Obligation to pay for stepdad's funeral?

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I agree cremation is the best answer, and perhaps see what the cost to inter him with your mother, if you’re willing.
 
One other thought…have you discussed any of this with your mother?
 
One of the corporal works of mercy is to bury the dead.

So, as much as it makes you angry the way he’s spent his money, why don’t you talk to your mom and stepdad together about doing a prepaid funeral, perhaps with cremation as a money saving option. Go together, get pricing, and see what you can afford and what they can contribute. Also look into a life insurance policy designed to pay for final expenses.
 
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no! You absolutely should notre cremated him if he want a burial.
First in many législations it is forbidden do do do against the wishes of thé dead person.
Second it would be immoral
Third the church préfèr tout burry the dead.

Y et you can find the low cost options…
 
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If you’ve already made up your mind you’re not going to pay, why post here?
If it were me I’d give him an inexpensive sendoff and offer it up.
“To bury the dead” is a corporal work of mercy.
 
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As I see it, letting all animosity go is the first step. Don’t put a dollar sign on it. Instead of seeing a great big slacker, idler, parasite, imagine what went wrong in his life. Why did he turn from success into missing his life’s purpose completely?

What psychological issues is he struggling with? What occurred to him in his childhood that so deeply affected him? Was he abused? Neglected? demeaned?

At some point, a heart-to-heart might do both of you good. Ask some hard, even embarrassing questions. Use care, but if he opens up, there might just be a glimmer of hope for him.

Forgive him. Pray for him, as hard as that may be.

You will change two souls.
 
catholic47 said:
No. I will not be responsible for any of that, but if he dies first then my mom of limited means will be saddled with at least the IRS debt even though because CA is a community property state.
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While I am a lawyer, this is not legal advice.

Do not apply general community property law to IRS debt; that’s not how it works. Joint returns are another matter, but there are other doctrines involved.

Get competent tax help.

hawk, esq.
 
This may be more than you are willing to do but insuring his and your mothers lives may be something you would consider. You may be able to get a cheap policy that would pay reasonable expenses. In fact if they can afford it I would encourage them to do it themselves.
 
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You captured my feelings 100% on the situation. I feel like I am the “abused” victim here and my stepdad knows that my mom can be the conduit for more financially assistance while he squanders his money on alcohol. He is effectively even living off my mom’s fixed income check to pay for the rent each month. And in the end, I am now supposed to contribute another close to $8K-$10K too for my stepdad’s funeral costs when the time comes too? I feel more like a “sucker” than anything else.
 
I came in to say, “It’s a corporal work of mercy, to bury the dead–” but I see it’s been covered already.

We don’t do works of mercy because other people deserve them. We do it because we follow the Master. And in the process, yeah, we get to be suckers over and over and over again. Which is why there are all the passages about the foolishness of the cross, and how, as Paul sez, if it’s only in this life that we have hope in Christ, then we’re the most pitiful of men.

But at the same time, there’s also the equally valid thing about how beggars can’t be choosers. 😉

You might look into different options. For example, if you’ve read “Behind the Formaldehyde Curtain,” it makes a nice argument against embalment, which we take for granted. (Basically, all your fluids and innards get thrown away in the trash, and you’re replaced with chemicals and padding.) There may be rules in your state regarding the time period if you choose to bypass that procedure, but otherwise, they just make use of the refrigerator until the time comes for interment.

You also might check into natural burials/green burials.

But if I were you, I’d probably encourage your mom to start putting together a prepaid funeral plan for the two of them. “Hey, mom, if y’all have something specific you have in mind for your funeral arrangements, definitely get them taken care of sooner than later. Otherwise, haha, I’m not sure what I can afford, but I’ll do my best. But it might not be what y’all want. So if you have an opinion, you should definitely do what you can to make sure it happens the way you want. Love you guys.”
 
I have seen funeral bills for a cremation and they were nowhere near 8 to 10 K. I know your stepdad says he wants burial, but you can tell him if he wants that he can either take out 10 K life insurance to pay for it or he can pre-pay it out of his own assets, otherwise if you have to pay for it you will make the decisions about arrangements. That’s only fair.
 
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Tis_Bearself said:
I have seen funeral bills for a cremation and they were nowhere near 8 to 10 K. I know your stepdad says he wants burial, but you can tell him if he wants that he can either take out 10 K life insurance to pay for it or he can pre-pay it out of his own assets, otherwise if you have to pay for it you will make the decisions about arrangements. That’s only fair.
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In theory, we agree. In reality, the problem is that my stepdad is dirt poor. He only receives $852 per month and probably $300 goes on alcohol per month. My mom who receives $1000 per month covers the $600 rent at the trailer park and utilities. There are some cash in advances that are also being deducted from his check each month. He told me he only gets $250 out of the $856 per month. They would be homeless and carless if I had not bought and donated these assets to them. They have no room to even contemplate a prepaid funeral plan or even pay a monthly premium for life insurance which would be probably be at least $50/month since he is 74 years old. That said, the responses on the forum have helped me decide that I will pay for his funeral costs.

