and your therapist, but compile this list now. Please. All of us here want you safe!
 
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