Devils advocate here:
Why can’t a person in two relationships be a stable situation to bring up children?
They address this a little bit in the article.
In theory, I suppose they can. In practice, it rarely happens.
I have a close friend who practices polyamory, and as a result have spent about four years now reading quite a lot on the subject, including following a couple of forums. I can tell you from a great deal of reading that I have yet to see a single situation that is truly stable for the kids. Poly relationships often end within 2-1/2 years. They rarely make it past 5. The boards are full of upheaval and drama, and of course that affects the kids.
I have seen a number of marriages break up over it, in addition to the outside relationships coming and going–and this affects children as they constantly lose adults who became important in their lives.
This girl has posted about her experiences:
mommyish.com/2013/11/14/teens-and-polyamorous-parents/ I talked to her one on one some time back, and she talked a lot about her mother always being gone with the new boyfriend or girlfriend, even for holiday dinners.
I have often wondered, as I read the many posts on various blogs and forums, when do they have any time for the kids at all? I’m surprised at how often the kids are simply not mentioned. A recent one I read talked about her teenage son moving out–and her main concern was that she was losing a babysitter, and now it would be harder to date her boyfriend…but on the other hand, with his bedroom free, her husband can bring his girlfriends over to have sex after the younger kids go to bed.
Obviously being treated as the babysitter while mom and dad have sex with other people affects that boy, and hearing dad busy in the other room with other women is going to affect those younger kids (because it’s only a matter of time before one of them wakes up and hears, or better yet sees something.)
It’s easy to say that’s just a bad example, but I will stress that I’ve been watching these forums for years, and this is fairly typical. The focus, by the very nature of polyamory, is on the parents’ desire to date and romance, not on the kids.
I’ve seen a lot of pain resulting from the attempts to have ‘multiple loving relationships,’ both for the spouses and especially for those outside, ‘secondary’ people.
I’m not saying it never works, ever–but those long term stable ‘families’ are so few and far between that we absolutely should not be encouraging this experiment. Because the majority of kids growing up this way are being hurt in the search for that elusive perfect third.