I now have questions as to how much do I want to pay for both and what compromises am I “allowed” to make given his wishes to be buried in a Catholic cemetery and wanting a body burial.
In a non-Catholic cemetery, I see that there are two plots for sale for $2,400 which is doable. In a Catholic cemetery, plots go for about $3,600 - $4,000 per plot. Do I compromise and choose the non-Catholic cemetery to save money which is tempting? There is one separate plot in another Catholic cemetery that is nearby it is being sold for $2,000, but this means my stepdad and mom would not be buried next to each other. Is this a deal breaker? These are now the questions I am pondering from a cost standpoint. Also, I have looked around at funeral chapels and it seems that $4,500 (includes casket) for a one day traditional burial is the going rate. I do not see anyway around this fixed cost at all and that is with the cheapest casket. So, $4,500 plus $3,500 equals $8,000 and this is not with any bells and whistles. If you or other posters can see a way to pay less, I am all ears.
 
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midori said:
I came in to say, “It’s a corporal work of mercy, to bury the dead–” but I see it’s been covered already.

We don’t do works of mercy because other people deserve them. We do it because we follow the Master. And in the process, yeah, we get to be suckers over and over and over again. Which is why there are all the passages about the foolishness of the cross, and how, as Paul sez, if it’s only in this life that we have hope in Christ, then we’re the most pitiful of men.

But at the same time, there’s also the equally valid thing about how beggars can’t be choosers. 😉

You might look into different options. For example, if you’ve read “Behind the Formaldehyde Curtain,” it makes a nice argument against embalment, which we take for granted. (Basically, all your fluids and innards get thrown away in the trash, and you’re replaced with chemicals and padding.) There may be rules in your state regarding the time period if you choose to bypass that procedure, but otherwise, they just make use of the refrigerator until the time comes for interment.

You also might check into natural burials/green burials.

But if I were you, I’d probably encourage your mom to start putting together a prepaid funeral plan for the two of them. “Hey, mom, if y’all have something specific you have in mind for your funeral arrangements, definitely get them taken care of sooner than later. Otherwise, haha, I’m not sure what I can afford, but I’ll do my best. But it might not be what y’all want. So if you have an opinion, you should definitely do what you can to make sure it happens the way you want. Love you guys.”
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I agree with you about skipping the embalment for reasons you cited, which I did when I buried my dad over two years ago. In a rural part of CA, a body burial was $6,100 with no bells and whistles.
Stepdad is dirt poor. He has no room to even contemplate a prepaid funeral plan or even pay a monthly premium for life insurance which would be probably be at least $50/month since he is 74 years old. .

I now have questions as to how much do I want to pay for both and what compromises am I “allowed” to make given his wishes to be buried in a Catholic cemetery and wanting a body burial.
In a non-Catholic cemetery, I see that there are two plots for sale for $2,400 which is doable. In a Catholic cemetery, plots go for about $3,600 - $4,000 per plot. Do I compromise and choose the non-Catholic cemetery to save money which is tempting? There is one separate plot in another Catholic cemetery that is nearby it is being sold for $2,000, but this means my stepdad and mom would not be buried next to each other. Is this a deal breaker? These are now the questions I am pondering from a cost standpoint. Also, I have looked around at funeral chapels and it seems that $4,500 (includes casket) for a one day traditional burial is the going rate. I do not see anyway around this fixed cost at all and that is with the cheapest casket. So, $4,500 plus $3,500 equals $8,000 and this is not with any bells and whistles. If you or other posters can see a way to pay less, I am all ears.
 
dochawk said:
While I am a lawyer, this is not legal advice.

Do not apply general community property law to IRS debt; that’s not how it works. Joint returns are another matter, but there are other doctrines involved.

Get competent tax help.

hawk, esq.
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They filed joint tax returns and the IRS already started taking deductions out of her check, so it would be her debt even upon his death. It is true that she could file an Innocent Spouse exemption, but this is another matter.
 
True, but he wants his body buried. I do not know how firm his conviction is in terms of being against cremation, so I could broach the issue with him.
 
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Oh, duh. I had it in my mind when I composed my first answer that cremation wasn’t an option because he didn’t want it. And I thought I had seen someone mention that it was illegal. But when I double-checked it, I realized that the person posting that was probably referencing some non-US-law (?), because it doesn’t seem to be the case here.

Not-legal-advice, but just for entertainment purposes only…

The first question is, “Does he have a will?” If he doesn’t have a will, then you could do whatever you felt like. (Presuming there isn’t any peer pressure from your mom to take into account.)

If he does have a will, and you’re the executor, and it specifically states his burial preferences, then you go before a judge. “Your Honor, X has requested a burial, but he doesn’t have the money in his estate to cover those costs. I don’t have the funds to spare for a burial like the one he’s expressed a desire for, but I’m willing to cremate him.” And then the judge will be able to make it a more practical situation for your wallet.

But ultimately, the biggest thing is, they’re dead. And unless they have a living advocate who is willing to take you to court because you did y instead of x… then you’ll be okay.

So I suppose the biggest thing is a matter of who predeceases who. Things are easy if your mom passes away first; things are more difficult if he does.

Good luck. It’s a tough thing to deal with. That’s good of you to support your mom.
 
I was thinking you’d cremate him. It’s a substantial savings, especially if you cremate Mom too and put them both in the same columbarium spot.
 
Tis_Bearself said:
I was thinking you’d cremate him. It’s a substantial savings, especially if you cremate Mom too and put them both in the same columbarium spot.
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That is something to think about. I will need to revisit their position on being against cremation.
 
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